


Nukume Dori - Convergence

by Leareth



Series: Nukume Dori [3]
Category: CLAMP - Works, Tokyo Babylon, X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Drama & Romance, Epic, Gen, M/M, Magical Realism, Time Travel Fix-It, Tokyo (City)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-09 00:43:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 130,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1962501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leareth/pseuds/Leareth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With all pretences gone, Subaru and Seishirou now face each other truly, or so Subaru hopes. Hokuto has to adjust to the new dynamic, while the Sakura and the Sumeragi clan cannot be forgotten. The cases of Old, Box, Rebirth, and News bring the Sakurazukamori's Bet with Subaru to its end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We need to talk."

In the days that followed Subaru surprised himself by realising that now that it was over he was on the whole rather calm about his confrontation with Seishirou. Inadvertent and frightening as it had been, there was something cathartic about finally throwing away all the pretence and facing Seishirou as himself, and also something of a relief to know that he didn't have to hide from Seishirou anymore. On the other hand Subaru doubted that Seishirou felt the same way, and he couldn't but wonder just how close to disaster he had come that night in the teacher's office. He had the uneasy suspicion that it was far closer than he would be happy knowing, a suspicion that was only confirmed as the bruises Seishirou had left on his throat purpled and forced him into scarves and high-necked jumpers. Thankfully it was winter so Hokuto never really questioned his choice of clothing, either that or she was still too gleeful over the news that Subaru had finally managed to confess his feelings to Seishirou to wonder why her twin brother seemed to be feeling the cold more than usual.

Perhaps wisely, during this time Subaru for most part left Seishirou alone. No matter how well the man pretended otherwise Subaru knew that Seishirou was not happy with the idea of having gone back in time, or the fact that Subaru had known his true identity for months, and their dinner that fateful evening had been something of an interrogation for Subaru as Seishirou questioned him about the time reversal, the two Kamui, Hokuto's death and more. Subaru had answered everything as well as he could, all the while painfully aware that Seishirou could decide it would be more prudent to kill him now than later, and afterwards judged it probably better to give Seishirou space to think it all through. Admittedly there was some self-preservation behind this decision – Subaru strongly suspected that injured pride had been a large part of Seishirou's initial attack – and Bet or not it would do no good to provoke the assassin any further. Best to leave things alone, Subaru told himself nervously, and wait until Seishirou was ready to come to him because as thrilling as it was to know that finally he had managed to shake up the Sakurazukamori, anger was not the emotion Subaru wanted to wake in his hunter. Unfortunately, the emotion he did want Seishirou to feel seemed to be the one Seishirou was determined to ignore. Of all the questions Seishirou had asked over dinner that night, not a single one of them had been about how Subaru loved him.

Subaru told himself this was all right. After all, he had dumped a lot of information onto Seishirou, and in Seishirou's mind the fact that his prey had fallen in love with him probably paled in importance next to the revelation that time could and had been twisted and flipped. The fact that Subaru remembered everything whereas Seishirou remembered nothing didn't help either, and Subaru was sure that the Sakurazukamori did not like his new disadvantage one bit – presuming he believed Subaru in the first place. However, as time went on and Hokuto kept teasing the two of them, patience was soon outweighed by frustration, especially since when he and Seishirou did meet (admittedly with Hokuto in close attendance) Seishirou behaved as if nothing had happened. Oh for sure, the Sakurazukamori was now watching Subaru very carefully and had acquired a touch of wariness in his attitude, but other than that it seemed like it made no difference to Seishirou that Subaru had said to him, "I love you."

Perhaps it didn't.

 

* * *

 

"Joyful, joyful we adore thee …"

Subaru gave a smile that was only partly forced as he watched Hokuto flit atop the low wall of the sidewalk's water feature, the white puff on the end of her Santa hat bouncing in tune with her singing. Behind him, a dark figure against Shinjuku's galaxy of fairy lights, Seishirou was following the two of them like a watchful shadow. A casual observer might have thought that Seishirou was lagging, but Subaru had noticed nowadays that Seishirou always took care to walk last so as to avoid turning his back on his prey. Subaru had found it nerve-racking the first couple of days, but by now the nervousness had turned into impatience. It didn't look like Seishirou was going to stop anytime soon, though.

"…fill us with the light of day!" Hokuto punctuated the last note by hopping back onto the path in front of her brother and performing a pirouette. "Hm, I think that settles it!" she announced.

"What's settled?" asked Subaru as he caught up with her.

"My shoes! If I can dance and jump off ledges in them, I know for certain that they're a good buy!"

"Oh, you have new shoes, Hokuto-chan?" Quiet footsteps brought Seishirou up to Subaru's shoulder, making Subaru fractionally tense even though he knew the Sakurazukamori was hardly going to do anything on a busy street. "What kind are they?"

With a grin Hokuto struck a pose to show off a pair of shiny black shoes decorated with plastic holly at the buckle and thick soles that tapered up to slim heel. They gave Hokuto at least two extra inches of height and looked to Subaru to be the most impractical footwear for a girl to walk in let alone dance. "Black patent leather platform heels from a little shop in Omotesando," she announced proudly. "I added the decorations myself to keep in the spirit of the night, aren't they _gorgeous?_ "

"Very adorable." Seishirou's voice didn't hold the slightest hint of condescension. "Dare I ask how much?"

The grin on Hokuto's face grew coy. "Forty thousand yen."

"Forty _thousand?_ " Subaru's jaw dropped; after all, he was the one working.

"They were on sale!" defended Hokuto, as if the word _sale_ said everything – Subaru didn't want to ask how much the shoes were at full price. "You have to look at these things as a future investment, Subaru. If I buy a few expensive but very good quality shoes that I take care of and wear for years, it's better than buying lots of cheap shoes which don't fit as well and get worn out after only a few months. Besides," she added, grin widening. "I absolutely _love_ these heels! Ohohoho!"

Inwardly Subaru sighed; given how pleased Hokuto looked with herself there was no point trying to argue. Resignedly he watched as his twin sister happily tapped out a few impromptu dance steps adroitly avoiding other pedestrians along the path, a young girl already envisioning her future—

"Why haven't you told her still?" asked Seishirou quietly.

"Eh?" Subaru glanced questioningly over his shoulder.

Lights glinted off Seishirou's glasses as he watched Hokuto. "Hokuto-chan obviously doesn't know about me and you're still wearing the gloves," he said, voice low enough for only Subaru to hear. In front of them Hokuto had been distracted by a shop's window display. "I would have thought that of all people your sister deserves to be told about the situation, especially about me."

Subaru's jaw tightened. "I told you, it's better this way," he retorted under his breath. "There's no reason for her to know that you murdered her that past time, and I'm hoping she'll never have to. In any case she doesn't have anything to do with the Final Day."

"So you say." There was a dark smile in the Sakurazukamori's voice. "I wonder, though – is keeping Hokuto-chan ignorant better for her or for you?"

Immediately Subaru stiffened. Before he could say anything, but, Hokuto had run back up to them calling, "Hey, look what I found!"

She came to a breathless stop in front of her brother. In her hand she brandished a sprig of small green leaves with white berries like a scattering of seed pearls. It wasn't any kind of plant Subaru that was familiar with, and the high gloss betrayed it as being a plastic replica. "What's that?" he asked her, trying to sound nonchalant. Seishirou, he noticed, had likewise taken the unspoken cue to revert behind his veterinarian's façade, pretence now practice for them both.

Hokuto beamed at him. "I pulled it off the wreath decoration over there," she explained, nodding at the closed door of the shop she had been looking at earlier. "It's mistletoe. Do you know about mistletoe?"

"It's a parasite," said Seishirou cheerfully. "It feeds off a host tree and if there's a really large infestation the tree will be killed. Also the berries are poisonous."

"Aw, don't be morbid Sei-chan, I meant in Christmas! Well, Subaru?"

"Ah …" Subaru trailed off, realising that his twin had that grin which implied that she was leading up to a particularly good bout of teasing. Unfortunately Subaru had yet to figure out the best way to dodge her. "It's a Christmas decoration?"

Hokuto's grin grew wider. "It's for kissing."

Predictably Subaru felt his face heat; already he could see where this was going. Also predictably Seishirou went right along with the joke. "Oh, _that,_ " he said, affecting chagrin. "Yes, mistletoe is associated with Christmas in the West, the tradition being that whenever people meet under the mistletoe they must kiss each other."

"In other words, Subaru," said Hokuto, climbing back onto the ledge in her high heels and stretching out to hold the mistletoe above her twin's head, "you now have to kiss Sei-chan!"

"Wh- _what?_ " Subaru gaped up at his sister and the plastic plant hanging over him like a portent of doom. "You can't be serious!"

"Aw, come on, Subaru! It's very important for girls to have a romantic Christmas Eve with someone special, but since I am quite happily enjoying my single status and have _many_ years before I'm considered Christmas cake, you two have to make up for it tonight!"

"But we're on a public _street!_ There are people everywhere!"

"You're standing under mistletoe and it's Christmas. In any case," she glanced meaningfully at Seishirou who was trying to look innocent, "haven't the two of you already admitted that you love each other?"

Inwardly Subaru groaned – of course, it was inevitable that Hokuto bring that up. Ever since his sister had found out about his confession (though not the circumstances) her teasing had started to include dares and challenges for him and Seishirou to be more romantic. So far her only success was getting the two of them to hold hands a couple of days ago, and that had only happened because Subaru had absent-mindedly gone to cross a road before the lights changed and Seishirou had grabbed his hand to pull him out of the way of an on-coming car. Upon Hokuto's exuberant insistence Seishirou had kept hold of him but they only managed to walk a block hand-in-hand before the curious and questioning looks from passer-bys got too much for Subaru. It hadn't helped that Seishirou treated the whole thing like an indulgence for Hokuto, either. "That's beside the point," said Subaru, trying to keep his patience. "Christmas or not it's ridiculous that Seishirou-san and I should have to do this just because of a bit of imitation plant."

"Don't be such a wet blanket! I don't see Sei-chan protesting, do you?"

Somewhat apprehensively, Subaru looked towards Seishirou. The man seemed to be pondering the issue with great deliberation. "Subaru-kun is right, we are in public and Japan doesn't condone that kind of behaviour," he said, and for a moment Subaru thought he was safe. "Then again …"

It happened too fast, and with all the lethal skill Subaru remembered from their duels in the Final Year. Subaru yelped as he was suddenly swept off-balance, the city lights spinning kaleidoscopically in the night sky for a moment, and before he knew it he was dipped backwards over Seishirou's arm with the man's smiling face mere inches above his own. "Then again," the Sakurazukamori whispered, "that's what makes it all the more fun, right?"

Furiously Subaru blushed; he could hear Hokuto cheering in the background and worse still were the footsteps of passing people, but all of that paled in the face of the position he was now in. Seishirou's right arm was wrapped around his shoulders, and he could feel a bent knee taking his weight beneath his thighs while for some reason Seishirou's other hand had ended up on his hip. Even through the layers of winter clothing the intimacy burned. "What are you doing?" Subaru hissed, trying to ignore the way his heart was racing. "There are people watching!"

"So?" Amber eyes laughed down at him and Subaru couldn't help but shiver beneath their scrutiny. "No one knows who we are, all they see are two random people behaving inappropriately. Besides," Seishirou added, bending his head closer, "aren't you in love with me?"

Subaru froze. Then he angrily hauled himself upright and shoved Seishirou aside. For a moment vertigo claimed him making his escape more of a stumble, but he quickly recovered and, breathing hard, managed to summon an indignant glare.

Inscrutably Seishirou stared back at him.

A click of heels offside signaled that Hokuto had stepped down from her perch. "All right, you two," she said lightly, but Subaru could hear a hard undercurrent in her voice. "Enough's enough, you've made your point. I _said_ enough, there's nothing to see!" This last was brusquely called out towards a gaggle of office workers who were whispering and pointing but quickly fled Hokuto's glare. Hokuto tucked the plastic mistletoe into her bag, and when she faced Subaru and Seishirou once more there was an affected smile on her face. "Hey, I've got some new tea today, why don't the three of us go back and try it?"

"Thanks, but I'm afraid I'll have to decline," said Seishirou, speaking casually though he never took his eyes off Subaru. "It's Tuesday tomorrow and I have an operation scheduled in the morning for a cat, so I should really be heading home for an early night."

"Oh, but, Sei-chan—"

"No buts, Hokuto-chan, I need to be completely alert for tomorrow's work." Seishirou went to give Hokuto a friendly pat on the shoulder that did nothing to mollify her pout. "I'll talk to you soon. Oh, and Subaru-kun?"

The sound of his name spoken like that, so like their confrontations during the Final Year, made Subaru jump, just a little. "Yes?"

A flickered smirk. "Good night."

With that Seishirou began to walk away, slipping between the crowds without backwards glance. Subaru watched him go, hands slowly unclenching as it became obvious Seishirou wasn't going to turn around, and wished it didn't hurt so much watching him leave. On another level, but, he was rather glad of it, and he didn't bother trying to hide the long sigh he gave when Seishirou finally disappeared from view. Subaru turned and walked in the opposite direction. _And I thought things between us couldn't get any more difficult …_

There was the sound of a throat being cleared. "All right, out with it," said Hokuto.

"Eh?" Subaru glanced at his sister keeping pace beside him. "Out with what?"

"Don't play dumb, you know exactly what I'm talking about. What's going on with you and Sei-chan?"

Of course, it would be too much to ask that Hokuto be blind to what was going on. "Do we have to talk about this?" asked Subaru plaintively.

"Yes, we do." They reached an intersection and Hokuto pressed the walk button, rocking a little in her shoes. "It's been almost a week since you admitted to Sei-chan you love him, but from what I've seen it looks more like you guys had a fight. What happened? Don't tell me Sei-chan turned you down."

 _Had a fight._ Subaru couldn't help smiling humourlessly at that, though the expression disappeared quickly enough. "He didn't turn me down," he said shortly. "But I think he's still coming to terms with it."

"What do you mean, 'coming to terms'? He's been chasing you since practically the day you met, by any logic he should be over the moon to know that you return his feelings! Unless—" She broke off.

"Unless what?" pressed Subaru.

"Don't worry about it."

"Unless _what_ , Hokuto-chan?"

There was a pause as Hokuto chewed her lip for a moment. "Unless it means that Sei-chan is surprised that you're taking him seriously, which raises the question of whether he's been serious all this time about you in the first place," she said finally.

 

_"I'll make a Bet with you …"_

 

Subaru's lips tightened; the Bet, the Bet, always the Bet, and who knew what his chances were at the moment. For that matter, what kind of chance did he have when the judge was also a competitor? "Do you think that maybe all this time Seishirou-san has just been toying with my feelings?" he asked.

"If that's the case then I will personally dismember him from head to toe." The red light switched to blue and Subaru linked his arm with Hokuto's to prevent them from being separated in the crowd as they crossed. "Honestly, though, I can't say for certain – there are aspects of Sei-chan that worry me but think about it, Subaru, he's twenty-five, he should really be hanging out with people his own age but he spends all his time with us, you especially. He wouldn't do that if you didn't mean _something_ to him even if you are making it difficult nowadays."

" _Difficult?_ " Subaru stared at her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that you don't seem to be making it any easier for Sei-chan to get close to you. Look at tonight – sure, you guys talked over dinner but it wasn't really _deep_ talking, and as for the mistletoe thing, even if you don't like being teased the way you shoved Sei-chan away was almost like you didn't want him anywhere near you."

"I didn't—" Subaru caught himself, realising his voice was rising, and tried again. "I didn't mean it like that," he said under his breath. "I just wasn't comfortable with what he was doing."

"You weren't comfortable with how he was holding you in public or with the holding, period?"

"The holding in public, of course!"

"Are you sure?"

He hesitated. Thought about what Hokuto was talking about, how being touched by Seishirou made him shiver, the feel of the man's fingers around his throat … "All right, fine, I was uncomfortable with Seishirou-san holding me," he retorted, beginning to walk a little faster. "But given what he's done can you blame me?"

"Who said anything about blaming you? And what do you mean, what Sei-chan's done?" Suddenly Hokuto pulled her arm away from Subaru's and grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to stop and face her. " _Did_ he do something to you?"

Subaru swallowed nervously under Hokuto's scrutiny, remembering the bones Seishirou had broken at the end of the Bet and the injuries of the Final Year, and wondered what she would say if instead of his face she could examine his heart. So many things he still couldn't tell her … "Seishirou-san hasn't done anything," he said, trying to sound as reassuring as possible because in a way it was true. "It's just … I don't know."

There was a long pause as Hokuto bit her lip and looked thoughtful. "Are you afraid of Sei-chan touching you?" she asked finally.

Startled at how Hokuto managed to encapsulate his unease so simply in words Subaru stared at her. Hokuto smiled. "It's frightening, isn't it, the idea of opening yourself to someone so completely, especially for you because as an onmyouji you always have to guard yourself. The question is, though, do you _want_ Sei-chan to touch you?"

A slow warmth crept up Subaru's face. Inexplicably the first thing that came to mind was the moment after Hokuto's dinner when he had thought Seishirou was going to kiss him, which then led onto the kisses Seishirou had placed on his hands to reaffirm the marks there … they were moments of warmth in what for most part had been filled with imagination. But imagination was safe, it required no commitment and could generally be kept under control. The idea that his imaginings could now be reality sent a not-entirely unpleasant thrill through Subaru, something that Hokuto didn't miss. Her smile widened. "I take it you've thought about it, then?"

Subaru felt himself blush. "A little," he confessed.

"From your face I'm going to guess you've thought about it more than 'a little'." She poked his reddening cheek affectionately. "Don't worry, I won't ask details, but it's good to know you're not _completely_ naïve."

"But what should I do?" asked Subaru urgently. "I mean, yes, I love Seishirou-san but I don't think I could do, well, anything like _that_."

Hokuto shrugged. "Take your time. You say he hasn't done anything yet, so that's a good sign. Just don't do anything before you're ready and feel comfortable. If Sei-chan feels anything for you he'll understand, and if and when something does happen you're just going to have to trust him." Subaru didn't reply to this, not entirely convinced, and Hokuto fell silent for a moment as she studied his face, the two of them a point of stillness in the milling crowd. Suddenly she said, "You know, Subaru, in a way you're really very lucky."

"Eh?"

"When you realised that you loved Sei-chan, you accepted it completely and despite the doubts and problems you've never once thought that it might be better for you to move on. You know that Sakurazuka Seishirou is your special person. Do you have any idea how many people, even those in relationships, spend their entire lives looking for that certainty?"

Subaru didn't know what to say to this. There had been countless times in that past life after Hokuto's death where he had struggled to resolve the feelings he still kept for Seishirou, but despite his best efforts his love had stayed constant. More than that, as Hokuto said, he had never once contemplated the possibility of finding someone else to love; his heart, once given, could never be taken back, and for better or for worse he had given his heart to Seishirou. It was a fact he had died with once, now he had to live with it. Besides, hadn't he already resolved to win the Bet? "I suppose you're right," he said at last.

A slim hand was placed against his cheek. "Don't worry," said Hokuto quietly. "It's okay to be scared, but just think about it this way: relationships are all about give and take, and love is supposed to be unconditional, so if you love someone you have to give them to key to yourself otherwise what's the point?" Subaru gave a hesitant smile. "That's better. Now, I think that Sei-chan has had more than enough time to think about what you've said to him, and if he's not going to make the first move you should stop waiting for him and take the initiative. Are you working tomorrow?"

"In the afternoon, but the job is out in Chiba so I'll take a while and be home late."

"So you can see Sei-chan in the morning. Go find him at work – at least there he can't really walk away from you again."

"All right." Walk away … Seishirou had been doing quite a bit of that lately, and it would be interesting to find out why. "Are you going to come?"

"Unlike _some_ people I still go school, and even if I didn't I think you and Sei-chan should start working things out on your own. I won't always be around for you guys!"

Subaru's lips tightened—

 

_"So, I want you to kill me."_

 

—he turned away. "Yeah."

Hokuto didn't notice her brother's moment of morbidity. "On a completely different topic, I know we just spent money on dinner and all, but can we catch a taxi home?"

Subaru raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"We~ell, my shoes are really starting to hurt."

"You mean the shoes you spent the equivalent of a week's rent on?"

"They're new shoes!" protested Hokuto, looking somewhat contrite. "I haven't broken them in properly yet!"

"Fine, fine." With an indulgent smile Subaru went to the curb and held out his hand to signal a driver. Being on a main road it didn't take long for a taxi to pull up, and Subaru gallantly opened the door for Hokuto. "Anything for my dearest sister."

"Not just your dearest sister, your _only_ sister." Hokuto climbed in and told the driver their address, looking obviously relieved to be sitting down. "Also let's not forget your wonderfully fashionable sister, your absolutely brilliant sister …"

Subaru grinned as he shut the door behind him and joined in. "Domineering sister, loud sister …"

"… _exuberant_ and cute sister …"

"… blunt with a demanding sweet tooth …"

The banter was kept up all the way home, probably much to the taxi driver's irritation, and out of guilt Subaru gave the man a tip at the end of the trip. Hokuto's sore feet had sufficiently recovered enough during the ride for her to race her brother to the elevator, and by the time Subaru managed to catch her the two of them were breathlessly laughing as if they were six instead of sixteen and playing tag in the family garden, something that only continued as having trapped his twin in the elevator Subaru attempted to tickle her.

"All right, fine, I give up!" Hokuto batted him away as the elevator sedately stopped on their floor. "I'm going to put the kettle on, when you get cleaned up come over and have some tea, okay?"

"Sure." Subaru got out his keys and went to open his apartment door, a mirror image of Hokuto doing the same behind him. "Give me about twenty minutes?"

"You know how long I take in the shower, make it thirty." Hokuto waved at him as she went into her apartment. "See you soon!"

With a click Hokuto's door closed, allowing silence to sweep back into the hallway it had so rudely been kicked out of. It brought a sudden calm, and Subaru smiled as he went into his own apartment marveling at how much better he felt after all that silliness. Hokuto always knew how to cheer him up, he thought as he switched on the lights, and heaven knew he needed cheering up right now given how strained things were with Seishirou right now—

The door handle rattled and twisted. Subaru started as his front door suddenly burst open to reveal Hokuto still in her going-out clothes and feet in stockings. "Have you checked your phone messages yet?" she demanded.

"No, I haven't even changed my shoes, why?"

"Obaa-chama called. She wants us to go back to Kyōto."

 

* * *

 

Although the Sakurazuka veterinary clinic had a steady business it was never really busy, something Subaru had only noticed in this second chance at life. Determined to make good on his talk with Hokuto last night he had gone over just before noon, figuring that by then Seishirou would have finished most of his morning appointments and if need be they could talk through lunch. He was nervous, of course, something which only increased when the receptionist waved him through with a kind smile, but he expected that. Not that expecting to be nervous actually helped any, though at least he could prepare for it and plan out the bare bones of what he wanted to say – all of which went completely out of the window when he opened the surgery door and saw that Seishirou wasn't alone.

Subaru stared in shock. The woman was young and had long black hair neatly pinned up to reveal a graceful neck. She wore a light grey woollen skirt with a modest slit to reveal low-heeled boots, and a long-sleeved white turtleneck that Subaru was sure he had recently seen in an up-market boutique with Hokuto. What her face was like Subaru couldn't tell, because at the moment it was pressed against Seishirou's shoulder and Seishirou had an arm around her. She must not have noticed Subaru's arrival for she did not move or react, but Seishirou certainly did, looking up and meeting Subaru's gaze with a cool expression as if he had been caught on the phone instead of an embrace with a strange woman. The whole picture hit Subaru almost viscerally, and it was all he could do not to storm over and demand what was going on.

The woman moved, stepping away from Seishirou and wiping her face. She was rather pretty actually, with fair skin and wide dark eyes that were currently damp and reddened. Now that they were properly facing each other Seishirou was wearing a kind smile that Subaru so often remembered being bestowed upon him. The woman blushed. "I-I'm sorry."

"Not at all, it's perfectly understandable." Seishirou's smile never wavered. "Actually, I should be apologising to you for not being able to save poor Shio-chan."

"You did your best, and given Shio-chan's age I knew what his chances were. I know he's gone to a better place, but still, it's going to be so hard to go home and not have him there to welcome me!" Fresh tears began to roll down her cheeks, and for a moment it seemed that she would reach out for Seishirou again, but instead she took a deep breath and drew herself upright. "Thank you for all of your efforts, Sakurazuka-sensei."

She gave a low bow. Seishirou inclined his head and replied, "I hope that when the loss fades enough for you to get a new pet you will allow me to care for it."

A small smile appeared on the woman's face, and she nodded. Sniffling a little she gathered up her coat and bag from a chair and turned to leave. Only then did she see Subaru, and she immediately pulled up short as if someone had yanked a rope between her shoulders. A slow flush coloured her face as she realised that Subaru must have seen her and Seishirou together, and she bobbed a hasty bow perhaps thinking him another of the clinic's customers whose appointment she was now taking up. She gave him an embarrassed smile as she left the room; it was a very nice smile, even if her eyes were red.

The surgery door closed. Subaru turned around. "Who was that?" he demanded.

Seishirou had gone to open the window. "That was a customer."

"I can see that, but what were you doing with her?"

"I just performed an operation on her elderly cat, the results of which will be taken to the incinerator. Understandably the customer was rather upset and providing a shoulder to cry on for distraught owners is implied into a veterinarian's code of duty. Why, what did you think I was doing?"

A detached part of Subaru's mind was commenting that this was enough, that he should stop now and let it go, but the knot in his chest which had twisted the moment he saw Seishirou with the pretty customer refused to unwind. "Nothing," he said shortly. "I just didn't like it."

He felt, more than saw, the look Seishirou gave him in response to that: the veterinarian's kind façade was gone, dropped the moment the woman had departed, and the Sakurazukamori's smirk was jarring beneath the glasses. "Why are you here, Subaru-kun?"

The conversation hadn't started well, and Seishirou was giving every impression of a man with an unwanted interruption. Refusing to be dissuaded Subaru put his workbag on the counter and, taking a deep breath, pressed further into the room to stand beside the operating table. "We need to talk," he said.

"About?"

"About … us."

"You mean the Bet," Seishirou replied calmly, now sorting out a pile of patient files and x-rays, "because given your attitude last night I was under the impression that there wasn't an 'us'."

"Last night you were performing," retorted Subaru. "Playing a part for Hokuto-chan and whoever happened to pass."

"And you weren't? Even now you're still wearing the gloves because you don't want your sister to ask questions, so you can hardly take offence at my 'playing a part'. In any case, you're the one who requested that I take care to make sure Hokuto-chan doesn't find out, which makes my reasons at least a little more altruistic than yours for not telling her."

"My reasons are that I want to protect my sister from you—"

"You're hiding the truth from her because you don't want things to change," said Seishirou impatiently. "Admit it, Subaru-kun – you like having the three of us together, and now that you believe you have a second chance you want preserve the status quo as much as possible. You and I are bound together by the Bet so the fact that we know the truth about each other doesn't change things, but that could fall apart very quickly if Hokuto-chan were to find out about everything."

"You mean find out that you kill her." Subaru couldn't keep the venom out of his voice.

" _Supposedly_ kill her. Personally I'm still not convinced about this whole future of yours, and quite frankly it's rather tiring to hear you go on about how I kill Hokuto-chan when as far as I'm concerned I haven't actually done anything." Seishirou resumed his filing, ignoring Subaru's death-glare. "Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

Subaru's jaw set – _stay focused, don't let him rile you up_. "No. I have to go to Kyōto tomorrow."

To his irritation Seishirou didn't even blink at this announcement. "Is this for New Year?" he asked.

"Yes."

"And why are you telling me this?"

There seemed to be some great wall between them, one through which Subaru could see Seishirou but which blocked any attempt at connection. "I thought you ought to know."

"How considerate. So how long will you be away for?"

"Six days. Hokuto-chan and I will catch the afternoon train back on New Year's Day." Still Seishirou looked completely unconcerned by the news, and Subaru clenched gloved hands as he willed for some reaction. He tried again. "We'd prefer to stay in Tokyo but it's my Obaa-chan's orders."

"Ah, your Obaa-chan, the overbearing Sumeragi matriarch behind those pointless gloves." Seishirou's voice was derisive. "Perhaps I should go to Kyōto with you and meet her since I'm supposed to be courting her grandson."

"Don't be stupid, of course you can't go to Kyōto."

"Why not?"

Subaru stared across the table; he had thought that Seishirou was joking. "You're the Sakurazukamori," he said, feeling like he was talking to a child. "You can't come to Kyōto; my family would kill you!"

" _Try_ to kill me. In any case, what does it matter what the rest of your family thinks?"

"It matters to me! If Obaa-chan found out about you—"

Seishirou put the files down and leaned over the opposite end of the table. "Then what?" he asked, amber eyes fixating Subaru's green ones. "What would you do if your Obaa-chan found out about me? For that matter, in the hypothetical that you _did_ win the Bet, what would happen then? How would you tell your clan that not only are you in love with a man, that man is your family's enemy?"

Subaru flinched from the unwavering gaze too close to his. "I'll deal with that if and when I win," he retorted.

"I'll change the question. What did you tell your family last time when your sister was supposedly killed because you had called the Sakurazukamori friend for a year?"

"I told them the truth! I told them that Hokuto-chan and I had been deceived and tricked—"

"So you didn't tell them you had feelings for me?"

Subaru stopped. Turned away from the eyes that had haunted him ever since childhood, remembering how one would be put out for his sake and how they had been all he had seen every time his grandmother had interrogated him about his relationship with the Sakurazukamori. "No," he said quietly.

"In other words, you're ashamed of me." Seishirou gave an unfriendly smile. "I'm glad we've cleared up where I stand when it comes to your family's good opinion."

"Why do you care?" Subaru shot back. "Unlike you I _have_ a family, I don't kill them the way you killed your mother!"

It was impossible to miss the flicker of shock behind Seishirou's eyes at that last, or at least it was in the split second before the characteristic mask reasserted itself. Silently Subaru kicked himself – although Seishirou gave him the benefit of the doubt regarding the time reversal there was still a heavy dose of skepticism and deep suspicion that would not be helped with careless remarks. Subaru tried to make amends. "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Hm." Seishirou moved away from the table and returned to his files. "I take it the information about my mother is something else that gets revealed to you in this future of yours?"

"Yes."

"How do you find out?"

"You tell me at the end of the Bet when I lose."

"And what exactly do I tell you about her?"

Subaru blinked; it seemed he had struck a nerve of some sort – did Seishirou not like being reminded about his mother? But Subaru clearly remembered Seishirou telling him that he had felt nothing when he killed her … "You told me it was part of the succession ritual for the Sakurazukamori," he said, a prickle of nervousness running down his neck. _What have I done?_ "You were fifteen, she was your predecessor, and she was your first kill. You said you felt nothing when she died."

"Is that all?"

"Yes."

Silence between the two of them, making the scrape of manila folders seem horribly loud. Uneasily Subaru bit his lip; although Seishirou's body language was giving nothing away, the very fact that Seishirou had rendered himself unreadable was a bad sign. He decided to change the subject. "Can I ask you something?"

"What is it?" Seishirou's voice was studiously neutral.

"What kind of chance did – are you giving me in the Bet?"

"Getting calculative, are we? Perhaps you should ask a statistician to draw up some probabilities for you."

"Please, Seishirou-san," said Subaru patiently. "Just be honest with me. You're the one judging whether I win or lose the Bet, but you're also _in_ the Bet against me. I know you hate to lose, so are you even giving me a proper chance in the first place to win this?"

"I'm giving you as much as you will let me."

Subaru frowned. "What do you mean?"

There was a chuckle from the Sakurazukamori. "The parameters of the Bet lie just as much with you as they do with me, Subaru-kun. When the Bet was made I told you that I would do everything possible to love you, but I also said that I would do nothing more than watch over and protect you. Out of that consideration I can't do anything to you that you don't want me to; in other words, your chances are what you make them."

Subaru stared. "My chances are what I make them? What _I_ make them?" Outraged, it was all he could do not to splutter. "That is absolutely ridiculous! How was I supposed to make my own chances when I didn't even know there was a Bet going on let alone the terms? The whole thing was unfair from the start—"

Seishirou shrugged. "So it was. But this is not then, is it. And now you know."

Frustrated at this casual reply Subaru closed his eyes and massaged his temple telling himself no, it wasn't worth fighting over fine points of interpretation with the Sakurazukamori. He let out a long breath. "So what does this mean?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"It means that you can make the Bet a lot more interesting if you so wish." A muffled slam emphasised the end of the sentence as Seishirou slid the file drawer closed. "It's all up to you."

 _Interesting_ … there were plenty of possibilities in that descriptive, and from the glint in Seishirou's eyes it was fairly obvious the kind he had in mind. Subaru swallowed thickly. "Just because I'm in love with you doesn't mean I'm going to let you take advantage of me," he managed to say.

There was a shrug. "Suit yourself. Though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised – you may say that you're no longer a child but it's obvious you remained one throughout this future of yours."

The jibe made Subaru redden. "What's the matter with that?" he demanded, stung.

"Nothing, but it raises the question of whether despite your wish that I do everything possible to love you you're mature enough to handle what's involved in making you and I an 'us'."

Subaru's jaw set. "Fine, then." He stepped away from the surgery table towards Seishirou. "Kiss me."

Seishirou raised an eyebrow at him. "I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me. You said yourself; my chances are what I make them, so I'm making them here and now. Kiss me."

There was a brief pause as Seishirou simply looked at him. "Do you know what you're doing?" he asked.

 _No_ , was Subaru's first, traitorous thought, but he didn't say it aloud. Even though he wanted to kiss Seishirou there was still that doubt, that fear that he would be opening himself to hurt and exploitation, which was a stupid fear really seeing he had already given his heart to the man, but hopefully if he could just get past this, just get this first try at intimacy over and done with, everything else would be easier. He gave a defiant glare; he would not show weakness before the Sakurazukamori. "Let's find out."

It took three steps – two for Seishirou to close the space between them, one for Subaru to instinctively back away into the table again where he was immediately trapped as Seishirou brought his hands down on either side of him. Instinctively Subaru tensed up, a reaction that Seishirou could hardly miss. "Pity I don't have a camera handy," the Sakurazukamori remarked casually, shifting his weight so that his leg pressed against Subaru's. "I'm sure Hokuto-chan would love to see this."

Somehow Subaru managed to find his tongue. "Just get on with it," he said, hoping his voice didn't betray his racing heart.

"Very well." Smiling, Seishirou leaned closer. "Close your eyes."

Without thinking Subaru obeyed, closing his eyes and bracing himself as if in preparation for a painful shock. He wanted to flinch but with great force of will held himself steady, waiting, waiting for the darkness to which he had willingly given himself to solidify into the person he thought he knew so well …

Warm breath on his lips. "Fool," Seishirou whispered.

Subaru's eyes popped open. Saw Seishirou's malicious smirk mere millimetres from his face. "Fool," the Sakurazukamori repeated, stepping backwards and leaving Subaru cold, "you're so easy to manipulate. You really are in love with me – are you sure you don't have Stockholm Syndrome?"

Subaru's face burned. He felt humiliated, he wanted to hit Seishirou, he wanted to fall through the floor and disappear. Instead, all he did was stand there and watch as his beloved enemy began laugh as if the whole thing was one giant joke, as if _Subaru_ was one giant joke. Not even a knock on the door could stop Seishirou's mirth. "Come in!" he called out.

The door opened and the veterinary assistant popped her head inside. "Sakurazuka-sensei, your eleven thirty is here – oh, hello Sumeragi-kun!" The young woman beamed at him, then she took in the tableau: Subaru supporting himself against the surgery table with face flushed and angry, hurt-filled eyes; Seishirou on the other side of the room with a sharp grin not even attempting to look contrite. "Um, am I interrupting something?" she asked hesitantly.

"No, Subaru-kun dropped by to say hello but he was just leaving, right, Subaru-kun?"

It was too much, he had to get out. Snatching up his bag Subaru shoved past the startled assistant and fled the room, echoes of Seishirou's laughter ringing in his ears. They chased him, hounding him out of the clinic in disgrace but more than that, more than the shame and humiliation, what hurt Subaru was that as he ran away Seishirou _did not try to stop him._

He stumbled to a walk bare metres from the door. After all, he wasn't being pursued.

 

* * *

 

 _It's all a game to him,_ thought Subaru bitterly. _Nothing but a contest of win or lose, and of course, he must_ always _win. Why can't I beat him, why do I let him manipulate me so easily?_

_Why do I even bother trying?_

Cutting questions, and ones he didn't have any answers to. Like old curses they weighed around his neck, demanding time and attention supposed to be pledged to more productive pursuits until the purification he was doing for the Chiba lodging house was crucially fumbled and by the time the resulting disturbance was calmed it was well into the evening. The owner of the boarding house, a nervous landlord, had not been pleased, for the purification had been requested to cleanse the building after the suicide of an expatriate engineer depressed at spending his holiday season so far from home. The expatriate's body had long been removed and laid to rest according to his own religion, but suicide left a deep impurity that could attract restless spirits and the landlord understandably wanted to the sorry incident cleaned up as soon as possible. Thankfully he had accepted Subaru's awkward explanation of 'unexpected developments' but still, Subaru was mortified that he had fallen so short of his usual quality of work – mortified, and even angrier at Seishirou.

Just what had the man been trying to do anyway? Was he trying to test Subaru, to get his measure now that it was revealed Subaru wasn't the sixteen-year old child Seishirou had thought him to be all this time? Or had Seishirou been tormenting him for the sheer sake of it? Certainly Subaru didn't expect any less of the man who had hurt him so badly before and murdered Hokuto in cold blood …

… which hadn't happened yet. Subaru had gotten home to find a warm dinner waiting for him on the stove and a note served on a plate on the dining table. The note was pink and had a cartoon sketch of a smiling face with cat ears. Signs of love and vibrant personality from a girl who in death had left behind a memory so full of life that Subaru had never been able to let go. Actually, he still hadn't. He opened the note.

 

Dear Subaru,  
Have gone out for the night with school friends – there are some good sales on and I promised girls from class that I'd help them update their wardrobe. Don't wait up for me and go to bed early. Dinner is on the stove, if it's cooled down just heat it up in the microwave on medium for five minutes, and there's rice in the pot. Also I've already started packing our stuff for Kyōto, but since we're on a late afternoon train you can take your time and pack the rest tomorrow.  
How did things go with Sei-chan today? I hope you weren't too hard on him. Actually you should probably cut him some slack – sometimes it seems like you demand too much of Sei-chan, and you need to give a little, you know? Anyway, we'll talk about this later.  
Don't give up!  
Love, Nee-chan.

 

Subaru had to read the second paragraph twice, disbelief rising with each word – too hard? cut some slack? just whose side was Hokuto on anyway? A third reading was broken off in angry disgust that left the note tossed carelessly on the table as Subaru stormed out of the kitchen to his bedroom. The lights were off, of course, and he left them that way in an indulgence to his bad mood as he went straight to his cupboard and dug out the cigarettes and lighter he had bought all those weeks ago near Yasukuni. The carton was almost full as Subaru hardly touched it, partly because he knew what would happen if Hokuto caught him smoking, but mostly because he didn't generally need them. Generally. He made exceptions for when he was particularly frustrated or upset. Tonight was definitely an exception, especially since Hokuto was out, however Subaru did take the cigarettes out to the balcony. Cold as it was outside it was far safer as the last thing he wanted was for Hokuto to smell cigarette smoke in his room – at the very least she'd blow her top, at the worst she'd be disappointed in him. That, or presume Seishirou had been in his bedroom.

Cold wind on his face. Subaru took a drag of the cigarette, squeezing his eyes shut as his lungs burned. It had hurt, really hurt what Seishirou had done this morning, and even now the memory of it made him want to hunch over the painful knot in his chest. All those things Seishirou had said were as cutting as the scalpels he operated with, and slicing all the deeper because really, much as Subaru flinched, a lot of it was true. He did want to keep the three of them together, to have both his twin and beloved by his side as it should have been, but what was wrong with that? why did Seishirou have to make it sound like something to be ashamed of? And then there was that other thing …

 

_"You may say that you're no longer a child but it's obvious you remained one throughout this future of yours."_

 

Subaru bit his lip. So he had died a virgin on the Final Day, so what? Naiveté aside, the harsh truth was that Seishirou was the only person Subaru could ever imagine being with, and this was realised very quickly after the Bet's conclusion. There had been strangers, men mostly though some women as well, who had tried to pick him up, to flirt and seduce attracted by heaven knew what, and although Subaru was generally slow to recognise their intentions the moment he did he always fled, horrified and guilt-ridden. The worst was always the older men, the dark-haired ones in well-cut suits who in their manner or figure could in desperation bear a passing resemblance to the one he loved …

 _I gave my heart to you completely, without question or condition._ The words were cast silently out over the city lights, just as they had been so many times in the years hunting his hunter. _If when you touch me I retreat it's only because I'm scared that I would give you everything if you asked or pushed enough. You never knew that in that past life and I never told you, so I guess in a way it was unfair to expect anything of you then, but it's different now. Now you know what I feel, I've told you to your face – and yet you still deliberately hurt me._

_I know to expect otherwise of you is foolish, but even so, given how much time is left I couldn't help but hope …_

Time. Marching relentlessly onwards. Already New Years was almost upon them; in less than two months the Bet would end, and given the cold and guarded way Seishirou was treating him Subaru's chances at winning were looking depressingly low. Less than two months, less than eight weeks left remained on the clock for Subaru to court and win over the Sakurazukamori, which meant there was only about three months before Hokuto's death unless he could somehow win the Bet—

Smoke spilled almost viciously from Subaru's lips; he was angry, he realised, angry at the inflexibility of his situation. Why did things have to be about the Bet all the time? He was tired of the Bet, tired of worrying about win or lose, tired of the endless competing. It had already started to grow old long before Seishirou had found out about everything, but now that they were no longer pretending to each other the point-scoring just made him want to hit something in his frustration. Unfortunately it didn't look as if things would get better any time soon, for it was plainly apparent that having had the tables so dramatically turned on him Seishirou was determined to regain some ground by any means possible.

 

_"Fool." Dark smirk like old shadows, "fool, you're so easy to manipulate. You really are in love with me."_

 

 _It makes sense,_ thought Subaru bitterly. _Our relationship has always been a game, and right now it's a game that Seishirou-san sees himself as losing, so of course he's going to do whatever it takes to get back at me but thing is, I don't want to play a game, I don't_ want _our relationship to be an endless competition, it should be something real with compromise instead of scoring points …_

Compromise. Give and take. Hokuto in her note had asked him to stop being so hard on Seishirou. The suggestion had affronted Subaru, not only because he thought his twin should support him unconditionally, but because he found the very idea of needing to go easy on Seishirou laughable. This was _Seishirou_ they were talking about, arrogantly independent and emotionless Seishirou with the blood of heaven knew how many people on his hands, including Hokuto's. As far as Subaru was concerned the man didn't need any leniency at all, in fact he didn't deserve it, so why was Hokuto asking Subaru to be the one to give?

_Because thus far I have given nothing._

He stiffened; he hadn't expected that thought. Gingerly he tested it again in his mind – _I have given nothing_ – and found it overlaid with quiet, weary guilt that hit deep and true. Hokuto had said that he was making things difficult for Seishirou, and she had a point, a very _good_ point because really, Subaru had held himself back, he had rebuffed Seishirou's advances and sometimes openly avoided him, even before that clash in the teacher's office. In contrast Seishirou was always the one inviting him out, driving him places and generally making time to spend with him. Little gestures, really, but over time they meant so much. Even if it was all just part of Seishirou's veterinarian act the stark reality was that of the two of them it was Seishirou who was putting all the effort into the illusory relationship. In comparison Subaru was giving nothing, and what he did was given grudgingly. Almost … resentfully.

Ash on the balustrade; his cigarette had burned down. With a small shudder Subaru brought it to his lips and attempted to smoke what little remained, only there was nothing left and he nervously flicked the remnants away to fall to the street below. All this time, resenting the fact that Seishirou could or would not give anything of himself when really, he himself was just as guilty of not giving, perhaps even more so nowadays since although he _knew_ how badly he had rattled the Sakurazukamori with his revelations Subaru still could not bring himself to show any graciousness to the one who had murdered his twin. His twin, who right now was out shopping with friends, and whose first act upon returning would undoubtedly be to see if he had eaten his dinner …

Subaru froze.

Seishirou did not remember killing Hokuto that past life – and in this one, Hokuto was still alive.

 

_"It's rather tiring to hear you go on about how I kill Hokuto-chan when as far as I'm concerned I haven't actually done anything."_

 

The harsh truth came together without any fanfare at all.

_I'm punishing Seishirou-san for something he hasn't done yet._

An epiphany of sorts, but one like a kick to the stomach. Even so there was some feeble, unattractive part of him that couldn't help but get defensive – so he wasn't being particularly nice to Seishirou, so what? The man had no heart, he didn't care, and he certainly couldn't be hurt … the words ran hollow; there was no justifying himself. Seishirou's capacity to feel pain was irrelevant; it just wasn't _right_ of Subaru to act so insensitively – and he knew it.

He had always known it.

A feeling of dread began to sink in his stomach, and Subaru put his head in his hands. _It's probably a good thing Hokuto-chan isn't home,_ he thought dully. _If we talked about this and she knew what I've done – am still doing to Seishirou-san, she'd be furious with me for being such an absolute jerk._ He squeezed his eyes shut. _So now what do I do? There's only a few more weeks left in the Bet, I have to fix this, I have to do something, I—_

_I have to apologise._

Subaru bit his lip. An apology to Seishirou, who was perfectly capable of throwing it back in his face, or worse not caring, was easier said than done. On the other hand there was no getting around the fact that it _had_ to be done, and soon. He would go tomorrow, Subaru told himself, go find and talk to Seishirou sometime after lunch … but tomorrow afternoon he and Hokuto were leaving for Kyōto, and given how often interruptions came up at the clinic he wasn't keen on trying to see Seishirou during work hours.

In the end, there was really only one option.

Subaru took a deep breath. Then he stood up, a shaky thing to do given what the chilly night had done to his muscles, and went back into his bedroom where the cigarette lighter was returned to its hiding place in the wardrobe at the back of the top shelf. He fetched his coat. The digital clock beside his bed read 8:52 PM. Late, but not too late, for an evening visit.

Gloved hands clenched into fists. Then, before he could think about his decision any further Subaru put on his shoes, and, leaving Hokuto's dinner untouched, exited his apartment carrying nothing but his keys and an uneasy determination.

 

* * *

 

It was almost nine-thirty by the time Subaru arrived at the low building that was Seishirou's apartment and the veterinary clinic. There were no lights on.

Subaru stared up at the black windows hoping against hope that one of them would magically light up. Of course, none of the windows obliged him and Subaru gave a long sigh as the anti-climax dropped him like a lead weight to the point that even the part of him that was relieved at avoiding yet another confrontation with the Sakurazukamori couldn't completely counter his disappointment. _So Seishirou-san isn't home,_ he thought resignedly. _It figures. Knowing him he's probably out for dinner, or worse, a job—_

The attack came from behind, yanking on his arm and jerking him around to slam face first into the wall. Subaru choked as pain blossomed from his cheek through his shoulder and ribs, trying instinctively to defend himself only for his captured arm to be twisted against his back in a strong grip. "Well, this is certainly unexpected," said a familiar, deliberately casual voice. "It's inconsiderate to lay an ambush at someone's front door, you know."

Somehow Subaru forced himself to stay calm and not struggle. "Seishirou-san. I thought you were out."

"I was. I'm back." Long fingers tightened like a vice around his wrist. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Again? You mean this morning wasn't enough?"

"It's something different this time."

"Which is—?"

He could feel his breath skittering against the wall, and in extreme close-up the uneven paint looked especially grimy. Subaru kept his voice level. "I'm not telling you like this, if you want to know we have to talk properly. Face to face."

"Hm." Without warning Subaru was released, and he sagged against the wall for a moment before turning around to find Seishirou watching him with a smile that did nothing to lessen the sharpness of his eyes. Contrary to Subaru's expectations he was dressed in slacks and a loose dark green sweater over a white shirt, and there was a shopping bag in his left hand. He didn't have his glasses on. "Well?" Seishirou asked.

Unconsciously Subaru massaged his abused wrist, trying to calm his heartbeat. The two of them stood beyond the illumination given by the closest streetlamp, and there was just enough ambient light to make the shadows all the darker. The street to either side of them was empty of people and cars but it would still be used as a local thoroughfare throughout the night, and in any case it just didn't feel right to have this conversation out in the open. "Ah, can we talk inside?"

Seishirou raised an eyebrow at him. "Aren't you supposed to be packing for Kyōto tomorrow?"

"The train doesn't leave until five. Please, Seishirou-san, it's important."

There was a brief pause Seishirou simply looked at him, and for a second Subaru thought he was going to be told to leave. Then Seishirou shrugged and gestured Subaru towards the door of the stairwell. Inwardly Subaru breathed a sigh of relief before going to open the door, and tried not to think about the risk he was putting himself in as he ascended the stairs. While it was certainly better to talk to Seishirou at home instead of at work where they would inevitably be interrupted it was also a lot more dangerous. Should anything go wrong there would be nothing and no one to save him … he arrived at the door of the apartment and politely moved aside for Seishirou to unlock it, unable to help noticing the way Seishirou stood so as to always keep an eye on him. There was a faint shift in the air as Seishirou inserted his key, like a low note on a cello sliding up a semitone, and Subaru immediately recognised the presence of high-level wards. Of course there had always been wards over Seishirou's apartment, but whereas before they had been subtle and moderate now the wards were formidable, undoubtedly the result of significant strengthening after what had happened at the MS Institute. Suddenly it dawned on Subaru just how little Seishirou trusted him.

The door swung open. Seishirou stood to one side and waited for Subaru to go in first. Subaru did not keep him waiting, stepping inside to darkness. He hesitated a moment, trying as he slid out of his shoes to squint and make out the shapes that made up the inside of Seishirou's apartment, only to blink as Seishirou switched on a light. "Ah, thank you."

"Mm." A _chink_ as keys were presumably put somewhere, then Seishirou stepped around him into a set of navy blue house slippers. Feeling somewhat awkward Subaru put his own shoes off to one side, slipping a little in his socks; there wasn't a set of house slippers for him because really, that night after confronting Mai's mother aside, Subaru practically never came inside Seishirou's apartment. On the other hand, almost from the very start of their acquaintance Hokuto had bought Seishirou not one but two pairs of house slippers, a blue pair to use in Subaru's apartment and a pink pair to use in hers, and both were well worn, Seishirou visited that often …

 

_"He spends all his time with us, you especially. He wouldn't do that if you didn't mean something to him even if you are making it difficult nowadays."_

 

"You caught me while I was out at the shops," said Seishirou, his voice deceptively idle as it floated down the hall. Subaru slowly followed it. "I got some iced coffee, would you like to have some?"

"Ah, no thank you." He entered the living area to find Seishirou in the kitchen putting away the contents of the shopping bag, and couldn't help but blink. Seishirou in a veterinary clinic was familiar; Seishirou hunting the city streets was easily imagined, but this, this simple domestic task was something new. Why hadn't he ever thought of it before?

"Suit yourself." A huff of air as the fridge was shut, then Seishirou was moving into the living area. "So what is it this time? I have to say I'm intrigued – after everything you've told me over the past few days what could you possibly have left to say?"

He leaned against the back of the couch, arms folded in a constructed impression of casualness. No doubt he could easily snap out of it into combat at the slightest provocation, and Subaru made sure he kept his hands where Seishirou could see them. "I … want to apologise," he said quietly.

"What for?"

"For—" A catch in his throat. Subaru took a breath. "For my behaviour towards you these past few weeks. How I've been treating you, I mean. I've never really shown you any gratitude for all the attention you've given me, even though I wanted it, and it's been worse ever since the MS Institute. I've been rude and inconsiderate because I can't forgive what you've done, and that's unfair of me. All those things you did – I mean, that I remember you doing … they haven't happened yet. You haven't done any of it, and what's more, you don't remember, so it's wrong of me to treat you as if you have. I know that now, and I … I want to say I'm sorry."

Silence followed this, acute enough to cut, certainly complete enough for Subaru to hear the echoes of his trembling voice. He held himself taut, bracing for some kind of reprisal from the man in front of him shadowed despite the forlorn kitchen light and oh so still. There was a clock ticking somewhere, he realised uneasily, a relentless, foreboding reminder of time ever-passing—

Seishirou raised his head slightly and looked at Subaru. His eyes were cool. "What did I do to you?" he asked.

Subaru blinked, confused at the unexpected question, then turned away. "I told you," he said shortly. "I told you what you did."

"I know. However, your explanation was rather concise and abrupt; it doesn't really say much about _you_."

"What do you expect me to say?" Subaru retorted, unable to stop himself glaring. "That you broke my heart? That you shattered what was left of it by murdering my sister? That you ruined my life and I would have killed myself if it weren't for you and the Promised Day? That you—" He broke off; Seishirou was silently laughing. "What!"

The Sakurazukamori grinned. "Despite apologising for your behaviour you're still being touchy." Suddenly his gaze turned sharp. "Let me go Within you."

"Huh?"

"Within. Let me See what I did to you."

There were many, many reasons why this wasn't a good idea. For some reason Subaru could only think of one. "I don't trust you," he said defensively.

"We're under the Bet, Subaru-kun, I'm not allowed to harm you. Besides," Seishirou added, raising an eyebrow, "don't you want me to know? If I See your memories I might even remember myself."

Subaru bit his lip. He shouldn't, he really shouldn't, it was dangerous, he would be completely exposed if he let the Sakurazukamori into his mind, but then again, Seishirou had a point. If Seishirou could truly see all the hurt that had been inflicted, maybe he could understand why Subaru felt the way he did. In any case, given that Subaru _had_ just acknowledged how little he was giving in this relationship it would look rather bad to say no … he swallowed thickly. "You won't do anything other than look?"

"If you show me everything, I won't have to."

A counter, not an answer. Then again, Seishirou wasn't the kind of person who answered questions directly. Subaru heaved a deep breath. "All right."

Seishirou smiled. Then he held out his hand and gestured for Subaru to come closer. Warily Subaru took a step towards him, watching the way Seishirou pushed himself off the couch and told himself not to react when Seishirou's hand came to rest in the small of his back, guiding him like a half-wild creature that could bolt at the slightest hint of danger. Of course, he was already in danger and Subaru knew it, he was just doing this anyway. Wordlessly he let Seishirou sit him on the couch, pushing him gently but insistently to lie down until his head rested on a cushion. The cushion cover had the texture of corduroy; there were shadows stretching on the ceiling.

A weight settled against his hip. Apprehensive, Subaru rolled his head to one side to see Seishirou sitting on the edge of the couch, and at last the light from the kitchen was falling on his face. His lips were still smiling but the eyes, those were unreadable amber. "No changing your mind at the last minute," he warned. "Ready?"

Subaru nodded, mouth suddenly dry. What was he doing? No matter, too late now, because already Seishirou was reaching out to place a hand on his forehead, long fingers brushing away his fringe of hair. The touch made Subaru shiver.

"Sleep," Seishirou murmured.

A simple word, but one overlaid with magical command. Instantly Subaru's eyes closed, his body relaxing as if sinking into warm still water ( _have I really been that tense?_ ) a sensation of disembodiment spreading through his limbs. Distantly Subaru wondered at the gentleness of the spell – usually Seishirou put him to sleep the way someone would push a person off a cliff – but the thought drifted away like snowflakes as gradually his mind fell into trance.

" _Noubou akyasha kyarabaya om arikya aribori sowaka kyarabaya noubou akyasha…_ "

He was suspended in a dark, quiet space far below waking but not quite slumber. Like dreaming, the restless kind where he knew he was in a dream but unable to control anything. Save for an undefined heaviness he was no longer aware of his physical form; there was just himself, his consciousness making up that inner space complete and undisturbed …

" _… kyarabaya om arikya aribori sowaka …_ "

… until it was touched by the focus of that person.

_Subaru-kun._

A query, the mental equivalent of a knock on a door. It was more courtesy than anything, for when necessary an onmyouji could trespass into the minds of others braving any resistance, but unlike Mitsuki and Kamui who had to be rescued from themselves Subaru was aware of what was happening and could give or refuse consent to his visitor. Of course, with this person, he had already done so. One by one layers of darkness silently slid away like shoji screens, creating a twisting path for the traveller in his mind who did not hesitate. With palpable single-mindedness Seishirou began to descend, falling down and down into the infinite darkness of Subaru's inner self, a lone figure wrapped in black coat and resolute purpose, deferentially touching nothing for even though Subaru was giving him safe passage through his shields there were other, less passive defences, defences guided not by conscious thought but reflex and instinct that had held the Sakurazukamori in vehement suspicion ever since—

 

_tiny petals falling like rain, the shadows of his unlocked memories living once more before his horrified eyes showing him first test, his first corpse and his first love as revealed by that person—_

_"I am the Sakurazukamori. The one who uses onmyoujitsu to kill. An assassin."_

_—no no_ NO _it_ couldn't _be true it was impossible that his closest friend and the one he loved could be his family's mortal enemy, someone who had the blood of hundreds on his hands, someone so cruel—_

 

The memory slipped out before he could stop it, winking into view not far from Seishirou who immediately paused to observe. A magnificent cherry tree, a man callously destroying a helpless boy …

 

_"For me, breaking your arm is like breaking glass …"_

_—pain, all the more sharper for the wound it inflicted on his heart—_

_"… I feel nothing."_

_—he couldn't fight back, not like this, not against the person to whom he had given all his trust—_

_"We made a Bet long ago, remember? The next time we meet I will spend an entire year with you. If after this time I felt something towards you then we would continue as we were, and I wouldn't do anything other than watch over and protect you. If you became someone I considered 'special', even just a little bit, I would not kill you. But …"_

_—crushing weight on his broken arm as that person stepped on him, not even giving him the dignity of a proper death—_

_"…it seems to have been all for naught."_

_—the flowers were ensnaring and lifting him and he was too horrified to even scream as they began to take him, the pain from his broken arm and body slowly growing numb as he sank into living wood—_

_"Why do you look so sad? Are you really so hurt that I have betrayed you? People betraying people … this kind of thing happens in Tokyo every day."_

_—and yet his heart, so wholly lost to his smiling, unfeeling tormentor would not stop hurting, would not be numbed from the agony of betrayal—_

 

The end of the Bet. It was yet to happen in this life but as far as Subaru was concerned he had lost it long ago, and the darkness of his mind took on the thickness of old blood as he vividly remembered the abuse suffered – abuse that hurt all the more because it came from the hands of the person he still considered special.

 

_"I don't hate you – but I don't love you either."_

_—absolute despair that could come only out of love so contemptuously scorned—_

 

 _This is how it ended,_ Subaru thought, trying not to sound accusing with only partial success, and Seishirou glanced upwards with an unreadable expression. _This is what you did to me; this is how you broke my heart._

_This is how you changed me forever._

 

_"To me, you're nothing more than an object that merely exists."_

 

Calm, indifferent words that carried easily through the stillness without echo. Even though it was he himself that spoke Seishirou displayed no reaction, studying instead the scene before him, the way the memory of himself, one eye bandaged, reached up to touch the child-Subaru's face as the Sakura slowly took its victim. The wood had been cold, Subaru remembered, cold with the whisperings of those who had been killed—

 

_white robes glowing in an illusory night as the girl slowly walked towards the Tree_

 

Another memory, another focus. Immediately the ensnared child-Subaru began to fade as the image of Hokuto approached the Sakura, and the memory of Seishirou did as well, dissolving into hundreds of tiny pink petals. At the same time he reappeared beneath the Sakura's shade with arms folded in an attitude of patience and one eye milky white as he watched the girl draw closer … it was an instantly recognisable scene and the darkness of his mind rippled uneasily as Subaru mentally cringed before the nightmare that had haunted him for nine years. The real Seishirou, both eyes whole and lit with cool interest, did not notice this as he watched himself watch the girl approach—

 

_"At last I've found you," said Hokuto quietly._

_Sei– no, the_ Sakurazukamori, _did not reply. Hokuto's eyes burned emerald. "Listen to me. I will never let you kill my brother. I will never let you kill Subaru. I swear I will not let that happen."_

_Flowers falling like snow, dancing with but never quite touching the figure in white and the figure in black. Seishirou's remaining amber eye was cool. "You can't defeat me, Hokuto-chan," he said quietly._

_Hokuto, brave, headstrong Hokuto, did not flinch. "I know."_

 

once again Subaru could hear himself screaming his sister's name pleading for her to run from the assassin now standing Within watching this most horrible memory of

 

_"So, I want you to kill me."_

_An amber flash of shock, quickly covered by … a smile? Yes, it was a smile, a small, strangely soft expression that was completely at odds with the cruelty of what was about to happen. Deliberately, Seishirou stepped towards Hokuto._

_"Very well."_

 

that beloved person's hand stabbing through the body of his beloved twin who didn't even cry out as her life

 

_blood, so red on white and black and palest pink_

 

spilled out and all he could do was watch in a horror that twisted the fabric of his mind into desperate arms that clawed towards his sister's murderer forcing Seishirou to break off his watching in order to avoid being caught. In the way of dreams Seishirou stepped away, moving into the negative space between memories where he dropped like a leaf falling past a large grey window—

 

_"I'm going to quit school." Hands clenched so hard his fingernails drew blood, but the pain was nothing compared to what had just been gouged from his heart. "I can't waste any time because starting today I'm going to hunt him down."_

_Shocked silence in the room behind him, from the old woman who had saved his life and watched over what was left. He squeezed his eyes shut seeing only one thing: Hokuto's weeping face and her last embrace before she had left to find the man who would kill her, who they had once called friend …_

_"I, and only I, will kill him."_

 

—down through cold depths where loneliness and mourning swirled together to fill passing years defined by jobs and nightmares and driven only by the constant, burning desire for what Subaru then believed was revenge. Bespelled and this far into himself, although Subaru was aware of what was taking place he was unable to act, without control over the depths of his subconscious so that like a torn video reel his memories played fragmented around Seishirou: the months spent recovering in Kyōto, his grandmother relentlessly asking questions he could never truly answer and the terrible argument they had had when he insisted on returning to Tokyo, the taste of his first cigarette more bitterness than nicotine, nights spent reliving the past and days disconnected from the rest of the world as he searched fruitlessly for _that person_ distracted only by ghosts of the dead, some of whom were more alive than he himself who was living—

 

_"Only a sick heart can keep thinking of just one person."_

 

—it was too much, years of pain and grief and despair compressed into moments and felt all at once. Try as he might Subaru could not view his memories with any kind of detachment and like a sea before a storm his mindscape was ominously disturbed, making things all the more dangerous for Seishirou who remained a single point of calm amongst it all—

 

 _If he wasn't dreaming of blood and sakura he was dreaming of finding Seishirou, of confronting the man and making him see just what he had done before finally taking revenge for Hokuto's murder. Except, in his dreams, he never got to the actual act of killing Seishirou. Always he would draw his knife to level it at Seishirou's throat or heart and watch the perpetual smile fade … and then stop. He hated it, hated it as proof of his own weakness for if he couldn't even kill Seishirou in his imagination how could he do it for real, and each time he woke up he would squeeze his eyes shut against the tears and swear that next time,_ next time _he would see the end of it …_

_He was nineteen before he finally managed the conclusion. When he did he once again jerked violently awake, this time in horror because rather than spilling Seishirou's blood he had kissed him instead, and worst still, dreamed of being kissed back—_

 

Love mixed with hate mixed with desperation mixed with despair. Helplessly Subaru saw Seishirou head towards the memory, away from the congealing darkness to watch—

 

_—the dream persisted no matter how much he fought it, sometimes three nights in a row, sometimes ambushing him after a whole week. Each time Subaru would jerk awake shaking in helpless rage and anguish because he didn't want to believe it, didn't want to think about the implications, but relentlessly the dream wore him down, the kisses becoming something else more passionate and intimate until it was impossible to hide and there was only the bitter, horrible truth that despite Hokuto's death and the betrayal he still loved Seishirou and therefore would be unable to kill him—_

 

—Subaru choke himself awake in the unholy hours of the night, eyes frantic and unseeing for a moment before full consciousness was reasserted and, trembling, he curled over himself as if something inside was slowly breaking apart. In this memory there was moonlight pouring from an invisible window to illuminate the island that was Subaru's bed and glinting off something close by: a standing mirror, its face smashed and shards scattered at its base coated in months of dust. Little other detail existed in the memory which was strangely colourless, as if this were something Subaru had done his best to forget … the image of Subaru slowly unclenched to fix desperate eyes upon the shattered mirror – and then, with the clarity of dulled bells, a single thought was heard:

 

it would be so easy to end it

 

Horror rising like a tide as Subaru in his powerless omniscience watched himself crawl from bed to the shattered mirror – had he really done this? he didn't want to remember – expression one of almost feverish abstraction as fingers grasped a jagged shard. The shard had been unwieldy, he remembered, and the edges had drawn dark drops of blood that ran down his hand as he pressed the glass into the flesh of his wrist—

Seishirou reached out and touched.

The mindscape _twisted_. Wildly Subaru turned around, hand bleeding and pain shooting up his arm – surely he was alone in this dark place, alone as he had always been ever since he had been betrayed and his sister killed, but no, there was someone here with a hand on his shoulder and eyes of amber-gold and – oh gods, it wasn't just any person but _that person, that person_ who was the cause of it all, _that person_ who had killed Hokuto-chan and taken his heart who he loved and hated and would never be able to kill … Seishirou's lips moved, but Subaru couldn't hear a word. In his mind, something snapped.

The walls of his bedroom shattered outwards. Subaru blinked; suddenly he was standing beneath a burning building – _Nakano?_ – wearing a long coat that stank of smoke as the backs of his hands tingled, but all of that ceased to matter when he realised who it was he was facing, their first meeting in nine years. Emotion filled him but he would not show it, would not let this man see how he still affected him … "I've been searching for you for a long time now," Subaru said softly.

Seishirou's expression was calm, but there was something off, something not right that Subaru couldn't quite put his finger on, and it confused him in a way that even the growing black lines in the sky could not. "Why?" asked Seishirou.

On cue Subaru closed his eyes and cupped his hands together, summoning in his palms a star that expanded up and outwards to cut them off from the world. Seishirou watched with great interest as Subaru intoned, "To make my Wish a reality."

He expected Seishirou to reply to this, something about the _kekkai_ and the fate of the world, but no response was forthcoming, only a level amber-gold gaze. "Did you wish to kill me?" Seishirou finally asked.

 _No_ – and there it was, a line in the script he recognised and he began to chant, hands folded before him to focus the spell that would hold Seishirou here with him forever and ever and for some reason Seishirou did not respond, only looked up with two whole eyes at the fracturing sky above them before spreading wings to fly _out_ and _away_ … Subaru wanted to follow but bitterness tied his feet—

—sky collapsing like broken glass—

—people around him, a teenage boy beside a girl with long black hair, another younger girl with a dog and others with names he knew he knew and for some reason a large hawk perched offside observing him with piercing golden eyes, but he couldn't think about the hawk because he was filled with horror at the sight before them: a fragile body bound to a cross of girders with long blonde hair tumbling over the sword in her chest, a boy bleeding and broken and _screaming_ at a dark figure standing on the arm of the cross, and Subaru _hurt_ to see this because what was happening was just like his own past … the thought dissolved the scene into hundreds of doves leaving behind the image of a frightened little boy. As the doves swooped upon the hawk Subaru found himself explaining once again to Kamui why despite everything he continued— "It will most likely depress everyone that knows me," he was saying. "But I, I cannot stop wishing."

Violet eyes gazed up with sorrowful understanding. "Because he was special?"

Feathers, grey-black and white and blood-spotted floating down like snow. They fell in Subaru's hair as he silently bowed his head in answer to Kamui's question … and then Kamui gave a thin, cruel smile. Before Subaru's eyes the child that was Kamui began to shift, morphing into a young man whose eyes burned with purpose—

"If you don't concentrate, your kekkai is going to break … 'Subaru-kun'."

—he was violently thrown back onto a pile of rubble, stunned and badly wounded by the backlash of his broken spell and unable to move as he watched the /Kamui/ approach. At least, he was sure it was the other /Kamui/ but for some reason the young man's face kept mercurially flickering between his own and— "You," Subaru croaked out, and the word rattled in his throat, "why do you and Seishirou-san—"

"—look so much alike?" The /Kamui/ gave a thin smile, one utterly devoid of mercy as he yanked Subaru's head back. His other hand was poised before Subaru's face like a spear. "It's because you Wished for it."

There was a scream then, and although Subaru thought it should be Kamui – his Kamui – for some reason the scream sounded like that of a furious bird, but now there was absolute _agony_ in his skull as brutal fingers stabbed into his eye crushing sclera and nerves to plunge him into darkness, yet even as he felt himself sinking into the thick night he felt strangely content because yes, the /Kamui/ was right, this was what he had wanted, he wanted to atone for Seishirou's lost eye, he wanted Seishirou to kill him … the thought turned into a whisper of sunlight and gauze then a quiet voice asking, "The only person who can make you truly happy is the Sakurazukamori, right?"

 _Yes,_ Subaru thought, and there was Kamui again, sitting by his side with those haunted eyes that even now were hurting on his behalf, but still Subaru was sinking and soon Kamui, too, faded from view. All around him Subaru sensed days and kekkai crumbling one by one like castles of sand bringing them all closer to the end, but they were tangential, distractions from what was critical to him, namely that the End of the World meant that he would see Seishirou again and seek the fulfilment of his Wish. Already anticipation was building, tightening in his gut and turning the darkness thick and heavy – he had long given up fighting his dreams and now that they were so near the end he let them become fantasy, a private indulgence of 'what if' and 'maybe' where kisses became caresses and passion turned those into something more in imagined intimacies that shamed him even as they excited, but they were just that, fantasy, and when at last the Final Day arrived Subaru accepted they would never be anything more …

"So. This is how it ends."

… he opened his eyes to the Final Day. All around him there was fire, an eerily silent inferno of grey flames that licked the sky. He wore the white robes of his office and there was a bandage around his head shutting off his blinded eye, but none of this was important because there in front of him stood the Sakurazukamori. The man was smiling beneath his mask of sunglasses. "Any regrets?" Seishirou asked calmly.

There were so many things he could say, so many things he wanted to ask. "How could I not have any," he replied quietly.

A slight smile. "Of course."

"What about you?"

The look Seishirou gave him was one of mild curiosity. Around them the fires were blurring, fading into black like mist. "What do you mean?"

"After seventeen years, Seishirou-san, can you still say that you cannot differentiate me from a glass? Can you still say that you feel nothing?"

"For you?"

The barest hesitation. "Yes."

To this Seishirou gave a soft laugh, ignoring completely the growing void around them. "You're always so cute, Subaru-kun."

The same joke, the same teasing compliment. Subaru didn't blush this time, but waited patiently for an answer, not even sure if he wanted one, but his question was asked and they would soon be dead so there were no reasons to play or lie any more. Seishirou looked thoughtful. "I'm … disappointed that our game has to end. It was one of the few interesting things in my life."

"And me?"

The gaze behind the sunglasses fixed upon his face, and Subaru felt something burn. "For you … it is what a child feels for a favourite toy he cannot live without."

A flash of dull red against the void – the words hurt despite how much he willed them not to, especially when to him this person had always been so much more … but then, like a tiny mosaic piece, the significance of what had just been said sank in. For this person to even give an answer, let alone such an answer as this … Subaru could do nothing but stare as his heart unfolded into bitter joy.

Somewhere in the silence, a hawk was soaring.

Subaru stepped closer. Looked up into the barrier of the sunglasses and smiled. "You answered the question," he said softly.

The mocking smile abruptly disappeared. It seemed that Seishirou had forgotten to breathe, so still was he as he realised what had happened. Then, as Subaru watched, very deliberately the sunglasses were removed and put away until finally Seishirou was looking at him properly with those mismatched eyes. They were beautiful eyes, always had been and still were despite one being blinded white, and for once instead of guarded or condescending they were open, startled, even, and in meeting them Subaru could have wept as he realised that, really, he had never lost the Bet, only that it had not been long enough.

Then Seishirou blinked and looked down at him. Smiled again, only this time instead of the familiar smirk it was something soft. Regretful, even. "I suppose I did," he said.

The world around them had vanished to black – desperately Subaru closed the space between them and threw his arms around Seishirou not caring anymore about how such a gesture would be taken. He felt Seishirou freeze, but then, hesitantly, a pair of arms came up to press him close … Subaru squeezed his eyes shut against the heartache; this was impossible, this was real, and this was all they would have together.

But at least he knew. And now he would get his Wish.

"Shall we end this?" Seishirou murmured.

He sighed, intimate against Seishirou's neck. Accepting. "Yes."

A piercing call sounded, loud and defiant, but Subaru didn't listen, couldn't listen in fact, not what all he could think about was that this, finally, would be the end. Already he could feel half of Seishirou's embrace releasing him, the hum of power collecting around the assassin's hand as it prepared to strike, and squeezing his eyes shut Subaru slid a single white ofuda from his sleeve. Kissed it as if to soften his own fatal strike. "Don't let go," he whispered, fumbling to press the ofuda against Seishirou's heart, "don't ever let go—"

Out of nowhere came wings, powerful wings of grey-black that beat against his head. Wildly Subaru opened his eyes to see a hawk – no, an eagle – slashing at the Sakurazukamori who didn't even raise a hand to defend himself, and Subaru gave an anguished cry as Seishirou was torn from him. Cruel talons gouged out skin and flesh – the ofuda Subaru had drawn was still in his hand, and without thinking he flung it at the eagle to drive it away at the same time frantically reaching out for Seishirou. Somehow he managed to grab a handful of Seishirou's coat and he pulled at it desperately trying to bring his beloved back – and stared in shock as the coat turned to mist in his fingers. No, not even mist. Just … nothing.

Horrified, Subaru looked up from his empty hands at the carnage in front of him. What was left of it. Every piece, every shred of the Sakurazukamori the eagle had ripped away had simply faded into black and what was left was likewise blurring. Even as he watched, a breath later Seishirou was gone entirely.

Subaru was left alone.

"—u-kun—"

He didn't believe it at first. The void of his world yawned around him, not just above and around but _below_ and he didn't know if he was flying or falling as he desperately searched for that person, shouting his name in a pleading voice that didn't even echo back … inexorably the reality of his situation closed around him, dense and suffocating even as the backs of his hands began to glow and the darkness rang with a desolate cry swelling in pitch and volume beyond comprehension—

"— _aru-k_ —"

—utter despair and loss given voice from his own throat; he wanted to end, wanted to cease entirely so that he didn't have to think didn't have to hurt didn't have to _live_ only his hands were burning and the light from the stars was growing brighter and brighter and hurting until their silver brilliance scorched away the black and he was screaming in agony—

" _Subaru-kun!_ "

—suddenly he was _here_ , here and shaking so violently he thought he would fall apart and there was solidity beneath him and heat and strong hands on either side of his face as he stared wildly up into amber-gold eyes—

"Look at me. Subaru-kun, _look at me_ this is what's real—"

—he jerked up with a cry and flung his arms around Seishirou's neck.

Time slowed, spread out like calming water. It wasn't enough for Subaru. The confusion, the disorientation of then and now, grief and respite, everything flooded over him making the sheer relief he felt so acute as to almost be torture and all he could do was weep. He shivered with cold; he clung to Seishirou the way a stranded survivor clings to driftwood, burying his face in warm, dark green wool as he uncontrollably sobbed barely feeling the way Seishirou held him close because Seishirou was _here_ , he was alive – and real.

Seishirou was whispering something against his ear. Caught up in heartache and the onset of shock, Subaru wasn't listening.

 

* * *

 

"You look upset," commented Hokuto. They were sitting in the reserve section of the shinkansen to Kyōto, Hokuto in the aisle seat, Subaru staring silently out the window. Outside in the sunset light Tokyo's sea of buildings seemed to fall away in waves, parting like water from the bullet train cleaving through them. "Is it because you didn't manage to see Sei-chan before leaving?"

Subaru didn't answer. He'd gotten home last night home before she did, and so drained was he that he had gone straight to bed. No doubt Hokuto would have looked in on him when she eventually returned from her social outing, but even had Subaru not been asleep already he would have pretended to be so simply to avoid dealing with any questions. Perhaps she had assumed he had spent the whole day working and was exhausted, for she had let him sleep until noon only waking him for lunch. After that they had been kept busy packing and preparing the apartments for their absence … one day, maybe, Subaru would tell her the truth about confronting Seishirou yesterday, but not yet. Hokuto sighed. "I suppose these things happen. Though you'd think that he would have made _time_ to see you off, in which case we might have had a lift to Shinagawa instead of having to taxi."

Subaru made himself speak. "We shouldn't presume so much on Seishirou-san doing things for us, Hokuto-chan."

"I know, I know, but would have been a good bonus. Ah well, if he was busy at work I suppose it can't be helped." With a little grunt she shifted the suitcase that was sitting on the floor between them to fit better – it had been open to them as Sumeragi to go for the green car but as Hokuto had put it taking the most expensive option for a two hour trip was rather outrageous especially for a pair of high school students – then fell back into her seat with a sigh. "Have to admit, though, it'd be nice to stay in Tokyo for once and see a new year in with Sei-chan and other friends for a change. What's Sei-chan doing for New Years, I suppose he's also going off to see his family?"

 _For the Sakurazukamori, the succession ritual is to kill our predecessor_ … Subaru's jaw tightened. "Maybe."

"In which case there wouldn't have been much point in us spending New Years in Tokyo. Though Sei-chan's never _spoken_ about any of his family – other than being a Sakurazuka of course." Subaru didn't trust himself to reply to this, and soon felt Hokuto give him a Look. "You know, Subaru, there's only so long we can go without telling Obaa-chama about Sei-chan, especially if you're taking the relationship seriously."

Relationship. Did one even exist in this time? Subaru didn't know …

 

_"Here." Dully Subaru looked up at the steaming mug held before him, the dark green of the sweater behind it. "Drink it; even if you're not thirsty it'll warm you up."_

_The mug waited insistently, the fingers holding it brooking no argument. Slowly Subaru reached out of the blanket's shroud to obey; he wasn't shaking anymore but his fingers were still unsteady, and Seishirou kept a good grip on the mug until it was safely enclosed between Subaru's gloved hands. "Thank you," Subaru whispered; his throat felt raw.  
_

_"You're welcome. How are your hands?"_

_Subaru blinked; it took a moment for the question to sink in, and when it did only then did he realise that what he had thought was a mental echo of the injuries suffered Within was an actual physical throbbing on the backs of his hands, not quite sharp enough to be painful but certainly enough to be unpleasant. Without thinking he hooked his right thumb under the wrist of the left glove— "No, don't take them off," said Seishirou, and Subaru automatically stopped, "I won't have your grandmother's magic activated in my home, but when you get the opportunity to check you're likely to find burn lines where the marks are. You were rather hard to wake up."_

_"… oh." A brief pause. "I'm sorry."_

_Seishirou didn't reply. Uneasily Subaru sipped his tea, trying not to think about his hands. He sensed Seishirou step away – for a moment Subaru hoped that he was going to sit down on the couch beside him but no, instead the man went to lean against the adjacent chair. Subaru felt a pang of disappointment. He had been loathe to let Seishirou go earlier, and considering what had just happened … "What about you?" he asked hesitantly. "Are you all right?"_

_"Me? I'm perfectly fine. Your defences are rather polite in that all they want is to drive people out."_

_"Did you See what you wanted?"_

_"I saw enough."_

_Such controlled words. Subaru almost dreaded his next question. "Do you remember anything?"_

_"No."_

_Long silence, even longer shadows. Subaru stared into his barely touched tea wondering why he wasn't dropping it. Then he heard a sigh. "It's late. You're going to Kyōto tomorrow; you should get some rest and recover. Finish your tea and I'll drive you home."_

_That was it. After all that effort, after everything he had risked and suffered in letting the Sakurazukamori Within him, this was all Seishirou would say. Squeezing his eyes shut Subaru put his mug of tea on the floor and stood to get his shoes …_

 

The lines could be felt through the leather gloves like whip welts; restless, Subaru ran fingers over the back of his left hand tracing the five-pointed star, vaguely aware in the window's reflection of the way Hokuto, tactfully realising her brother wasn't in the mood for talk, settled down with a fashion magazine. Last night he had become lost in his own mind to the point that he had almost died again, or, at the very least, sunk to such depths of himself that he might never have woken up. Seishirou had saved him from that, saved him then sent him home as if his actions had been nothing at all. And to think that already the year was almost over …

Amber sunset turned to black as the shinkansen hurtled into a tunnel. Subaru shuddered, turned away from the window, and tried to lose himself sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Christmas in Japan isn't a national holiday, but it's been appropriated from the West as another excuse for festivals and is seen as a 'romantic' night for couples. Beethoven's Ninth 'Ode to Joy' Symphony is usually played in Japan on Christmas Eve, and it's that which Hokuto is singing (albeit not in German).  
> \- At the beginning of the 1990's platforms were undergoing a revival and working their way into everything from platform boots to platform sneakers. I don't see Hokuto in chunky boots or any kind of sneaker, but a pair of neat Mary-Jane platforms on a not-quite-stiletto-thin heel in black patent leather would do her very nicely, and it, like most things Hokuto is described as wearing in this fic, is actually based off a pair I have in my wardrobe.  
> \- In December 1990 the US dollar bought approximately ¥134, so Hokuto's shoes are worth over US$300 (and yes, I have paid out similar amounts for dress shoes and used exactly Hokuto's "investment" reasoning to justify them).  
> \- Hokuto's comment about being 'Christmas cake' refers to Japanese women who are approaching thirty and are still unmarried. Cake shops always try to sell all their Christmas cakes before Christmas Eve, and any left over are viewed as being very old or past sell-by date; hence the metaphor for single women who are 'left on the shelf.'  
> \- Stockholm Syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in abducted hostages in which the hostage bonds emotionally with the hostage-taker, despite the danger the hostage-taker poses to them. It's usually discussed in reference with other tensions such as battered person's syndrome, rape cases and child abuse.  
> \- There is some evidence in Western society there is a higher incidence of suicide around Christmas.  
> \- Regarding the timetable for the Bet, the exact dates aren't known. The only concrete dates we get in Tokyo Babylon are in book 1 and 2, when Subaru sees Mitsuki in 'Dream' but towards the end of the manga Hokuto's clothes get somewhat lighter implying the onset of spring, hence my interpretation of the Bet's timetable to end sometime in February before Subaru and Hokuto turn seventeen.  
> \- The Tokaido Shinkansen between Tokyo to Kyōto departs Tokyo out of Shinagawa Station, and takes just over two hours.


	2. Resolve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going Within Subaru wasn't a decision he was regretting but he had certainly gotten a lot more than he had bargained for.

The drive to Subaru's apartment was silent, dark save for the street and traffic lights. After what the young man had been through – what they had both been through, actually – it was understandable, but that understanding didn't make the atmosphere any less tense. As the driver Seishirou focused on the road deliberately not thinking about anything that had just transpired, and it wasn't long before they arrived at their destination. With practiced ease Seishirou rolled the van to a stop right outside the apartment building pulling up the handbrake but leaving the engine running. He made no move to get out. "We're here," he said neutrally.

There was no reaction. Subaru simply sat huddled in the passenger seat as if he had dozed off. He hadn't, of course; Seishirou could see him staring dully at an imaginary spot on the glove compartment. Seishirou sighed, just audibly. "We're here, Subaru-kun," he repeated, still neutral. "Don't fall asleep here, the faster you get inside the faster you can get to bed and rest."

Slowly Subaru turned to look at him for a long moment, green eyes dull and unhappy. Seishirou met it with a sunny smile. It worked; Subaru sighed, unclipped his seat-belt and opened the door to slump out without saying a word. Seishirou was tempted to call out something, have a good time in Kyōto maybe, but refrained from doing so – they had already revealed far too much to each other tonight, though luckily for Seishirou it was unlikely that Subaru had been paying attention. Instead, he simply watched Subaru heave the van door shut before dragging himself up the path to his apartment building. His shoulders were hunched; he looked defeated and vulnerable, so although it probably wasn't expected of him Seishirou waited until Subaru was safely inside before driving off. Ever the consummate, Seishirou maintained his face of blandness until he turned the corner and was out of sight. Then he dropped it.

Seishirou was not smiling.

He drove. Drove and drove keeping a cruising pace that flirted with the speed limit. He knew the road home well enough to drive it half asleep, which left his mind ample freedom to prowl and see once again the end of the Bet and the end of the world and everything in between. Above all, he saw a darker, almost broken Subaru. Subaru, who hunted and dreamed of Seishirou, who for all intents and purposes had rejected living if not for Seishirou, who for nine years could think of nothing but Seishirou. Nine years that either existed only as a product of an incredibly detailed imagination, or nine years that Seishirou didn't remember.

Seishirou had a bad feeling it was the latter.

The approaching traffic light turned amber. It was too far ahead for Seishirou to reasonably speed through so he slowed the van bringing it to a standstill at the line just as the light went red. This was the last light before home, and Seishirou tapped his fingers on the wheel seeing but not seeing the red light. A red brighter than blood. Seishirou had plenty of blood all over his past, but Subaru had blood scattered through the memories of his future. Their future.

Four, three, two – now the opposing light was amber. Seishirou made a sudden decision. Releasing the brake he pulled the steering wheel clockwise as far as it would go and crossed into the right lane just as his light turned green, pulling through the corner and accelerating briefly until he hit Yasakuni-dori where he turned once more. At this hour of the night there was little traffic even on this main road which meant he could push the speed limit and break it when necessary to beat the lights; he had what was usually the better part of half hour's drive ahead and Seishirou wanted to make it as quick as possible so he could think as little as possible. There was, however, only so much he could do …

 

_"This is how it ended." Subaru's disembodied voice was soft, bitter and without echo. "This is what you did to me, this is how you broke my heart. This is how you changed me forever."_

_Seishirou barely heard this, focused, as he was, on what was playing out before him. The Sakura, full and glorious in a way that only Subaru could imagine, was slowly taking the rag-doll that was the younger – truly younger – Subaru into its wood, and there was himself also, right eye swathed in bandages, smiling and speaking oddly familiar words of betrayal and the nothingness of the heart. Was that what he sounded like; was that how he looked when killing? Why did he only have one eye? The whole thing was fascinating, for Seishirou had at times imagined what it would be like when the Bet ended and how he would approach it, and his imaginings had not been dissimilar to this. Did that mean the Bet really had already happened?_

_Cold. The black void of Subaru's inner space was recalling something. Suddenly the ensnared child-Subaru and half-blinded Seishirou disappeared leaving only the Sakura for a brief moment before a figure melted out of the darkness. Short black hair, white ceremonial robes … for a moment Seishirou thought it was Subaru again, but the darkness around him was cringing, rippling with distress, and Seishirou realised that no, it wasn't Subaru, it was Hokuto-chan, wearing the robes of her family with defiant pride as she came to face the Sakura and the dark figure standing beneath its flowers. Once again Seishirou examined himself, the black suit he wore that he was certain hung somewhere in his wardrobe already, and the milky-white right eye. Blind. Apparently whatever wound he was supposed to be receiving in future was going to be permanent, which was rather worrying._

_In the memory Hokuto was now confronting him beneath the Tree. Seishirou watched himself watch her as she stated her purpose – never would she let him hurt her brother, never, never – and shocked him with her request for death. Shocked him both then and now; even though Seishirou had been told that he killed Hokuto, to see it happening before him was something else entirely. He could understand why he would have obliged her, though … the death blow came now, an effortless stab of his hand through her body that made him restlessly rub his fingers together trying to once again feel the girl's blood, while all around him the blackness of Subaru's mind was screaming Hokuto's name though whether it was part of the memory or Subaru himself it was unclear. Probably the latter, for the mindscape was roiling in horror and reaching out to the memory as if to stop what was happening_ – what happened to your control, Subaru-kun? – _forcing Seishirou to duck and dodge and—_

 _He fell. Fell as if off a high cliff dropping through Subaru's memories like clouds: Subaru arguing with his grandmother, Subaru smoking, Subaru on various jobs he took no pride in, Subaru alone in bed at night, they flashed by sometimes lasting for a split second and sometimes lingering, snapshots of a life that had ceased to take joy in living. The deeper Seishirou went the more unsettled Subaru's mind became but still he persisted with grim determination. Soon there were memories of dreams, vivid and sharp, tingeing the darkness red with blood and heat and … oh, this was entertaining. Subaru couldn't kill him, far from it, he_ wanted _Seishirou, wanted him not just emotionally but physically and in ways that Subaru would probably die of shame to acknowledge. Riveted Seishirou watched the products of Subaru's imagination, the way he made his fantasies of Seishirou kiss him and touch him and take him, so starkly different to the restrained, almost prudish person he was in real life. Amusing, really, especially since Seishirou had long recognised his own desire for Subaru, and made all the more delicious by the moments between the dreams where Subaru remembered waking in horror and shame and guilt. Certainly Seishirou was going to have to take note of what he was seeing …_

 _He came to a memory more solid than the rest. Obviously this was going to be something significant. Warily Seishirou approached the scene as it took shape before him: moonlight, a bed, a mirror off-side with a shattered face. There was dust on the mirror's shards and a figure – Subaru – in the bed. Subaru, alone and restless, dreaming, no doubt, of the fantasies Seishirou had already seen. Suddenly he thrashed himself awake, green eyes wide and face flushed as he gasped for air … if Seishirou had not known the context he could have taken Subaru's expression for arousal, and his supposition probably wasn't far off the mark. It didn't last long, but; trembling, Subaru curled over himself as if his entire body were fist, only to catch sight of the broken mirror. A rise in tension, a decision made_ – "it would be so easy to end it" – _and like a cripple Subaru crawled out of the bed onto the floor towards the shattered mirror. He grasped a glass shard pressing it to his wrist and Seishirou's breath caught – surely not, surely Subaru couldn't do this to himself – without thinking Seishirou reached out wanting to see his prey's face, wanting this to stop only to realise his mistake as the mindscape began to quake …_

 

Carelessness, sheer utter carelessness. Whatever had possessed him to touch Subaru when Within like that? It had been a stupid move, stupid and dangerous, for the moment he had done so he had made himself an actor in Subaru's mind instead of a mere observer, and worse still it had pushed Subaru to lose grasp of what was and wasn't real, panicking to the point that all of Seishirou's attempts to keep him calm had been useless. What had followed had been a perfect storm of psychological defences desperately lashing out at any perceived threat, while Subaru himself had been trapped in a destructive downward spiral of his memories blurring surreally into each other. Any other onmyouji would have at that point chosen to get out and wake the subject, but not Seishirou. Oh no, he, reckless and confident in his abilities, had stayed Within watching Subaru fall and letting the rest of Subaru's memories play out because, damn it, he wanted to see the Final Day and he wanted to know. Unsurprisingly most of what Seishirou had seen he hadn't liked. What was surprising, however, was the extent of his dislike …

 

 _The last of the doves was broken, dissolving back into the stuff of dreams. Safe for the moment Seishirou, projecting himself in the form of a hawk so as to not provoke Subaru, spread torn wings to soar back towards the heart of Subaru's mindscape. Unstable as it now was with memories warping and unable to be sustained for anything more than heartbeats the past was continuing to play out and Seishirou wanted – no,_ needed _– to see it all. Piercing eyes swept the scene before him: Subaru, bloodied and sprawled backwards over a pile of rubble, unable to defend himself as the young man, the one who just earlier Seishirou had seen wielding the Shinken to kill a girl, approached to finish off— "You," croaked out Subaru, "why do you and Seishirou-san—"_

_"—look so much alike?" The Dark Kamui smiled thinly as he reached down to grasp Subaru's hair and yank his head back. His other hand was raised up like a spear. "It's because you Wished it."_

_The hand stabbed downwards, plunging fingers into – no. No no_ no. _How_ dare _he, how_ dare _the Dark Kamui even_ touch _the prey clearly marked as his let alone cause such blatant damage – he snarled in fury as Subaru collapsed, right eye no longer a beautiful emerald green but smashed and weeping blood—_

 

Car horn – the sedan he'd just cut off was angrily expressing its opinion of his driving, something Seishirou barely registered as he accelerated to leave it behind. Already he could see that the irregular mass of city lights ahead had begun to split, bisected by a patch of darkness in its midst. As Seishirou drew closer the dark patch grew wider, looming and made all the blacker by the ambient glow that permanently stained the skies of cities, until eventually it had pushed the lights entirely aside. Slowing to a pace more observant of the speed limit Seishirou turned onto Shinobazu-dori and followed it north, lights on his left and darkness on his right, before turning off into Ikenohata. Here his speed slowed even further, and he wound his way through the back streets to the university where he could find a place to park. Given the proximity to the zoo anyone spotting the van would probably assume it was there on business, however Seishirou laid an illusion over the van anyway changing its license plate and obscuring the 'Sakurazuka Veterinary Clinic' sign; it would be best to avoid being placed here entirely and if nothing else he could get out of any parking tickets. That done Seishirou pocketed his keys and began to walk letting the shadows swallow him whole; at this late hour there weren't any people about but there were exceptions – the homeless, the odd night-owl of a walker, nearby residents on their way home from the station – so Seishirou stayed away from the well-used walkways concealing his presence out of ingrained habit so that even the stray cats didn't notice his passing. Only one entity in Ueno Park was aware of him. It always was.

_I'm back._

The Sakura was located on a slight rise not far from the Grand Fountain. Stripped of flowers and foliage it looked like any other large tree in winter, which was an illusion of course for the Sakura bloomed all year round, sustained by nearly a thousand years of blood. A thousand years in spirit, at least; corporeally this was the second Sakura, planted over four centuries ago when it became apparent the country's power centre was shifting to Edo, and a descendant of the original tree in Kyōto. The Kyōto tree was long gone of course, ruthlessly cut down after the ritual to move the Sakura's spirit east, for the Sakurazukamori pragmatically did not believe in holding onto the past for the sake of it; if something was not needed for future it was a burden best destroyed lest it hold one back. In contrast the Sumeragi were still stubbornly ensconced in Kyōto, adhering, no doubt, to the policy that in the absence of a clear imperial edict the ancient city was still the country's capital. Despite all evidence to the contrary.

Seishirou smiled grimly as he pressed his palm against the wood. Actually, now that he thought about it, the differing attitudes of the two families in that respect said a lot about their differing values.

He began to climb, hands and feet finding holds by memory. The Sakura greeted him as he ascended by brushing invisible flowers against his cheek and enfolding him in warmth which Seishirou greatly appreciated – he had neglected to wear his coat out and the December night was sharp. Nearly three metres up the Sakura's central trunk began to fork and in doing so had formed a sort of half-open cradle, one lined with years of old leaves and flowers and big enough even for a man of Seishirou's height to comfortably recline in if he sat back in the nook where he was mostly enclosed on three sides and stretched his legs out along a thick low-angled branch. Such a place would have presented a wonderful temptation for energetic children but since the Sakura subtly discouraged any exploration closer than a hanami picnic it was known only to the Sakurazukamori, and it was in this that Seishirou finally came to rest. No one would see him there of course, for even without the Sakura's concealing illusion it was too dark and in any case Seishirou had long learnt that people very rarely looked to see what was above their heads unless they had reason to. Secure and comfortable he settled against the Sakura and stared out over the park letting his breathing slowly deepen. Calm.

Now, he could think. About a lot of things.

First off, the time reversal. Thus far Seishirou had given Subaru's claim the benefit of the doubt without actually believing it, but he had a bad feeling that was going to have to change. The possibility that Subaru had created everything Seishirou had seen Within was becoming less viable by the second – first of all Subaru didn't make up stories because honesty aside he just didn't have the imagination for it, but secondly while watching Subaru's memories Seishirou had to reluctantly admit to sometimes experiencing a sense of déjà vu. The déjà vu had never resolved into anything definite, much to his frustration, but there had been times when it had been undeniable. Like at the end of the Bet, Hokuto's death, and Nakano. Like the Dark Kamui taking out Subaru's eye.

Like when they had died.

 

_He soared through infinite space, still imagined in the shape of a hawk and searching for Subaru. He was no longer being attacked which was a vast improvement but also signalled the final turn for the worst: Subaru's mind was quieting the way death throes eventually quiet before ceasing. If Seishirou didn't wake Subaru from this very soon the boy wouldn't be waking up at all …_

_"So. This is how it ends."_

_There – Seishirou banked towards the oddly calm, even conversational voice, not realising until he spotted the pair of figures surrounded by silent grey flames that the it was his own. "Any regrets?" he heard himself say._

_The white figure that was Subaru looked almost impossibly fragile, especially with his right eye covered by gauze. Seishirou found the bandage jarring. "How could I not have any?" was the quiet reply._

_"Of course."_

_So this was the end or at least, the end as far as the two of them were concerned. The two Kamui who Seishirou expected to star as the main event were conspicuous by their complete absence. It was rather flattering to know that he had Subaru's attention so completely ... he let himself drop angling to get a closer look as Subaru asked, "What about you?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_His own voice, perfectly light and unconcerned – but Seishirou knew himself well. He knew how easy it was to put on that voice and how he used it as a cover— "After seventeen years, Seishirou-san, can you still say that you cannot differentiate me from a glass? Can you still say that you feel nothing?"_

_"For you?"_

_"…Yes."_

_A soft laugh. "You're so cute, Subaru-kun."_

_The black sunglasses prevented him from seeing his own face. Seishirou hissed in frustration but unless he wanted to disturb the memory and destablise Subaru even more was unable to do anything except listen as he thoughtfully said, "I'm … disappointed that our game has to end. It was one of the few interesting things in my life."_

_"And me?"_

_He watched the sunglasses fix on Subaru's face as the smile beneath them widened. "For you … it is what a child feels for a favourite toy he cannot live without."_

_Truth, blunt, cold and cruel. Seishirou was surprised he had admitted to it so readily, but then again considering their time was about to end the truth was useless to Subaru and Seishirou knew it was only because it was useless that he had allowed it to be said. Still, just because he could understand his reasons didn't mean he was comfortable with them and the damned sunglasses weren't helping at all ... he turned his attention to Subaru, expecting the young man to exhibit something broken and was rewarded as pain bloomed over the bandaged face – but only for a moment. As Seishirou watched the pain shifted, melting as the one visible eye widened in disbelief and parted lips inexplicably lifted into … a smile? Yes, for some reason Subaru was smiling even while tears were gathering; it was beautiful, nonsensical, and Seishirou felt his breath catch with familiarity as Subaru took a step towards him. No, not him, the memory of him. The memory that was now receiving the glory of Subaru's joy. "You answered the question," Subaru whispered._

_Stop. Seishirou realised he wasn't breathing as what Subaru said sank in like a knife. Inside him something clenched and twisted as Subaru's memory of him deliberately removed the sunglasses to reveal exactly the shock he was feeling except unlike him who had the urge to strike out the illusion was smiling softly as he replied, "I suppose I did."_

_He didn't recognise himself. He didn't recognise this man who wore his face and looked at Subaru-kun with an expression of such … what? Longing? Wistfulness? Seishirou couldn't recognise it and he certainly couldn't name it, but whatever that expression was it shook him to the core especially when Subaru came forward to trap him in an embrace, one that the memory of Seishirou hesitantly returned burying his face in Subaru's hair— "Shall we end this?"_

_"…yes."_

_—he knew it was all about to end now, that in moments Subaru would be pinioned on his arm and Subaru's shikigami would be burning through his heart, he had to stop this quickly for if Subaru died in mind he would die for real and in any case he couldn't stand the sight of Subaru holding onto an illusion. Wings stretched, a piercing battle-cry as his imagined form prepared to attack, and then he was diving talons ready to kill this, this_ puppet _of himself, this puppet to which Subaru clung so tightly and whose incomprehensible expression filled him with such hostility – he struck hard, sending the memory of himself stumbling woodenly away from Subaru who cried out in horror, something he was barely aware of as he viciously clawed at his own face to tear it to pieces before the ofuda flew at him to turn the world white—_

_—jolting back to reality with the inexplicable knowledge that Subaru's hair had smelt of smoke and musk—_

 

Seishirou's eyes narrowed; the thin silhouettes of branches over his head looked uncomfortably like cracks in the sky. Going Within Subaru wasn't a decision he was regretting but he had certainly gotten a lot more than he had bargained for, and as distasteful as it was to admit somewhere some part of him had recognised the events he had seen Within Subaru, a realisation that he had been profoundly disturbed to put into words but now that he had it could not be undone. That meant that like it or not, he was going to have to face the possibility that not only was there was a big reset button for the universe, someone or something out there had pressed it.

Maybe that had been the point of the Final Day. If that were true and humanity was obviously still around and kicking, that would mean that Seishirou's side had lost.

Seishirou wasn't sure what to think about that. After all, déjà vu or not he still wasn't actually remembering anything.

 _Why_ didn't he remember when Subaru did?!

Branches stirred uneasily in the still air. The Sakura was expressing what could be taken as a question about Seishirou's mood, something it had been doing rather often as of late which was uncharacteristic because usually Seishirou's relationship with the Sakura was one of undemanding respect, intimate in the way two old friends can sit in silence and know that regardless of time or distance the other will always be there ready to give. It was a trust that didn't rely on words, and just as Seishirou trusted the Sakura to look after their interests so the Sakura trusted Seishirou to take care of himself. For the Sakura to so obviously show concern was another indication of just how serious the situation with Subaru had become. Bad enough that Subaru had deceived him for so long, even worse that he couldn't remember the years leading up to the Final Day, but on top of it all was the implications of what it all meant. If Seishirou accepted that he had already lived this life, it meant accepting that he had also already died, specifically _killed._ The Sakurazukamori could only be killed by the person they loved.

Seishirou had been killed by Subaru.

 

_"Shall we end this?"_

_"… Yes."_

 

No. No, no, _no._ He refused to accept it. He was _Sakurazukamori_ , dark onmyouji and guardian of the cherry blossom burial mound, and as such he did not love or hate or do any of those other emotional things that betrayed and drove the actions of other people. Unlike _them_ Seishirou had an unwavering sense of self and was subject only to his own conscious will; he would not allow himself to be influenced by anything or anyone. The ability to know his own mind without a shadow of self-doubt – that was what gave him power both as an onmyouji and as a man—

 

_"After seventeen years, Seishirou-san, can you still say that you cannot differentiate me from a glass? Can you still say that you feel nothing?"_

 

—except now he was missing nine years of his first life. Nine years worth of memories and experiences, of witnessing humanity's developments, the absence of which put him at a severe disadvantage in the Bet against Subaru. Possibly even a fatal disadvantage. All capped off with the revelation that contrary to personal belief, love was not the absolute impossibility he had thought it was.

For the first time, Seishirou realised that it was possible for him to lose.

He swore through his teeth. No, to love, to lose, that was completely and utterly unacceptable. This was _his_ game, he had started it and damn it, he would finish it and _win_. So he might have felt something for Subaru in that other life, so what? That had been in the context of the Final Day, an extreme situation where he would have known that dying at the hands of his opposite was almost a given so perhaps it wasn't unforeseeable that he had admitted some kind of feeling for Subaru. This, however, was _now_. Now, even if he had to grudgingly recognise that he wasn't incapable of love he did not feel anything of the sort. And if Seishirou had his way – which he usually did – regardless of whatever had happened that past life he never would. He didn't want to.

All this meant only one thing.

Subaru had to lose the Bet.

Seishirou found this conclusion all very well and good. On the other hand, it was also complicated in that it conflicted with the Bet's terms and the promises he had made to Subaru in the MS Institute. Pride against defeat was one thing, but Seishirou also had pride in his word and it was something he took very seriously. Words were powerful, they created rules and obligations, and since the only authority Seishirou respected was his own his words were the only limits that he recognised and adhered to. He took care with what he said, and for all that Subaru accused him of lying it wasn't that black-and-white: calling himself a veterinarian wasn't the entire truth but it certainly wasn't a lie, and saying "I love you" to Subaru when being 'Sakurazuka Seishirou-sensei' wasn't exactly a lie because it was true for that character. Lies were easy, but it took a master to spin illusions with depth and subtlety so that from certain points of view they were actually true, and Seishirou took pride in his art. He did _not_ contradict himself.

So, what to do? How to reconcile his determination that Subaru should lose with the fact that there was still about two months left in the Bet, not to mention his promise to do everything possible to love Subaru? Well, that could be a matter of interpretation. The way Seishirou saw things it wasn't as if he was completely precluding Subaru from winning, rather that he had just made it harder. In that first life the Bet had been something of an experiment to see whether he was capable of love in the first place; as such, he had been generally unbiased towards Subaru. This time, however, since he already knew love wasn't impossible he was now taking a position against Subaru which significantly _reduced_ the boy's chances of winning, but didn't rule it out entirely. All Subaru had to do was play a better game at being lovable.

That hadn't been happening much. Correction actually, it hadn't been happening, period. For all his noise about wanting to win the Bet Subaru was showing a surprising lack of enthusiasm what with his resentful moodiness, and the apology aside Seishirou wasn't quite sure what to make of it. After all, Subaru had sounded so earnest that night …

 

_"I said I love you. I'm continuing the Bet because I want you by my side."_

 

Love. It had been something of a shock to be told that, not in a bad sense but just because it had been so utterly unexpected. The Bet was all about Seishirou, an experiment to test his capacity or lack thereof for emotion, and until that night the idea that his prey could develop feelings from their so-called relationship had never entered Seishirou's mind. It definitely put things in a very different light, though.

 

_"These marks signify that I belong to you and I do, more completely than you ever anticipated."_

 

Seishirou smiled, and, as always whenever he thought about that moment (often) quietly chuckled part in amusement and part in disbelief. To be loved – no, to have that kind of _power_ over someone, it was something he had never contemplated. He couldn’t believe Subaru had given him such a valuable weapon but now that he had it he fully intended on using it. He wanted Subaru to lose, lose not just in the usual sense of the word but _badly_ , worse than last time if possible for his pride would settle for nothing less. What's more, he wanted Subaru to _hurt_. Having Subaru's love would just make this all the easier, particularly when Subaru's admission of virginity and those _very_ interesting fantasies of his were taken into account. In _that_ respect Seishirou could certainly distinguish himself from his first life, and since he was committed to seeing out the Bet anyway he may as well enjoy himself.

And Subaru would _be_ enjoyable. Physically the boy was exquisite, lithe and deceptively delicate, with the stark contrast of pale skin and ebony hair setting off a pair of green eyes like the rarest of emeralds. Graceful hands that could now touch a corpse without hesitation, and a body that resisted Seishirou in public places while yearning for him in private dreams. The boy could be anyone's object of desire, and the idea that he could claim such beauty for himself completely made Seishirou wet his lips anticipating not only the opportunity to appreciate, but to break. It would be challenging to seduce Subaru of course given how skittish he was but Seishirou was confident that eventually he would succeed, particularly if he took his cues from what he had seen Within Subaru's mind. Come to think of it, Subaru would probably even be the type to mix sexual intimacy with emotional intimacy – now _that_ would raise the stakes, and more importantly, make the Bet's end all the more devastating.

Seishirou was rather looking forward to telling Subaru he had lost again. Almost as much as killing him.

He sighed, relaxing into the Sakura's support. Already he felt better about his situation, which although far from ideal was definitely looking much improved. No longer would he remain defensively on the back foot; now was prepared to deal with Subaru and there would _no_ repeat of his humiliation at the MS Institute. Presuming Subaru wasn't hiding anything else about that past life from him, of course.

There was the sticking point. Invaluable as it was to be loved and have that kind of influence over Subaru, whether it was enough to counter Seishirou's lack of memory was yet to be seen. Subaru could not have told him everything about the future, and of course it was impossible for Seishirou to know what had been left out. The disclosure that Subaru was already aware of the Sakurazukamori succession ritual had been a nasty surprise, and while in that case Seishirou could probably thank chance that Subaru didn’t know that _other_ detail about the Sakurazukamori only being killed by their beloved the chance of being similarly ambushed in future was something Seishirou did not like one bit. What else didn't he know? Subaru had spent those nine years obsessively hunting for him, but what had he been doing? Had that small admission to his prey on the Final Day come about only because he knew that Subaru was about to kill him, or was there something more? What had he done to lose half his sight?

If only he could remember …

Warm wood closing around him. Seishirou found himself shutting his eyes, fatigue hitting all at once which probably wasn't surprising given everything that had happened, and the prospect of walking through the cold park plus a long drive back suddenly felt very unappealing. He could stay where he was a little longer … with a yawn he nestled down into the Sakura's embrace; he sometimes napped here after a job when he couldn't be bothered making the trip home, and while not as comfortable as a proper bed it was perfectly serviceable and more importantly, perfectly secure. Nothing living or dead could touch him here the Sakura wouldn't allow it, though dreams were possibly another matter …

Quiet breaths deepening to calm. Seishirou was asleep.

 

* * *

 

Like a parent covering a child the Sakura drew protectively around its Sakurazukamori, warming and filling the spaces between branches with flowers that were visible to none but the man now slumbering in their midst. They rustled uneasily, uncomfortable with way Seishirou's dreaming mind was circling the green-eyed onmyouji that had tried to exorcise it a few years ago – indeed, uncomfortable with the fact that Seishirou was dreaming in the first place. The Sakura had seen generations of Sakurazukamori over its centuries, each of whom had believed himself or herself untouchable until they met the one person they would in their own way come to love, who would inevitably kill and succeed them, and it was well aware of the signs that foreshadowed such a fall. For some the fall was hard and fast – Setsuka for one, lost the moment she laid eyes on the son she birthed and so driven to madness when he was taken from her – whereas for others the fall was more gradual, like a slow poison only noticed when it was too late for any antidote. Either way the end result was the same: falling in love for the Sakurazukamori was the signing of their death warrant. There was no right or wrong to this as far as the Sakura was concerned, rather, it was simply part of the process for renewal, but whereas in the past the Sakura had been indifferent to the Sakurazukamori's chosen this time was different. This time the Sakurazukamori's chosen was a practitioner, and not just any practitioner but _the_ practitioner, the one whose power so was like and so antithetical to theirs. Had the Sakura been anything resembling human it may have thought that this was abhorrent. As it was, the Sakura simply knew that this was not supposed to be.

Sakurazukamori and Sumeragi. Two opposites on either side of an equal balance, two sides of the same coin. They could see each other, touch each other, even kill each other for that was allowed. But for one to _become_ the other? No. Such an event would be against the order the Sakura maintained and should not happen. At present Seishirou was yet to realise the implications of his choices but it was only a matter of time …

Dreams of regret and a blackened and bleeding sky. They had no meaning for the Sakura which cared little for the past, alternate or otherwise, except that they disturbed the Sakurazukamori's already unsettled rest … unconsciously Seishirou frowned and the Sakura continued weaving its protections, taking steps to ensure not only that Seishirou's dreams wouldn't be remembered on waking but that the memories behind them remained sealed. Hoping as much as something inhuman can hope to delay the inevitable as long as possible – or at least, until after the Sumeragi was safely dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I've been in Ueno Park several times and on my last trip to Japan actually stayed in a hotel that was literally across the road from the Shinobazu-no-ike meaning I could walk into the Park at night time for an after-dark stroll. Which I did.  
> \- Kyōto was established as the capital of Japan in 794 AD upon imperial edict from Emperor Kammu who relocated the capital there from Nagaoka after a series of natural disasters. It remained the country's capital for over a thousand years however during the Tokugawa era (1603-1868) Kyōto was merely the formal capital with real power being wielded from Edo, now modern day Tokyo. Although the imperial residence of the emperor was moved from Kyōto to Tokyo 1868, there was never an express imperial edict that formally made Tokyo the capital of Japan, which means that although no one will dispute Tokyo's position as the centre of national government from a certain point of view Kyōto is legally still the national capital.


	3. Annex VI - Support Staff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But I called up last month! I asked specifically for Sakurazuka-sensei and was told that ten thirty Wednesday the twenty-sixth of December was fine! You can't tell me he's not here!"

The woman with the Chihuahua was tall, rake-thin, and apparently hard of hearing. "But how can he not be in?" she demanded for the second time. "I've had this appointment set up for weeks, he has to be here!"

Fifty-six year old grandmother Tsuda Michiko kept up her smile and tried to explain. "I'm sorry, Murakami-san, but as I said Sakurazuka-sensei is not in this morning and therefore will be unable to perform the check-up."

"But I called up last month! I asked specifically for Sakurazuka-sensei and was told that ten thirty Wednesday the twenty-sixth of December was fine! You can't tell me he's not here!"

The woman's voice was rising with every word to the point that she was starting to sound like a cat set on fire. Somehow Michiko resisted wincing. "I'm sorry but he really isn't here, however please understand that it's because he's been called out for an emergency." Which wasn't true. For all Michiko knew Sakurazuka-sensei could have gone to Tokyo Disney for the day and forgotten to tell her he wasn't coming in, but as the receptionist it was her duty to cover for the boss whenever necessary. "It can't be helped and I'm very sorry—"

" _Sorry?_ " screeched Mrs. Murakami. "Sorry doesn't help! Sorry isn't going to change the fact that I've come here all the way from Roppongi for my dog's ten thirty appointment only to be told that the vet isn't available! It's unacceptable!"

 _Now_ Michiko winced, face burn and all; she hated conflict the way people hated doing taxes, and while nearly forty years in secretarial and receptionist roles meant she could handle things when need be it didn't mean she had to like it. Instead, she bowed deeply and said, "I acknowledge that what has happened is unacceptable, and I'm really very sorry. Thankfully your appointment is for a check-up rather than a treatment or operation, so perhaps Sakurazuka-sensei's assistant could see your pet?"

"The assistant? You mean that high school student?"

Quickly Michiko glanced through the clinic's glass door at Yukari outside. The young woman was helping an elderly couple get their Dalmatian and its plaster cast into a car so thankfully couldn't hear them, but while Michiko had worked long enough with Yukari to know her capabilities she had to admit that Mrs. Murakami's reaction was understandable. Yukari looked young for a twenty-one year old, and the impression wasn't helped by the way she had her long hair pulled up in a schoolgirl's ponytail and decorated with cute Totoro hairpins. "I assure you, Murakami-san, although Amemiya-san seems young she is currently studying for her university entrance exams, and she is very competent having worked in animal clinics throughout school aiming to become a vet. She's been learning a lot from Sakurazuka-sensei and is certainly capable of performing standard check-ups." Still Mrs. Murakami looked unimpressed, and Michiko began to falter. "Or, if that isn't acceptable, I can reschedule you to see Sakurazuka-sensei at any time at your convenience—"

"Reschedule me, then," said Mrs. Murakami snippily. "Same time first day after New Year's, and if that doesn't work then I'm taking my business somewhere else."

"I promise there will be no problem," Michiko reassured hastily, bowing once more. It got no acknowledgement from Mrs. Murakami other than 'hmpf' as she clutched her tiny dog to her chest turned around nose in the air. She swept out in a storm of fake fur and big hair just as Yukari was coming back in not even looking at the girl as Yukari bowed and held the door open. A cab happened to pass on the road outside which Mrs. Murakami hailed and got in, however Michiko didn't dare slump out of her forced straightness until she was sure that Mrs. Murakami was inside, and even then it was only when the cab drove away that she let herself sigh.

"Cranky customer?" Michiko looked up to find Yukari approaching the counter with a sympathetic smile. "Well, I suppose we can't really blame her. I mean, if I came in for an appointment with a doctor only to be told he was out I'd yell too."

"This one was more piecing than yelling," said Michiko tiredly, trying to calm down from the encounter. "And understandable doesn't make it any better. It's not my fault Sakurazuka-sensei isn't anywhere to be found."

Yukari made a face as she folded her arms and leaned on the counter. "So he still hasn't called?"

Michiko shook her head. "I'm getting concerned – usually if Sakurazuka-sensei is taking time off he lets us know beforehand."

" _Usually_. Given that Sakurazuka-sensei goes out for long lunches and takes breaks whenever he wants I can't say I'm too worried."

"Even though Sakurazuka-sensei is relaxed about work hours he only takes breaks when it isn't busy and he doesn't have any appointments," Michiko insisted. "And he always lets us know beforehand. This isn't like him."

"So you say, but you have to admit that he's not exactly intense about his job," Yukari pointed out. "He takes breaks whenever he wants and closes shop early if there aren't any customers, and he's even given us the whole upcoming weekend off as well as the usual three day New Year's holiday so we get an extra long break. You really have to wonder sometimes how he keeps this place going, or well, I do at least. _You_ probably know, you're the one that does the accounts."

"Only expenses and takings, I don't do business accounts. But the cash flow seems healthy enough to keep the practice going including our wages, though how Sakurazuka-sensei earns enough income for himself to live on is beyond me."

Yukari shrugged. "Eh, he's obviously managing and I'm getting a regular pay-check which is the important thing. And I'm not _that_ upset about Sakurazuka-sensei's slackness because it means I get more study time. But seriously, though, you sure he's not home sick or something?"

"If he was sick he would have called up to tell me to cancel his appointments, and I've already tried calling his apartment to check. No one's picked up. I think he's not even at home."

"Really? Huh. _Interesting_. Where else could he be?"

"I don't know. I'm worried; this isn't like him at all – do you think we should call the police?"

"The _police?_ " Yukari laughed, not unkindly but enough to make Michiko flush. "That's a bit extreme, even in TV dramas characters wait until the missing person has been gone for a whole day! No, Michiko-san, if you want to call anyone about Sakurazuka-sensei it's obvious who we should ring!"

"Who?"

"Sumeragi-kun and Hokuto-chan, of course! They're the ones that know Sakurazuka-sensei best, if anyone would have any idea where he's gone it would be them." Suddenly Yukari grinned widely. "Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if he's with them right now, or, more precisely, with Sumeragi-kun."

"Eh? Why do you say that?"

"I _mean_ that maybe the reason why Sakurazuka-sensei isn't home and hasn't come in for work is because he went to see Sumeragi-kun last night and decided to stay with him – or in him."

" _Yukari-san!_ " exclaimed Michiko, scandalised both at what Yukari had said and the ease with which she said it.

"What! I'll bet you a combi lunch set I'm right because it's the only thing that could logically explain Sakurazuka-sensei's not being here. Think about it, every time Sakurazuka-sensei takes a break from work it's so he can go off with Sumeragi-kun, and it's only natural that it eventually develop to skipping work entirely to spend time together. I mean, who _wouldn't_ choose cuddling in bed with their lover over work?"

The image that brought gave Michiko an uncomfortable flush; like Yukari she was well aware of their employer's relationship with the charming Sumeragi boy, however unlike Yukari who thought Sakurazuka-Sensei-And-Sumeragi-Kun were well, _cute_ , Michiko for her part tried to think about it as little as possible. "Even if he did visit Sumeragi-kun last night it doesn't mean he stayed over," she said primly, hoping to keep any discussion on the topic as short as possible; she had learnt the hard way when she was young that mixing work with the personal was never a good idea, particularly when it involved one's employer, and while the situation here was different in that Michiko had been nineteen when she had fallen pregnant to the much older and already married doctor she had first worked for she still maintained a policy of keeping work and personal lives cleanly separate, gossip included. "Sumeragi-kun is still too young for that sort of thing, and I'm sure Sakurazuka-sensei would respect that."

"Pfft. I remember when I was sixteen and trust me, young or not boys are raging hormones at that age," said Yukari dismissively. She had an air of certainty that implied familiarity with the subject. "And if that's the case with Sumeragi-kun then it's probably worse for poor Sakurazuka-sensei who must be frustrated waiting for him. Besides, you didn't see them yesterday morning – remember how Sumeragi-kun came over a bit after eleven? When Sakurazuka-sensei had finished operating on the grey tabby cat? _Aa~_ anyway Sumeragi-kun and Sakurazuka-sensei were in the surgery together, and I'm not sure what was going on but what I do know is that when I went inside to tell Sakurazuka-sensei the eleven-thirty appointment had arrived I must have interrupted something interesting because the way I saw it Sumeragi-kun was leaning backwards against the table all red and flushed and embarrassed and Sakurazuka-sensei was standing opposite against the wall as if they had just leapt apart grinning and looking _totally_ mischievous. Sakurazuka-sensei _did_ say that Sumeragi-kun was just leaving but _I_ think that was to give Sumeragi-kun an excuse because he was so obviously embarrassed that I had walked in on them that he ran out but anyway what I'm _saying_ is that Sakurazuka-sensei probably went to see Sumeragi-kun last night so they could pick up where they left off in which case he would have stayed up _really_ late and that's why he's not here this morning!"

Yukari, Michiko knew, had a tendency to speed-talk when excited, and this time was no exception. By the end of her rapid-fire reasoning she was going at the verbal equivalent of a bullet train and it was all Michiko could do just to hang on and listen to the end, at which point Yukari was wearing a triumphant smile that told Michiko there was going to be no convincing the girl otherwise of her theory. Instead, she decided now was the perfect time to sort through the pile of receipts on her desk; although not her place to approve or disapprove Michiko couldn't say her employer's personal life was something she was comfortable with and she didn't want to gossip about it any further. It wasn't just the fact that Sakurazuka-sensei was a twenty-five year old man and Sumeragi-kun an adolescent boy nine years younger, though that was awkward enough, but Sumeragi-kun was so sweet and lovely, and Sakurazuka-sensei was … what? An intelligent, amiable man, yes, a man any parent would love to meet, yes, but also a man that was a little, well, _inconsistent_. Michiko knew successful men, her thirty-six year old son was an engineer and she had worked all her life for various doctors, so she knew that for Sakurazuka-sensei to not only become a fully qualified veterinarian by the age of twenty-five but open his own private practice instead of interning at an established clinic he would have needed a great deal of drive and ambition, neither of which she had really seen while working for him. Yukari's comment about Sakurazuka-sensei's lack of intensity about work was right on the money: he _wasn't_ intense, he made no effort to expand his client base, he didn't mind that his appointment book was rarely full, and he was perfectly happy to close shop early whenever he felt like it while still paying Yukari and Michiko full wages every month. The whole thing didn't make sense and only added to Michiko's discomfort over Sakurazuka-sensei and Sumeragi-kun's relationship. Fond as she was of Sakurazuka-sensei, who was certainly the most easy-going employer she'd had, a boy as young and nice as Sumeragi-kun shouldn't be involved in anything more complicated than a high school crush and Michiko didn't want to see him hurt. Not that she was going to say anything, of course. She'd be a fool to jeopardise her position at Sakurazuka-sensei's clinic and besides, it wasn't as if Sumeragi-kun was discouraging Sakurazuka-sensei's attention. Better to keep her head down and stay out of it. It was none of her business anyway.

Yukari was still leaning on the counter watching Michiko keep her hands busy, apparently hoping for some reaction. When it became obvious none would be forthcoming she stretched her arms over her head and yawned loudly. "Well, if our boss is going to be playing hooky with his boyfriend then I'm going to do some study so I can take the New Year's break without feeling guilty," she announced. "How's the rest of our day looking?"

"Um …" Michiko went to scan the book. "Full; there's a kitten coming in for an examination and shots at eleven who should be turning up soon, and a sick dog coming in for a treatment at eleven thirty. After that we've got six bookings, first arriving at twelve thirty and the last at four. All check-ups and consultations, barring any emergency walk-ins of course."

" _Please_ don't let there be any emergency walk-ins," Yukari groaned fervently. "Minor wounds I can handle, but without Sakurazuka-sensei anything complicated will have to be sent somewhere else, and that's going to include the kitten and—" She broke off as the cat bells tied to the door handle jingled signalling an arrival. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath, earning a Look from Michiko that went unseen as she around with a very different expression. "Good morning, welcome to the Sakurazuka Veterinary clinic, how may oh my _god_ Sakurazuka-sensei!"

Immediately Michiko stood ram-rod straight and whipped her head around to look. Sure enough, there, unhurried and unconcerned, was Sakurazuka-sensei, smiling and holding the door open for a shorter man who carried an animal's travel cage in one hand and a five year old girl with the other. "Good morning Michiko-san, Yukari-san," said Sakurazuka-sensei pleasantly. "Sorry about my lateness this morning but at least I've gotten here just in time for Yamada-san's appointment. How's that, are we all inside out of the cold now?"

"Ah yes, thank you, thank you," said Mr. Yamada gratefully as his daughter piped up, "thank you senseii~i." The travel cage mewed.

"You're perfectly welcome, Juri-chan. Now, if you and your father will just take a seat there, and Yamada-san, once the paperwork is taken care of we'll get started with Kuroii-san. Yukari-san, can you bring over the new patient forms, please?"

The forms in question were already being grabbed by Michiko and she hastily clipped them to a board for Yukari who had produced a pen. The young woman carried them over to the customer with a smile affixed to her face that no doubt hid the same questions that were swirling through Michiko's mind. Sakurazuka-sensei looked perfectly at ease as if he was coming back from a leisurely coffee instead of arriving at work over two hours late, a perception that was only reinforced by the fact that under his dark green sweater he wasn't wearing a tie with his shirt. "Here you go, Yamada-san, and here's something for you, Juri-chan," said Yukari cheerfully, handing the little girl a strawberry candy Michiko knew came from Yukari's private stash in the kitchenette. Meanwhile, Sakurazuka-sensei was coming over to the reception counter. Yukari quickly followed him once Yamada was busy with the forms. "Where have you been!" she whispered excitedly.

Sakurazuka-sensei had a rueful smile. "I apologise," he said, also whispering. "I had to stay up late last night and unfortunately overslept as a result. I hope I didn't cause too much trouble?"

"Not really, Yoneyama-san and his wife picked up their Dalmatian this morning Michiko-san rescheduled some appointments what do you _mean_ you overslept?"

"Just that exactly." Sakurazuka-sensei reached over the counter for the white coat he kept hanging on the side of the filing shelf. As he did so Michiko noticed there was a dead leaf caught in his sleeve. "There was some personal business I had to take care of last night, it ran late, I went to sleep even later, hence the oversleeping," he explained.

"Still, that's not like you at all! Unless," here Yukari's whispers grew mischievous, "it was Sumeragi-kun you were sleeping with?"

" _Yukari-san!_ " gasped Michiko, shocked at the girl's forwardness – although Yukari was only some four years younger than Sakurazuka-sensei and they got along well one just did not talk to one's employer like that. Certainly Michiko had never dared to act like that with any of _her_ young bosses when she was Yukari's age.

Sakurazuka-sensei laughed as he pulled on his coat. "Haha! Good question, Yukari-san _but_ since a gentleman never tells _and_ we have a kitten waiting to be attended to I won't be going into details." Suddenly his smile sharpened. "I will, however, say that Subaru-kun made my night very memorable."

Before anyone could say anything Sakurazuka-sensei had turned back to his customer, leaving Michiko to bear the brunt of Yukari's reaction which looked as if she was doing her best impression of a goldfish only without the basic decency of covering her mouth. For her part Michiko felt her ears burning and they grew even hotter when Yukari gave a little squeal of delight and clapped her hands unable to contain her delight. "I told you so!" she mouthed at Michiko. "I knew it, I just knew it had something to do with Sumeragi-kun I am good!"

Michiko could only force a smile at this and to her credit she maintained the expression as Yukari, still grinning and probably already thinking up ways to interrogate Sakurazuka-sensei further, half-skipped off to prepare the surgery. As soon as she had Michiko hastily bowed her head trying to find paperwork any work that would cover her flustered state – _it's none of my business, none of my business_ – and give her an excuse not to look at Sakurazuka-sensei as he passed. Thankfully Sakurazuka-sensei had all his attention on his customers and so didn't bother looking at Michiko, and by the time all of them had gone into the surgery Michiko had recovered and she could pretend that this was just another normal day at work.

She didn't have to pretend long. The sick dog that was booked in after the kitten turned up early with its coddling owner who apparently expected Sakurazuka-sensei to attend to her _immediately_ and had to be talked into patience by Michiko. No sooner was that dealt with came a small surge of customers obviously using their lunch break to run errands and stock up on pet supplies from bird feed to fish tank purifiers before the New Year's holiday, all of which kept Michiko occupied to the point that instead of having her lunch in the kitchenette where she could read her magazine she had to eat at her desk, which actually wasn't that bad since it was something of a novelty to be truly busy for once. The stream of customers continued into the afternoon when the sick dog left looking a little less sick and the rest of the appointments began to arrive, until Michiko began to feel like she was back at her old doctor's clinic during 'flu season.

As for her boss the parade of appointments confined him mostly to the surgery meaning Michiko only really saw him when he popped out to ask for something, and even then half the time he would send Yukari out to ask for him. Whether or not Yukari was kept busy enough to be prevented from asking Sakurazuka-sensei about last night Michiko wasn't sure; it was certainly feasible given the all the tasks Michiko and Sakurazuka-sensei had her do, but Yukari was remarkably energetic so Michiko wouldn't have put it past her to needle Sakurazuka-sensei throughout the day with unsubtle jokes and references. With that possible exception the three of them were sufficiently occupied that there was barely any time to chat until late in the afternoon when the last patient had left, and even then there was an emergency walk in off the street in the form of a young woman carrying a green cardboard box with an injured pigeon. What the pigeon's hurt was Michiko didn't find out but it certainly wasn't its wings because the moment the young woman opened the box to show Yukari the pigeon flew out in a panic scattering drops of blood around the reception area and causing no end of mess as it evaded all attempts at recapture. Between the laughs and screams it was no wonder Sakurazuka-sensei came out to see what was going on whereupon he was immediately drafted into pigeon chasing. _He_ had no problems catching the bird, quite the contrary: he shooed all three of the women behind the reception desk, patiently waited until the pigeon had settled on the magazine pile on the corner table, then with cat-like dexterity and swiftness scooped it back into the cardboard box and closed the lid to the sound of applause. The young woman had been particularly impressed by this, so much so that she left her contact details at the desk with a very unsubtle hint for Sakurazuka-sensei to call her about the pigeon, preferably tomorrow. Michiko didn't have the heart to say that she was wasting her attentions on Sakurazuka-sensei, and for that matter neither did Yukari – at least until the young woman had left.

"You know, Michiko-san, maybe we should put a disclaimer on the door," said Yukari. She wore a pair of surgical gloves and was scouring the reception area with disinfectant and a paper towel cleaning up the blood left by the pigeon. "'Warning to all lady customers: yes the veterinarian makes a Most Eligible Bachelor list, no he's not available so don't even bother fantasising about him because it'll just end in tears,' what do you think?"

Michiko was picking up the scattered magazines and brochures; the pigeon had bled onto some, those would have to be thrown out. "Sakurazuka-sensei can manage quite well without something like that," she said wearily, grimacing as her thick ankles complained about having to bend. "In any case getting more customers because of Sakurazuka-sensei isn't a bad thing."

"On the other hand that woman could be like one of those _scaa~ary_ characters in a TV drama and turn up tomorrow with another pigeon that she deliberately caught and hurt just so she would have an excuse to come back. There _are_ obsessive psychopaths like that in the world, right, Sakurazuka-sensei?"

Michiko glanced up to see Sakurazuka-sensei walking back into the reception area, the box of pigeon presumably deposited in the surgery to be taken care of. "I'm sure there are obsessive stalker types out there in society however luckily for me I can't say I've ever encountered one. Yukari-san might have; she's pretty enough to attract anyone's attention. Are we finished with appointments for today, Michiko-san?" Michiko answered in the affirmative, and Sakurazuka-sensei smiled; he didn't look tired at all. "Good, so that means once the clean-up is done we can all go home."

"Not me," groaned Yukari. "I'm meeting a friend at the library for study at five thirty, and what's more there's no food in my apartment so dinner will once again be at Yoshinoya. Do you have any idea how depressing it is when you go to your local Yoshinoya so often the waiters there know your name?"

"Why is that so depressing?" asked Sakurazuka-sensei, coming over to help Michiko tidy up.

"Because it's a Yoshinoya! If it were some trendy café or local ramen store that knew me by name that'd be fine, but not a fast food chain! Besides, Yoshinoya waiters aren't even _cute_."

"Now the truth comes out," Sakurazuka-sensei laughed. "At least you have New Year's feasts to look forward to? Aren't you going back to your parent's place in Hokkaido?"

"Uh huh, I've booked my flights for Friday – you do know that I'm leaving early on Friday, right, Sakurazuka-sensei oh good – and already ordered my older brother to meet me at the airport to drive me home and I can't _wait_ to eat my mother's homemade soba again, she really makes the best noodles—"

"Obviously you'll have to bring some back as omiyage for us to try," interjected Sakurazuka-sensei smoothly, much to Michiko's relief. "What about you, Michiko-san, what are you doing for New Year's?"

Michiko tried to wave off the inquiry. "Oh, ah, I'm staying in Tokyo and will be cooking for my son and his family, nothing special."

"That sounds special enough! What are you going to cook, something delicious no doubt with lots of sweets for your grandson? The bentos you bring in for work always smell impressive."

The smile Sakurazuka-sensei had on was impossible to meet eye to eye. "Those are just left-overs," Michiko said shyly. "As for what I'll cook it'll depend on what I can find at the store, and I'll have to get the mochi then as well."

"What are _your_ New Year's plans, Sakurazuka-sensei, anything exciting?" asked Yukari.

"Me? Very quiet, I'm afraid – I don't have any family to spend New Year's with, and I'm not going anywhere, so my New Year's will probably simply be watching the TV specials and catching up on sleep."

The two women stared at him in shock. "You're kidding!" Yukari exclaimed, just as Michiko demanded, "What do you mean no family?"

Sakurazuka-sensei laughed. "Unfortunately, Yukari-san, no I'm not kidding and as for no family I mean exactly that: my parents both died when I was young, I don't have any siblings and if I have any extended family I grew up not knowing them." He smiled at the looks on their faces. "It's all right, I'm quite used to it and manage perfectly fine by myself."

"Even if you say so Sakurazuka-sensei, that's just sad, really sad!" Yukari's brown eyes were doing their best impression of a hurt puppy. _She_ at least could speak; Michiko for her part was still stunned into silence. "I thought if nothing else you would have spent it with Sumeragi-kun and his sister!"

"Subaru-kun and Hokuto-chan have gone back to Kyōto for New Year's," explained Sakurazuka-sensei. "They'll be staying and celebrating with their family and I can hardly impose on them."

"Yeah, but since you and Sumeragi-kun are attached it won't really be imposing, right? Even if Sumeragi-kun's family doesn't know about your relationship you could just stay over as a friend – surely they wouldn't mind if Sumeragi-kun explained to them that his closest friend didn't have anyone to spend New Year's with!"

Briefly Michiko winced, embarrassed for Yukari's sake even if Yukari herself wasn't at the way the young woman was barging into Sakurazuka-sensei's personal life, but it was only out of reflex. The rest of her was still absorbing the discovery that not only was her very likeable employer going to spend the New Year's holiday completely alone he was, in fact, an orphan with no family to speak of let alone visit. Suddenly Michiko felt an immense wave of pity for him. Sakurazuka-sensei simply laughed again. "Only you could make it sound so easy, Yukari-san, but things aren't that straightforward. Subaru-kun's family is a very old one who will have all sorts of New Year's ceremonies and traditions to observe, and I don't think it would be appropriate for me to intrude on those."

"But _still_ you _can't_ spend New Year's by yourself, it's just _wrong!_ Michiko-san agrees with me, right?" Michiko found herself nodding vigorously. " _See!_ "

"I do see, and I'll allow that you have a very good point," Sakurazuka-sensei replied. "By the way, Yukari-san, what time did you say you were to meet your friend at the library?"

"Five thirty, what's the time now?"

"Almost five."

"Are you kid— oh _shit!_ " Yukari stared at the clock on the wall with wide eyes. "And I'm still here – Sakurazuka-sensei, I think everything's been wiped up would you mind if I run off? It takes me at least twenty minutes to get to the library and I've still got to go home and get changed and—"

"Go, go, Michiko-san and I can close up," said Sakurazuka-sensei reassuringly. Yukari thanked him profusely and dashed off to put away the cleaning equipment. For a minute Michiko heard her rattling in the kichenette at the back which doubled as a staff room, then the girl was dashing back out no longer dressed in scrubs but an old pair of jeans and worn purple jumper. Her long ponytail whipped about her face as she flew out the door calling out, "bye, see you tomorrow!" not even looking back to see Michiko and Sakurazuka-sensei wave goodbye. A rattle of cat bells as the door swung shut, and then she was gone into the darkened street. Michiko breathed a sigh of relief.

"Tired?" Michiko turned to find Sakurazuka-sensei watching her with a sympathetic smile. "It has been a long day, and I know I didn't help by not turning up this morning. Was everything all right then as Yukari-san said?"

"Eh? Oh, ah, yes, there wasn't anything that we couldn't handle, I rearranged Murakami-san to come in next week and Yukari-san took care of all the usual feeding and cleaning tasks – loud as she is she's very responsible when it comes to getting work done."

"She is, however if I'm not at work for some reason it's better if she defers to you. After this morning it's probably fair to say that you're the most responsible one here. What I'd do without you I don't know."

Michiko flushed. "Th-thank you," she said, hoping the words hid her embarrassment; Sakurazuka-sensei was always generous with his praise yet no matter how often Michiko heard such things she couldn't get used to it. This had less to do with Sakurazuka-sensei's easy delivery than Michiko's previous experience with bosses who had generally viewed her either as eye-candy (when she was younger) or an office robot (when she grew older and put on weight) and never made her feel valued. It made her appreciate Sakurazuka-sensei all the more: he was a good man to work with, never bringing any bad moods to the clinic or neglecting to let Michiko and Yukari know how much he appreciated their efforts, and even if Michiko couldn't quite bring herself to approve of his reasons for turning up late that morning she couldn't hold anything against him. Yes, she'd be far more comfortable if Sumeragi-kun was a girl or at the very least a few years older, but if that was the way things were then well, all Michiko could say was that Sumeragi-kun was very lucky. Besides, Sakurazuka-sensei deserved someone nice, particularly since, as he'd said, he had no family.

Michiko found that last bit incredibly sad.

There was a quiet lull then, or at least a lull as close to quiet as an animal clinic could get. Michiko had found the background mix of squawks and woofs and meows distracting when she had first started over a year ago ('receptionist wanted for new veterinary clinic in Kabuki-cho, Shinjuku, must be experienced and handle additional administration and accounting duties, small family friendly business, excellent conditions and remuneration') but had quickly learned to ignore it; the noise was far more pleasant than the hum of medical equipment. Having finished putting everything back in order Michiko scanned the area for anything else to do. There was nothing. Only Sakurazuka-sensei behind the reception counter taking off his coat. It was a ritual that Michiko saw almost every evening yet for some reason this time she found herself watching thoughtfully, the way her employer draped the coat over the hook on the side of the tall filing shelf, and was struck at how young he looked without it, younger even than her son who despite having a wife and child still asked Michiko to make his favourite chicken curry for dinner. It occurred to Michiko then that if Sakurazuka-sensei was an orphan there was no one waiting for him to come home and that every night he would be cooking a small dinner just for himself, unless of course he happened to be seeing the Sumeragi twins that night. Young as they were as far as Michiko knew those two were the only significant personal relationship Sakurazuka-sensei seemed to have and yet even they had gone, travelling west to Kyōto leaving Sakurazuka-sensei by himself in the unforgiving capital—

"Is everything all right, Michiko-san?"

The question made Michiko jump – how could she get so lost in thought like that? – and she reddened as she realised she had been caught staring. "Um, yes!" Her eyes darted about looking for something safe to focus on, she had been tidying up, hadn't she. "Ah, everything's been cleaned here, I'll take the dirtied magazines out to the trash as I go, do you need me to lock up or anything?"

"It's fine, I locked the back door earlier and I can lock the front entrance myself." Sakurazuka-sensei was smiling in a way that made Michiko think he was still silently amused at her, which only increased her mortification. "You should be going soon if you want to catch your usual train to Mitaka."

"Ah, yes! I-I'll just get my things, then." Flustered, Michiko found herself hurrying past the reception towards the kitchenette, head bowed as she past Sakurazuka-sensei on the way. The light in the kitchenette was already on, left that way by Yukari who had a habit of forgetting these things sometimes, which enabled Michiko to quickly grab her bag and coat from the shelf and wrap herself up like a sushi roll. No gloves, though, those she had lost a few days ago in Shinjuku station and she kept forgetting to buy a new pair much to her irritation. This time, Michiko told herself as she waddled back out into the reception, this time she would make herself drop in somewhere and buy new gloves even if it was just a cheap pair to tide her over until when she had time to go shopping properly; she really needed some since nowadays she felt the cold so easily, but at least she could console herself with the fact that she would be returning to a warm home and family, which was more than what could be said for Sakurazuka-sensei who would be going back to a cold dark apartment—

Michiko stopped before picking up the magazines as a thought struck her. Turned to look back towards Sakurazuka-sensei who was watching her leave. "Ah, Sakurazuka-sensei?"

"Yes, Michiko-san?"

She hesitated for a moment, not quite believing what she was about to suggest, but if Sakurazuka-sensei really had no one else … "Ah, pardon me for saying so, but I don't think it's a good idea for you to spend New Year's all alone at home," she said quickly. "The clinic will be closed from Saturday until Wednesday next week, so why don't you at least take a holiday and maybe go to Kyōto anyway? It's not far to travel, there'll be lots to see and do and you could meet up with Sumeragi-kun when he's free? Even if he is there for family I'm sure he'd be very happy to see you, and a change of scene would be very good for—"

She broke off. Sakurazuka-sensei was steadily looking at her however at this angle the fluorescent lights reflected off his glasses making it impossible to see his eyes. It was a disquieting effect, one not at all countered by the slowly widening smile beneath. "That is actually a good idea, Michiko-san," said Sakurazuka-sensei, voice low and pleasant. Too pleasant. "A very good idea."

Michiko realised her neck muscles had tensed up. Before she could say anything however, Sakurazuka-sensei lowered his head as if in a silent laugh, and when he looked up again he had tilted his glasses out of the light. "No, really, I mean it," he said in a normal voice, and just like that Michiko felt herself relax, even a glow of pride at how well her suggestion was received. "It's a fantastic idea, so much so I'm definitely going to take it up. What's the schedule looking like for Friday?"

"Um …" Quickly Michiko searched her memory. "Just a couple of check-ups in the morning – Yukari-san will be leaving at one and I was hoping to leave early as well to go food shopping before the holiday period so I didn't make any appointments after that."

"Meaning that if I decided to get a shinkansen to Kyōto in the afternoon it wouldn't be any problem," said Sakurazuka-sensei thoughtfully. He chuckled. "Well then, Michiko-san, consider yourself on holiday after Friday lunch and free to go shopping. You'll get paid for a full day's work of course, it's the least I can do for all your efforts for me this year."

"Thank you." Michiko bowed a little in gratitude, relieved that no offence had been taken at her presumption, before picking up the pile of ruined magazines and tucking them under her arm. "Then I'll be going and see you tomorrow."

Sakurazuka-sensei inclined his head in a bow. "Thank you for your work today, and good night."

Good night indeed, given how dark it looked outside now. Smiling like a high-schooler Michiko opened the door of the clinic and stepped out into the street, glancing back once through the glass to see Sakurazuka-sensei wave her goodbye. She returned it briefly, still smiling, before walking around to the side of the building where the bins were. Cold as it was outside she couldn't help but feel pleased with herself; it wasn't so bad, perhaps, to get more involved with her colleagues as people rather than just co-workers, and while she would probably have to put up with Yukari's squeals of excitement for the rest of the week the knowledge that Sakurazuka-sensei would be enjoying a proper holiday with someone he cared about because of her would make it worth it. Mostly. It could be a good investment to buy a pair of ear plugs before tomorrow.

The set of bins sat beneath a cobweb-laced exterior light, full and ready for tomorrow's pick-up. Michiko shivered as she tried to decide which one was most appropriate before making an executive decision that although the magazines were soiled with drops of pigeon's blood they were probably all right to go into the burnable trash … with clumsy fingers she lifted the cold bin lid ( _gloves_ , she reminded herself, _thick wool ones_ ) and shoved the magazines inside, mind already beginning to plan out what she was going to cook for dinner. Her last task of the night done she let the lid slam shut and turned to leave, only to pause as something in the neighbouring general trash bin caught her eye.

Frowning, Michiko shuffled across for a better look. The lid of the general trash bin wasn't closing right, propped up by an object on top of the week's rubbish pile. It was difficult to see clearly past the shadows and ugly orange light, but squinting a little Michiko could tell the object was angular and green. A green box, the one young woman had used to bring in the injured pigeon. Michiko remembered that box being plain and square. The box in front of her now was on its side and half-crushed beneath the bin lid's weight. One of its corners was stained a wet dark red.

Instinctive revulsion made Michiko breath in sharply, which she immediately regretted as she caught a whiff of the bin's contents. She told herself she was being silly – this was an animal clinic, animals died here all the time, and it was only a street pigeon for goodness sake. So Sakurazuka-sensei hadn't been able to save it, there was nothing remarkable about that, and even the young woman who had brought in the pigeon had said that if it needed to be put down so be it, at least it would die peacefully instead of being run over by a car. Yet despite telling herself this Michiko couldn't help but think back to what she had seen earlier: Sakurazuka-sensei, green box in hand, silently stalking the exhausted pigeon amber eyes fixed on his prey. He had had a small smile on his face that was rather unsettling now that Michiko thought about it, because although it was the same smile she saw every day at work it had lacked all of its usual warmth, like a dish of food gone cold. Just like the smile Sakurazuka-sensei had worn when she had suggested he go to Kyōto after Sumeragi-kun.

Twinge of doubt and quiet unease. Michiko shivered as she stepped away from the bins as fast as possible without running. Work was over, she told herself as she headed for the main street, she had a long walk to get to the station, dinner to cook tonight, and her own life and family to take care of. Sakurazuka-sensei's business was none of hers and it would better to think no more of it. She repeated this to herself as she walked away head down and hands in pockets, steadfastly refusing to look back at the clinic in case there was something watching, and if her pace was a little faster than usual she told herself it was only the cold. In the shadows behind her, a stray cat had found a feast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Yukari's hairpins: Totoro refers to the 1988 anime film Tonari no Totoro/My Neighbour Totoro from Studio Ghibli created and directed by Hayao Miyazaki.  
> \- The girl bringing in the wounded pigeon is me :) I actually did pick up a wounded pigeon from the street once when coming home from work one night, and I had to ask a nearby ice-cream store for something to carry it in. They gave me a green box, I put the pigeon inside, and dropped it off at the local vet. Never found out what happened to it, though …  
> \- Yoshinoya is one of the leading fast food chains in Japan and serves predominantly beef and rice bowls for a few hundred yen each.


	4. Kyoto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's good to know that you've made so many friends, Hokuto-san, and that you're keeping yourself busy. What about you, Subaru-san, who are your friends in Tokyo?"

Kyōto. Old capital, heart of traditional Japan. The Granvia didn't exist in this time, and the station too was yet to be upgraded as if modernity's inevitable creep could somehow be denied. Only the weather was reliably constant: Kyōto was colder than Tokyo in winter, a fact that Subaru was intellectually aware of yet always caught off guard by whenever he came back. In contrast Hokuto had dressed in anticipation of the temperature drop and was visually impossible to miss; when Subaru wearily dropped behind her in the train station crowds all he had to do was look for a bright orange coat trimmed with black fur. Her coat also made it very easy for their pick-up to locate them.

"Ah, over there!" said Hokuto, pointing as an old black Mercedes in the queue flashed lights at them. Before Subaru could say anything she pushed forward, free black-gloved hand waving in the air to catch more attention and matching orange suitcase trundling loudly behind, leaving him to follow in her wake trying to keep his own small suitcase from getting in anyone's way. Kyōto Station was crowded for the middle of the week and noisy as well, none of which was helping the fact that Subaru had come down with a headache on the train. He tried to look for the car Hokuto had waved to only to be blinded by its headlights when it pulled up beside them. "Perfect timing!" Hokuto exclaimed happily as the driver's door opened. "Were you waiting long, Shou-kun?

Pained, Subaru squeezed his eyes shut until the after-image and sudden headache flare settled. When they had and he could see again he realised Hokuto had been joined on the curb by a man in a grey winter coat. The man was young, thin with glasses and longish dark brown hair, and Subaru had to stare at him for a moment before memory kicked in: Kitajima Shouhei, twenty-four years of age, second cousin to himself and Hokuto, and although not as powerful as Subaru an accomplished onmyouji in his own right. In the Final Year he had been a stiff sort of man forever conscious of the Sumeragi honour; in this time he was an overly serious university student in growing need of a haircut. Subaru vaguely remembered looking up to Shouhei once in an abstract way for being able to juggle both study and duties as an onmyouji, but since in this time Subaru had let go of his zookeeper ambitions that admiration no longer had any reference or relevance. They had never been particularly close, both in that last life and the now, acknowledged reason being that Shouhei was based in Sendai and they rarely saw each other. The unacknowledged reason was more complicated in that Shouhei's Sumeragi heritage came from an illegitimate line. "Evening, Hokuto-san, Subaru-san," said Shouhei, smiling briefly. "Welcome back to Kyōto and no, I wasn't waiting long though I did have to circle around once."

Hokuto pouted. "Aw, come on, Shou-kun, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Hokuto-chan?

"Once or twice a year at most. Do you want help with your things?"

"Yes, thank you. Subaru, are you okay?"

Blearily Subaru blinked, jolted back into the present. "Y-yes." Remembering his manners he straightened and gave a little bow. "Hello, Shouhei-san."

Shouhei returned the bow. "It's good to see you again, Subaru-san."

"Geez, looking at the two of you one would think you were business associates or something," said Hokuto sarcastically. "I know we don't see each other much but do you have to be so formal? We are related, you know."

To this no one replied, Shouhei because he was taking Subaru's suitcase and carrying that along with Hokuto's to the car boot, Subaru because he was embarrassed at his sister's lack of tact. Shouhei's Sumeragi blood was not disputed by any means but it was a subject that everyone by silent agreement did not discuss. His grandfather had been Lady Sumeragi's long deceased brother whose exact disgrace had never been told to Subaru or Hokuto, but what they did know was that the only reason why Shouhei was acknowledged as a relation was because he had spiritual power. Such power was far better controlled than left alone, yet although Shouhei had been trained as if he were Sumeragi by Lady Sumeragi herself he was not recognised in the Sumeragi koseki and could never be considered official family. Which was a bit unfair in Subaru's opinion, particularly since in the lead up to the Final Day in that past life Shouhei had been considered a potential successor in the event of Subaru's death, however knowing his grandmother as he did Subaru didn't dare bring it up and instead did what he could by making sure he treated Shouhei with respect. Thankfully Shouhei didn't seem to mind this, and in fact Subaru suspected his cousin even preferred the distance. Subaru still felt bad for him, though.

Shouhei shut the car boot with a muffled thump. "Car's open, so get in," he said, coming around to the front and opening the driver's door. "We should hurry back; there was dinner being prepared when I left and your grandmother would be waiting for you to eat it with her."

"Thanks for the heads up." With a bit of effort Hokuto pulled the back door open gesturing for Subaru to get in first. Subaru did so gratefully, sliding over the leather seats and slumping into the space behind the driver's chair where Shouhei having put on his seat belt was now starting the engine. Hokuto followed to sit behind the passenger chair. "When did you get into Kyōto anyway?" she asked as she shut the door.

"Just two days ago. You okay there, Subaru-san?"

Belatedly Subaru realised that Shouhei was looking concernedly at him in the rear vision mirror. "I'm all right, just a little tired," he replied, trying to smile.

Hokuto snorted. "Don't listen to him, Shou-kun, he was out on a job all of yesterday and was so tired when he came back he went straight to bed without eating the dinner I left out. He slept till lunch but it didn't do much good and right now he's one sneeze away from being sick. Lots of hot soup and early bedtime for him tonight."

"I'll turn the heater up then," said Shouhei, reaching out to do exactly that. "Though just as a warning, there's a good sized list of shrines and sacred sites that have requested the Sumeragi to perform a harai as part of their New Year's cleaning, so there isn't going to much chance for a rest."

"Does that mean that you and Subaru and Obaa-chama are going to be running around Kyōto doing jobs for the next few days?"

"Pretty much."

"Great." Hokuto scowled as she glanced at Subaru. "You? _Definitely_ going to bed early tonight, and if I can manage it I'm convincing Obaa-chama to let you stay home tomorrow to recover properly."

Subaru didn't protest against this, silently grateful to Hokuto if somewhat guilty for letting her assume why he was so tired. He hadn't, of course, told his twin about seeing Seishirou last night, let alone what had happened, and while it was now nearly twenty-four hours since then Subaru still felt utterly drained by the ordeal Within not just physically but mentally and emotionally. No doubt his increasing headache was a symptom of this, and rude as it was to Shouhei the last thing Subaru wanted to deal with right now was conversation, or for that matter, people in general. He curled up against the car door as Shouhei eased the car into the traffic flow; the drive to Sagano would take at least twenty minutes so he could afford to snatch a little rest and gather strength in preparation for Lady Sumeragi, trusting to his sister to bear the burden of talk.

"So how are you going, Shou-kun, still studying, right? Are you enjoying architecture?"

"Still studying, yes, but not architecture, I'm doing psychology, same as I have always been."

"Oh, right. Ah, which university are you at again?"

"Sendai's Tohoku U, it's close to home so I can see my mother and my friends, and I can schedule jobs around classes without too much problem. It's a good place, you should consider studying there."

"Me? Oh no, I don't want to think about university yet, it's more than enough dealing with school and making sure Subaru doesn't work himself to death."

"He's still doing that?"

"You saw how he looked coming off the train. So what do you do in psychology anyway, figure out why people are the way they are as a result of their childhood upbringing?"

"That's part of it, but psychology is a very broad area that's relevant to so many fields – education, medical, the office workplace. I've got a friend specialising in forensic psychology, he wants to work with the police when he finishes, detective work and criminal profiling and so on. As for me, given my onmyouji work I suppose what I'm interested in is more the application of psychology to understand and relieve distress. What with all the ghosts that are kept in this world because of unfinished personal business or emotional anguish that kind of knowledge would be really useful."

"Huh. Would it also help you with things like when you have to go Within people?"

"In that you have a much better understanding of the workings of subject's unconscious self and memories? Most definitely. Actually theoretically as an onmyouji I could See things in a person's mind directly as that person sees, and respond or treat it just as directly, which would be a step beyond usual psychologists who need the subject to be able to effectively communicate and put what they're feeling or experiencing into words. Of course ideally you want a person to make their own uh, 'breakthrough', but with really difficult cases like, oh, I don't know, extreme trauma, being trapped in a state of shock, basically the kind of situation where the person really needs a push in the right direction before they can heal, I could actually get into a person's mind and do that through onmyoujitsu. If Subaru-san's interested I'm happy to talk to him about it, give some pointers maybe."

"He'll be interested, though I believe he does that kind of stuff already. Actually just a couple of months ago there was a girl who was hiding in a dream state from rape trauma that he had to wake …"

The words floated through the darkness too fleeting and abstract for Subaru to grasp awake, let alone through the increasing haze of his headache, and in any case the car's smooth movement was lulling him into a doze. Uneasily he curled over himself, shivering despite the car heater and tracing fingers over the back of his hands …

"… have to ask, Shou-kun, you have a girlfriend yet? University should have plenty of pretty and intelligent girls to choose from!"

"Aha, no, not yet. I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend, but what with all the study and work if I did have a girlfriend I'd feel bad that I wasn't spending enough time or attention on her. What about you, Hokuto-san, you must have all the boys flocking around you?"

"Ohoho, well there was this one date I went on …"

The feel of the star-lines gave him comfort. Subaru let his mind go blank.

 

* * *

 

"Subaru. We're home."

Subaru blinked groggily and tried to swallow around his dry throat. Hokuto was leaning over him, one hand on his shoulder and eyes dark green with concern. "I know you're not feeling well," she said quietly, "but just get inside, have some dinner and clean up then you can go to bed, all right?"

Clean up. Bed. Both of those things sounded fantastic. It took a little effort for Subaru to nod and more to make his body actually get up, something encouraged by Shouhei opening the car door for him letting in a blast of cold air that cleared his head somewhat. Outside it was lightly snowing, again going by the thin white blanket already covering the driveway, and Subaru caught a glimpse of white-muted gardens partly lit by lamplight before his attention was pulled up to the open door of the house and the figures silhouetted in its frame. "You two go on ahead," Shouhei was saying. "There's dinner waiting and I'll see that your things get put in your rooms."

"What about your dinner, Shou-kun?" asked Hokuto, getting out of the car on the other side.

"I ate earlier. Don't worry about me, your brother's the one who's about to fall over and you still have to clear the Lady Sumeragi welcome home talk. She may not show it, but she has missed the both of you."

"She never shows it." Warm fake fur brushed Subaru's hand as Hokuto slid her right arm under his left. "All right, we'll go, then."

"Sure. I'll see you in the morning if I don't catch you after dinner. Bye, Subaru-san, rest up okay?"

To this Subaru tried to wave, or at least smile, and barely managed either. It didn't matter as Shouhei had already turned to direct the maid who had appeared to take their bags, to all appearances completely understanding that Subaru wasn't in a state to observe usual social niceties. It only made Subaru feel that much guiltier but then Hokuto was walking him up the path to the front door taking care so as to not slip in her heels. Once there they were met by a maid who handed them house shoes and took their coats and scarves ("Welcome home, Sumeragi-bocchama, my, Hokuto-sama, how pretty you look!" "Thank you, Yukako-san, you look very well yourself!") and Subaru took the moment to summon up some reserve of energy for what lay ahead. The last time he had seen Lady Sumeragi was what, only a few weeks ago? When she had given him the MS Institute case and told him about her foretelling of him walking into the Sakura? It felt so much longer. That afternoon she had showed how much she blamed herself for Subaru's marking by the Sakurazukamori, but what Subaru also remembered was how quickly she had brought herself under control. Lady Sumeragi wasn't unfeeling or unpleasant but she was their grandmother, the head of the family, and in Subaru's case his teacher. Respect and ritual would be not only expected by her but measured; if Subaru did something out of place Lady Sumeragi would ask why, and if she found out about his current condition she would ask how, and eventually and inevitably there would be a question about _who_ which was exactly what Subaru wanted to avoid—

"How are you feeling?" asked Hokuto quietly as the two of them followed the maid down the hall.

"…I'm managing." A white lie, perhaps, but true so long as Subaru didn't actually think about the way his head was throbbing.

"No you're not, I can hear something rattling in your voice already. Why don't you just go straight to bed, I'll explain everything to Obaa-chama and bring you some rice porridge later."

Subaru was sorely tempted to say yes and escape to his room where he could have some privacy and turn off the lights to sleep. Then he thought about who was waiting for them. "I'd better not," he replied reluctantly. "It would be disrespectful to Obaa-chan if I did that, and I can manage, really. I'll just eat and excuse myself quickly."

His sister sighed. "If you say so. Just take it easy, all right?"

"I will." They had come to a double sliding door that Subaru knew led to the large formal room overlooking the garden. Yukako the maid went to stand beside it and the two of them prepared to remove house shoes. Subaru took a deep breath, gathering his strength. "Thank you, nee-chan."

Hokuto winked. Yukako gave them both a brief smile of encouragement before taking hold of the door. "Sumeragi-dono," she said clearly, "your grandchildren have arrived."

"Come in."

Yukako slid the door open. As one Subaru and Hokuto stepped inside, a throwback to a childhood habit when they entered this room holding hands, and bowed slightly as the door closed behind them. Also as one, they spoke. " _Tadaima_ , Obaa-chan."

Lady Sumeragi inclined her head. She sat in seiza at the head of a low wooden table in the middle of the room dressed in a kimono of deepest blue paired with a silver obi that accentuated her white hair. There was a bowl of water and two cups on the table. " _Okaerinasai_ , Subaru-san, Hokuto-san. Please, pay your respects then come sit."

Together Subaru and Hokuto came forward, socked and stockinged feet silent on the smooth tatami as they walked down the room. To their right the wall was comprised of sliding doors that would in warmer weather be drawn to allow a view of the garden, to their left in the middle of the room was a single set of doors that opened onto the inner sanctum. Small oil lamps flickered inside shadowing rather than revealing the kamidana which as always was nearly adorned with fresh sprigs of sakiki leaves standing in their vases like a pair of sentries flanking the shintai, and after cleansing their hands and mouth with the water the twins entered the sanctum to clap and bow. Subaru hoped as he murmured a prayer marking his return that Ame-no-Koyane would forgive his coming in such a disturbed state, but considering his grandmother's very real presence at the moment the kami was probably the least of his worries right now. Ritual observed, they then exited and slid the doors shut to leave the kami in peace, and Subaru went to kneel on the cushion to Lady Sumeragi's right while Hokuto ignored hers entirely to go up to Lady Sumeragi, lean down and kiss her on the cheek. "It's good to be back, Obaa-chama," said Hokuto warmly. "You look well, is that a new kimono? It's very lovely."

Lady Sumeragi patted Hokuto's arm restrainedly, her only acknowledgement of Hokuto's affection though her face did soften. "Thank you child, and no, it's not a new kimono, I just haven't worn it for a while. Sit down, food will be coming soon."

Hokuto did so, neatly tucking her skirt beneath her as she lowered herself into a similar seiza on the remaining cushion. "How is Saito-san, has he been okay since getting out of the hospital?" she asked.

"Saito-san's cancer has gone into remission, so he's well as can be and insisted on returning to his duties. Did you have a good journey?"

"It was fine, we got to the station with plenty of time to spare before the shinkansen left, and we didn't even have to wait long when we arrived because Shou-kun turned up just as we got out. I was pretty hungry on the trip, but I didn't get anything off the snack carts because I knew we'd arrive in time for dinner – did Hayato-san cook tonight?" Lady Sumeragi replied that this was so. "Great, I can't wait to eat his cooking again!"

A small smile flickered over Lady Sumeragi's face at her granddaughter's obvious delight. Her gaze, then, inevitably turned to Subaru. "And how are you, Subaru-san?" she asked.

The muscles in his neck felt like thick ropes pulling on his brain. Old habits, however, were hard to break. "I'm all right, Obaa-chan," Subaru said politely, just as Hokuto interjected, "He's sick."

"Sick?" Lady Sumeragi's gaze sharpened. "What's wrong?"

Subaru tried to sound reassuring. "It's nothing bad, I just came down with a headache on the train."

"After sleeping like the dead until noon," added Hokuto.

"Really, it's not—"

"Enough." Lady Sumeragi's voice was quiet but firm. "Come here, Subaru-san."

Obediently Subaru shuffled forward on his knees to his grandmother's side. Lady Sumeragi reached up to place the back of her hand against his forehead; her skin was dry and warm. "You do have a slight fever," she said thoughtfully. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

Subaru made himself answer calmly. "I worked a long case yesterday. An exorcism to purify a site where a suicide had taken place; it was down in Chiba so there was a lot of travel time involved and I came back late." Which was actually true, and what he had told Hokuto, he just wasn't going to mention what he had done afterwards. "I have been rather tired lately."

"Tired, drained, and of course you haven't been eating properly since you completely ignored the dinner I left for you," Hokuto groused. "You probably stressed out your immune system and caught a bug off someone on the train – train carriages are nothing more than virus incubators during winter, you know."

Subaru didn't say anything to this, trying to keep himself from leaning into his grandmother's hand and hoping – guiltily – that she would make her own conclusions. Thankfully at that moment the doors opened again and Yukako and the other maid entered both carrying trays of food. Lady Sumeragi's hand dropped from his forehead. "You really need to take better care of yourself, Subaru-san, you of all people should know how important it is to maintain harmony between mind and body. Are you sure it's just a physical sickness and not a spiritual illness?" Subaru made some sound of affirmation as he returned to his seat. "Well, at least that's one relief. After dinner you are to bathe and go straight to bed and rest, is that understood? There are a lot of things to be done before the New Year, and it won't do for you to be unable to work."

"Yes, Obaa-chan."

"Ooh, yummy!" exclaimed Hokuto as various dishes were placed on the table. Blearily Subaru squinted through the cloud of steam that was released: rice, miso soup, grilled fish, tempura, the usual side dishes of pickled vegetables and tofu, all of it undoubtedly delicious but given his current state Subaru wasn't feeling much of an appetite. Not that it would do to make that known to Hokuto or Lady Sumeragi. Murmuring along with Hokuto's cheerful _itadakimasu_ he picked up his chopsticks and began to eat, all too aware of his grandmother's eyes on him and beginning to regret not taking up Hokuto's earlier suggestion of going straight to bed. At least keeping his mouth full gave him an excuse not to talk.

The maids left, taking the water bowl with them. For a little while the need for food kept them all in silence, one that although not uncomfortable certainly wasn't what Subaru would call easy. Part of this was physical; unable to relax while in seiza he was feeling more unwell by the minute, and the rest was due to company. Lady Sumeragi had never been someone with whom he could freely talk, and although this had been worse in that past life after Hokuto's death right now Subaru couldn't help thinking about dinners with Hokuto and Seishirou in Tokyo. Sure, Hokuto and Seishirou would tease him but aside from that there was always talking around their table, whether it was Hokuto airing her opinion on current affairs or Seishirou telling some anecdote about what happened at the animal clinic that day—

 

_"I have to go to Kyōto tomorrow."_

_"Is this for New Year?"_

_"Yes."_

_"And why are you telling me this?"_

_"…I thought you ought to know."_

 

Seishirou had looked so indifferent when Subaru said he was going to Kyōto, indifferent and unmoved. What was Seishirou doing right now? Was he eating dinner, was he working late, had he spared his prey a thought? Did he care that Subaru had gone away?

Was Seishirou thinking of him at all?

Eventually, or rather inevitably, Hokuto was the one to break the quiet. "Mm, delicious!" she said blissfully around her spoon. "This chawanmushi is great!"

Lady Sumeragi smiled slightly over her rice bowl. "Hayato-san cooked it especially because he knew you were coming back tonight. Make sure you thank him when you see him."

"I will. It's so good not to have to eat my own cooking for once!"

"Do you cook at home often, Hokuto-san?"

"Uh huh, I love cooking and the apartment has such a nice kitchen it'd be a shame not to use it."

"What do you usually cook?"

"Eh, whatever takes my fancy. I've been doing a lot of stews lately because it's cold and they keep well which is useful since someone keeps coming back late. Just eat with rice and steamed vegetables, quick, simple, healthy! Also it doesn't cost much meaning when we do go out and eat we can get something nice."

"How often do you go out to eat?"

"Hm, maybe three times a week? Sometimes more than that, especially if Subaru is out working somewhere far, we'll go out and meet him and eat around wherever he is."

"We? There are other people who eat with you?"

Imperceptibly Subaru tensed. "We eat with friends now and then but usually it's just us," Hokuto said off-handedly, as if their Tokyo social life wasn't anything interesting. "It's a bit hard talking about Subaru's work to other people after all."

"Of course, and you shouldn't be talking about our clan's responsibilities to normal people anyway. However, that doesn't mean you should avoid making friends – who are these people you eat dinner with, then?"

"Well, there's Kanako-chan and Aoi-chan from my class, they're always asking me for fashion help so we go on shopping trips together, also Chieko-chan who I swap CDs with …"

Like an auctioneer Hokuto rattled off her list of school-friends, most of whom were unknown to Subaru. He knew his sister was popular at school, but there was a difference between the friends she simply hung out with ("We have fun together, but they're such _girls_ if you know what I mean.") and the friends she trusted enough to candidly speak with about her family and unique brother. The former she had no problem revealing to Lady Sumeragi, the latter consisted solely of Seishirou and Hokuto obviously wasn't going to mention him. Certainly Subaru wasn't going anywhere near that subject—

 

_"So you didn't tell them you had feelings for me?"_

_"…No."_

 

The words burned even as a memory. Beside him Lady Sumeragi was picking tiny bones out of her fish with precise chopsticks waiting until Hokuto had finished. "I see. It's good to know that you've made so many friends, Hokuto-san, and that you're keeping yourself busy. What about you, Subaru-san, who are your friends in Tokyo?"

Heavy-eyed as he was Subaru instinctively stiffened – so much for the hope he'd be left alone – but then Hokuto came to his rescue. "Poor Subaru doesn't get much of a chance to socialise, unfortunately, since he kept missing school for jobs and working odd hours."

"Even so, I'm sure that after almost a year in Tokyo Subaru-san must have made some connections. Well, child? Is there anyone you'd like to tell me about?"

For a moment he found himself flashing back to that other life, where Hokuto was dead and his grandmother confined to a wheelchair that although reduced her stature did nothing to weaken her will, let alone the force behind her relentless questions. _Who was he? Why did you welcome him into your home, into your_ life _when he bore the name of our enemy? What was your exact relationship with him?_ "It's as Hokuto-chan says; I don't get much opportunity to socialise," he said tensely, wishing he had skipped dinner. "S-some clients have been kind enough to take me out for dinner, but that's about it; I can't say that there's anyone of importance."

 

_"In other words, you're ashamed of me. I'm glad we've cleared up where I stand when it comes to your family's good opinion."_

 

The expression on Hokuto's face was an uncomfortable mix of pity and understanding, none of which did anything to ease Subaru's shame for what he was saying. Even if he told himself that he had to, that the alternative of letting Lady Sumeragi know about Seishirou was out of the question, it felt reprehensible to pretend that the person he loved was not only unimportant, but didn't exist – sickened, he recalled Seishirou's unfriendly expression as those words _you're ashamed of me_ had been spoken, recalled it as clearly as if the man himself was standing there with them in the room which felt too warm, too stuffy, too _oppressive_ with his grandmother sitting there empress-straight sharp eyes trying to pierce his face. For six days he would be under her watch, six days of questions, of denying Seishirou's existence and pretending— "Hey, I have an idea," Hokuto exclaimed from somewhere. "Why don't we go to Yasaka Shrine for New Year's Eve? Even though we grew up here we've never gone to Yasaka on New Year's which is ridiculous given that it's the place to be, and we can dress up in kimono and everything – can we go, Obaa-chama?"

"Don't be silly," was the strangely muted answer. "You know perfectly well there are ceremonies to attend to and in any case it'll take half an hour just to drive to Gion from here."

"Yes, but family ceremonies don't go that late so once they're done we'd still have time to change and go to Gion before midnight – please, Obaa-chama, I've always wanted to go and if Subaru and I can live on our own in Tokyo we can certainly go out by ourselves in Kyōto _please?_ "

"No, you may not, you won't be able to take two steps down Shijo-dori it'll be so ridiculously crowded. If you want to do a midnight shrine visit you can go to one close by instead."

"Oh, but _Obaa-chama …_ "

His head felt like a furnace. Unsteadily Subaru got to his feet trying to make for the sliding doors that opened onto the balcony and garden; he wanted space, he wanted air, he wanted _out_ – distantly he heard the crash of dishes, heard Hokuto shout and his grandmother cry his name, but then the room was greying and slipping and by the time Subaru realised he had stumbled he wasn't hearing anything at all.

Cool tatami on his cheek. Subaru wished it was dark green wool.

 

* * *

 

There were voices nearby, one he recognised and one he didn't. The one he didn't recognise was saying something about viruses and exhaustion, while the other was his grandmother. Her voice sounded urgent which meant she was worried about something, probably him. He was always worrying her nowadays; he didn't answer her calls, he didn't look after his health, he didn't even care about his own life now that Hokuto was gone …

A hand worked its way into his gloved one, slim and strong and squeezing reassurance. Subaru didn't know how she had come to be there, but fell asleep anyway.

 

* * *

 

"—commended to take it twice daily—"

His throat burned. His head pulsed. Subaru wished he hadn't woken up.

"—some side effects including nausea and vomiting—"

"Ew – are you _sure_ that's what the doctor prescribed?"

"I'm just reading what's on the label, Hokuto-san, and keep in mind these are just possible side effects. What it's supposed to do is reduce the duration of the illness and prevent severe complications …"

The way people were talking medicine over him was disconcerting; it made him feel like a child or a sick animal. A dog, perhaps, like the ones Seishirou took care of at the animal clinic who despite their weakness still licked Seishirou's hands with fever hot tongues. If Seishirou were here Subaru would do that to him. He wondered how Seishirou would react.

"… works best if taken within forty-eight hours of the flu's onset …"

Except Seishirou wasn't here now, not physically and certainly not in any other sense. The last time they had spoken Seishirou had been smiling that empty, meaningless smile that hurt all the more because Subaru knew even without a heart Seishirou was capable of gentleness, of giving comfort even, for that had been offered and desperately accepted as Subaru had sobbed and clung to Seishirou never wanting to let go or be let go of …

"Leave it with me, Shou-kun, I'll make sure he takes it."

"Will you need any help?"

"Thanks, but no, I do this often enough back in Tokyo. Besides, you've got Subaru's jobs to take care of today …"

Guilt mixed with despair as bitter as the medicine that was later coaxed down his throat. He was held close afterwards as he slipped back under, but it wasn't the same.

 

* * *

 

Dry hands against his forehead. There was a whiff of sandalwood incense on the air, and the faint sound of wings beating somewhere not too far away. The wings he probably dreamt, but the incense, that lingered after the hands were pulled away, at least for a little while, thinning the fog in his fevered brain. He slept.

 

* * *

 

There were pages turning when he woke again.

For a while Subaru lay on his back groggily blinking at the shadowed ceiling and wondering where his limbs were. Although comfortably warm he felt extremely weak, as if his veins had sluggish water instead of blood. On the bright side his head while still heavy wasn't as foggy as it had been – when?

Another page turned. Disorientated, Subaru began to sit up.

"You're finally awake."

The voice was neutral, a statement of an observed fact with minimal inflection. Subaru turned to see Shouhei sitting a few feet away at a kotatsu reading by the light of an old floor lamp. "…What time is it," Subaru rasped.

"Eight thirty-three p.m., December 29. You've been down with fever for three days." Shouhei closed the book and shuffled over on his knees to help Subaru sit properly. "How are you feeling?"

Subaru closed his eyes for a moment letting Shouhei support him. "I've been better. What was wrong with me?"

"Flu, the doctor said it's been going around. Put this under your tongue." Subaru didn't resist as a glass thermometer was gently pushed between his lips. "This year's isn't a nasty strain but you got it worse than most thanks to exhaustion and stress. The doctor said to let you rest as much as possible with strict instructions to avoid work for a few weeks. Your grandmother wasn't happy about that bit. Open your mouth." Subaru did so. "37.4 degrees down from yesterday's high of 38.9, I'd say your fever has broken and you're finally on the mend."

Subaru watched Shouhei wipe the thermometer off with a tissue before sliding it back into its plastic sheath. Piece by piece he was starting to recall things. "Um, where's Hokuto-chan and Obaa-chan?" he asked hesitantly.

"Your grandmother has gone to Kyōto to perform the end of year purification rites for the University Hospital and depending on how it goes won't be back until later tonight. Hokuto-san is bathing and asked me to watch over you until she's done. She appointed herself as your nurse, I fill in for her when she wants a break, and only if I'm not out doing some of your jobs. Lady Sumeragi has taken the important ones, obviously."

Subaru flushed. "I'm sorry to cause so much trouble."

His cousin shrugged. "You can't help being sick. Besides, other than having to wake you for medicine and putting up with occasional sleep-talk you're not exactly difficult to look after."

"Oh." Still Subaru felt embarrassed. "Wait, I talk in my sleep?"

"Only a little. Usually too quiet to understand, and the couple of times you were coherent it really wasn't much. Not that I had any interest in listening; your life is none of my business. Are you hungry? You haven't really eaten anything except rice porridge and medicine lately." Subaru shook his head. "What about water, you should at least drink some fluids."

Too tired to think let alone argue Subaru meekly nodded and Shouhei unfolded lanky legs to fetch some water from a pitcher sitting on a corner table. He brought it back in a plastic cup and much to Subaru's further embarrassment insisted on helping Subaru hold it in order to drink. It was probably a good idea given Subaru's gloves and aching muscles, but at his cousin's unfamiliar hands it felt awkward, and the feeling was probably mutual. "Thank you," he murmured when the cup was pulled away.

"No problem."

Uncomfortable silence. Subaru felt that he should say something but had no idea what, and he could see Shouhei glancing at the refuge of his textbook. Thankfully Hokuto chose that moment to return. " _Ofuro, ofuro_ ," she sang, timing the rhythm with her footsteps. She slid the door open and walked in wearing pajamas with a towel around her shoulders. " _Ofuro_ in winter, there's really nothing better – ee, Subaru, you're awake!"

"Hello Hokuto-chan – oof!" Subaru caught his breath as his twin suddenly dashed to grab him in a tight hug. "Um, are you sure you should be getting so close, what if you get sick?"

"Oh please, I've been staying in the same room as you for three days and nothing's happened because unlike _some_ people I got a school 'flu injection this year." She pulled away to look at him closely. "How are you feeling?"

"Um, a bit giddy still, but I don't think I'm going to faint."

"Hm." Hokuto sat back on the futon and put a hand on his forehead. "You're still fairly warm, did you take his temperature Shou-kun?"

"I did, he's down to just above 37 so still sick but definitely improving."

"Meaning he's not allowed out of bed yet. Not that you've enjoyed being taken care of, poor Subaru, you were too sick to even notice us most of the time." Hokuto ruffled his sweat-damp hair. "Hopefully you can get back to normal by New Years because it'd be horrid to start off 1991 with the flu – hey, Shou-kun, where are you going?"

"Back to my room." Shouhei had retrieved his book from the kotatsu and was heading towards the door. "You're here, Subaru-san is awake, and I'm sure the two of you want to chat so I'll leave you to it."

"Aw, don't say that Shou-kun, stay and hang out with us!"

Shouhei gave a slight smile and waved her off. "It's okay Hokuto-san, I want to finish off my reading anyway. You two have fun, just don't stay up too late because Subaru-san still needs rest. I'll see you in the morning. Night guys."

He left. "Bye~ee," said Hokuto, pouting at the now closed door. "Geez. After all that time spent looking after you he runs off instead of staying around to talk."

"He talked a bit earlier before you came," Subaru pointed out, feeling a need to defend his cousin. "And I don't think he's ever been talkative to begin with anyway."

"Just like you. Still, he didn't have to rush out like that – are you yawning? Do you want me to stop talking and let you sleep more?"

Subaru shook his head trying to shake off the fog in his brain. "I'm fine, really, so stay, please. I've missed you." Relieved in a way he couldn't explain Subaru leaned against his sister and listened to her heartbeat. "I'm sorry I'm causing so much trouble."

"Oh don't start that, it's not your fault you've fallen sick and it's probably a blessing in disguise since it's a reason to rest not even Obaa-chama can argue with. Not that she has been she obviously accepts your health is more important, but she definitely wasn't pleased when the doctor said no work for a while."

"How long a while?"

"Ideally at least two weeks, definitely not while you're in Kyōto. Get up a moment, let me move." Subaru sat up to allow Hokuto to move around behind him where she sat cross-legged and put his pillow in her lap. "Okay, lie down again."

Subaru lay down so that he was under the quilt with his head in his twin's lap. "How have you been doing the past few days?" he asked.

"Mm, okay I suppose. Haven't been going out much, but I have books and magazines and telephone. Besides, it's nice to do nothing and hang out at home for once, even if it doesn't really feel much like home anymore." She began to comb fingers through his hair, gentle and intimate. "Also been avoiding long conversations with Obaa-chama."

"Why?"

"You know what we've been like. I love her and all, but obviously Obaa-chama is quite a traditional woman while I'm very much _not—_ "

"You're a Tokyo girl," Subaru murmured.

"—anyway she's started to drop hints and questions as to what I'm going to do after high school which I don't want to deal with. I already know how that conversation will go anyway; I'll tell her I want to do something like fashion design or art school, she'll say I have to go to university and do something respectable. Lots of arguing will ensue, I'll get frustrated and she'll get critical thus spoiling our break. I don't want that but it's not important right now."

She spoke lightly but Subaru tactfully didn't push. "Has Obaa-chan been all right? Taking some of my jobs on top of hers, I mean."

"She's fine. She asked whether you've been taking proper care of yourself. I tell her that _I_ take care of you, but I can't do anything about you working so hard because you're just determined like that. She also asks about your life in Tokyo, not that that's anything new, but it's a bit harder to dodge her in person than over the phone. Don't worry, I haven't told her anything about Sei-chan, so that secret's still safe." Hokuto hesitated a moment. "Shou-kun found out though."

" _What?_ " Horrified, Subaru pushed himself up to stare into his sister's face. "How?!"

"You talk in your sleep. Not much or loudly, but once or twice you seemed to be talking to Sei-chan."

The blood drained from Subaru's cheeks. "What did I say?" he demanded.

"Nothing embarrassing, just 'please, Seishirou-san' or 'Seishirou-san, don't'. _I_ thought it was sweet but unfortunately you did it once when Shou-kun was in the room. He asked about it, I told him it was a friend in Tokyo but nothing more, and made him promise not to say anything to Obaa-chama on pain of instant death." Hokuto smiled; Subaru was fairly certain that last bit had been a joke. "It's okay, Shou-kun knows what is and isn't his business."

"He did say something about that," said Subaru dazedly, trying to make his heart stop panicking. "But the fact that he knows—!"

Hokuto put her hands on his face and made him look at her. "The other thing is that Shou-kun also has his head set firmly on his shoulders," she said quietly. "Yes, there's a complicated history and it's stupid that we can't officially recognise him as family, but Shou-kun's smart, he's looked at the whole situation and while it's not fair he's found a way to make things work. He's not going to use Sei-chan's name against you."

Even with his fever her hands were warm, and strong as well. Still Subaru felt uncertain. "How are you so sure?" he asked.

"I'm good at reading people, you know that. And unlike you I'm not afraid to talk properly with Shou-kun – we have a few things in common after all."

"Such as?"

Hokuto didn't answer immediately, instead gently pushing him back down to lie in her lap. Once again she began stroking his hair. "Remember when we were little, how I would throw tantrums when you had special onmyoujitsu training and I didn't?"

"Yes."

"And the really big tantrum I threw when Obaa-chama took you away for a year?" Subaru nodded wordlessly, in his head hearing once again Hokuto's eight-year-old screams and his own silent sorrow as the car left her behind.

Hokuto's fingers never stopped moving through his hair. "You know I was jealous, right?" she asked.

"...Yes."

He sensed her smile. "I'm glad to hear that. Silly as it seems today, back then I honestly envied your powers and hated that they made you special. It's probably why I started dressing up, to make sure people paid attention to me." A small laugh. "I was a bit of a brat now that I think about it."

"No you weren't. You always took such good care of me."

"That's because I never resented _you_ , I just resented that people treated us differently just because you had abilities I didn't," Hokuto retorted playfully. Suddenly her voice softened. "But then one day I realised that I too had something you didn't, and that was freedom. Unlike you my life is mine to live and I can choose what I want to be. I've come to appreciate that and Shou-kun is the same. The way he sees it him being an onmyouji with a Sumeragi connection gives him certain advantages, on the other hand he doesn't have the responsibility or duty that comes with being a Sumeragi and he can make his own way in the world. You on the other hand, you're expected to continue and protect our family's tradition; your life will never be entirely yours, which is why I suppose that's one reason why I kept pushing Sei-chan on you. So that you have someone special you can be selfish over, and who considers you special in turn."

 _Considers me special._ Like a wounded animal Subaru curled up around the hollow feeling in his chest, a reaction that Hokuto did not miss. "What is it?" she asked gently.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Come on, you can tell me. Are things with Sei-chan going that bad?"

"…I—" He squeezed his eyes shut. Forced himself to dredge up some words. "I don't know. I don't even know if things are 'going' in the first place. I went to the clinic like you said and … we didn't talk. We might even have had a fight. I've been – I mean, I feel like I've been struggling with him for years and it's … tiring. I'm tired. I don't think he believes I love him."

_And even if he does, it wouldn't mean anything. I don't have enough time – one year isn't enough to make the Sakurazukamori feel love, let alone three months. It's hopeless, the Bet is lost._

_It's hopeless._

The fingers in his hair never stopped moving. Hokuto was uncharacteristically silent. "You do realise that you haven't been exactly nice to him lately," she said finally.

"I apologised for it. I don't think it made a difference."

"Yes, well, Sei-chan is someone who needs time for things to sink in. That being said, but, an apology isn't going to mean anything if it's not backed up."

There was something vaguely critical in her voice that made Subaru twist to look up into her face. "What do you mean?"

"I _mean_ that it's not just a matter of apologising and being nice. You – how do I put this …" She trailed off, biting her lip briefly in a rare sign of being lost for words before she took the plunge. "You cherish people outside of yourself. Not just in the instinct to reach out and help, you actually empathise with their feelings. That means when someone you've met is suffering, you suffer too. You make them feel special, which is very kind and caring of you but then again by treating everyone as special, none of them actually are special. Because you treat them all exactly the same."

The words sounded illogical, nonsensical – he opened his mouth to protest only to hush as Hokuto placed a finger against his lips. "Let me finish. In contrast with all of this you have Sakurazuka Seishirou, the man you've confessed you love. _I_ know you meant it, but I'm your twin, I know you best. Sei-chan on the other hand, he's heard the words but they don't match up with how you treat him: you're defensive, you can't bring yourself to touch him let alone let him touch you, and yet you reach out to complete strangers without a second thought. With such a contradiction it's understandable why Sei-chan might not be taking you seriously, do you get what I mean?"

Subaru did get it and wasn't liking it. "I can't help trying to help people," he said, nettled.

"I know, and I don't expect you to stop, I'm just pointing out that a bit more effort on your part towards Sei-chan would be a good idea. Something to think about before you see him again." She patted his head as if to warn off any sulking. "Chin up, it's not that bad, you just need to give things time. Right now the important thing is that Obaa-chama doesn't know about Sei-chan and you need to get better. All right?"

 _Give things time._ Subaru bit his lip against the dread. "I suppose."

Hokuto laughed. "I have to say, it's a bit funny how you're more worried about Obaa-chama finding out that the person you love is a Sakurazuka than an older man. You've got to wonder what would she freak out over more: the fact that Sei-chan is a member of our enemy clan, or the fact that you want a husband instead of a wife?"

Subaru reddened. Hokuto looked mischievous. "I mean, don't forget, as next clan head you'll also be expected to carry on the bloodline, and that's going to be a bit hard for obvious reasons. Though that shouldn't stop you and Sei-chan from trying – you do know how all the equipment down there works between two guys, right?"

Mortified, Subaru covered his burning ears only to have his hands peeled away, and when he tried to twist free Hokuto went one better by promptly tackling him. Over his protests she began to tickle him mercilessly making Subaru squirm like a caught fish, all the while shamelessly whispering outrageous suggestions as to what he should do with Seishirou until Subaru felt his face should melt from heat and his lungs burst from gasping— "St–stop it, Hokuto-chan, you win, I'm not—" Still Hokuto kept on and Subaru felt slender fingers jab painfully between his ribs. "I said, _stop!_ "

He kicked out. Hokuto fell back onto the floor where she immediately curled up around her stomach with a hiss. Horrified Subaru crawled over towards her. "Are you all right?!"

Green eyes glared up from under a damp fringe of black hair. "What was that for!" Hokuto demanded.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't—" 

"You _kicked_ me!"

"I didn't mean to, but you didn't give me a choice!"

" _Choice?_ I'm just trying to make you feel better!"

"Well, maybe you were going too far!"

"What, you don't _want_ me to make you feel better?!"

" _Help_ me feel better, yes, _make_ me, no! I'm not in the mood for playing and the way you tease you make everything sound so easy; it's like, like—" He caught himself, looking for the phrasing. "It's like I'm being obligated to cheer up when I'm not ready or able to," he said at last.

Hokuto stared up at him. She seemed to have recovered her breath, apparently more winded and surprised than physically hurt. Then she stuck her chin out. "Okay then. Fine. Have it your way." She stood stiffly holding her head high. "I'm going to go blow dry my hair. Keep moping and feeling sorry for yourself if that's what you want – after all, I wouldn't want you to feel _obligated_ to me or anything."

Subaru winced as she headed for the door. "Wait, Hokuto-chan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that—"

"You mean you didn't think to find a way to say it nicely? That's fine, after all, being twin brother and sister we should be able to speak bluntly to each other – though pardon me if I bluntly say I'm not speaking to you until further notice. Just one thing," she added, looking over her shoulder. "Did it cross your mind that I don't do things just for your benefit, and after being left alone to deal with Obaa-chama for three days I missed having my brother to play with? Something to think about, huh? Good night!"

She stormed off, even managing a sort of slam with the sliding door. Subaru groaned and put his head in his hands; although he was sure that Hokuto would forgive him eventually, until that happened she was going to make him pay. The only thing to do was hope she would keep the punishment period short – and apologise, of course. For whatever good it would do.

His head throbbed. Miserable, Subaru crawled back under the quilt covers, pausing only to switch off the floor lamp and write off the day; he really shouldn't have woken up in the first place. At least oblivion was quick to return in the dark.

 

* * *

 

The next time Subaru woke up, he did so properly when the snow-covered pine branch was in full sun. The sun was bright enough that had the pine branch not been a painting on the doors between his room and Hokuto's Subaru would not have been surprised to see the snow melt. As things were the painting was something of a rough time gauge: if the painting was in full shadow it was still early morning; if the sun was creeping up the pine's base he could take his time getting ready; a half lit pine meant he had to get up _now_ if he wanted breakfast, and sunlight touching the branch's arch meant he was already late. Full sun, especially in winter, meant it was after ten and Subaru was either going to be in trouble or had been allowed to sleep in for some reason. If the latter, the reason could only be illness.

Sitting up, the first thing Subaru noticed was that his head felt completely clear. The second was that after three days in bed in the same clothes his skin was crawling for a bath, but he could ignore that momentarily as he stared at the pine branch imagining the peonies on Hokuto's side. Then he tossed away the quilt, stood, strode over to the door, and—

—no, he wouldn't knock, he thought, lowering his hand. Hokuto said she wasn't speaking to him until further notice, and as much as that hurt he knew she would come around eventually, so until then he would respect her distance. Besides, he knew his sister's habits, and if she were in her room she would have had music playing, which there wasn't any of. Actually, Subaru couldn't hear much activity in the house at all.

Where was everyone?

Restless, Subaru went to the other door that led to the hallway and pulled it open. The blast of cold winter air made him hastily retreat to fetch a jacket from his much warmer room – how long had his heater been on for? – before trying the door once more whereupon he almost ran into Yukako. "Ah! Sumeragi-bocchama!" she exclaimed, somehow managing to keep hold of the pile of bedding she was carrying. "Good morning, are you feeling better?"

Her brightness, constant through more than thirty years of service to their family, was almost overwhelming. "Good morning Yukako-san, I, ah, I'm feeling much better today, thank you. Do you know where my sister is?"

"Hokuto-sama went out a little while ago I believe into town and won't be back until late."

"…oh. And my grandmother?"

"Sumeragi-dono left early this morning to attend to appointments and should be back in the afternoon. Kitajima-san I understand has a number of jobs today and is also out, so for now Sumeragi-bocchama has the house to himself. Can I get you anything to eat?"

The mere idea of food made Subaru's stomach rumble. Yukako smiled at his embarrassment. "I'll let Hayato-san know. A meal should be ready for you after your bath, would you like to have it in your room?"

"Uh, yes please." To his relief with a small bow Yukako moved on leaving him somewhat unsure of what to do next. So the rest of his family were out, fine, Lady Sumeragi and Shouhei had responsibilities to take care of and considering Hokuto had stayed at home looking after him for the past few days it would do her good to get out for a bit. Hopefully a bit of retail therapy would improve her mood, but it left him at something of a loose end until she returned. He wasn't going back to bed, though.

 _One thing at a time_ , he told himself. First things first, a bath, that was easy enough to deal with. With this in mind Subaru went back into his room and fetched a toothbrush and bathrobe which he piled into a plastic tub along with a towel. His slippers were sitting just outside in the cold corridor and he shivered as he slid his feet into them to walk to the bathhouse. Beyond the windows the sculpted garden was decorated with patches of snow that were almost glaringly white beneath the clear blue sky, and Subaru quickened his pace in anticipation of hot water. In this the main bathhouse did not disappoint; a large wood-walled room with a stone floor and steaming sunken bath, it was thankfully empty of people and after shelving his things Subaru gladly stripped off his gloves and yukata to sit down in front of a faucet. He washed thoroughly, trying to scrub away the lingering lethargy of his illness, and once done quickly rinsed himself off to tiptoe over cold stone to the steaming bath and step in. The water was deliciously, blissfully hot. Subaru found himself relaxing almost immediately.

The sound of lapping water was meditative. Eyes half-shut Subaru gradually sank deeper into the bath leaving only his head exposed as he breathed deeply in and out. Submerged in heat his body felt blurred, its knots and edges dissolving away, and he deliberately concentrated on that sensation to the exclusion of all other thoughts trying to grasp the quiet calm. He managed it, but only briefly. Against the backs of his hands, the temperature was a little too much.

Subaru opened his eyes in irritation. Lifted his hands out of the water and brought them in front of his face, examining the thin burn lines that physically realised the magical stars Seishirou had laid upon him all those years ago. The burn lines were understandable given the dire circumstances at the time but also concerning: until his skin healed completely he would have to wear gloves not just to keep up the illusion of his sixteen-year-old self but for actual concealment. He just hoped no one had seen the marks while he had been sick … no, he didn't think that had happened. The only people who could remove his gloves without triggering the protection spells were himself and Lady Sumeragi, and given he hadn't woken up to find himself figuratively buried under layers of wards or with an armed bodyguard it was a reasonable assumption that Lady Sumeragi hadn't touched his gloves at all.

The lines were also reassuring. They were proof, visible and tangible, that despite the problems at the moment he still belonged to that person. Despite _all_ the problems.

Drips of water echoed like the seconds of a clock. Squeezing eyes shut Subaru submerged his hands again trying to calmly breathe even as the heat built up against the raw skin. He forced himself to endure; he wanted the marks to hurt. Eventually, but, he had to admit defeat and with a hiss of pain Subaru stood and quit the bath entirely – the calm was gone, if he'd even had it in the first place, and the lines were now an angry pink. Subaru didn't particularly care, but once wrapped in his bathrobe he covered his hands with the towel anyway before returning to his room. Just in case.

 

* * *

 

Being clean and fed had a remarkable effect on one's self. Dressed in warm clothes with a fresh pair of bespelled gloves, after eating his first proper meal in days Subaru was finally feeling less like an invalid and more like a functioning member of society, albeit a rather restless one. He went looking for something to do which was easier said than done: he was under doctor's orders not to work, Hokuto and the others were out, and house chores were all taken care of by domestic staff that would be aghast at the mere suggestion of him lending a hand. Attempts to read in the library petered out as Subaru found himself unable to concentrate, and while a workout in the dojo might have blunted his edginess experience had taught that overexerting himself when recovering from illness was never a good idea. Going out for a walk could have been a good compromise, but that was shot down when Yukako found him putting on shoes and apologetically told him that Lady Sumeragi said that because of his health he wasn't allowed out. That strained his mood even more and sent him pacing through the house.

It was a big house, or at least it had been. In the Sumeragi's glory days it would have been home to not just the direct line of clan heads but their extended relations with a full contingent of resident servants. Centuries of change and upheaval, however, had taken their toll reducing what was once a prosperous clan to a fragmented family, and several parts of the house had been closed up due to disuse. These were accessed only a handful of times a year for maintenance or when a pair of small twin children playing hide and seek had needed tracking down. Subaru easily recalled the feel of lifeless rooms inhabited by orphaned clothes and faded photos as he passed their locked doors. Eventually, but, he passed a particular door that made him slow. The door was open, and Subaru recognised the room behind it at once. His first instinct was to keep walking. He nearly did, but something – habit, guilt, sense of duty or a mix of all – made him halt. Reluctantly he went in to the family shrine.

His breathing quietened. Like the formal room before the kamidana, the room that served as antechamber was striking in its simplicity, drawing the eye to the pair of sliding doors leading to the mitamaya. These doors were open, and upon entering Subaru couldn't help but feel chilled as the shadows inside slid almost physically over him. They flickered, circling the glow of the shrine lamps and subtly animating the names of the dead on their white wooden tablets. At present there were eight tablets – Lady Sumeragi's husband, her father and his relations, Subaru and Hokuto's parents – fronting what Subaru knew to be scores more names relegated to scrolls kept within the shrine's cavity. Someone, Lady Sumeragi presumably, had left morning offerings of rice. Subaru wondered if one bowl was enough for all the members of a family that went back centuries.

Hokuto's name had been here too, once. In that time Subaru had avoided this room as much as possible not wanting to face his sister's life reduced to characters on a thin piece of wood, and also out of shame for failing his responsibilities as Sumeragi head. Unable to avenge his sister, selfishly seeking his own destruction, his ancestors had condemned others for far less – and that was before considering the shameful secret of what he felt for his clan's hated enemy which was, quite simply, unforgiveable. Each time Subaru had come before his ancestors, before his family from the parents he had never known to all the Sumeragi heads through history, it had been with Seishirou dominating his thoughts, an offence so great it was a wonder his ancestors did not immediately strike him down—

 

_"In other words, you're ashamed of me. I'm glad we've cleared up where I stand when it comes to your family's good opinion."_

 

—even now instead of paying respects to his ancestors as he should he was hearing Seishirou's voice in his head. Relieved as he was not to see Hokuto's name in this shrine any more, that obsession was one thing that hadn't changed.

If Subaru won the Bet how would Seishirou fit with his family? A ridiculous image came to mind: him bringing Seishirou home to meet Lady Sumeragi, his grandmother's reaction as he introduced "Sakurazuka Seishirou-san" as his – what? Boyfriend? Significant other? Partner? He didn't even know what term to use in describing such a relationship, and there was no way he could say 'lover' without dying of embarrassment. Not that he had any right to use those terms yet, and he had to win the Bet first otherwise the question of how Seishirou would fit with his family would be moot because he would be dead. Or Hokuto would be dead, and he would be in exactly the same position as last time staring at her funerary tablet—

"Subaru-san."

Subaru instinctively tensed. The voice, it belonged only to one speaker, and although Subaru knew it was inevitable that they properly talk he couldn't help but wish it could be delayed indefinitely, not for any specific reason but just because it would be well, easier. With a carefully placid expression he turned to bow. "Obaa-chan," he said, wondering how he could have missed her approach. "Good afternoon."

Lady Sumeragi nodded in acknowledgment. Her back was very straight, her snow-white hair set off by a kimono of soft grey decorated with plum blossom branches around the hem and a light purple obi. Behind her stood a man, silent and greying and wearing a brown suit: her personal assistant. "It's good to see you finally on your feet, Subaru-san," she replied. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thank you very much."

"So you say. You may go, Saito-san, I won't need anything for a while." The greying man respectfully bowed and walked away without a word. Subaru would have preferred him to stay and at least give the illusion of an audience, but then realised why he hadn't heard his grandmother coming: he had unconsciously anticipated the creak of wheelchair tires. On tabi-socked feet Lady Sumeragi stepped forward into the antechamber, pausing only to give a small bow to the family shrine to acknowledge the presence of their ancestors before turning to Subaru. Subaru obediently came to meet her whereupon she reached out to place a hand against his forehead. "Your fever has certainly gone which is a relief, but you should take care not to push yourself for a while. Have you eaten?" Subaru replied that he had. "Good."

Her hand dropped but her gaze did not follow, and instead ran critically over him inspecting for any other signs of bad health. Suddenly Subaru felt self-conscious of his clothes, which without Hokuto's input was simply a pair of black jeans and a cream turtleneck under a thick jacket – and black gloves, of course. Lady Sumeragi definitely focused on those, gaze sharpening as if trying to see through— "Yukako-san said you left early this morning," said Subaru, trying to avoid an awkward silence. "Was it for a job?"

"It wasn't a job, no, it was a meeting and lunch with the city mayor to thank us for our work this year. The invitation was extended to you as well as the thirteenth Sumeragi Head, I passed on your apologies. Where is your sister?"

The thought of Hokuto right now made Subaru wince. "I … I'm not sure. She wasn't around when I woke up late this morning."

"You mean she went out? Where to?"

"Into town, I think."

"You think. So your sister left this morning while you were still recovering and didn't even leave a note as to where she was going, or when to expect her back." Lady Sumeragi's voice was heavy with disapproval. "That girl – I hope she isn't this irresponsible in Tokyo?"

"Absolutely not, she probably just wanted to go out for a bit and do some shopping or something after being at home for so long. She takes good care of me as well as herself—"

"I know she takes good care of herself, I've seen the clothes receipts. One would think from her spending habits that the work this family does is solely for the upkeep of that girl's wardrobe." Subaru wisely kept silent; his grandmother has a point and it had the exasperation of repeated airings. "I keep telling her that she's nearly seventeen, she has to be more mature when it comes to her hobbies, but you know how stubborn your sister is – even now she's still trying to argue about going to Yasaka for New Year's Eve despite the fact that I've already said no. And it's not just her hobbies, she needs to give serious thought to what she wants to do after high school; she's not like you with a clear path in life. I heard you decided not to continue with school, is that right?"

It took Subaru a moment to realise Lady Sumeragi had turned the conversation back to him. "Ah, yes it is."

"And you're comfortable with this decision?"

"I am."

"In that case I suggest you also start thinking about when to move back to Kyōto. I'd like Hokuto-san to come back as well, but I suspect she has strong opinions about living in Tokyo. You on the other hand, you're the next clan head, your rightful place is here and I expect you to return eventually. Unless you prefer living in Tokyo?"

Subaru was taken aback. "I – I certainly like it there if that's what you're asking," he stammered out, all the while hearing Hokuto's voice, _you're expected to continue and protect our family's tradition; your life will never be entirely yours._

"Is that so? Even though you said yourself you don't get a chance to socialise much and make connections there? What about your personal security, do you feel safe in Tokyo?"

"Uh, outside of work I haven't encountered anything I couldn't handle."

"Anything? What about two weeks ago?"

He blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Two weeks ago something happened to you, something that triggered the protection spell on a pair of your gloves. What was it?"

Subaru's mind raced. Two weeks ago. The spell on his gloves triggered. What—

 

_The smile on Seishirou's face grew slightly. Then, before Subaru could react, he reached down and took hold of Subaru gloved right hand lifting it up between them. Tension as a low pressure closed around their joined hands, then tiny lightning bolts began to appear making the air crackle angrily as the glove still covering Subaru's right hand and the empty glove he was holding were torn apart. Subaru flinched but allowed it, an acknowledgment of the Sakurazukamori's power as singed fragments of black leather fell away revealing the inverted pentagram burned into his flesh—_

 

He paled. "I'm not sure what you're talking about," he replied, trying to buy time. _Think, think!_ "Ah, when exactly did this happen?"

"The seventeenth of December. You were investigating the MS Institute at the time and went out to dinner at a Shinjuku restaurant, does that help your memory?" asked Lady Sumeragi impatiently.

"It does a bit," said Subaru dazedly, but then he realised what his grandmother had said. "Wait, how do you know I went out to dinner in Shinjuku that night?"

Lady Sumeragi's pale green eyes never wavered from his face. "It's my protection spell, I would notice if it is disturbed, and when I sensed its flare I immediately sent a shikigami to check."

"A shikigami—" Subaru stared in shock. "You were _spying_ on me?"

"I was protecting you. If a spell protecting my grandson gets activated of course I'll want to know why and aid you even if it means projecting over hundreds of kilometres. As things were I caught up to you outside a Chinese restaurant, and while I was relieved to see that you were all right I was extremely worried to see you out in public and talking to people with your hands exposed—"

"All that time you were watching?!"

"—but what concerns me more is the fact that you didn't see fit to tell me about it! I followed you home to keep you safe, but you never called to let me know about your gloves, not then or any time since—"

"There was nothing to tell!" The shock had become outrage that burst out as a shout. "I was fine, you obviously saw for yourself – I can't _believe_ you were spying on me—"

" _Enough!_ " Subaru shut up. Lady Sumeragi glared. "You will stop using that word and give me more credit. I do not make a habit of spying on my grandchildren and other than the night in question and the occasional job have not done so out of respect for you. You _will_ afford me the same and understand that when I demand to know what happened that night I do so out of concern for your own wellbeing. Now tell me, _what happened to you that set off the spell?_ "

He was trembling, trying not to slip over to panic – just how much had his grandmother seen? Had she noticed Seishirou? Though she was just asking about his gloves, she hadn't mentioned anything about his dinner companion … he focused on that, a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe he could get through this with his secrets intact. But what explanation could he give for his gloves that would reassure his grandmother? He wished Hokuto was here; she would say something like— "It was an accident," he found himself saying. "A trivial accident I didn't think it was worth bothering you about. A waitress at the restaurant, she stumbled when someone near me pushed their chair into her. She was carrying hot tea at the time and she spilt it all over my hands soaking the gloves."

Lady Sumeragi's eyes narrowed. "And how did that trigger the spell?"

"The waitress thought she had scalded me, and went to pull my gloves off before I could do anything." Subaru wondered at his growing confidence. "She was mortified at what had happened and didn't listen when I said I was all right. I had to do a lot of explaining when the spell bit her."

"And were you hurt?"

"Not really."

"Why didn't you put your gloves back on afterwards?"

"They were wet through, I didn't want to wear them."

"So you walked home without wearing your gloves?"

"Yes."

"And the man you spoke to outside the restaurant afterwards, who was he?"

Subaru didn't even hesitate. "He was the restaurant guest who made the waitress stumble. He caught me outside and wanted to apologise again. I didn't get his name."

For a long moment Lady Sumeragi studied him. Subaru met her eyes as steadily as he could manage with a thudding pulse. Then, "Show me your hands," she commanded.

"W-why?"

"I want to check that nothing happened and you are all right."

"I told you, it was just an accident." The panic he'd held at bay began to inch up his throat; he clenched his fists feeling the burn-lines stretch beneath the gloves— "Nothing happened, my hands are fine—"

" _Show me!_ "

Flinch. Mechanically Subaru lifted his hands weighed down by an awful sense of dread. He tugged on the fingertips of the left glove, feeling the air's chill on his wrist spread as he pulled the glove off completely … he kept his eyes on the floor, not daring to watch his grandmother's reaction as he braced for—

There was a sigh. "Good," said Lady Sumeragi.

Subaru's eyes widened. Jerked his head up and stared his grandmother, her eyes half closed with relief as she held a hand over her chest, before looking at the back of his left hand. The pale pink burn lines of the Sakurazukamori mark were painfully visible, there was no way Lady Sumeragi could have missed it. And yet she wasn't acting like she had seen anything wrong, let alone evidence that her grandson had encountered the Sakurazukamori. "Good," she repeated, "I'm glad to see to all is well. Understand, Subaru-san, it's not that I doubted you, it's just that when it comes to your safety it's better just to be sure …"

He wasn't listening. He yanked the glove off his right hand hardly daring to think – yes, there was a matching pentagram lightly burned into his skin there too, and still his grandmother didn't see it. Was he delusional, was his grandmother losing her sight, or were his hands covered by something that only he could see through, maybe some sort of make-up or sheath or—

_Illusion._

"… I know you're an honest person Subaru-san and you thought it wasn't worth telling me about a minor accident however it's always better for me to know …"

An illusion was the only explanation. Seishirou must have cast it, but when? The same night after that debacle Within? Or sometime later, maybe Seishirou had visited him in secret before Subaru left Tokyo, or even—

 _Or even while I was sick._ The thought, crazy as it was, made his heart skip. _That would mean Seishirou-san left Tokyo and travelled here. He'd have had to get close to cast the illusion – could he have gotten past the wards without anyone noticing? Where would he stay?_

_What if he's nearby right now?_

A thread of anticipation curled in his chest, slowly burning despite self-admonitions about jumping to conclusions. He glanced out the window barely hearing a word from his grandmother as he scanned the garden wondering where someone could hide— "Subaru-san. _Subaru-san._ "

"Hm?"

"You can put them back on now."

"Oh." Hurriedly he began to pull on his gloves only to pause as a thought impulsively struck. "Why?"

Lady Sumeragi looked confused. "What do you mean, 'why'?"

"Why do I have to wear these gloves all the time?"

"What is this all of a sudden? You know perfectly well that those gloves are for your own protection, now put them back on."

"But from what? You say I have to wear them for protection, but never told me what from. Why is that?"

"Because there's no reason to," Lady Sumeragi said sternly. "It's for your own good and until you're of age it's better that you don't know. Now put them back on!"

Subaru's fingers tightened on the gloves, but otherwise didn't move. Lady Sumeragi's face darkened. "I don't know what has gotten into you to cause such impertinence," she said, and a warning was heard in every syllable, "but I am telling you, Subaru-san, both as your grandmother and your clan head, to put on your gloves."

Subaru stood his ground. "I'm not a child, Obaa-chan, and I want you to tell me what I'm being protected from. Please."

For a long moment Lady Sumeragi stared at him, disbelief warring with anger on her face. Subaru met her as best he could, not challengingly but with a simple determination that he hoped she would take seriously. Then Lady Sumeragi drew herself up. "No. You're not ready to know. When you're of adult age and strong enough to lead this clan, then is the time I will tell you."

It was impossible to conceal his disappointment in her. "All right," Subaru said quietly. "Please excuse me."

He began to walk, side-stepping past his grandmother to exit the room. "Where are you going?" she demanded.

"Out," he replied shortly, never breaking stride as he headed down the corridor. He glanced out the windows as he passed; the winter sky was a bright clear blue.

"Out?" Hurried sounds of tabi-socks on wood; there was no way his grandmother could keep up with him in a kimono but she was doing her best to try. "Where are you – Subaru-san!"

Subaru ignored her, even quickening his pace until finally he got to the front door. With sharp, frustrated movements he fetched his coat and scarf from the rack and pulled them on, holding his gloves in his teeth before getting his boots. They were lace-up boots that went up over his ankles, yet another of Hokuto's purchases for him, and he sat on the step of the genkan to do them up properly. Lady Sumeragi caught up with him just as he was finishing the second boot. "You cannot go outside, Subaru-san," she said commandingly. "I forbid you from leaving this house without your gloves, and in any case you're still recovering from illness!"

Standing up Subaru took the gloves out of his mouth and pulled them over his hands, deliberately holding himself so that his grandmother could see. "I know I have to wear the gloves, and I am. But I'm still going out."

"Your health—"

"I'm willing to take the risk." Prepared and ready, he opened the door and stood on the threshold savouring the crisp winter air. "I'm just going for a walk," he said quietly, "nothing more than that, and I can take care of myself. If you have your doubts I suppose you could send a shikigami to watch me again, but I'm hoping you won't. Please."

He stepped out. Felt his grandmother's stare as he headed down the stone path and onto the main driveway. The sound of gravel crunching under his boots was wonderfully satisfactory and he concentrated on that as his grandmother tried once more— "Subaru-san!"

The double gate at the end of the driveway was closed. Without looking back Subaru lifted the latch and pushed it open ignoring the ofuda stuck to the surface; they were meant to keep things out, not in. Outside the road was empty, stretching left and right, lying in wait.

Subaru let the gate swing shut behind him. With a deep breath, he began to walk.

 

* * *

 

On the streets, patient cars drove alongside rickshaws darting about like dragonflies.

Along the river, visitors competed for pictures of the crossing moon bridge.

In the tea houses, friends and families warmed themselves with pots of hot tofu.

Subaru wandered where his feet would take him. With tree-lined roads and sleeping paddies patrolled by geese, Sagano was a world away from central Kyōto, let alone Tokyo's concrete and glass metropolis. The Sumeragi House itself was situated in an old and quiet neighbourhood away from the tourist tracks meaning Subaru hardly encountered any people, and those he did kept to themselves. When he got to the main road then the population increased, but since winter was the low season for sightseeing the crowds were barely comparable to a minor Tokyo train station and Subaru could move around with ease. It helped that the weather was fine; cold as it was, there was enough sun to make it seem warmer and continuous walking could even push things towards hot. The only cloud was the fact that he was being followed. Subaru had noticed the small white bird not fifteen minutes after leaving the estate; his grandmother's shikigami was familiar to him after all, and unlike before he knew to look for it. Hopefully it had seen the angry disappointment in his face, but apart from that Subaru had done his best to act as if it wasn't there. He had another purpose to his walk, and while being followed was a definite inconvenience he wasn't going to let it deter him.

He searched. Explored streets and corners he had never seen before, for all that he had grown up here. There were a handful of accommodation places that he knew about and probably several more he didn't, and over the hours he eventually found most of them. With his grandmother's shikigami shadowing he didn't dare approach any of the doors, instead slowing his pace as he passed in order to look, studying, wondering, trying to imagine Seishirou there. Some places were easily dismissed – hostels, for instance – but others, a tasteful hotel or even a ryokan where the privacy of guests was respected and protected, he could see Seishirou staying there. He'd tell himself not to be stupid of course, that the chances of finding someone like this were slim to none but the idea that maybe, just maybe his hunter had come refused to die and urged him restlessly on until when Subaru could find no more hotels he began to imagine Seishirou elsewhere, what restaurants he would like, which shops would catch his eye, how he would talk with the people that passed. Fitting in, here, in this place around Subaru.

All Subaru had to do was make room.

Shadows stretched like cats before the dying winter sun. Subaru's path had brought him to the edge of town where walls gave way to bamboo forest. Visitors who wished to enter were meant to use the fenced off roads, but having grown up here to Subaru the forest wasn't so much a tourist attraction more than it was an extension of the garden, and he slipped inside with little effort. Almost immediately a silence fell about him; sheltered in near-permanent shade the snow was allowed to cling, and the ground was covered with a patchy coverlet of white that muffled any step while the bamboos themselves kept out the urban noise like ranks of tall grey-green sentries. Only the wind was allowed to speak, low and cold, whispering over the rustle of leaves and occasionally, growing bold enough to gently knock the bamboo against each other.

There was a clearing some ways in around a fallen tree. It wasn't a secret – when Subaru and Hokuto had found it as children they had also found empty bottles that they cleaned up – but it was difficult to get to and took a while for Subaru to locate again. By the time he did the sky had darkened to twilight, which should have been concerning but strangely wasn't, and only then did Subaru end his long, meandering search to quietly stand, listening, breathing, settling. There was snow at his feet and in the air, and if Lady Sumeragi's shikigami was still nearby he couldn't see it.

Subaru tilted his head back and closed his eyes. It was cold, but he imagined there were arms around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Hokuto's travelling outfit of bright orange coat trimmed with black with matching orange suitcase is one of mine.  
> \- The Granvia Hotel and current Kyōto Station was built in 1997.  
> \- _Koseki_ is the Japanese family registry. Marriages, adoptions, and acknowledgements of paternity are only legally effective when recorded in the koseki.  
>  \- _Harai_ is a Shinto purification ceremony for the removal of all sin, pollution and misfortune. _Oharai/Oharae_ is the major nationwide ceremony performed on the last day of June and December each year.  
>  \- Tohoku University is located in Sendai, Miyagi Prefecture at the northern end of Honshu. It was established in 1907 and is the third oldest Imperial University in Japan.  
> \- The _kamidana_ is a Shinto household altar enshrining a kami associated with the family. It contains ofuda with written prayers and various items (kamizane) for Shinto ceremony such the shintai, vases for evergreen _sakiki_ leaves, offering vessels for sake, water, salt, fruit, etc. and _shimenawa_ (sacred rice straw rope).  
>  \- [Ame-no-Koyane no Mikoto](http://eos.kokugakuin.ac.jp/modules/xwords/entry.php?entryID=37) is the kami considered first in charge of divine affairs in Shinto according to the [Nihongi](http://www.sacred-texts.com/shi/nihon0.htm). When the Sun-Goddess Amaterasu withdrew into the rock cave to hide from her disruptive brother thus bringing darkness upon the land, Ame-no-Koyane along with [Ame-no-Futotama no Mikoto](http://eos.kokugakuin.ac.jp/modules/xwords/entry.php?entryID=52) performed divine rites to persuade her to return. Later, when the Heavenly Grandson descended to earth as Emperor, both Ame-no-Koyane and Ame-no-Futotama descended as well to attend to him as court ritualists. Ame-no-Koyane is claimed to be the ancestor of the [Nakatomi clan](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nakatomi_clan) which, together with the Inbe clan who claimed Ame-no-Futotama as their ancestor, held responsibility for divine affairs. The Nakatomi generally had charge of recitations (including the main liturgy for the Oharai) while the Inbe had charge of offerings, however over time the two clans became rivals competing for influence. Despite Inbe-no-Hironari's penning of the [Kogo Shui ](http://www.sacred-texts.com/shi/kgsh/kgsh0.htm) setting out his clan's divine history and rights, the Nakatomi increased in power and were eventually bestowed with a new name: Fujiwara. The Fujiwara would go on effectively rule Japan from behind the throne during the Heian Era, while the Inbe gradually diminished out of recorded history.  
> \- The Mitama-San-no-tana ('Shelf of the August Spirits') is a shelf that houses the mitamaya, a Shinto altar for the worship of deceased ancestors and family members (also referred to as tamaya, otamaya). Since Buddhism dominates funerary rites in Japan (with the Buddhist altar for ancestor worship being the butsudan) a tamaya will generally only be used in priestly or strictly Shinto households.  
> \- Sagano, where the Sumeragi estate is located, is a district on the western outskirts of Kyōto at the foot of Arashiyama. It was a favourite country escape for the emperor and aristocrats of old, and today the most famous tourist attractions are Togetsukyo, the bridge of the crossing moon, the bamboo forest and surrounding shrines and temples.


	5. Kyoto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You have my trust, all of you. Don't give me cause to regret it."

"Where have you _been?_ " exclaimed Hokuto, blocking the corridor that led to their rooms. "Obaa-chama's looking thunderous, no one could say where you were, just what is going on?!"

Subaru blinked to see her but didn't break step; he was cold, weary, and yet oddly satisfied for reasons he was yet to frame in words. "Hello, Hokuto-chan," he said tiredly. "I've just been out for a walk."

"Must be some kind of walk to get Obaa-chama riled up, where did you go?!"

"Just around town, I wanted some exercise." He slowed a little; seeing that he wasn't going to stop Hokuto had turned to let him pass and was now walking beside him, her face alive with curiosity and concern. "And I could ask the same of you – where did _you_ go?"

"I went into the city, Kyōto's packed with people and I wanted some retail therapy. Just how long a walk are we talking about? Are you all right?"

"A few hours? I'm fine, really, not sick at all." They came to their rooms, and without ceremony Subaru slid his door open and flicked on the light as he entered. He sank to the floor immediately, grateful to be off his feet at last. Then he realised that Hokuto had come in behind him. "I thought you weren't speaking to me?" he asked, startled.

"Oh please, I'm over it – you were depressed and sick, I was being pushy and annoying in tickling you, we both said things we shouldn't have, so let's forgive each other and move on, okay? Besides, this is far more important and – you know what, your room's freezing, let's go to mine."

Before Subaru could say anything Hokuto grabbed his arm and tugged him upwards. Her other hand stretched to open the sliding door. Subaru hastily got to his feet to follow as Hokuto pulled him through to her room, which in layout was the mirror image of his but in all other respects completely different. Clothes and other belongings adorned every available piece of furniture like they had never been packed for Tokyo, and the heater made it seem as if they had walked from winter into spring. He shut the door behind him; the peonies painted on Hokuto's side were white and reddish pink.

Hokuto snagged a pair of bright cushions, one of which she sat on, the other she slid over to Subaru who sank down immediately. There was a hot water dispenser on a small table nearby, and Hokuto used this to make a cup of steaming tea. "That's better," she said, handing the tea to Subaru. "This is far more comfortable. Now – what happened with Obaa-chama?"

Subaru hesitated, thinking that Hokuto was letting him off too easy, but if she didn't want to dwell on it then he wasn't going to stop her. Besides, he was glad for her company. He cradled his tea as he gathered his thoughts of the afternoon's confrontation, which after his long expedition had cooled enough for objective discussion. "Uh, she – I mean, we, had a bit of an argument this afternoon. About me being in Tokyo, and how her idea of protecting me is to not tell me anything and use her shikigami to follow me and spy on what I'm doing—"

" _What!?_ "

"—that was my reaction exactly."

Hokuto stared, her expression horrified. "Did she find out about Sei-chan?" she asked bluntly.

"No, thankfully, she said she only sent the shikigami that time because she thought something had happened to me. But she's apparently done it before to check on jobs, and the night she sent her shikigami was the night Seishirou-san and I went out to dinner in Shinjuku—"

"You mean the night you confessed."

Subaru coloured. "Yes."

"She saw the two of you together?"

"I think so. But she didn't really ask about him, and I—" He broke off.

Hokuto frowned. "What?"

In the benefit of hindsight and without adrenalin, the full extent of what Subaru had done was a shameful weight. "I … I told her the man she saw me speaking to was just a restaurant guest who was apologising for spilling tea," he said weakly.

"You mean you _lied?_ " Hokuto's eyes widened to the size of saucers then narrowed. "That's … a pretty dumb lie. And did Obaa-chama buy it?"

"Uh, yes?"

"She di— wait, so you lied _well? You?_ Wow." Hokuto shook her head in disbelief. "As a responsible sister I have to say that it's Not Right to lie to Obaa-chama but as your sister it's probably better that you did. Either way I'm impressed – but don't ever pull that trick on me, okay?"

Subaru flinched at this so he quickly moved on. "Anyway, I also asked her why she insists on me wearing gloves and what they're supposed to protect me from. She wouldn't tell me, so I walked out. Why, what did you hear?"

"That you were answering back and questioning her decisions and generally not being the little kid she's used to. Okay, she didn't say the last bit; I just figured it out from her interrogation once she finished scolding me for going out the whole day. Luckily Saito-san interrupted saying she had a phone call so I could run off otherwise I might still be getting snapped at."

Subaru glanced at his sister. Hokuto had curled up on her cushion with arms around her knees and shoulders hunched, a very un-Hokuto-like pose. "I'm sorry she took her anger at me out on you," he said quietly.

She forced a smile. "Thanks, but it wasn't just you, it's been going on for a while. I need to stop wasting money on clothes, I need to grow up and be more serious, I need to think about what I want to do after high school by which she means something respectable that's not fashion related, wash, rinse, repeat. All stuff she's been saying over the past few days while you've been out sick."

There was a twinge of shame. "Are you all right?"

"I'm okay, but honestly I'll cheer up more once we're on the train back to Tokyo. It's not that I don't love and respect Obaa-chama, and I will apologise to her like I always do, but we do seem to get along better when we're not seeing each other every day. Besides, after being able to go out whenever and wherever I want, having to justify and get permission for stuff I want to do is incredibly, incredibly frustrating. And then to be told no, you can't do this or go do that …"

Wordlessly Subaru put his cup down and reached out, touching his sister's hair before sliding an arm around her shoulders. She sank against him, warm and heavy with none of her usual energy, and Subaru felt his heart constrict in sympathy and guilt. Hokuto always seemed to confident, so sure of herself, and since she was always the one cheering him up it never occurred to Subaru that she, too, could suffer from self-doubt. She thrived in Tokyo, so much so it was easy to forget how in Kyōto she used to smuggle new clothes into her bedroom and her defensiveness whenever Lady Sumeragi criticised her choices from magazines to school friends. Or maybe Subaru truly had forgotten. After all, their shared childhood growing up in these rooms was to him, quite literally, another life.

Hokuto let out a sigh. Subaru tightened his arms around her, and in doing so caught sight of their reflections in a mirror opposite. With Hokuto's dark coloured top against his jacket they seemed to make some kind of double-headed creature, Siamese twins perhaps, with two identical faces on a single body and four green eyes. A pair of children, clutching and protecting each other against the world, and while their individual problems were very different, in a way they were also the same.

Hokuto saw him looking, and caught his eye in the mirror. "We can't keep Sei-chan a secret forever, you know," she said quietly

He didn't question her lead. "I know."

"Obaa-chama will have to find out eventually."

"I know. But not yet."

"Then when?"

"When—" He broke off. The Bet ended in early February, less than two months away. _So soon!_ "When I'm ready," he said, clamping back the flare of panic. "When I can confidently say that Seishirou-san and I are together. When I know for sure that I mean something to him." _Because the future you hope for, or the one Obaa-chan wants … those plans mean nothing if I don't ensure that we_ have _a future._

"And how will you kn—"

There was a knock on the door. As one, they twisted to look. "Uh, yes?" asked Subaru.

The door slid open. Yukako was on the other side. "Pardon my intrusion," she said with a bow. "I just thought I'd inform you that since Kitajima-san has now returned, dinner will be served soon and Sumeragi-dono is already in the main room."

It was impossible for Subaru to miss the way Hokuto tensed, or she him. The two of them glanced at each other in silent acknowledgment of unison. "Thank you," replied Subaru. "We'll be there soon."

Yukako nodded and began to leave, but then stopped as if struck by a thought. "If I may be so presumptuous," she said, voice dropping conspiratorially, "the old year has almost ended, and it is tradition that family forgive any disagreements and misunderstandings between them in order to make a clean start to the new. Sumeragi-dono may have already done this, but it is appropriate that it be said first by the younger."

Subaru and Hokuto didn't respond. Yukako smiled and bowed once more before departing secure in the standing age and length of service bestowed. Eventually Hokuto spoke. "Well, here we go," she sighed, and Subaru felt her shoulders heave against his chest. "Might as well get it over and done with."

She stood up, extending a hand out to her brother. Subaru took it allowing himself to be pulled to his feet and together the two of them left Hokuto's warm spring room. They were apprehensive, quietly so, and while this was familiar territory for Subaru seeing Hokuto so uncharacteristically quiet was a worry, though of course her face was determined either for his sake or out of pride. Subaru racked his brain for a way to break the tension. "Hey, Hokuto-chan?"

"Mm?"

"How do you know about all that uh … stuff?"

"What stuff?"

"That – stuff last night." Subaru felt his face flush. "You know, everything you were teasing about? With me and Seishirou-san?"

"Oh, _that._ " Hokuto gave a wink, her familiar cheeky smile coming out like a blue patch of sky. "Let's just say that there's some _interesting_ manga that gets passed around the girls at school. A few have very detailed illustrations, so if you ever want some ideas I can borrow them to bring home, or maybe just to pass to Sei-chan—"

Ears burning Subaru ducked his head and wished he hadn't asked. Someday, he thought wryly, if Seishirou didn't kill him first Hokuto was going to make him die of embarrassment – but at least she seemed better.

 

* * *

 

Lady Sumeragi was talking with Shouhei at the table when the twins came in. Subaru could tell immediately that the conversation was a debriefing of whatever job Shouhei had just done, but unlike Subaru who tended to answer hesitantly and pre-empt criticism, Shouhei seemed to be far more self-assured. That all came to an abrupt halt when Lady Sumeragi turned to see her grandchildren.

Closing the door behind them, Subaru came forward with Hokuto following a slight but noticeable breath behind. Immediately and perhaps wisely Shouhei got up from his cushion to Lady Sumeragi's right and moved to a second a short distance down the table to visually separate himself from what would follow if not in actuality. Lady Sumeragi herself did not make any gesture of greeting, only watched them with cool pale green eyes, and Subaru knew she would not speak until she was offered the apology that was her due. What exactly had happened between her and Hokuto wasn't completely clear however for himself Subaru thought that he had been perfectly entitled to feel angry at her for keeping him under watch. He was sensible enough to realise that such behaviour wasn't going to get either of them anywhere, but, and besides, if he wanted her to treat him like an adult, then wasn't it about time he acted like one?

"Obaa-chan." Formally he bowed to her and when he straightened to speak he kept his eyes lowered. "Please allow me to apologise for my behaviour this afternoon. I was wrong to lose my temper and speak to you as I did, it was disrespectful and uncalled for. I ask for your forgiveness."

He bowed again, and this time when he raised his head he saw his grandmother nod slightly, her expression softer. It made his next words that much harder to come out, but he forced past the hesitation. "That being said, I would still like to say that I'm not happy being under your surveillance."

Any hint of a smile from Lady Sumeragi promptly vanished. Subaru was vaguely aware of Hokuto and Shouhei's stares but kept his eyes on his grandmother. "I know that you worry about me, and I am glad for it. I can appreciate the necessity for things like the gloves. But being followed and watched like this afternoon … it's uncomfortable and upsetting. It's not that I don't understand why it was done, I do," he added quickly, as Lady Sumeragi's face grew more and more dark, "and I'm not asking you to stop worrying about me, I just ask … please, allow me my privacy and have faith in me. Please."

He bowed for the third time, deep enough that he could see his knees, and held himself there in the long silence that followed. He wondered if he would have to hold it until his back broke in two. Eventually, but, there was a small sigh. "If you kept in touch more regularly, there would be less need for me to watch you in such a manner."

Warily Subaru raised his head. Lady Sumeragi's expression was that of resignation, though her voice was firm. "Understand, Subaru-san, that your very life depends on you wearing those gloves. That being said, as much as I worry about your safety, I worry even more when I don't know what's going on. You so rarely contact me from Tokyo, and when you do it is always to speak about work, it may be a surprise to know that I also want to hear about _you_."

Subaru didn't dare speak yet, not wanting to believe what he was hearing. Lady Sumeragi looked at him in a manner that allowed no room for disobedience. "I give you my word, young man, that I will not intrude on your privacy in such a way again, on the condition that you _talk_ to me. Call home not just when something happens or a job is done, but every two or three days and keep me in touch with your life in Tokyo. Don't leave it for me to be told by Hokuto-san."

"Y-yes, Obaa-chan." He bowed again, and again, quickly and gratefully. "Thank you."

Lady Sumeragi nodded once more, before turning her attention to Hokuto. Still reeling slightly from what had just transpired Subaru snatched a glance at his sister, her straight back and chin stuck obstinately out. These were kept in perfect alignment even as she bowed. "Obaa-chama," she began clearly. "I also wish to apologise for my actions today. I shouldn't have gone out without telling anyone when I'd be back, I shouldn't have yelled at you when you scolded me, and I shouldn't have bought that coat and shoes this afternoon. I'm sorry."

She stopped there, proud and defiant despite her situation. Lady Sumeragi simply looked at her. "And the rest?" she asked calmly.

"The rest I promise I will consider. Seriously consider, I mean. And you know I'll tell you what I think about them."

 _Loudly and clearly, I'm sure,_ thought Subaru with a wry smile. Unexpectedly he heard a chuckle from off-side and glanced over to see Shouhei with a similar amused expression as he no doubt shared Subaru's thought. Seeing them Hokuto gave a contrite elfin grin that showed she too knew what her brother and cousin were thinking which only set them off further – and just like that the tension was broken as the three of them watched each other trying not to laugh and ended up making each other laugh out loud. Lady Sumeragi didn't, of course, but Subaru could swear he saw the corners of her mouth quirk up. "Thank you, Hokuto-san," she said calmly, once it looked like her grandchildren and grandnephew were regaining self-control, "that's all I ask for, for you to listen and consider. You're a strong young woman, but don't mistake obduracy for independence."

"Y-yes, Obaa-chama," giggled Hokuto.

The hinted smile on Lady Sumeragi's face threatened to show itself. "The two of you may sit down now," she said.

Still grinning at each other Subaru and Hokuto scrambled to take their places, Subaru in his usual seat to Lady Sumeragi's right, and Hokuto to Lady Sumeragi's left with Shouhei on her other side. They sank down with obvious relief and a moment later the doors of the room opened to allow the maids to bring in dinner which was such perfect timing that Subaru would not have been surprised if Yukako had been listening at the door. They set the table, dishes and bowls clattering loudly as they were placed around a portable gas stove— "Nabemono!" exclaimed Hokuto. "Just what I wanted in this weather – thank you, Yukako-san, Chiori-san, and please thank Hayato-san as well!"

The two maids bowed in acknowledgment at this before taking their leave. Subaru couldn't help but notice that Yukako was looking especially pleased with herself, but thought no more of it as he took in the tableau – plates of raw meats and seafood, mushrooms, tofu, chopped vegetables – and felt his stomach growl. Hokuto grinned at him. "The water shouldn't take long to boil, so just be patient for a few minutes. What did you do today, Shou-kun?"

"The usual end of year rituals for a few places, though there was a minor exorcism in Kiyomizu-dera," replied Shouhei immediately. Subaru made himself useful by pouring out dipping sauces. "Apparently the client's new wife had been ignoring the household deities and they were showing their annoyance by smashing his ceramic work. I had a vase thrown at my head which made things interesting. What about you, Subaru-san, I heard you went out?"

"Um, yeah, I went for a walk, just around the neighbourhood. It was good to get out after so long in bed."

"So I guess you're all better now, then. Did you go with him, Hokuto-san?"

"Nope, I actually left before he got up this morning and went into the city. Nice to go around and see if anything has changed, though if I had known you were around Kiyomizu-dera we could have met up for lunch …"

They continued in this manner for a while, a little careful and forced perhaps given the new year deadline but by the time the water was boiling ready to cook things were more effortless. At that point any talking was suspended in favour of food, but only briefly as an emboldened Hokuto could hardly be kept quiet for long, and her energy was such that she easily coaxed Shouhei into keeping up with her and Subaru into making an effort to join in. Only Lady Sumeragi, calm and regal, did not participate. Subaru did sneak a glance at her now and then to see if their noise was irritating her but she seemed perfectly content to sit and listen while she ate.

"… really like the decorations they have going for new years this year and the festival is apparently going to be _huge!_ "

"Which shrine's festival are you talking about?" asked Shouhei.

"Yasaka in Gion, of course. (Pass the sauce, would you, Subaru?) I walked by it today, it was absolutely full of stalls being set up. We should totally go there tomorrow night for New Years, I mean it'll only take about half an hour on the trains—"

"Hokuto-san." Everyone fell silent. Lady Sumeragi did not even deign to look up from her food as she spoke. "What have I already said on this subject?"

Hokuto's face immediately fell, but not quite to the point of being crestfallen. "I know, but please, Obaa-chama, I really want to go, it would be a great night out and it's not like I've never been out by myself before, I mean if I can survive in Tokyo—"

"We're not talking about Tokyo right now, and I've already said numerous times that I don't like the idea of you going out so late. Why you keep going on about New Year's in Gion I can't understand; certainly your brother doesn't seem to care."

"He does too! Subaru, you want to come with Yasaka with me for New Years, don't you?"

Subaru blinked over his bowl, his first reaction being to say that he'd never thought about it before, but then he saw the way Hokuto was looking at him. "Ah, I think it's a good idea? It would be nice to go out to Yasaka for the midnight countdown."

The grateful expression Hokuto threw him could have lit up the entire house. Lady Sumeragi on the other hand looked disapproving. "I don't know, Subaru-san, Yasaka and Gion are going to be ridiculously crowded. Why can't you go to a shrine that's close by?"

"I don't mind doing something special with Hokuto-chan for New Years—"

"Because Yasaka is _the_ place to be! The huge crowds are part of the fun, and there'll be lots of food stalls and things to watch and we can dress up in kimono and everything!"

"I know your reasons, Hokuto-san, and I'm still not convinced. I don't like the idea of you being out so late by yourselves."

"What about if I went along?"

The three Sumeragi turned to the other end of the table. Shouhei looked earnest. "If it will help alleviate your concerns, Obaa-sama, I'm more than happy to go with Subaru-san and Hokuto-san and watch over them. I don't mind checking out New Years at Yasaka myself, and if I go it also means that we can drive to and from Gion so there's no need to worry about trains."

"That's a great idea!" Hokuto actually clapped her hands as she said this. "Shou-kun can come and look after us, and we can drive there and back which is far more comfortable and safer than trains stuffed full of excited festival goers – please, Obaa-chama, please?"

She looked so beseeching and hopeful, Lady Sumeragi did not reply, and when Subaru quietly reiterated his support their grandmother seemed to waver even more. Still, it was only when Shouhei began to set out an idea for when they would leave and what time he'd have everyone back that she finally sighed. "Very well. You may go to Yasaka tomorrow night."

The excited squeal from Hokuto was thankfully short as she got up to hug Lady Sumeragi. "Thank you, Obaa-chama, _thank you!_ "

Shouhei seemed pleased. "I'd better get some petrol tomorrow, then; what with all the jobs the past few days the car's been run almost dry."

Warmed by his sister's happiness Subaru waited until she returned to her seat to make his own thanks known both verbally and with bowed head. When he lifted it Lady Sumeragi was looking at him. "Every year, you grow in ways both perplexing and rewarding," she murmured, and for a moment she seemed almost wistful. It passed quickly leaving only sternness in its place. "I expect the three of you back before two a.m., do you understand? Look after each other because I am not exaggerating about the crowds, and while I'm sure each of you are sensible enough to look after yourselves and find your way home alone if need be, I want everyone to come back together."

"We will, Obaa-chama." Hokuto's voice was firm. "We're grateful for your faith in us, and will respect it."

Something inside Subaru squirmed like a worm suddenly exposed to light. He tried to ignore it.

 

* * *

 

The final day of the year was a busy one filled with last-minute chores. It was tradition to clean the household in preparation for the new year and in a house as large as the Sumeragi estate everyone, not just the servants, had their own set of tasks and responsibilities to make sure it was all done. For Subaru and Hokuto they woke early so that after breakfast they could clean their rooms and get that out of the way to help with other things. Hokuto as usual appointed herself in charge of decorations and spent the day smelling of fresh pine as she went around to all the main doors and gates putting up kadomatsu that she had made herself. The straw ropes and paper were a little trickier, but she had enlisted Shouhei to be her helper for the day and directed him from the bottom of a step ladder as to the exact way to hang them. Shouhei took it all in good humour; for all her bossiness the Sumeragi family's princess had a soft spot in everyone's hearts.

Subaru's duties were different. As the thirteenth clan head he had the responsibility for certain rituals, the most of important of which was the purification of the household sacred spaces. In practice, but, this responsibility was borne by Lady Sumeragi who directed him as to what to do, and for most of the morning he was made to follow her arranging offerings and renewing wards, all the while trying to make some attempt at conversation despite his reluctance for reasons he was yet to explore. His relief came when they moved to the shrines; Lady Sumeragi as the current clan head took care of the family shrine, while Subaru as the next took care of the kamidana, which was a perfect escape for quiet solitude. He drew this task out, taking his time as he wiped every surface free of dust and refreshed the food and water to what he imagined was Ame-no-Koyane's satisfaction until the effort of purely physical work gave him some semblance of focus, at least until he came to the shrine's round mirror. It showed him his reflection, the sharpening angles of his face, the large green eyes framed by bangs like his sisters, and in seeing himself Subaru was suddenly struck by an idea. He kept it to himself though, at least for the time being while there was still so much to do. Only in the mid-afternoon, when people were resting in anticipation of a late night, did he finally bring it out.

"Hokuto-chan." They were in her tidied room, Subaru curled up tiredly on cushions piled in a corner as he watched Hokuto pick out clothes. "What am I going to wear tonight?"

"Hm." Hokuto was carefully laying out furisode and obi, trying to pick a combination for later. "It's up to you, though I was hoping I could dress you in hakama to match me."

"I don't mind, but I was wondering if you could help me with something – if we have time, of course," he added hastily.

"What is it?"

"Could … could you cut my hair?"

She turned to face him, confused. "Didn't I just do it a couple of weeks ago?"

"Yes, but I was thinking of something different. Shorter, I mean." He gestured vaguely about his ears.

Hokuto stared at him, a mirror in flesh. "Uh, sure," she said, still surprised. "Did you want me to do it now?"

"Only if it's not much trouble."

"Well, it won't take long so why don't we do it tonight after dinner when we're all getting ready to go out? Then I can do your hair as part of your outfit. Why do you want to cut it anyway?"

He shrugged, trying seem casual. "I just feel like a change, that's all."

To Hokuto's credit she didn't push for further explanation though she did cast some curious looks. Subaru pretended not to see, even dozing off for a bit on her cushions in an uneasy sleep where he dreamed of hunting shadows in a fog. He was prodded awake before the hunt finished and urged to bathe and dress whereupon he and Hokuto made their way to join their grandmother in the family shrine. It was a private ceremony to acknowledge those before, but as he offered his incense Subaru couldn't help but think of how he had done this for Hokuto in that other life, which in turn forced him to acknowledge what he had been trying to avoid thinking about: that with the passing of this night there was now less than two months left in the Bet. No matter how much he tried, there was no catching hold of time.

Subaru told himself he would be back in Tokyo in twenty four hours. In the meantime, however, he was expected to be celebrating the end of the old year and the beginning of a new with everything that implied with family, and he needed to have his best face on if he wanted the night to pass smoothly. The ceremony done there was then the traditional dinner of year-bridging noodles whereupon the three of them were joined not just by Shouhei but also Yukako and her husband Hayato, both of whom having served the Sumeragi for decades residing on the estate were extended the consideration of joining the family table on occasion. Having known the twins since birth they could tell endless stories about Hokuto playing dress-up or Subaru caring for animals as children, and while they of course inquired about the twins' new lives in Tokyo they were thankfully far easier to evade than Lady Sumeragi who oversaw the dinner in observant calm. It made the time pass quicker, until eventually the meal was over and Subaru could turn his attention to the final event of the night. There was something to be done first, but.

"Sit here," said Hokuto, indicating the chair set up in the bathroom in front of a mirror. Scissors and comb lay on a bench close to hand. "It won't take long, but I want to make sure I do it right."

Subaru did as he was told, only a little gingerly. "Are you sure it's not too much trouble? I can always do it when we get back to Tokyo."

"Oh please, I've been cutting your hair since little, this is easy." She draped a sheet about him and placed her hands on his shoulders. "So? How short did you want it?"

"About … here."

"…Okay."

It was curious, he thought as Hokuto began to snip about his ears, about how although he felt bashful about what he was asking there was also certainty that it was right. No longer was he the boy who wore his heart on his sleeve trusting no one would harm it, in fact he had never been that boy, at least in this lifetime. What he had been was a pretender, an actor playing a part imposed by himself and everyone who looked at his face and saw a child, and he hadn't even been a good one. Hokuto, Seishirou, Lady Sumeragi and more, they all knew he was a different person already. What he was doing now was just a reminder.

There was a click as Hokuto put the scissors down. "Done," she said, satisfied but with something else in her voice. Something strange. "Take a look."

Shyly Subaru did so. He stared.

In the mirror, Hokuto's face came into view beside his. "Little brother all grown up," she murmured, as if they were separated by years instead of minutes. "You make a handsome young man, Subaru."

He watched himself, so like and yet unlike the face that had looked back at him the morning of his death in that other lifetime. "Only thanks to you," he replied softly.

"Yes, well, we are twins, I know what works with our face." She rested her chin on his shoulder so that their reflection looked like some double-headed creature again. "I guess we can't play the dress up and guess who game anymore, huh."

"We haven't played that for years," he said gently. Tried not to think about his last memory of Hokuto in his clothes as she went to find a cherry tree.

"True. But it would have been good to do again for a laugh. Speaking of dressing up," she added with forced brightness, moving out of the mirror, "we should get ready for tonight! Come on, help me clean up!"

A swept and wiped bathroom later had the two of them in their rooms with the dividing door wide open as Hokuto flitted about wrapping him in reams of cloth. She had picked winter for Subaru: pale grey hakama, white kimono and white haori over all the usual accruements, and Subaru indulged her further by switching to white gloves. He only managed to get a quick glimpse of what Hokuto had picked for herself, but, before Hokuto deemed him done and sent him out of the room to get Yukako. When he did this and returned he found the dividing door shut again and Hokuto's voice on the other side saying that apart from Yukako who was helping her dress no one was allowed to see her until she was completely ready. That left Subaru restlessly pacing his room trying not to crease his clothes or listen to the incomprehensible murmurs from his sister's room as the old year drew ever closer to the end. The whole process took far longer than he thought was necessary, but eventually Yukako announced that she was done and opened the door to reveal Hokuto dressed in a furisode of ivory silk decorated with branches of maple and pine and accented with dark blue at the hem; it showed a river scene in autumn, with the branches framing two boats of flower arrangements on the waves. The furisode was set off by an obi of red and gold hexagons arranged to form a large tilted bow at the back with a blue sash, over which was tied an obijime of green. Emerald eyes twinkled beneath a gold kanzashi in ebony hair as Hokuto struck a kabuki actor pose. "How do I look?" she asked.

Subaru smiled. "You look wonderful, nee-chan. Where did you get the furisode from?"

"Obaa-chama, it's a family treasure, and _many_ thanks to Yukako-san for helping me put it on." She came forward, only a little awkward as she accustomed herself to the weight and behind her Yukako looked immensely proud. Hokuto linked her arm with Subaru's. "Come on, let's go show everyone."

Moving in such dress was an interesting exercise, not because Subaru was unused to wearing hakama but because he had to adjust his walking pace to allow Hokuto's small steps to keep up with him. Whether by her own design or Hokuto's instruction Yukako went ahead to the formal room to announce their arrival, so that when he and Hokuto finally did make their entrance it felt like another ceremony on a day of ceremonies, with everything that implied. Together they formally bowed to their grandmother. "Happy New Year, Obaa-chan."

Lady Sumeragi inclined her head in acknowledgment. She herself was in a kimono of pure white with a pale gold obi and obijime of peacock blue, and attended by Shouhei who sat to her left. "Happy New Year, you both look very well," she said. "I'm curious, Subaru-san, as to why you've decided to cut your hair."

"I felt it was an appropriate time for a change," he replied simply.

There was a moment of held breath as Lady Sumeragi looked at him with something unreadable in her eyes. "It suits you," she murmured, as if in memory, "and I suppose it is appropriate. Hokuto-san you look very lovely."

Hokuto bowed to her once more. "Thank you for the furisode and obi, Obaa-chama."

Shouhei had a somewhat bewildered expression on behind his glasses. Unlike them he was ordinarily dressed in dark jeans, black shirt and a black jacket with a monochrome striped scarf. "You look – beautiful, Hokuto-san," he said finally.

"Why, thank you, Shou-kun!" Hokuto winked, and this seemed to bewilder him further. "Shall we get going?"

Lady Sumeragi sighed as Shouhei stood up. "I'm still not completely comfortable about you all going out to Gion so late," she said warningly.

"Oh but Obaa-chama, we're already dressed like this, we _have_ to go now!"

"I'm not saying you can't go, I just want you to be clear on how I feel about it." She looked at each of them in turn, as if to imprint upon them the weight of what she was saying. "Enjoy yourselves, but make sure you look after each other as well and I expect you back by no later than two a.m. You have my trust, all of you. Don't give me cause to regret it."

To this Hokuto and Shouhei made numerous reassurances that Subaru restrainedly echoed, but since they were already making their way to the front door solemnity was already giving way to restive anticipation. There was a flurry of organised chaos as various shoes were found – zorii for Hokuto, geta for Subaru, boots for Shouhei – followed by more fiddling as Yukako and Hayato demanded photographs of the three of them until finally, with flecks of snow tumbling out of the darkness that was the year's final night, they were out of the house and in the car. Shouhei revved the engine. "Ready?" he asked the twins.

Hokuto replied firmly for the both of them. "Ready."

It was time to go.

 

* * *

 

"Look at that," breathed Hokuto, her words misting in the frosty night air as she surveyed the scene. The three of them were standing on the Pontocho side of the bridge that led into Gion; it had been impossible to find parking any closer, and even then Subaru wasn't certain if the spot Shouhei had found in the Kawaramachi shopping area was entirely legal. Before them lay an incredible amount of people taking advantage of the Shijo-dori road closure, all of whom seemed to be moving eastwards. Subaru began to seriously wonder if going to Yasaka Shrine was such a good idea.

"Well, we were warned about the crowds," Shouhei commented. "I say we agree on some arrangements so that in case we do get separated we can find each other again, how does that sound?" Hokuto and Subaru both nodded emphatically. "Okay, well, I'm thinking that if anyone gets lost we all aim to meet up somewhere on the hour, so eleven p.m., midnight—"

"If it's midnight, lost or not I'm going to be in Yasaka cheering," objected Hokuto.

"Then we'll make it every half hour: eleven thirty, half past midnight, and so on. We'll use the top of the stairs to Yasaka as our meeting point, so if you get separated that's where you head to at those times to regroup. As an absolute last we all meet back at the car at one thirty a.m., that means even if we miss each other at eleven thirty or twelve thirty we know everyone will definitely be at the car at one thirty to go home. Sound good?"

"Top of the steps to Yasaka at either eleven thirty or twelve thirty, or back at the car at one thirty," repeated Hokuto. "That works for me. Subaru?"

Subaru blinked; he had been distracted by a camera flash. "Uh, yes, that works."

"Worst case scenario I suppose we can always use onmyoujitsu to locate each other. Well, Subaru-san and I at least," Shouhei added, glancing at Hokuto. "Now that that's sorted, shall we start walking?"

"Just a minute," said Subaru. The camera flash had come from a pair of Western tourists who were admiring Hokuto's furisode. Ever the extrovert Hokuto turned to smile and pose, which led to more camera flashes as others stopped to take a picture. To Subaru's horror the cameras swung to him when he came forward to take Hokuto's arm. "Ah, Hokuto-chan, I think we should be going," he said, trying to act natural.

"Of course." With a last wink to the cameras Hokuto allowed her brother to guide her away, and together with Shouhei they went to cross the bridge and head towards Yasaka. It was slow going, not only because of the sheer crowd but also because every so often people would approach them asking for a picture. Such requests made Subaru extremely uncomfortable because while he never liked getting his picture taken he couldn't bring himself to say no especially when Hokuto was enjoying herself so much. His only consolation was that people were generally far more interested in Hokuto with her gorgeous furisode than himself in plain grey and white, so while he did get pictures taken the attention was nothing compared to what she got. It was still embarrassing, but.

"Just tell them no thank you," suggested Shouhei when they were stopped for the umpteenth time. "If you smile while you say it no one's going to take offence."

Subaru hunched behind Shouhei using him as cover while Hokuto generously posed with another group of tourists. It didn't really work – his white haori practically glowed in the sea of dark winter clothes – but he tried anyway. "I know that, but it's not easy for me." He pretended not to see as another passerby, less considerate that the tourists, simply pointed a camera at him and pressed the shutter without asking.

"I.E., you don't like conflict." Shouhei went up on tiptoe to look over the crowd and gauge their progress; they had just passed the Yojiya cosmetic store so they were about halfway there, but the crowd was getting heavier. "Not to say that you can't handle conflict or a fight when need be, it's just that given the choice you like to avoid it. I suppose I'm a bit like that too." He paused for a moment, hesitating. "That being said, it's been an interesting few days being here, with you and Hokuto-san and Lady Sumeragi, and having watched it all I want to say this: I don't envy you, Subaru-san. Never have and never will. I just want you to know that."

Subaru stared, taken aback and unsure of how to respond. Shouhei didn't meet his eyes and left Subaru to go to Hokuto's side. He showed her his wristwatch and it must have had the desired effect because Hokuto charmingly ended the photographic session and beckoned to Subaru. He went over to her and the three of them began to walk again, quicker, mostly without stopping, and with Shouhei noticeably keeping Hokuto between himself and Subaru. Subaru realised he was rather glad of it. Eventually they came to the end of the road where the steps leading to Yasaka were black with people heading up to and under the vermillion gate. They joined the line, a little apprehensive on the crowded stairs, and made their way up into the shrine grounds where squeezed onto paths the crush of people was even worse. Queues for festival stalls added another layer of difficulty to navigation, and the smell of food filled the air along with the cries of stall owners touting their wares. The three of them drew to the side of the path to discuss their next move. "How long to midnight?" asked Hokuto.

Subaru frowned. "Don't you have a watch, Hokuto-chan?"

"I can't wear a watch with furisode, it won't match!"

"Then how are you going to mark the times if you get separated?" asked Shouhei.

"Ask someone of course, there's plenty of people around. Back to my question: how long to midnight?"

Shouhei checked his watch. "About fifty minutes. Did you want to check out some stalls until then or go watch the preparatory ceremonies?"

"Check out stalls; we get enough ceremonial stuff at home. Let's try that one!"

Tugging Subaru by the arm she led the way forward, her brightly coloured furisode earning her space and stares from the people, particularly foreigners, around them – Subaru wondered if they thought she was a maiko. Every now and then there would be a camera flash which would put him on edge; not comfortable with crowds at the best of time, when combined with the unwanted attention their clothes attracted Subaru was thinking more and more that he should have stayed home. Still, he wanted to make Hokuto happy, so when she brought him and Shouhei to a shooting stall he agreed to try and win a toy for her. Unfortunately the six shots he paid for all failed miserably to hit the pink plush cat she had her heart set on, so he turned the cork gun over to Shouhei and went to stand defeated with Hokuto as a spectator. Shouhei's first shot missed, but considering the care he took with aiming it was at least much closer than any of Subaru's and Hokuto gave an encouraging cheer. It was at this point that Subaru felt he was being watched.

Instinctively Subaru tensed. Hokuto didn't seem to have noticed anything, but she was focused on Shouhei's game and in any case didn't have Subaru's onmyoujitsu abilities. Given the entire night so far it was probable that whoever was watching him was just another would-be photographer so Subaru did his best to ignore it, but the sensation persisted, even increased, until finally Subaru turned in exasperation to at least find whoever it was staring at him. He didn't see a camera but he kept looking, left and right, searching the sea of passing faces as Shouhei let off another shot—

He froze in shock. _It can't be …_

Seishirou was looking back at him.

Subaru stared as if in a dream. Seishirou stood in the shadowy space between two stalls on the other side of the path, a crowd of festival-goers milling between them. The man was smiling, and as Subaru watched he deliberately lifted a finger to his lips then pointed left. Dream or not Subaru didn't even have to think about that. "Hokuto-chan," he said urgently.

"Hm?" She leaned towards him but didn't look, keeping her eyes on Shouhei who in turn was completely focused on his target.

There was no time to explain. The marks on the backs of his hands were tingling and Seishirou was already moving. "I have to go. Please, I need you to cover for me."

Now Hokuto looked at him, frowning and confused. "Cover you, why?"

"Seishirou-san's here." He ignored the shock that flashed white on his sister's face, already stepping away. "I'll meet you back at the car at one thirty."

"Sei-chan's _here_ wha— _Subaru!_ "

He didn't hear her. Pushing his way through he cut across the flow of people to where Seishirou had been, coming out behind the row of stalls. The crowds were thankfully less here but Seishirou wasn't there anymore; looking around Subaru thought he saw him a little ways away re-entering the stalls on a path completely separate to the one Subaru had just come from. He gave chase, only to be brought up short the moment he got back in the crowd as he awkwardly he bumped into a group of girls – hastily he apologised, all the while straining to keep sight of Seishirou who seemed to move through the crush as smoothly as a fish through water. More than once Subaru lost sight of his target but if ever he went the wrong way the tingling beneath his gloves would begin to fade leading him back on track so that little by little he was led farther away from the main ground of the shrine festival and Hokuto and Shouhei. Subaru supposed he should be worried about that, but found he didn't care.

The stalls and crowd gradually thinned out. Subaru had come to the eastern end of the shrine grounds where despite the lanterns hung between the naked trees it was quite dark. There were people around of course, but they were couples and small groups looking for a quiet place to rest and/or eat their stall purchases. A good place for a meeting, except that Seishirou was nowhere to be seen and the marks on Subaru's hands had gone still. Yet again Subaru was left searching wondering if this was a trick, if he had been seeing things, if longing led to insanity—

"Hello, Subaru-kun."

He jumped, there was no denying that, and immediately spun around with wide round eyes. Seishirou smiled down at him teasing and familiar. "That's a wonderful outfit you have, did Hokuto-chan pick it out? I saw what she was wearing and it was very striking, but for simple beauty I'll have to say I prefer you. Your hair looks lovely, by the way."

Subaru was breathless, but it wasn't from exertion. "What are you _doing_ here?" he demanded.

"The same as you I would say." Seishirou was dressed in his long black coat, suit and tie with a dark red shirt. The glasses were nowhere to be seen. "It's tradition to visit a shrine at midnight on New Year's Eve, and Yasaka is the most popular destination in Kyōto for the event. As for why I'm in Kyōto, don't you think it would be nice to see the first sunrise of the year in the old capital?"

"You're here." He couldn't get past this fact, this one impossible fact. "You're here, I can't _believe_ you've come here—"

"With food, no less," added Seishirou, and belatedly Subaru realised that the man was indeed carrying food, a crepe cone in one hand and a chocolate-dipped banana covered in rainbow sprinkles on a stick in the other. "I presume you ate dinner already at home but I thought this would be a good dessert."

He held out the banana stick. Subaru stared at it, still stunned, and Seishirou looked dramatically disappointed. "Not pleased to see me, then?"

Subaru didn't know what he felt. He wanted to hit Seishirou, he wanted to embrace him, to scream or do something … he took a deep breath, trying to sort out the tide of emotion. The sensible, suspicious part of him was telling him to be careful, to watch out for whatever agenda the Sakurazukamori undoubtedly had, but at the same time he was thinking back to the last time they had seen each other, the quarrel, the apology, the almost disastrous trip Within, the contrast of how Seishirou allowed Subaru to clutch at him and cry with the aloofness that followed. He could make no sense of it but one thing at least became clear: hit him or hug him, Subaru wanted to touch. The breath was released. "I'm … glad to see you," he said, keeping his hands from reaching out; they were shaking. "I'm just surprised, that's all."

"I would have thought you were used to that by now. Here." Seishirou offered the banana stick again and without thinking this time Subaru took it. Their fingers touched – like him Seishirou was wearing gloves, black leather ones to his white, but even in the brief moment of contact there was warmth and that more than anything cemented for Subaru that yes, this was real, this was happening. "Eat up, it's my treat."

Subaru's head swirled with questions. "How long have you been in Kyōto?" he asked.

"Since Friday evening, I shut the clinic early. Shall we take a walk? Most of the comfortable sitting spots around here have been taken, and in any case I'd hate for your haori to get dirty."

'Since Friday evening' was three days ago and raised even more questions, but Subaru held onto them for now as he willingly followed Seishirou down the park's smaller unlit paths where the lantern light seemed shattered by skeletal branches. Seishirou ate his crepe talking little beyond occasional observations of people, while Subaru nibbled his treat constantly stealing glances at Seishirou. The man had to be here for a reason, but if there was one thing Subaru knew about Seishirou it was that any attempts to push him would be pointless if not outright counter-productive. Whatever reason Seishirou had for coming all the way from Tokyo would reveal itself in time; until then, Subaru had to content himself with a chocolate-dipped banana with rainbow sprinkles.

They came to a pond, its surface dulled with a thin crust of ice and bisected by a decorative stone bridge. Seishirou had led them to the park next to Yasaka. Beside the pond beneath some trees was a small shrine, unlit and unattended behind its grey stone torii, and there the two of them came to rest with nothing but the ambient glow from scattered park lamps to light them. Occasionally they would see people crossing the bridge on their way to Yasaka but otherwise they were alone and Subaru found himself breathing easier in the quiet space. "This will do," said Seishirou, throwing the crepe paper into a bin and sounding satisfied. "We might not get to see the midnight celebrations close up but I imagine you don't mind that considering how crowded they would be. Are you warm enough?" Subaru replied in the affirmative, discarding his now empty skewer. Seishirou smiled. "I'm glad to hear it; you wouldn't want to fall sick again."

Subaru took the opening. "How did you know I was sick?"

"Going Within may not have sakanagi attached to it, but when a session like the one you had goes so close to disaster it's not surprising that your body goes into shock. You were in a rather bad state when you left my apartment." Seishirou had brought out a cigarette and was now lighting it with calculated focus. "Also from what I've seen you spent much of your time in bed up until recently."

Something warm uncoiled inside Subaru at this. "You've been watching the house? How?"

"I haven't been standing outside your window if that's what you're wondering," Seishirou replied dryly, sending cigarette smoke floating away above their heads. "No, I'm staying in Kyōto, and while you'll pardon me if I decline to say where I will say that Sagano isn't far as the crow flies and a hawk doesn't have to be near his prey to see it. Next question."

"When did you hide the marks?"

"Oh, so you noticed, did you? Or maybe it's more correct to say that someone – I presume Lady Sumeragi – didn't? I placed the illusion on using the marks while you were recovering on my couch in Tokyo; given who you were going to go see the next day I thought it wise to take precautions. How is your grandmother by the way?'

"She's – well," Subaru caught himself just in time; glad or not, family intrigue was not something he should discuss with Seishirou. "We've been talking, there are some things she understands now, though she still worries about me."

"With good reason considering you just left your companions to run after the Sakurazukamori to this shadowed and secluded place," Seishirou chuckled. "Actually I'm surprised there hasn't been a search party sent out for you yet."

"I told Hokuto-chan what I was doing; she'll make sure Shouhei-san doesn't look for me."

"The young man who was with you?"

Subaru tensed, just a little. "He's a cousin," he said reluctantly, not wanting to encourage the Sakurazukamori's interest in his family members. "He's visiting for New Years and accompanied us to Yasaka; Obaa-chan wouldn't have let Hokuto-chan and I come otherwise."

"So your chaperone, in other words. I was wondering if he was Hokuto-chan's date." Subaru violently coughed at the thought, which made Seishirou lift an eyebrow. "Did I say something wrong?"

"N-no, it's just—" Subaru shook his head; he couldn't even imagine Hokuto and Shouhei like that. "Just – no."

"So no date?"

"Not between them, no." A new thought struck. "Is this a date?"

"What do you mean?"

"This … now. Here. Between us." Subaru felt his face flush.

Seishirou took a long draw of his cigarette. Deliberately let it out in a wreath of smoke. "Do you want this to be a date?" he asked.

"…Yes."

If Seishirou was surprised at this answer it was covered by a smile. "Then it is. Actually one could say it's been a date from the start."

Subaru felt his face heat. "Really?"

"From a certain point of view at least." The cigarette glow disappeared, falling to the ground where it was crushed under Seishirou's shoe. "But answer me this, Subaru-kun: why during all those years after I killed Hokuto-chan in that other time did I never kill you?"

The breath Subaru's lungs had skipped was left hanging. It was hard to see in the dim light, but Seishirou's smile had vanished and his gaze was now fixed on Subaru bereft of any playacting. Subaru's instinctive reaction was defensiveness, not wanting to revisit those painful memories of blood and loss… he made himself calm. Seishirou's question was serious, and it deserved an answer. "I … don't know. I thought you would; in all that time hunting for you I never tried to hide myself hoping that you would come and finish the job – but I never saw you. Not until the Dragons began to gather and the two Kamui began to stir. By then I convinced myself that you left me alone because we were fated to fight on the Final Day." Seishirou did not reply, in fact he wasn't even looking at Subaru. Subaru watched his shadowed face. "You still don't remember anything, do you," he said finally.

"Unfortunately no."

"But you believe me?"

"What choice do I have?" Seishirou shot back which said everything really, and Subaru wisely kept quiet. Seishirou lit another cigarette. "Do you think about that time often?" he asked.

 _It would be so easy to end it—_ "I try not to. But sometimes … I can't help it."

Silence. Seishirou seemed to be contemplating the bridge across from them, but Subaru knew better than to think the Sakurazukamori wasn't keeping an eye on him so he stood quietly, allowing Seishirou his smoke-wreathed introspection, waiting to give whatever he needed to understand. It seemed to Subaru that there was an odd stillness around them, a held breath, perhaps, as if time was being suspended in amber for all that he knew that the year was ending. He didn't dare look at his watch to break it. In the distance, the silhouette of Yasaka's main hall glowed above the trees.

Eventually Seishirou turned to him. The smile had returned to his face. "One last question," he said, casual though his gaze showed otherwise. "It's a fairly simple one, and I do hope you can answer it, for my sake if nothing else."

"Of course."

"Why do you love me?"

It seemed as if a hand had reached into Subaru's chest to close around his heart. "Wh-what?"

"Why do you love me, despite everything you said I did?"

For a long moment Subaru stared not knowing what to say. Seishirou watched him steadily back in obvious expectation. The pressure did nothing to help an answer and Subaru found himself twisting his hands nervously as he blindly groped to gather the threads of what his heart simply _knew_ … he eventually had to look away, shoulders hunched, suddenly feeling very shy. "I, I don't know. I don't know how to explain it. I just … always have." Seishirou didn't respond and Subaru bit his lip knowing that had been a disappointment. How could he say what he couldn't express in words? It was difficult enough trying to make himself understood to other people, other people who had families and loved ones and knew themselves in their own way what it was to love, but Seishirou, unfeeling unknowing Seishirou who dealt in logic and reason … how could he explain something that could not be explained?

Seishirou was still patiently waiting. Subaru thought of him there, so close and yet not, but very much real rather than a memory or a dream, drawing him in like a comet to a star. The air around them seemed very still. Subaru stared at his hands without seeing them.

"Do you remember the night on Tokyo Tower? With the spirit of the actress who had committed suicide?" There was an affirmative sound. "After she moved on, we spent the rest of the night on the Tower's special observation deck. We sat on the floor against the binoculars stand watching the city lights. When I wanted to talk you talked, when I wanted quiet you did not push, and when I was tired you gave me your jacket and made me put my head in your lap. You did that despite me protesting that I was fine, and I fell asleep feeling you stroking my hair. I couldn't tell you, but I was so glad you didn't listen to me.

"There were other times you did that. So many other times. Whether you touched me or talked to me or simply gave me a smile … more than what I wanted at the time you gave me what I needed, even when I didn't know myself. I could never tell you then how much it meant to me to have you by my side, but when I thought I would lose you … I felt I was breaking apart."

There was a long and heavy silence. Subaru didn't dare look up. "But Subaru-kun," said Seishirou at last, and his voice was strangely gentle. "That wasn't me."

"I know." His fingers were tangled together tight enough to snap. "But I never forgot those feelings. And yes I hated you, and yes there was a time where more than anything in the world I wanted to kill you, but all throughout I could never stop thinking about you, where you were or what you were doing. I wondered if you ever spared me a thought. Even when I was with other people whether it be my grandmother or Kamui who I suppose I came to care for … I would always be speaking silently to you in my head."

"You and Kamui? Surely he would have been kinder to you than me."

Subaru smiled a little sadly. "Both of us had witnessed someone we held special killed another person we held special. That shared understanding, plus the fact that he was someone I had to protect led to something closer. But even so, not even Kamui could change my Wish, which was to die by your hand. I thought that if that happened you could see me as something more than a glass cup and I would finally mean something to you. Then I did. And in that moment, I never felt more alive.

"I don't know how we got here again. I really don't, but I am so, so thankful for this second chance. And although it is the Bet again and you say it's not really you, you've still been there for me even when I didn't deserve your consideration, like that night when I told you about the woman trying to avenge her daughter. You understand me like no one else does. You're the Sakurazukamori, yes, but being the Sakurazukamori doesn't mean you can't be kind or gentle, which is one reason why despite everything I love you. It isn't logical but that's how it works: I can still be angry, I can hate and be scared and upset, but at the end of it all I still want to be with you. That hasn't changed. It never will."

The words came to a stop. He couldn't think of anything else to say without sounding ridiculous. The resulting silence was even longer. "I see," said Seishirou at last, deliberately neutral and finally Subaru found the courage to look at him. The man was tapping out his cigarette; it was a line of barely smoked ash. "Thank you for answering so thoughtfully."

Subaru didn't trust his voice to reply. Somewhere nearby a dull roar was beginning to sound. Seishirou gave up on the cigarette and crushed it beneath his shoe. "The Bet continues," he said conversationally, "as it has been continuing, with the terms you put that night at the Institute and no extension of time. I do, however, want to add a condition of my own."

Subaru couldn't help but tense. "What is it."

"Don't talk about the Bet. Ever. Don't mention it, don't ask about it – from here on, it is a silent subject until the day it ends. Is that acceptable?"

There were so many things he could say to this, so many things he could ask. Instead, Subaru found himself nodding. "All right. Yes."

"Good." The dull roar broke out into eager chanting and the two of them looked up. Above the trees the roof of Yasaka's hall was flickering. "Ah, midnight," observed Seishirou. "Perfect timing."

Subaru checked his watch – yes, it was midnight, which meant that chanting was the countdown. 1990 was dead, long live 1991. "Yes," he murmured. "Perfect timing."

_"…five!"_

They stood together, quiet, waiting.

_"…four!"_

_" …three!"_

One year over, just not for them.

_"…two!"_

Their end was yet to come.

_"…one – HAPPY NEW YEAR!"_

Cheers and bells erupted in a joyful cacophony that echoed around the city. Surprisingly there were also thunder cracks accompanied by bursts of colour in the night sky – someone must have set off their leftover summer fireworks somewhere. Briefly Subaru wondered what it was like in the excitement of the crowd where his sister and cousin undoubtedly were … no, he decided, this was fine, this was perfectly fine. Here this place had space and quiet, but more than that it had Seishirou, Seishirou who he loved, who for reasons of his own did not want to think of their remaining time as a game, who had come all the way from Tokyo to this moment to ask Subaru one question why. Subaru didn't know if his answer was what Seishirou had been expecting, but at least he had answered. For himself as well.

He tilted his head back watching the lights. There was the smallest of smiles on his face.

A shadow moved beside him. "Subaru-kun."

"Hm?"

Long fingers reached out and grasped his chin. "Hold still."

Subaru did. Time stopped.

Fading fireworks fell like glowing rain. Below a figure in white was pressed against a stone column by a figure in black their flickering shadows stretching out as one. There was shock, there was heat, but more than that was yearning, so aching as to be something like pain as Subaru blindly pulled Seishirou closer tangling white-gloved fingers in black cloth. His other hand was in Seishirou's pinned beside his head, pulse hammering as they kissed. Above them, the sky slowly faded back to dark.

Warm breath on his lips as the kiss ended. Subaru kept his eyes closed and basked in the feel of the man moving against him. "Happy New Year," Seishirou whispered.

Slowly Subaru awoke. Seishirou was smiling, amber eyes dark in the shadows. "You should get going," he said quietly, "no matter what you say, I'm sure Hokuto-chan is worrying about you. You're coming back to Tokyo tonight, aren't you?"

"Um, yeah …"

"Then I'll see you there." He pulled away – suddenly cold Subaru stayed leaning heavily against the column. "I'll pick you up from the station."

Subaru's eyes widened. "W-wait—!"

"Until Tokyo, Subaru-kun." With a smile Seishirou waved, already heading down the path. "I look forward to it."

Still reeling Subaru watched Seishirou walk away, back straight and casual as he all too easily disappeared into the night. Belatedly Subaru realised he was trembling, fever warm in winter air as the significance of what just happened sank in … he lifted a shaking hand to his mouth knowing he should be concerned, should be preparing himself for this new direction in the game they called their relationship – but all Subaru could think about was being kissed.

Taste of Seishirou on his lips. Far away, the bells were continuing to ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Nabemono is Japanese steamboat, where various vegetables, tofu, mushrooms and pieces of meat are all cooked in a single clay pot of soup. Everyone eats from the same pot, and it is believed that nabemono will make for closer relationships between the people sharing the pot. I have it in my head that Yukako and the older servants work behind the scenes to help out the Sumeragi family they have served for so long.  
> \- Kiyomizu-dera is in south-east Kyoto not far from the famous World Heritage temple from which it gets its name. It is known for its winding streets and ceramics, both of which I spent far too much time exploring and admiring my last trip there.  
> \- Subaru's outfit is taken from [this picture](http://www.shop-japan.co.jp/english-boku/image-e/hakama-m02-7742.jpg). Hokuto's furisode is inspired by [this image](http://media.al.com/mhuebner/photo/kimono-3jpg-29c7026b0ccb4d8e_large.jpg).  
> \- Yasaka Shrine is the Shinto shrine at the eastern end of Shijo-dori in Gion, and attracts literally thousands of people on New Years Eve and millions over the whole course of New Year celebrations. Beside Yasaka is Maruyama Park which is oldest public park in Kyōto and most famous for its weeping sakura trees in springtime. The Yojiya cosmetic store is on the north-east corner of the Shijo-dori/Hanamikoji-dori intersection (readers of **Yami no Matsuei** will recognise the logo from book 7 where Tatsumi and Tsuzuki go shopping for omiyage). As for the festival experience, let's just say I lined up for the better part of an hour once to get takoyaki from a stall on my second Japanese New Years Eve at Zozoji-jinja near Tokyo Tower, away from the stalls that light the paths things get quite dark, and while at least when I got lost I had the security of cell phones to find people, in the timeline of this fic cell phones are far from common and all the cameras are using film!  
>  \- I imagine Seishirou in this scene is dressed in the suit from shattering glasses picture from the **Tokyo Babylon** artbook. I also imagine that he specifically chose to buy a chocolate-dipped banana on a stick for the sheer amusement of watching Subaru eat it with oblivious to the connotations.  
>  \- On my first visit to Tokyo, my final night there I went to visit Tokyo Tower. I spent my entire camera battery taking photographs from the main observation deck, meaning when I went to the upper observation deck I couldn't take any more. To get the most out of my ticket I must have stayed on the upper observation deck for over an hour, listening to music, admiring the lights surrounded by couples and trying not to grin every time my iPod threw up a song that reminded me of this fic.  
> \- Japan doesn’t do fireworks on New Year's Eve the way cities like Sydney and Berlin do. That doesn't mean there aren't people setting them off illegally. Instead, at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve the major Buddhist temples will ring their bells 108 times to symbolise the purification from the 108 delusions and sufferings.


	6. Salt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Take care of him, yes, but as old-fashioned as it may be until you're both wearing a wedding band on your ring finger it's better that Subaru spend each night in his own bed."

The outfit wasn't working. The bold pink structured jacket and the soft tulle skirt were fine on their own but together they just looked weird, which was very much not how Hokuto had envisioned things. Lips thinning she pulled everything off and sat on her bed in underwear, glaring at her clothes as if suspecting them of conspiring against her. This was the third outfit she had tried with the jacket and her repeated misfires were frustrating. Yes, she could easily pull out some other outfit to wear tonight but she never wore the same outfit twice and she wanted to wear the jacket because it was new and exciting. Besides, the jacket had already gotten her into trouble with Lady Sumeragi. That last in itself practically demanded that she wear it.

_  
"Where have you been?"_

_So much for sneaking into her room unnoticed. Delicately, hating how her grandmother's mere presence could make her tense, Hokuto turned around with a smile that she hoped distracted from the shopping bags she was trying to hold behind her back. "Hi Obaa-chan! I just went to Kyoto for the day, I thought it would be nice to get out for a bit. Did you just get home?"_

_Lady Sumeragi did not smile as she looked over her granddaughter's outfit – black stockings under black shorts, beige shirt with a long black ribbon tied in a bow, bright red cape, all topped with a tiny black top hat for the hell of it – in a way that was all too familiar. "You were nowhere to be found when I returned," she said coldly, and with a sinking feeling Hokuto knew she was in for it. "No one was able to tell me for certain where you had gone let alone when to expect you back—"_

_"I'm sorry, in Tokyo I go out whenever I want so I forgot—"_

_"That is no excuse! You are here in this house, you abide by its rules! Even if there wasn't an issue of safety it is simple courtesy to let others know your whereabouts so they don't have to worry—"_

_"I said I was sorry!"_

_"—and what did you go out for? More shopping?"_

_"It's just a jacket and shoes—"_

_"Jacket and shoes? How many clothes do you have already? For that matter, how much have you_ spent _on clothes just in the past month, and where do you think your spending money comes from? The sky? The allowance I send is for you and your brother's living expenses in Tokyo, not for you to waste on frivolous fashion—"_

_"It's not a waste, I told you I'm going to be a stylist or designer—"_

_"And I've told you already to stop being ridiculous! You're nearly seventeen, Hokuto-san, when are you going to be serious…"  
_

 

Angrily Hokuto shook her head. That was past, apologies had been made and accepted, and she was back in Tokyo where she belonged. Even if she had to actually deal with those issues at some point it didn't have to be _now_ , and besides, she had another year before finishing high school so plenty of time, right? Why did Obaa-chama have to keep harping on like that? Why did—

 _Enough!_ Filled with irritation Hokuto made herself focus on the immediate problem. What else could she try with the jacket? She was definitely in a skirt mood and now that she thought about it had a black-and-white circle skirt picked up from a vintage store last month … yes, maybe that would work! The checkerboard pattern would set off the pink nicely and circle skirts were so fun for twirling … enthusiasm renewed Hokuto hopped off her bed and went to her wardrobe where she found the skirt in a mentally labelled 'sort' bag. A fitted black top went on first as a base then the skirt—

There had been a reason the skirt had been in that bag, Hokuto realised, deflating, and she didn't even need to look in the mirror to see why: the skirt was too big at the waist and would need taking in before she could wear it. It was an easy fix Hokuto had been meaning to do for weeks but hadn't, and there was no way it could be done in the short amount of time left before she and Subaru had to leave for dinner. Disappointed yet again Hokuto let the skirt fall and kicked it into a corner on top of her half-filled travel bag – what was wrong with her, why wasn't anything working?! Actually wait, scratch that last question, she knew why things weren't working because she had been off her game ever since Kyoto … she stormed away to flop onto her bed again really feeling like she could cry in frustration as she hugged a pillow to her chest. The stuffed toy cat that had been decorating it tumbled off to smile at the ceiling.

Still holding the pillow, Hokuto reached out for the cat. It was a soft pink colour, with plush fur that still smelt faintly of cooking smoke from festival stalls. Shouhei had won it for her but she had no idea how many shots it had taken him because when Shouhei was doing that Subaru was running off. Alone. Without her.

Running after _him._

_  
"Seishirou-san's here," said Subaru urgently. His eyes were bright and elsewhere making Hokuto tense immediately. "I'll meet you back at the car at one thirty."_

_"Sei-chan's_ here _wha— Subaru!"_

_He was already hurrying away all too quickly lost to sight in the crowd. Hokuto could only stare agape as what just happened sank in. Seishirou was here? Since when? What for and why – obviously it would have to do with Subaru but hadn't he and Subaru been fighting? How come he hadn't come up to them to say hello to her? Suddenly she felt uneasy, stranded with the feeling that something was about to happen, something big and not necessarily for good—_

_"Hah!" The triumphant shout behind her was accompanied by clapping. Hokuto turned to see the stall owner beaming at Shouhei. "Good shot, onii-san, knocked it clean off its perch! Your girlfriend will be very happy!"_

_Shouhei was flushed with triumphant embarrassment as the stall owner handed him the pink plush cat. "Thank you, but she's not my girlfriend."_

_"No?" The stall owner's face fell in exaggerated disbelief as he expansively gestured to Hokuto. "But such a beautiful young lady how can she not be your girlfriend? She should be on a Kyoto poster in that furisode, she's far prettier than any of the maiko—"_

_With a weak smile Shouhei thanked the stall owner and walked away cutting an end to the teasing. "Here," he said, handing the toy to Hokuto and pushing up his glasses. Then he noticed her expression. "Is something wrong?"_

_Smiling was easy for her so she pulled out her best one, hoping it distracted from her eyes. "Ah, no, I was just—"_

_"Where's Subaru-san?"_

_The smile slipped a bit._ Cover, _she told herself, _Subaru's relying on you and whatever's happening, hopefully it means those silly boys are actually_ getting _somewhere._ "Ehehe, Subaru ran off to take care of something, said he felt a spiritual presence around that needed help. You know what he's like, even though he's been sick and told not to work the moment he senses someone in distress he drops everything to lend a hand."_

_Shouhei frowned, looking about them. "I didn't sense anything," he said uncertainly, "and Subaru-san shouldn't just run off like that. If he's sensed a spirit maybe I should go help—"_

_"I said that but Subaru said not to worry, we should enjoy the festival and he'll catch up or meet us at the steps as agreed. It's fine, he does this a lot in Tokyo." Still Shouhei didn't look convinced so Hokuto took his arm cuddling the pink cat to her chest with the other. "Come on, Shou-kun, let's go see what charms they're selling! We should get you one for luck with exams not that you need it I'm sure but a little extra help won't hurt ..."_

_Gently but firmly she pulled her cousin away, keeping up a light chatter that forced him to respond even as it covered up her own tumult ...  
_

 

It hadn't been a good night. Shouhei was far from stupid and could not have missed that something was up. Hokuto had used every trick in her repertoire to keep him from looking for Subaru, no mean feat considering how seriously Shouhei took his responsibility for them, and found herself incredibly grateful to Shouhei for playing along, even when she resorted to flirting, instead of doing as Lady Sumeragi would have done and simply calling her out on it. And all the while she had been a roiling sea of anticipation and worry to say nothing of hurt because exciting as it was that Sei-chan had come all this way to see Subaru it had also spoiled what had started off as a lovely night out with family—

A knock on her bedroom door interrupted. Hokuto realised she had been digging fingers into the pink cat. "Uh, yes?"

"It's me." Subaru's voice was muffled. "Are you ready? We should be going if we're to make dinner on time."

"We do – oh shoot, we do," Hokuto added a swear word under her breath as she looked at the clock. And here she was still in underwear! Mind racing she ran to her wardrobe – no time to experiment, she would just have to grab something and cross fingers that instinct would see her through. Black top – no, too conservative, ooh, electric blue mod dress with white slash (when had she bought that?) okay, now she needed leggings, schoolgirl white ones that she yanked on before grabbing pink heeled tall boots that should match the pink jacket, a handbag—

"Um, Hokuto-chan?"

"Just a sec!" she snapped. Her current handbag was a vintage green leather thing that totally didn't match her clothes now but she didn't have time to swap if she wanted to put on make-up. At least she already had foundation done. Some thin eyeliner, a swish of mascara, baby pink lip gloss, add some diamond shaped pink Bakelite earrings, it wasn't up to her usual standards but it would have to do. Shoes in hand she flung her bedroom door open with a grin. "Ta da! What do you think?"

Subaru seemed relieved. His clothes were, well, reserved was the word that came to mind. Black jeans, white collared shirt under a charcoal V-neck jumper, dark green scarf, light grey wool coat in a slim cut, black gloves, all with that shorter hair she was still getting used to. She hadn't chosen anything for him, in fact more often than not nowadays unless Hokuto specifically asked him to indulge her Subaru dressed himself. If she hadn't been caught up trying to figure out her own clothes she would have liked to put him in reds tonight particularly considering who they were going to meet— "You look great, Hokuto-chan," he said, smiling. "I've called a taxi already shall we go down and wait for it?"

He always said she looked great. "Yes, let's," Hokuto replied, striding ahead trying not to think about the mismatched handbag. Her pink boots were easy to slip on in the genkan, so she held the front door open as her brother laced up his black shoes. Then she switched off the light and closed the door behind them.

Time to get her game face on.

 

* * *

_  
He was waiting for them at the station. She hadn't expected that, and Subaru hadn't said a word beforehand. It had been easy to go along with it, but, to shout his name in greeting as if he had never gone to Kyoto, never lured her brother away from her at year's end, and never made her doubt. She ran towards him returning smile for smile keenly aware of her twin following in her wake, to throw herself into a hug and if he still had the scent of blood upon him this time it was hidden well. They exchanged greetings, wishing each other a happy new year, you look good, it's been too long, until his attention was inevitably pulled away to Subaru. His lips moved around her brother's name and she'd taken the unspoken cue to step back, watching with sudden tension as Subaru hesitantly drew near as if not quite what to expect. She didn't know what to expect._

_He asked, smiling, if he could take her brother's bag. Her brother awkwardly said yes and pulled his suitcase forward - and then it happened. One hand reached out to take the suitcase's handle while at the same time the other placed long fingers beneath her brother's chin to lift his startled face. Before anyone could react, Seishirou, in the middle of the station floor, gave Subaru a brief, light kiss on the lips leaving Subaru bright with embarrassment and Hokuto's jaw on the figurative floor as he said—  
_

 

"It's good to see you."

Brush of lips against a smooth cheek. Even in the shadows of the neon lights Hokuto could see her brother turn faintly pink, but other than that he made no protest, in fact she even caught a shy smile on his face before he ducked his head. Seishirou beamed in satisfaction as he turned to her. "And you, Hokuto-chan, you're looking very bright this evening. Is that a new bag?"

Her fingers curled around the bag's handle, but she made herself laugh anyway. "Nah, it's just the one I was using today. I didn't have time to swap it for something that matched." She raised an eyebrow at the way Seishirou, dressed in a dark suit and coat as usual, had a hand resting in the small of Subaru's back. "Shall we go eat?"

"Yes, let's. After you, Subaru-kun."

"Mm."

Tone set they entered the restaurant and were quickly shown to their seats. In terms of food the dinner that passed then was fine, no surprise really since the place was Hokuto's choice. In terms of company Hokuto tried to re-establish the natural order of things teasing her brother and friend as much as possible just like always, and if Seishirou's hand kept touching Subaru's gloved one or Subaru kept looking at Seishirou it was not spoken of. Certainly Hokuto didn't poke them anywhere near as much as she could have, though she did watch Seishirou like a hawk, scrutinising, analysing, looking for any hint of the nature she knew lurked beneath his smiling face. For her own peace of mind, and in any case keeping an eye on Seishirou kept her from looking at the restaurant's decorative full length mirrors – too late Hokuto had realised that she should have gone with white boots to streamline her look instead of the pink ones which made her look blocky, an additional mistake to the handbag that she was sure must be apparent to the entire world. Although Hokuto did her best to act as if it was all intentional ("It's style, duh!"), inside she was cringing. Not that Subaru or Seishirou seemed to notice.

Things improved slightly after dinner when they relocated to a nearby cafe, classy and French in style and music, and ensconced themselves in a secluded candle lit corner that Hokuto chose in no small part because it helped hide her outfit. They ordered drinks – tea for Subaru, coffee for Hokuto and Seishirou who also brought out his cigarettes – and settled in for a night of conversation and people watching, or as Hokuto put it, 'hanging out', the three of them putting their perfect triangle on display where people could see and envy, something they had regularly done all of last year ever since Seishirou had dropped into their lives. They had been there for about half an hour now, talking about nothing of real consequence as if Kyoto had never happened, until Hokuto announced a craving for cake and got up to fetch a menu. When she returned she stopped short – Seishirou and Subaru had withdrawn into a world of their own.

Quietly Hokuto retook her seat and leafed through the menu watching from beneath her eyelashes. She sat separate to them, just far enough to give them privacy but close enough to remind them she was there, in an antique chair that made her think of French aristocrats matching the adjacent plush loveseat shared by Subaru and Seishirou. Subaru sat on the end farthest from her, back straight, while Seishirou leaned towards him one dark suited arm stretched along the loveseat's back behind his head. The two of them were talking, too low for Hokuto to hear, their faces barely illuminated by the table's tea-light candle and focused entirely on each other.

Hokuto's eyes narrowed. When she had finally met up with Subaru at the car in the early hours of New Years Day she hadn't been able to ask him anything about what happened with Seishirou because of Shouhei's presence, and Subaru hadn't volunteered information either, at least verbally. The heightened colour in his face and restless body language on the other hand spoke volumes, but it wasn't until they were home safe in the privacy of pajamas and bedroom walls that Subaru could be pressed to tell her what happened. It came slowly, in breaths and half sentences – _he came to talk, we have an understanding_ – but then Subaru finally confessed the big one: Seishirou had actually kissed him.

Looking back, Hokuto supposed she had overreacted a bit. Squealing like a boiling kettle, hugging her brother breathless, babbling a mix of congratulations and disbelief … yeah, all a bit much. She had been so happy for him and relieved that finally the two of them were actually _getting_ somewhere – but hearing about it in embarrassed whispers was one thing. Witnessing it in person was quite another.

A murmured quip, a soft laugh – whatever Seishirou had said to Subaru must have been interesting. In the low light her twin's face was shadowed, the angles of his face made sharper by the new haircut which Hokuto still couldn't look at without feeling a quiet wrench, much as it suited him. As she watched he turned his face away from Seishirou which presented a perfect opportunity for Seishirou to lean in closer and whisper in his ear. At least Hokuto presumed the man was whispering; from her angle it looked like something far more intimate and from there her imagination supplied the rest: Seishirou kissing Subaru, her brother's mouth opening in response, Seishirou pushing him back down into the couch—

She looked away, face burning. For all her magazine and manga gleaned wisdom, the reality of the two of them together before her eyes was uncomfortable. No longer the cute play of teasing and protesting, things were now serious and despite Subaru's shyness it was obvious he was responding to Seishirou's advances. She should – was, proud of and happy for him, so why was she reviving all her old concerns about Seishirou?

"—no, you – I don't think – no _don't_ – Hokuto-chan!" Blinking she looked up – Subaru was leaning towards her half-laughing, half-embarrassed with one arm pushing at Seishirou as the man tried to apparently grab him around the waist. "Have you decided on anything?" he asked.

His voice sounded a little desperate which pleased her, especially against Seishirou's pout. "I'm tossing up between chocolate mousse cake and black forest cake," she said primly. "Do either of you two lovebirds want anything?"

That got the reaction she wanted, at least from her twin who reddened as he shook his head. Seishirou just smirked. "I'm fine, thanks."

"Okay, I'll just have cake myself, then. Hi, excuse me?" A waiter came over at her wave. "Can I get a chocolate mousse cake please? With cream on the side?"

"Certainly. Would you like any more drinks?"

Seishirou took over asking for more tea for Subaru. The waiter bowed and did so, then the three of them were left alone again to pick up where they left off, wherever that was. Hokuto didn't want to ask for directions.

Seishirou leaned back into the loveseat, deliberately casual behind his glasses. "So, Hokuto-chan, are you back at school yet?"

"She goes back on Monday," Subaru replied first, to Seishirou.

She could almost see their perfect triangle stretching scalene. "Actually I go on a ski trip Monday," Hokuto said off-handedly.

Amber eyes and green fixed on her in surprise. "You never told me about this," said Subaru. "Since when?"

"Since last term, and I'm telling you now. It's no big deal, every student goes on a ski trip at some point. You'd be coming too, if you were still in school."

Subaru had the sense to look chagrined at this. "Isn't it rather early in the year for a ski trip?" asked Seishirou.

"It is, but I think the teachers' idea is that if we get the trip out of the way as soon as possible we'll be able to concentrate on the rest of third term properly. It'll be great, we're going all the way up to Hokkaido, I've never tried skiing before and the girls and I have all sorts of fun planned. Hopefully we'll get some cute instructors!"

"How long is the trip?"

"Four nights."

"So you'll return on Friday." Seishirou raised an eyebrow at Subaru. "Four nights without Hokuto-chan's company and cooking, think you'll survive, Subaru-kun?"

"It wouldn't be the first time I've had to look after myself, and I'll be working anyway. I'll be fine."

Hokuto's eyes narrowed, her spotlight lost. "Didn't the doctor say you shouldn't work for a couple of weeks?"

"I'm perfectly well now, Hokuto-chan, and I want to be useful again. Don't worry, it's only a few small exorcism jobs, and I'll be careful."

"Careful or not, exorcisms can take a lot out of you and it's not nice to come home to a cold apartment when you're tired, let alone eat out by yourself," said Seishirou. Thin grey ribbons of smoke rose from the cigarette he dangled in his long fingers – Hokuto wondered if he had offered her brother a puff, and felt an involuntary flare of anger if he had. "I have an idea – why don't you come to my place instead?"

Subaru, predictably, turned bright red and stammered. "Oh no, i-it's fine – I mean, I'll be fine, I don't want to be an imposition—"

"You won't be an imposition, you'll be a pleasure! It'll be fun and I'd love to take care of you – with Hokuto-chan's permission, of course. You don't mind, do you, Hokuto-chan."

He turned to smile at her, waiting for the next line in the script. Hokuto knew what it was of course, she had been delivering such lines for months now on cue and with boisterous enthusiasm because this was what she wanted, what Subaru probably also wanted despite his protestations, it's how the story goes ... and yet this time Hokuto realised that she did mind. Minded a lot, in fact, but how could she say so after playing their cheerleader for so long? "Mind?" she asked, forcing a snorted laugh, "of course I don't mind, why would I? At least if he's with you I know he's eating properly instead of surviving on instant ramen."

"So it's decided, then," said Seishirou. On the other side of the coffee table, a group of brightly dressed young adults had come in and were trying to establish their own social corner, a difficult task given there was five of them and only the two-seat settee left. "Hokuto-chan will go off skiing, and Subaru-kun will move to my place."

"Oh, I don't think so." Hokuto gave a charming smile – sure, she'd said she would allow Seishirou to seduce her brother if Subaru was okay with it, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to be _responsible._ "Take care of him, yes, but as old-fashioned as it may be until you're both wearing a wedding band on your ring finger it's better that Subaru spend each night in his own bed."

The red on Subaru's face was almost emergency light levels now, so mortified was he at being discussed like this especially now that there were people around who could overhear, and he very deliberately picked up his tea. Briefly Hokuto felt a jolt of guilt as if she had been once again been kicked, but she couldn't really back down in front of Seishirou who surprise, surprise, merely looked amused. "But we can't actually get married, does that mean we can never spend a night together?" he asked with a comical pout. Across from them, two of the young men in group had accosted some ottomans to use as seats, a solution that judging by the way the third glared at them and Seishirou was far from satisfactory.

"Who said anything about being actually married? I just want a ceremony with vows and rings to make it official in _my_ eyes, which, as you know, is the only thing that really matters!"

"You just want an excuse to dress up and dress me up," muttered Subaru from behind his teacup.

"I'm sure she does, but I like that the law of Hokuto-chan trumps all." Laughingly Seishirou reached out to play with Subaru's hair ignoring the sideways glances from their new tablemates and Hokuto's narrowed gaze. Subaru didn't react, but it seemed to Hokuto that the corners of his lips quirked up wryly. "All right, so until I scrape enough money together for a ring Subaru-kun and I will just have to content ourselves with dinner dates. Incentive for me to work harder, I suppose. Though while you've brought it up, Hokuto-chan, just how far have you thought through my wedding with Subaru-kun?"

Hokuto refused to give any satisfaction to Seishirou's suddenly loaded smile. "Aw, you know me, I'll plan right down to the last detail. I'm envisioning a spring time event when the cherry blossoms are out, in Ueno Park maybe. You'll be in black, Subaru in white – traditional clothes of course – and I'll obviously wear something gorgeous. The two of you will do the nine cups of sake before me as officiator and witness, exchange rings and vows, and then we'll have a picnic! There'll be champagne, I'll make some mochi and sushi and takoyaki and bring along a wedding cake—"

"All that will fit in your picnic basket?"

"Actually I saw these _great_ outdoor sets in the department store, they have all these neat compartments big and small and come with their own plates and cups and cutlery all nicely packed inside the lid. One even came with its own all-purpose cutting knife for cakes and stuff which is incredibly handy, I think I might get it. Never know when I might need an extra knife, right, Sei-chan?"

The fingers in Subaru's hair stopped. Hokuto beamed her brightest grin as she met Seishirou's eyes and held them in cheerful challenge. They glinted amber as they looked away. "It would be convenient to have a cake knife on hand," agreed Seishirou cordially, fingers resuming their motion. Hokuto wondered if they smelled of blood and if they did, whether Subaru had noticed. "Speaking of cake, didn't you order some? Unless they're making it from scratch it's taking a while to come."

It was an obvious change of subject, but since she had scored Hokuto let it pass. "Hey, you're right, where _is_ my cake? Go chase the waiter for me, will you, Subaru?"

Without a word Subaru made to do so, probably in relief, only to stop as his chest came up against Seishirou's outstretched hand. "Let me," the man murmured, stabbing out his cigarette as he stood. Before either of the twins could say anything he walked away, pushing gently past the young men and women who were still trying to figure out seating. They made way for him with some strange looks and smirks, neither of which Seishirou paid any attention to but when he was gone they turned on Subaru and Hokuto. Subaru didn't notice, but Hokuto did. She pointedly ignored them.

"What's going on?" Startled, Hokuto turned to her brother. He looked back with serious emerald eyes. "What's all that between you and Seishirou-san?"

So he had noticed. "Eh, it's nothing, just us being silly like always. What about you and Sei-chan with all the touchy-feely stuff, has he turned you into a pet or something?"

Subaru flushed. "It's not like that," he said defensively, "and you're changing the subject. What are you doing?"

So much for that idea. What's more, that was the Sumeragi clan head speaking, not her younger brother. Grown up, indeed. Hokuto sighed. "I know you don't want me to interfere too much, but I'm still your sister. I just want to remind him that if he hurts you in any way he'll have to answer to me."

Subaru's face grew shadowed. "You shouldn't confront him, I can take care of myself—"

"Excuse me."

Hokuto stiffened and together with Subaru looked up. One of the young men from the other group had come over and was looking down at them. Dark in eyes and hair with a stocky build, he looked to be in his early twenties and with deep pockets going by his fashion, which was centred on labels rather than any actual style. Although his face was ordinary his attitude was anything but: cocky, arrogant, and with a condescending smile that Hokuto was all too familiar with on people who claimed either wealth or ancient blood or both. Being a Sumeragi Hokuto had never been subjected to that kind of disdain before but now that she was she realised how much it galled. Had she been a cat she would be arched and hissing. For his part, Subaru was simply still.

The young man leaned down. "Sorry if I'm spoiling your tea party, kids, but could you move seats? You're in our spot and while you've been entertaining we'd appreciate it if you'd give it back so we can enjoy our group date."

It was all Hokuto could do not to gape at such rudeness, and from a stranger at that. "I beg your pardon, _onii-san,_ " she said sarcastically, "but I don't see why we should have to move. It's not like there was a reserved sign here when we arrived."

"We don't have to have one." The young man thumbed over his shoulder at his friends, the two young women on the settee with nervous expressions and two young men about his age who Hokuto immediately pegged as sidekicks. "Kawasaki there, his family owns this place along with a dozen other exclusive venues around the city. Morita's father is a big property developer. The girls are both daughters of CEOs and as for me, if you've ever heard of Washio Technologies you've already heard my name."

"Sorry, never heard of it," Hokuto retorted. "Are we supposed to be impressed?"

Washio's face darkened unpleasantly. "Nee-san," said Subaru, low and worried. "It's not worth it, we can move, it isn't a problem."

If they hadn't been sitting so far apart Hokuto would have kicked her brother under the table. Washio smirked. "Run along little girl, I'll pay for your drinks. You had milk, right?"

Her temper was rising with every word. "We are not moving. Just because your friend's father owns the place doesn't mean you can do whatever you like and treat people like trash. Besides, I'd be ashamed to give in to a spoilt _nanahikari_ with no sense of style. I mean, do you _have_ to wear a Calvin Klein logo belt with those acid wash jeans, or are you afraid people will miss the two 'CK' monograms on your pockets? And fluoro orange and yellow windbreaker, really? Even if it has Nike on the back in giant letters are you trying to blind girls so they don't look at your face?"

Washio turned red. One of his sidekicks – Morita, if Hokuto had the names right – stepped up. "How dare you speak to him like that," Morita snapped, and Hokuto couldn't help but notice how the young woman behind him winced. "You should treat your betters with respect!"

"Only if they deserve it."

"Bratty little bitch—"

"Excuse me." Interrupted, Hokuto and the young men turned. Subaru spoke politely but his eyes were cold. "Please don't speak to my sister like that."

Washio sneered down at him. "If your little sister had been trained better we wouldn't have to. But I suppose her behaviour makes sense if she has a fag for a brother instead of a man. Which one makes you cry harder, getting fucked from behind with your arse in the air or having a hard cock shoved down your throat?"

It was as if Washio had cast a curse. Hokuto watched her brother turn white as quartz and just as rigid save for his eyes which rippled with humiliation, and immediately her outrage over the 'little sister' jibe turned to alarm. Grown up or not, she knew her sensitive twin ... "Take that back," she spat, though what she really wanted was to smash in Washio's disgusting mouth, "take that back and apologise _right now_ you pathetic worm or I'll—"

"What? Whack me with your handbag?" Washio grinned as Morita and Kawasaki chortled. The young women looked like they wanted to be anywhere but here. "But I was talking to the fag, not you, or can't he speak for himself?" Subaru didn't respond. Abruptly Washio grabbed his front and yanked him bodily out of the love-seat demanding, " _Well?_ " as Hokuto furiously leapt to her feet—

"I wouldn't do that."

She stopped. So did the sidekicks and Washio who was stopped literally. Seishirou smiled at them with a geniality that extended no further than the corners of his mouth. "A social night shouldn't be spoiled like this," he said conversationally, tightening the fingers he had wrapped around Washio's right wrist, "and I'm sure whatever has happened is simply an unfortunate misunderstanding. Why don't you let Subaru-kun go and we can talk this out."

The hairs on the back of Hokuto's neck stood on end. Seishirou seemed no different from before but behind the glasses his eyes, those amber, predatory eyes ... she had known this side of him existed, had glimpsed it several times before but those glimpses were nothing compared to this. She wondered if Subaru saw what she was seeing. Certainly Washio didn't seem to realise the danger he was in. "The other fag," he snorted derisively, hands still tangled in Subaru's shirt front despite Seishirou's grip. "At least you can talk— ow!"

"Letting Subaru-kun go wasn't a request." As if satisfied Seishirou released Washio who immediately stepped away rubbing his forearm and hissing in pain. One of his sidekicks went to check on him, the other made as if to stride towards Seishirou only to pause uncertainly when he realised his height disadvantage. The two young women were watching Seishirou with interest. Seishirou paid none of it any attention, one hand beneath Subaru's elbow in support. "Are you hurt?" he asked concernedly.

"I'm fine," said Subaru, straightening his clothes. He didn't, Hokuto noticed, meet Seishirou's eyes.

"Good. It's all right you can go, there's nothing wrong here." Absently Hokuto realised that the waiter was standing just beside her nervously looking about the scene, but as soon as Seishirou spoke to him he fled. He left behind a plate with a slice of dark chocolate cake topped with cream in front of Hokuto.

"Fucking pervert." Washio stood up, favouring his bruised arm but otherwise snarling. "You must be the man in the relationship – does your spineless boy toy thank you on his knees every time you rescue him?"

Subaru flinched; fiercely Hokuto wished her eyes could kill. "You homophobic b—"

"Enough, Hokuto-chan," said Seishirou calmly, though he never looked at her. "Eat your cake, I can take care of this."

Stung into speechlessness Hokuto sat back down and glared as Seishirou stepped forward, a move that put Subaru protectively behind and Washio in shadow. He paused only when Subaru unexpectedly touched his arm. "Seishirou-san," Subaru said quietly.

What exchange passed between them then Hokuto couldn't hear. Subaru's face was serious as he looked up at Seishirou lips rapidly moving with urgent whispers. Seishirou for his part bowed down almost close enough to touch Subaru's forehead with his own. "Don't worry," Hokuto heard him murmur laughingly, "he's not worth that effort." Straightening, Seishirou turned again to Washio who was watching their interaction with a sneer. "Washio-kun, was it?"

His voice was smooth as honey. Washio immediately looked wary, while Morita and Kawasaki moved back. _Like a pair of pack-dogs,_ thought Hokuto mechanically, _used to recognising and submitting to strength unlike their leader, but then what does that make me?_

_What does that make Subaru?_

She looked towards her brother. Subaru's face was tense and pale as if the insults were still echoing in his ears, but while he stood close to Seishirou's shoulder his eyes kept darting worriedly at Washio and his friends. Instinct told Hokuto that as much as she wanted to go over to protect and soothe him it was better not to. That for once, she should keep quiet and just watch.

Seishirou continued. "Washio Masahiro, son of Washio Masahiko of the Washio technology group. Your family claims samurai lineage, though it would be generous to say your name has any historical importance. Still, it's a point of honour so I have to wonder how your father would feel to know that his adult son was bullying a couple of teenagers, one of them a girl, just because he wanted a place to sit?"

Washio twitched. "You know my father?"

"No, but that may change. The business papers don't say much, but I understand there is talk around your company's share price and debts. One even hears whisper of a deal of desperation to manufacture certain products overseas, rather surprising given how closely they've been held before. What was it your company does again, something with industrial lasers? Given that you supply some of the country's energy companies, isn't it a bit treasonous to let the Chinese manufacture such sensitive technology?"

Washio, Hokuto noticed, had slowly been turning the colour of tofu and just as yielding. "W-who are you," he demanded shakily.

Seishirou smiled. "Just a pervert, as you said. One you should hope you never have to meet again. Now," he added, glancing at Hokuto, "I believe my friend here would like to enjoy her dessert in peace. Unless you plan on joining us …?"

If Washio had any remaining delusions of standing his ground they were soon shot down. Pointedly the two young women in his group stood up and left whispering heatedly to each other. Hokuto caught snippets of, "—pected he was a jerk, I've never been so embarrassed—", "—tell Father he needs to reconsider his investment" plus a, "Wasn't that _hot?_ " as they passed. Morita and Kawasaki quickly followed, which left Washio to face Seishirou by himself. "Wait you idiots – no, Hikari-chan, Mariko-chan, don't go – shit!" Cursing, Washio hurried after his group only to stumble over his own feet and whack a shin into the settee which set off more swearing. Wildly he picked himself up. "I'm not going to forget this," he blustered, pointing a finger at Seishirou and Subaru even as he continued backing away. "You fags will never be able to come here again, I'll make sure of it!" Then he was gone.

Seishirou looked satisfied. Hokuto refused to be sidelined any further. "Well, I'm glad that's taken care of. You okay, Subaru?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah."

That said everything. Hokuto silently swore that if she ever saw Washio again she would kick him. In the nuts. "Don't let what they said get to you," she said warningly as Subaru and Seishirou retook their love-seat, "that's just what bullies want. It's a good thing Sei-chan stepped in because I was about ready to kill that guy!"

The look she got from both Subaru and Seishirou was priceless. Then they glanced at each other, something indecipherable passing between them. "You shouldn't say things like that, Hokuto-chan," said Subaru reproachfully.

"Eh, it was just a joke," she replied, but it was Seishirou she was watching. "Though I wonder, Sei-chan, how does a humble vet like you know all that business stuff? Do you know that guy's family?"

"Only what I read in the papers. I make it a habit to keep up with the news."

"Uh huh." _I was right all along. Sei-chan_ is _dangerous – to anyone who threatens Subaru._ Hokuto found herself smiling. _That's good. I approve._

_Although ..._

She glanced at her brother. His shoulders were stiff, hunched over even as Seishirou slung an arm around them, but while he barely responded to Seishirou's murmurs some of the tension did seem to leave him. A gentle heart, yes, but considering how he had held Seishirou back earlier, certainly not weak. A good sign. _The two of them will work out. Whatever happens, even if they fight, at the end of the day they fit together._ Seishirou had coaxed a hesitant smile out of Subaru but Seishirou was the only one receiving it. Hokuto realised there was a lump in her throat. _I really have to share him now._

She told herself she had known this, that after so long pushing them together she had already prepared for the result. Still, to watch her twin grow away from her ... she was allowed to feel weird, right?

"Aren't you going to eat that?"

Hokuto blinked, chasing away the sudden dampness in her eyes. Seishirou and Subaru were looking at her curiously. They probably hadn't noticed, Hokuto thought, what with the table's flickering tea candle whatever was with her eyes could easily have been a trick of the light. "Of course I am," she said teasingly, picking up the dessert plate. "I was just waiting for the stench of that guy to go away. You don't want my cake to be spoiled by bad thoughts, right?"

Before either of them could say anything she stabbed the fork down. Cream slid down over the chocolate cake, real cream, not the fake stuff so many places used. _Subaru was my twin first,_ she told herself between bites, _just as I am his. Even if Sei-chan claims him now that fundamental fact can't be changed, not by us, and certainly not by anyone else._

_I'm not going to be jealous. I am a Sumeragi, a strong, independent girl and eventually an amazing woman. If Sei-chan ever hurts Subaru the way he threatened to hurt that idiot, I will not hesitate to take my brother back. I'm not jealous. I wanted this and Subaru is happy. I'm not going to show I'm jealous. I—_

There was salt in the cake. Hokuto ate it anyway and forced herself to smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Japan schooling has three terms: April-July (first term), Sept-Dec (second term); Jan-March (third term) with graduation ceremonies in March.  
> \- _Nanahikari_ \- short for おやのななひかり, oya no nana-hikari (parental prestige endures; riding on the coattails of one's parents)


	7. Old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You don't think I should save him."
> 
> "No, I don't."

The bare room warped almost physically, its plastered walls echoing with wails that clawed the air. Kneeling in the storm's eye Subaru kept his level voice raised as he wove the chant to calm, something that was completely lost on the two suited men huddling in the barrier beside him. Subaru had warned it was better to wait outside but they'd insisted—

 

_"A real estate agent?" Amber eyes lit with amusement, the glasses no longer bothered with. "They'll be nervous about property values so take care setting up the kekkai – if you damage the floor they'll probably deduct repair costs from your fee!"_

_He hadn't thought about that. "What do you suggest I do?"_

_Strong shoulders shrugged beneath the suit jacket. "Make a foundation for the daggers. Sand. Stones. Borrow flowerpots from the nearest garden. Anything of the earth element, use your imagination …"_

_Lately he had become keenly aware of the way Seishirou moved. Fascinated he watched Seishirou's hands, long and graceful, imagining how they touched—_

 

A dischordant scream, an intensifying pressure – grimly Subaru made himself concentrate, setting his will to subdue. It was a few dicey minutes but eventually the disfigured spirit began to quiet, blurring and losing shape like salt in water. In its place appeared three faces: a desperate man, a sad woman, and a confused little girl. They hovered together as if locked in a last embrace and Subaru let the chant soften from a command to a farewell. The family of ghosts didn't struggle. Like a tiny supernova they filled the room, bright and brilliant, and when the light faded they were gone. "I..is it over?" one of the suited men asked shakily.

Inwardly Subaru added a silent prayer that the little girl's next life be full and long with a wish that this time the prayer would work. "Yes."

The men let out breaths like a pair of deflating balloons. "Great, great!" the younger enthused as the other bowed in thanks. "Finally we can proceed - before every person who tried to move in here complained of ghostly crying so I could never complete a sale, but now that suicide family is gone we can finally sell this house, right boss?"

"Quiet and show some respect!" the principle realtor snapped. To Subaru he said, "I apologise for my subordinate's insensitivity. I should have explained more earlier, but what happened is that the previous owners – Miura – bought this place with a mortgage that was too much for them to handle. They had to borrow money to make the repayments, the debts piled up and when it eventually got too much … the ten-year-old daughter was stabbed to death first and then the husband and wife hanged themselves. The bodies were found four days later in this very room by a debt collector." The man shook his head. "Even if I am a real estate agent, the fact that property in Tokyo has become so expensive that people die trying for an impossible dream … it's a real tragedy."

Suspended in the melancholy of the exorcism's aftermath Subaru didn't answer, instead moving to pack his things: ofuda, tasseled rope, the four daggers standing tilted in piles of damp sand. Thankfully the hint was taken and the two suited men stood from the floor, the younger going to open the curtains, the older to fetch his briefcase. The return of sunlight to what had been a haunted room was a welcome relief, and made the realtor's cheque glow. "Don't worry about the mess, we're going to get someone to clean the place from top to bottom. The payment as agreed, and worth every yen."

He held the cheque out in two hands with a bow. Subaru formally accepted it in the same manner. "Thank you."

The realtor gestured for his subordinate to open the front door. "Can we offer you a lift?" he asked as they walked. Subaru politely declined. Still obviously elated at the exorcism's result once they exited the subordinate locked up the house with a flourish before hurrying ahead to open the door of the dark blue Toyota for his boss. Once again the two of them bowed to Subaru. "You're a credit to your clan, Sumeragi-san," said the realtor solemnly. "What you have done today not just for my company but the spirits of that poor family, you have my gratitude. I'm glad to see that the Sumeragi name and talent continues in such a fine young man."

Subaru felt his face warm. "I thank you for your kind words. If you should require my services again in future please do not hesitate to call."

"Hopefully I won't have to, but if necessary, certainly. Until then, _sayonara._ " The two men got into the car and drove off. They turned at the park and soon vanished behind the row of little houses.

It was a quiet street. Unsurprising for a Tuesday afternoon; most children would still be at school, their parents at work, and anyone else likely doing something better than hanging around a block of cookie cutter townhouses in Setagaya. Subaru himself probably could have found something if he was so inclined, which he wasn't. Not with screams still echoing in his head. _I slipped,_ he thought, heading for the park hoping for calm. _I could have put the client in danger and failed not just that family but my own. All because I was thinking of_ him …

Bare branches broke the sky above. Through them the playground's clock pointed to four thirty. At six thirty Subaru was to meet Seishirou in Roppongi for a dinner date – they were definitely dates now, open and acknowledged – their second in as many days since Hokuto had gone away. Despite what had happened at the job the thought of their meeting made Subaru's heart quicken, but whether it was in anticipation or nervousness he did not know. This new intimacy between them, allowing Seishirou to touch and kiss him like the most natural thing in the world, was as heady as sake and even more intoxicating, perhaps dangerously so. It was one thing for Seishirou to briefly kiss him in front of Hokuto. It was quite another to be kissed in private – and with Hokuto off on her ski trip Subaru was now realising just how loaded such a kiss could be. Thrilling as last night's dinner date was, Subaru had been weakly grateful that Hokuto had set down the rules she had giving him an excuse to break off Seishirou's lingering kiss goodnight—

 

_"Which one makes you cry harder, getting fucked from behind with your arse in the air or having a hard cock shoved down your throat?"_

 

Something hot squirmed in Subaru's gut, rank and festering making him walk faster. No matter how many times he told himself not to let such insults bother him, what that man had said had wormed under his skin eating at his thoughts to turn them to shame. Hokuto had of course done her best to lance it, but there had been something she had said herself …

 

_"What about you and Sei-chan with all the touchy-feely stuff, has he turned you into a pet or something?"_

 

Pet. Toy. A plaything to pass the time with and eventually throw away. Was that what he was, was that how people saw him? How Seishirou saw him? The end of the Bet was only weeks away and Subaru had no idea how he was going, but he had promised Seishirou never to ask about the Bet so didn't dare try to find out. His one reassurance was the memory of the Final Day, those last moments before their death when Seishirou had acknowledged that he felt something for Subaru. It was a memory Subaru found himself clinging to more and more nowadays for hope as the Bet's end rushed ever closer—

"Oh!"

A whirlwind of feathers beat about him, grey and brown and white. Instinctively Subaru lifted gloved hands to shield his face as he stepped back from the birds he had inadvertently walked through— "Sorry, I didn't mean—"

"It's all right."

Subaru blinked, he hadn't expected the birds to answer. Then he realised it wasn't just birds he had disturbed, but a small elderly man as well. Kindly eyes twinkled at him from behind a pair of horn-rimmed glasses. "It's all right," the old man repeated reassuringly, "you didn't mean to scare them and besides, they don't hold grudges."

As the old man talked the birds began to settle not just around his feet, but on his arms and shoulders and even the hands he rested on his walking stick as easily as it he were a tree. Subaru stared but before he could say anything a little brown and white sparrow flitted over to perch on his shoulder. "Seems she likes you," the old man commented.

The sparrow cocked its head at him. "Hi there," said Subaru softly, and was rewarded with a chirp. "Have you been getting an afternoon snack?"

The old man chuckled. "Oh no, I don't feed them."

"You don't? Then how …?"

"Nothing special; these birds know me well. Come, I'll introduce you." The old man gestured to the bench behind him; it was currently being used by the birds but the old man gently shooed them to make room. Curious, Subaru sat down and with some effort the old man did so as well. "Now, let's see. The little one on your shoulder, she's an Eurasian tree sparrow. They're common around cities and have lots of personality – you should hear this one sing when the children bring breadcrumbs. My tiny green friend on my walking stick, he's a _mejuro,_ a Japanese white eye, so-called because of the ring of white around the eye as you can see. He has a mate but she's very shy, even with me she hardly comes out. Over there is a _segurosekirei_ or wagtail, he's the tiny one in black and white amongst the pigeons …"

It was a welcome distraction. Genuinely interested Subaru listened, enchanted by the old man's obvious love for the subject and his gentle manner which not only encouraged questions but welcomed them. Under the old man's guidance the park was shown to be a world in its own with patches of territory, food sources and more, a world that was one of dozens scattered around Tokyo where as Subaru learned, one could find a surprising number of rare birds. The whole conversation made Subaru remember his old childhood dream, the zookeeper one he had long let go of, and after a while he found himself mentioning this to the old man. "But that's what I did," the old man replied. "From the age of eighteen all the way to retirement I was in charge of all the birds at Ueno Zoo. It's not difficult work, but you do need a kindness and affinity for animals which you certainly have. If being a zookeeper is what you really want to do I can give you some pointers."

"Thank you, but it won't be necessary." Any regret was long lost but still Subaru was wistful. "I'm already working and it's not something I can give up."

"Ah. Family?" Subaru nodded as the little sparrow moved to nest in his gloved hands. The old man was sympathetic. "I commend anyone who does their family proud, but it is a shame so many dreams have to be given up to do so. Still, it doesn't mean you can never do something with animals if that's what you like. Have you thought about volunteering at a shelter? They're always in need of help, though given what happens to most shelter animals it's not for the soft-hearted which you look to be."

 _A grey cat, innards spilling out, weakly nuzzling into his hand as a syringe gave a merciful end – a dead woman still warm as he closed her eyes—_ "I'm not so sure about that," said Subaru quietly. The bird in his hands was preening its feathers; even through the gloves he could feel its fluttering heartbeat.

"Oh, I think you are. Hearts of stone don't apologise to birds, nor do they sit around with retirees they've just met to chat for hours."

"I-I'm sorry, if I'm disturbing you I can—"

"Don't be silly! You're more than welcome and it's not often I get such willing company especially one so young. What's your name?"

"Subaru." He bowed.

The old man inclined his head. "And I am Matsumoto. We've met properly now, and I am happy for your company."

Subaru smiled. "Me too." The sparrow in his hands pecked insistently at his fingers and chagrined, Subaru let it fly. "Do you come here everyday?"

"Unless it's raining, yes. I was so happy to find this park when I moved to the area last year. Since then I've gotten to know all the birds and they've come to expect me every day about one o'clock. What about you, do you live around here?"

"No, I'm just here for work. It's finished now," added Subaru hastily, before any questions could be asked, "so I don't have to worry about it anymore." _Or think about it._

"Are you sure? You were looking rather worried when you walked by earlier."

"I was … just lost in my thoughts, that's all."

"Must be some heavy thoughts. You're what, eighteen, nineteen? When I was your age the heaviest thoughts I had were about how to ask the girl I liked out to dinner." Matsumoto chuckled, remembering. "Most terrifying thing I ever did since I wasn't good with people, and romance, well, there aren't many things scarier than that. Lucky for me Kanae accepted. Do you have a girl you like, is that what's weighing you down?"

It was impossible not to tense. "No." A kiss at the train station, hands touching at a restaurant table, _you're ashamed of me—_ "I mean, yes I have someone but—" The words stopped.

"You don't know what she thinks of you?" asked Matsumoto gently.

He looked away. "Something like that." It was hateful to be evasive like this but after Saturday evening better to be safe than sorry. Not that he should assume the welcoming Matsumoto to be anything like that arrogant young man … "We – haven't been together long."

Matsumoto sat quietly for a moment. The flock of birds around them had diminished, many having flown to roost as the sun sank. "When my wife and I first started dating," he said finally, "everyone wondered how long it would last. Kanae was warm, beautiful, and could make anyone feel special just by being with them, whereas I was an awkward young man more comfortable with animals than people. And you know what? Everyone was right to question. I was insecure every time she spoke to another man, she would get upset that I smiled more easily with birds than her, and neither of us were good talkers. We loved each other, yes, but we didn't know each other, not the way you need to if you want to spend a life together. The only way you do that is with time, with patience and communication. Especially communication. Not just using words, though you do need those and we had to learn to use them properly, but without, how to read each other, to know when to push and leave alone … we worked at it. Worked and worked. Seven years and a baby girl later we were still working – I'd tease Kanae that she broke hearts every time she told a man she was married, while Kanae would tell her friends that I was a magician who spoke to birds. By then we were working for the joy of it." A small, wistful chuckle. "Most fun I ever had."

It was the kind of advice Hokuto could have doled out, only far more real. "You must love your wife very much," said Subaru softly.

"Yes. Always have and always will. And for that love I'll keep my promise to make our daughter happy." Briefly Matsumoto's face seemed shadowed, but there was no sign of it when he turned to Subaru, only an encouraging smile. "Don't worry if things feel unsure right now, if you've only just begun there's so much you have to learn about each other. Take your time, enjoy it as the greatest adventure in your life. What's important is that you be open with your feelings and talk to each other especially when there are problems – don't let communication become a problem itself. All right?"

The warmth in Subaru's cheeks had spread to his heart, and he shyly smiled. Then a cold wind blew past. Startled Subaru looked around to realise just how dark it had gotten. "I-I'm sorry, you've been helping cheer me up for so long, I didn't notice the time!"

"Oh pish posh, it's been a pleasure!"

The playground clock was coming up to six o'clock. To get to Roppongi from here would take at least forty minutes presuming he was lucky with the trains, and he would still have to find the restaurant … "I have to go," said Subaru, quickly getting to his feet. "Please forgive my rudeness for rushing away, but I really enjoyed our conversation and apologise for making your family worry about you—"

"There's nothing to apologise for." With some effort Matsumoto stood - instinctively Subaru reached out and helped. "Nobody's worried about me."

"You live by yourself?" asked Subaru, steadying Matsumoto until he had a firm grip on his walking stick.

"My wife died thirty years ago, so now I'm living with my daughter. She has a husband and two small children, all of them should be home eating by now."

There was something about the way he said that which made Subaru's chest twist. "I-I'm sorry, but if you're not back for dinner even though it's gotten dark, shouldn't your daughter …?"

Matsumoto was still smiling. "Unfortunately I'm not considered family any more. I'm merely a burden."

Subaru stared at him. Kept staring as having said farewells, Matsumoto shuffled off through the dark towards the townhouses with their deceptively warm windows. Once again, there were screams echoing in Subaru's head.

_Oh …_

 

* * *

 

It was after seven when he reached the restaurant. Not that it seemed to matter.

"Subaru-kun." The smile Seishirou bestowed as Subaru ran up was effortless. "So good to see you."

Subaru bent over, hands on knees and chest heaving for air. "I-I'm sorry, I got caught up after the job and the next train didn't come until quarter past six—"

Long fingers reached out, stopping speech and tilting back his face. The breath Subaru had been trying to catch rushed from his lungs. "Stop looking so worried," said Seishirou as he drew back, "you're here now, and that's all that matters. Shall we get dinner?"

It had been a brief kiss, one that left him light-headed from lack of air, but it still made Subaru tense because they were on a busy street. As he caught his breath he glanced around, cheeks red, and flushed further when he saw some passerbys give him sideways looks. Not that Seishirou paid them any attention as he walked not into the elegant restaurant but down the street— "Huh? I thought you booked a table …?"

"We lost the booking twenty minutes ago." Seishirou kept walking, not bothering to turn. "Let's see what else is around, shall we?"

Subaru watched him go. There was an apology on his tongue, but it was bogged down in the knowledge that whatever he said Seishirou would dismiss it saying everything was all right … he hurried to catch up, soon falling into step at Seishirou's side. "Any suggestions as to what to eat?" Seishirou asked.

"Um …" Subaru looked around; being Roppongi there was no dearth of choices, or people for that matter, all mixing together in a hubbub of chatter and light. With a pang he wondered how Matsumoto's dinner was going. "I'm not very hungry so I'm okay with anything, really."

He sensed Seishirou glance at him. "My choice again, hm? In that case … this way."

Without pausing Seishirou turned a corner, his brisk pace easily pushing through the evening crowds. Subaru followed him mechanically, barely aware of his surroundings as his thoughts fell back into the circles they had been doing on the train: the splash of blood on the yellow bananas, the wall of shock-blanked faces, him kneeling in the road holding the dying man. The memory of that afternoon had long been overwhelmed by personal horrors but meeting Matsumoto again like this—

A hand grabbed the back of his collar and yanked. Subaru blinked as he stumbled backwards the side of a bus blurring past his face so close it pulled his hair in its wake. "Careful!" said Seishirou sharply. "Didn't you see the light was red?"

Subaru swallowed as he realised what had happened. What was going to happen. "I-I'm sorry," he stammered.

Seishirou seemed to study him. "Stay close to me," he said at last as the lights changed. "Come on, we're nearly there."

He pushed Subaru to cross the road, one hand hovering at the small of Subaru's back to ward off any more potential accidents. On the other side was a row of restaurants and Seishirou guided Subaru to the middle of these, a large well-lit bistro with a blonde woman standing just inside. She greeted them in accented Japanese and after a short discussion with Seishirou, led them to the far wall and the line of booths there beneath a series of black and white photos of New York. Removing coats and scarves Subaru and Seishirou slid in on opposite sides of the table. "Can I get you anything to drink?" the waitress asked.

"A glass of red wine matched to your steak which I'll have medium rare, please. He'll have an iced tea with your fish of the day." The waitress bowed and left. Subaru shifted in his seat oddly grateful that Seishirou had done all the ordering. Again, Seishirou seemed to study him. "You know, I had a call from Hokuto-chan yesterday," he said casually.

Subaru looked up from his twisting hands. "You spoke to her?"

"To be accurate, she called me while we were out last night and I found her phone message when I got home. She sounded well, she said she was just calling to say hi and check on us with the usual reminder for me to look after you."

"… Oh." Subaru tried to remember – he had called Hokuto last night, right? Or had she had to call him? Either way they had spoken briefly; Hokkaido was lovely, skiing was fun, don't work too hard and behave yourself with Sei-chan. He should to call her tonight, and his grandmother for that matter to tell her how the job had gone. Though he had met Matsumoto afterwards, so he shouldn't have to tell Lady Sumeragi about that—

A theatrical sigh came across the table. "You need to stop doing this, you know."

"Eh?"

"Withdrawing. It's obvious there's something on your mind, however if you're not going to talk about it then at least talk about something else instead of sitting there leaving me with my own company. Or am I here just to pay for your dinner?"

Subaru's face burned. "It's not, I didn't mean – I mean I just—" He forced himself to stop – _don't let communication become a problem_ – taking several breaths. "I'm sorry."

Drinks appeared on their table along with a hand that soon withdrew. Seishirou took his glass and sipped his wine looking at Subaru expectantly. Subaru unconsciously wet his lips. "I … met a man today," he began slowly.

"At the Setagaya job?" asked Seishirou.

"Afterwards. The job was fine. Thank you, by the way, for the suggestion with the floor." Seishirou gave a brief smile. "I went to the nearby park afterwards, which was where I met him. He's an old man, he used to be a zookeeper taking care of the birds at Ueno. His wife died thirty years ago leaving him with a daughter who's now married with children of her own. She … doesn't treat him well, views her father as a burden. It's not that she's a bad person, but money is tight and she takes her stress out on him. He bears it all with a smile. He promised his wife that he would make their daughter happy. He—" Gloved hands clenched around his glass of iced tea. "He'll be killed in two days."

Amber eyes glinted across the table. "You know this for sure?"

"It happened last time."

"How?"

"A car accident. I was going to meet him in the park for lunch and arrived only to hold him in my arms as he died. I told his daughter at home, she collapsed screaming …"

He trailed off uneasily. Seishirou was watching him with an almost meditative expression that barely changed as the waitress returned expertly balancing two plates which she set before them before leaving. "So what are you going to do?" asked Seishirou, slicing into his steak.

And there it was, the question Subaru had been wrestling with all evening. "I don't know," he confessed, beginning on his own meal. "Of course I don't want him to die, but then I remember all those other people like the girls on the phone, the woman trying to summon an inugami for her murdered daughter, I tried to fix things for them too and it just turned out the same or worse. Yet knowing that Matsumoto is going to be killed I can't just sit back and let it happen, not when I could stop it, and I can, I know the place and time—"

"You'll swoop in to save him."

"One moment's delay, a split second intervention, that's all it'll take just like earlier when you pulled me back from the road—"

"And it'll make you feel good, hm?" Seishirou chuckled mockingly over his plate. "Sumeragi Subaru, saving the living as well as the dead. Shall I get you a cape for the occasion?"

Subaru stared. "You don't think I should save him."

"No, I don't."

"But it's the right thing to do! Preventing a violent death—" Abruptly he remembered who he was talking to. Turned back to his plate stabbing his food. "I don't expect you to understand. You're the Sakurazukamori, of course you don't care."

Seishirou smirked. "You're so cute when you use my title as an insult. Though I suppose 'veterinarian' doesn't roll off the tongue quite so well."

Subaru couldn't help giving a derisive snort as he cut his fish. "You're not really a vet."

"Is that what you think? The university degrees on my clinic wall are real, you know, as are my customers and paid staff."

"Only because you needed a cover for the—" Just in time Subaru remembered his promise, "—for meeting me."

"If a cover was all I needed I could have set up something far less complicated and expensive," replied Seishirou, obviously amused. "Don't flatter yourself Subaru-kun; for your information I became a vet not because I needed anything but because I wanted to, and it was something I had decided even before I met you under the Sakura."

Subaru frowned. "Why?"

Seishirou finished his mouthful with a sip of wine. "Why did you move to Tokyo?" he asked.

The counter made Subaru frown further, but he went along with it. He had to think a bit, though, it seemed a lifetime since he had started calling Tokyo home. Was a lifetime, in fact. "It was Hokuto-chan's idea," he said, dimly remembering. "Ever since middle school she was determined to go to high school in Tokyo. We had an offer from CLAMP Campus already which Obaa-chan could hardly say no to, though the fact that we kept getting job requests from Tokyo probably helped her decision despite her misgivings over how young we were. Hokuto-chan was ecstatic of course."

"In other words the decision was made for you and you did as you were told. What about now, why do you stay in Tokyo?"

A sea of glittering lights beneath his and Seishirou's feet, the whole Tower to themselves. Hokuto's laughter, her face lit up as she showed off a new outfit or related her latest urban adventure. A city that never slept, with aspiring actresses, childhood friends, grieving mothers, troubled students, and old men who talked to birds. A city protected by romantics and disbelievers, parents and sex workers, the innocent and the heartbroken. A city that had given Subaru both his worst memories and his best. What was it Seishirou had said all those years ago? _I love this Tokyo … where else do so many people dance towards their own destruction—_ "I had a life here," said Subaru slowly. "I have a life here. My own life."

"And there's your answer. We're unique, you and I, set apart from normal people by power and heritage, but that matters less here in Tokyo where twelve million people can live regardless of who or what they are. More importantly, each of those twelve million people has the chance forge their own path without reference to anyone else. Onmyouji we may be it's not our place to interfere with that."

"Don't you interfere with people's lives when you kill them?" Subaru challenged.

Seishirou gave an impatient sigh. "When I kill someone it's because of something. Because I've been asked to. Because they blocked me when they crossed my path. Because their deaths are at the end of the day, necessary. I don't go out of my way to find victims; if someone dies at my hand, it's destiny as a consequence of their own actions."

Destiny. The word made Subaru's throat constrict. "And what if because he's met me it is now Matsumoto's destiny to live?"

"But it isn't. You've said already, that last time we went through this life this man died. The only reason why you're thinking of saving him now is because you – and only you – know what is to come. Without that knowledge, chances are everything will turn out as they did before."

"I can't accept that—"

A movement to his side interrupted. "How's everything?" asked the blonde waitress, leaning down. "Can I get you anything else?"

Seishirou beamed – since Hokuto wasn't around he didn't bother to wear his glasses out, yet even without them his genial persona was flawless. "We're fine and the steak is fantastic, thank you. Give my compliments to the chef. Where are you from, by the way?"

"I'm from Australia. Land of sun and kangaroos and murderous wildlife." The waitress winked at him.

"So far away! Your Japanese is excellent – what brings you to Tokyo?"

"Well, I started learning Japanese in high school and since then I've always dreamed of living in Tokyo so last year I got myself a work visa to come on over. Love this city, the buzz, the way you can walk past skyscrapers and turn a corner to find a tiny shrine, the people – I mean, yeah, you get jerks like drunk salarymen who want to kiss my hair but then you meet the artists, the chatty ramen stall holders, the fashion and music tribes …" She chuckled. "Adventure of a lifetime here."

"Tokyo is certainly a place to spread your wings." Seishirou's warm mask never changed; across the table, Subaru was willing the waitress gone. "I hope it's been treating you well tonight?"

"Oh, I stay on my toes. Had a big party of university students in earlier making me run around, and just then I got snapped at by a snooty lady because I was late serving her husband's drink. I _could_ have told her that her husband was here last week with another woman but hey, none of my business, right?" The waitress gave a wry laugh that Subaru studiously ignored. "Anyway, should get back to it – give me a wave if you need anything!"

With that she hurried another table. Seishirou coolly watched her go for a moment before returning his gaze to Subaru. "Twelve million people," he said softly. "Twelve million people each living their own lives, making their own choices, and bearing their own consequences. Your old man is but one of them, as are you. You'd do well to think about which is more important."

Subaru felt his jaw set. Deliberately resumed his meal, forcing himself to eat despite his lack of appetite because he didn't trust himself to reply. Perhaps satisfied that his point was made Seishirou let the conversation go, finishing his meal and enjoying the last of his wine while waiting for Subaru. Eventually Subaru gave up – the cream sauce was too rich for his taste – and pushed his plate away. "Shall we go?" asked Seishirou.

"Just a minute." Without waiting for an answer Subaru stood and headed for the bathroom, a sterile affair of harsh white that overwhelmed the artistic black and white photographs on the walls. The stalls were empty, thankfully, and hopefully would stay that way for a while. Alone for this moment Subaru disabled the spell on his gloves with a touch, removed them and began to wash his hands. They were trembling.

The water was cold. Squeezing eyes closed Subaru leaned down to splash his face, forcing himself to rein in his frustration, his anger, his underlying panic at time running out. Eventually he felt his breathing deepen and calm, some tension leaving his shoulders and he straightened to look at himself in the mirror. The face that looked back was pale but composed, and taking a paper towel Subaru dried his face and hands making himself presentable before pulling on his gloves again. There was the usual tingle as Lady Sumeragi's spell reasserted itself, and then he was ready. Subaru opened the door and went back to his table passing the oblivious waitress on the way. Seishirou glanced up with one eyebrow raised. "Ready?"

"Shouldn't we get the bill?"

"I've already paid it." Seishirou stood carrying both his coat and Subaru's jacket along with their scarves. "After you."

He held out a hand for Subaru to walk in front of him. Habit kicked in for Subaru to obey, but not before a split second of hesitation, even resentment, at Seishirou's consideration. They made their way through the bistro to exit onto the cold street – for a moment Subaru thought Seishirou was going to go so far as to help him into his jacket, but thankfully the man simply handed his things to him. "Any suggestions of where to go from here?" asked Seishirou as he pulled on his coat.

Stiffly Subaru put on his scarf and jacket, trying to readjust to such simple conversation after the heated discussion just minutes before. "I think I'm going to go home, actually."

To this Seishirou simply nodded, and together they began to walk side by side. Despite the lateness of the dinner hour there was still many people out looking for somewhere to eat, and every so often the two of them would have to separate to allow some hurrying person rush between them. "What are your plans for tomorrow?" asked Seishirou after a while.

"Um …" They crossed the road with the crowd. "I'm to visit the Shinjuku Ward office in the morning for a purification but other than that, nothing so I guess I'll catch up on some chores."

"So you'll have no problem meeting me for our usual dinner at six thirty?"

"No …"

"Come meet me at the clinic then, I have a late appointment for someone who can only bring her cat in after five so it'll be at least six before I finish. It would be helpful if on your way you could swing by the drycleaners to fetch something for me, though."

"What is it?"

"A suit. No, it's not being cleaned for bloodstains; as Hokuto-chan would tell you quality clothes need proper care."

"I wasn't going to say anything," protested Subaru, stung.

"But the thought crossed your mind," Seishirou replied, not accusing just stating a simple – and accurate – observation. "Anyway, it's the drycleaners on the corner near the clinic, I have an account there so all you have to do is pick it up."

"… Fine." They began to descend the stairs that led into the busy Roppongi station, and Subaru hurried to the ticket machines before Seishirou could buy that too or he himself said something he would regret. Coins shot into the machine with sharp force; he was angry, Subaru realised, angry at Seishirou for what he had said tonight but also angry at himself for expecting Seishirou to be otherwise—

A shadow fell over the machine's buttons as Seishirou stepped up behind him. Subaru froze as hands were placed on his waist, the sound of passing people suddenly very loud. "Can I take you home?" Seishirou whispered into his ear.

He was close enough to warm, for Subaru to feel breathing against his back. Seishirou's hands rested over the top of his jeans fingers gently pressing through cloth subtler than a kiss but far more electrifying, the implications clear and frightening too in how they engulfed Subaru's anger and apprehension turning them to … _I can't,_ Subaru told himself, heart racing, _I can't lose my head, can't lose myself or forget what's at stake. I can't let him sweep me away._

_But oh how I want him to …_

He didn't move or speak. Couldn't. Eventually Seishirou let go and stepped back. "No again, hm?" he said easily. "Ah well. Get home safely."

"W-wait!" With a beep the machine spat out his ticket – snatching it up Subaru turned to see Seishirou heading towards the stairs and ran after him. "Where are you going?"

"I have some things to look into." Seishirou smiled over his shoulder as he said this but didn't stop walking. "It's for my actual job so I wouldn't ask. I'll see you tomorrow night at six thirty, Subaru-kun."

He reached the stairs and went up, a black shadow returning to the night air above. Subaru watched him disappear feeling a mixture of uneasy relief, disappointment, and something else. Hollowness. Until that moment, he hadn't realised how accustomed he was to being greeted and fareweled by Seishirou with a kiss.

Speakers overhead announced the arrival of his train. Subaru could miss it, go after Seishirou, yet even as he thought that something inside him faltered. Swallowing hard Subaru fled through the ticket gate down to the platform – he barely made the train in time but if anyone thought anything of the pale young man who threw himself through the doors to sit down eyes squeezed painfully shut, they didn't show it. Didn't even look at him, in fact.

Just another nameless face in Tokyo.

 

* * *

 

Subaru scrambled to his feet. "Good afternoon, Matsumoto-san," he said, bowing. "I hope the birds are well today?"

Matsumoto looked confused, even more so when he noticed the full plastic bag on the bench. "The birds, well, I've only just arrived so I haven't seen all of them but – what are you doing here? Do you have more work to do?"

"I only had one thing this morning, but I couldn't help thinking of our conversation yesterday and how much I enjoyed it so …" Subaru looked embarrassed. "I wanted to speak with you again."

The disbelief on Matsumoto's face took a while to change, but when it did it was to mix of gratitude, happiness and humble pleasure so vivid it was almost painful. Subaru felt his heart clench as he thought about how invisible this man must be to his own family. "Thank you," Matsumoto replied. "I enjoyed talking to you too, Subaru-kun, and am honoured you came to see me again, but are you sure I'm not taking you away from anything?"

"It's all right, it was my choice to come. Please." Subaru gestured to the space on the bench and helped Matsumoto to sit. "I brought some food," continued Subaru shyly as he opened the bag, "it's just takeaway, but I thought if you haven't eaten …?"

He passed Matsumoto a pair of disposable chopsticks and a plastic bento of chicken teriyaki. "My goodness," Matsumoto said softly, taking the box in both hands as if it held something precious. "My goodness. This is …"

The sentence never finished. Subaru hesitated. "Matsumoto-san?"

There was a small smile. "Your pardon. I was just trying to remember the last time I had a picnic in the park with my family and couldn't. Thank you for your kindness in giving this to me." Gently Matsumoto opened the box and snapped apart the chopsticks; quickly Subaru did the same with his own. "Such a fine day for a picnic. _Itadakimasu._ "

" _Itadakimasu._ "

Birds were already gathering around them, the boldest going straight for Matsumoto's shoulders to perch and chirp. Subaru watched Matsumoto greet each of them all the while trying not to think of car crashes as he began on his own lunch. In Matsumoto's presence the odd restlessness that had been plaguing Subaru grew calm. "Oh, you greedy things," said Matsumoto teasingly, "let me enjoy my meal in peace. Go sit on him!"

The sight of Matsumoto waving chopsticks to shoo a trio of unrepentant sparrows over was infectiously sweet. Subaru laughed as the birds perched on his head and shoulders looking pointedly at his bento and graciously picked out a clump of rice. "Were the birds at Ueno Zoo like this when you brought food?" he asked Matsumoto. He set the rice on the bench's armrest; immediately the sparrows crowded around to peck at the grains.

"Worse! In a zoo the animals are stars and most of them know it, so when I brought the birds their feed it was like dealing with a flock of spoiled children. I had to constantly chase some of them back to make sure the weaker or older birds got their fair share." Matsumoto's smile faded slightly. "Unlike the wild, a zoo is a comfortable place for a creature to grow old."

There was no resentment, no trace of disappointment in Matsumoto's voice. In some ways that only made things worse. "Is any of your family at home now?" asked Subaru hesitantly.

"Oh no, my daughter and her husband are at work as usual, and the children are at school. Until they come home I'm by myself except for my feathered friends." Matsumoto smiled sadly as he dropped some rice grains on the ground for an insistent wagtail. "What about you, where's your family?"

"Um, I have a sister, she's currently away on a ski trip. Our parents died when we were very young so the person who takes care of us is our grandmother. She's in Kyoto, though."

"Is that so? The two of you must be very brave to grow up without parents and live by yourselves. And your grandmother is back in Kyoto! So there's absolutely no one looking after you in Tokyo?"

_  
"Shouldn't we get the bill?"_

_"I've already paid it."  
_

 

Uncomfortable, Subaru shifted in his seat. "There is a friend," he said vaguely. "He's sort of looking after me while my sister is away, at least when he's not working. Did – did your wife work?"

Matsumoto nodded. "Kanae worked in a school kitchen preparing meals for children and she kept with that even after we were married. I told her she didn't have to but really, it being just after the war and me on a zookeeper's salary at a zoo with hardly any animals it was a good thing she did, despite her weak health. Only when we had our daughter Sachiyo did Kanae stop working to take care of her. By then Ueno Zoo had heaps of animals, even elephants, and I was head of the bird section so we were fairly comfortable. I'd bring home presents for Sachiyo and flowers to Kanae who'd kiss me in return. And we were happy together."

He looked so wistful, so obviously still full of love simple and uncomplicated despite the years since his wife's death, that Subaru found himself in awe, even envious. _I want that,_ he thought, still smarting from last night, _I want – no,_ need _Seishirou-san to want that if I'm to win._ "Did you ever fight with Kanae-san?" he found himself asking.

"We did. But not often. I'd get angry when Kanae pushed herself too hard despite her fragile health, and Kanae would tell me off for spoiling Sachiyo – Sachiyo loved bananas, see, so much so that she'd pretend to be sick in order to get some and even though I knew she was pretending I'd get her bananas anyway. Other than that I don't think my wife and I fought much, certainly not seriously."

"… I see." Subaru fiddled with his lunch flicking grains of rice out for the birds. The birds were delighted, of course, and sang at him for more.

Matsumoto watched him closely. "Are you having a fight with your girlfriend?"

"I—!" Subaru jumped, which was probably all the answer already. "It's not – I mean, the person I'm seeing isn't—"

"What happened?" Matsumoto prompted gently.

 _You don't think I should save him._ "There are a lot of things," said Subaru evasively, wishing his face wasn't so quick to redden. "I was late for dinner for starters, and we ended up arguing about something we're never going to see the same way, but it wasn't fighting, not really – I mean, we've had fights before in – before we were really together and this was nothing as bad as that. And other than this time things between us have been really nice, like we're a real couple …"

He stopped, not sure what he was trying to say. "And yet you feel like maybe there's something missing?" asked Matsumoto.

Startled, Subaru blinked at him. "Yes. Like something's missing. Like what we have, it's an umbrella made of glass. And until I know it's something more than that even though we don't have the luxury of time I can't make myself walk further …"

  
_"Can I take you home?"_

 

"Why you don't have time?"

 _Don't talk about the Bet. Ever. From here on it is a silent subject until the day it ends._ "We … may be forced to separate at some point. It's too soon to tell and I don't want to think about it, but the chance is there and real."

Matsumoto thankfully didn't push. "So you want to build a relationship that will stand the test of time and distance," he said sympathetically. "But a real couple, you say? What is a real couple? All couples are different, they all need to find their own rhythm and there's no formula for that, no one can tell you. You need to figure out your own dynamic, and while in the beginning when all is new and blissful no one wants to spoil things, figuring out where your boundaries are can't happen without some fighting on the way."

"But I don't want us to fight," Subaru protested. _Especially since our fights can destroy so much around us._

"Oh my dear boy, all couples have their fights, in fact it's good for the relationship. Clears the air, lets some frustrations out, don't keep it all bottled inside where it festers and poisons things between you. When you fight that's when you see a person's other side, the one they don't want the world to see – if you see that and accept it, that's when you know you can make it together. Of course you don't want to be fighting all the time, but once in a while is perfectly normal." Matsumoto laughed as if remembering something. "And then there's the making up afterwards which is always good fun. Never go to bed angry is what I say!"

There was something in that last which made Subaru blush. "But what if your fights are serious? Not just over something someone did or did not do, but more um, fundamental. Like a complete difference of belief?"

"Like religion or politics?"

"… Something like that."

Matsumoto looked thoughtful. "Hm. I can't say from experience, but there was a teacher at Kanae's school, the teacher was Christian and her husband Muslim. They were both foreigners – Europeans, I think – who came over in the fifties to work and Kanae was really curious at how they were together. I don't know much but Kanae said that the teacher told her it was a lot of hard work communicating and accepting that there will be times where they have to agree to disagree. Why, in what way are you and your special someone so different?"

 _Yin and yang. Sumeragi and Sakurazukamori. Seal and Angel._ "We're complete opposites," said Subaru reluctantly. "We have a similar heritage which no one else will understand, but walk different paths from that. My sister would say we're two sides of the same coin …"

"You know the old saying about opposites attract."

"… Yeah. But even though I know I couldn't be with anyone other than Seishirou-san, sometimes I can't help think how could we work when he and I are—"

"'He'?"

It was a slip that could never been taken back. Subaru turned pale, memories of the insults that horrible young man had said pinning him down as he watched realisation unfold on Matsumoto's kindly old face— "'He'? What do you – oh. _Oh._ " The bench seemed to drop out from under Subaru but the twisted Washio-like sneer failed to appear. Instead Matsumoto began to chuckle. "Well, well, that's not something you come across every day. Now I see what you mean about possibly being forced to separate. Don't look so frightened, I'm not going to bite your head off – when you get to my age you understand that finding someone you want to share the rest of your life with is too special to get hung up on things like that. So the two of you are different, hm? What's he like?"

For a while Subaru could only stare at Matsumoto, the way the old man smiled encouragingly and without judgment. Then Subaru realised he was smiling as well, truly smiling, in relief and in gratitude that rushed through him like wave of sun-warmed water. "What's Seishirou-san like, I—" A small laugh tumbled from his lips. "I don't know where to start."

Matsumoto watched him with genuine curiosity. Shyly Subaru fumbled for words. "Seishirou-san, he's … confident. Proud. Self-assured, incredibly so, and stubborn. He's competitive and always smiling but a lot of the time it's a mask to hide his true thoughts …" He trailed off, unsure of how much to say.

"How about this: if your Seishirou-san was a bird, what kind of bird would he be?"

That was easy. "Hawk," supplied Subaru immediately, thinking of Seishirou's shikigami. "Hawk or eagle, without question."

" _Ah._ " Matsumoto's face lit with understanding. "So a strong person, then?"

"Very much. He's the kind of person who doesn't need anything."

"Oh, I doubt it. Everyone needs something whether they know it or not, but from the sound of things I suspect your Seishirou-san is someone who would rather die than admit it."

Subaru laughed wryly. "Oh yes."

"Hawks are like that; they hide weakness and injury so if you want to support them you have to learn how to read them. I'll bet he's also someone who doesn't apologise for much?" Again Subaru could only laugh and nod. "Dear me, he sounds like a handful. Still, at Ueno Zoo while the birds of prey were the hardest and most dangerous birds to handle, once you had their acceptance and trust they're incredible, magnificent creatures. Only a recognised handler was allowed to touch them and you'd be amazed at how gentle they can be – there was a white-tailed eagle that I would feed by hand and he was such a delicate eater, I'd almost forget his beak and talons could snap my wrist. Took me a while to do that though, that bird was intimidating!"

"How did you do it?" asked Subaru curiously.

In answer Matsumoto stretched out a hand whereupon a little wagtail flew up to perch on his finger. "Birds like this one are easy to make friends with. Raptors are not. The eagle at Ueno – Raijin – tolerated me because I brought him food, but he wouldn't eat until I had walked away, and the one time I didn't I ended up with a gashed head. I persevered though, respecting his distance but not backing down either – these are apex predators we're talking about, if you're timid and fearful they will look down on you – but it was still the better part of a year before Raijin let me stay while he ate, and even longer before he'd allow me to touch him. Then one day when I brought him his feed instead of waiting for me to put it out he perched on my arm and took the meat straight from my hand. I had to get my arm treated for stab wounds, but from that moment on I knew he had accepted me.

"They're not social creatures. They don't have a flock, and falconers generally accept that their birds don't feel an attachment to them beyond convenience. It's not something I agree with though. Call me a romantic, but I believe hawks and eagles do understand what it means to deeply bond with someone it's just that they don't show it, certainly not in ways we would recognise. Raijin trusted me to look after him and in return I trusted him not to hurt me, at least intentionally; being what he was I had to accept losing some blood now and then. I've even heard stories of people who have been courted by their raptors which is no small thing when you consider this kind of bird mates for life." The wagtail on Matsumoto's finger chirped and with a chuckle Matsumoto put the remains of his bento down where it and the other birds could help themselves to the leftover rice. "Something to keep in mind when you're fighting with your hawk of a partner."

Subaru didn't answer, mind filled with memories of Seishirou both old and new and the spectrum of emotions that came with them. After a while Matsumoto nudged him. "So," the old man said teasingly, "is he handsome?"

"— _EH?!_ "

Birds scattered scared off by Subaru's completely flustered yelp. Matsumoto laughed. "Put it this way, Subaru-kun: is your Seishirou-san the kind of person who if I had seen about when I was your age I would have been incredibly relieved to know he wouldn't be interested in my Kanae?"

His cheeks were getting hotter by the second, not only from the question itself but the images it brought up. The tall strong figure. Amber eyes beneath dark hair in a refined face. A smile that no matter how cold or frustrating was always a thrill to kiss. Subaru had noticed people noticing Seishirou before and rarely thought about what they were seeing but now … he bowed his head avoiding eye contact, protectively curling about the shining flower of his love. "Yes," he breathed.

A hand was laid on his arm, dry and warm. Still flushed Subaru looked up into Matsumoto's gentle face, lined with their decades of life and love and loss. "Be proud of your love and own it," said Matsumoto quietly, withdrawing his hand. "It's hard enough to find let alone keep, so there's nothing to be ashamed of when you have it. Anyone who would make you feel otherwise shouldn't be listened to. As for your hawk, rather than force him into anything learn to manage him, but don't let him know about it. Sometimes you need a little fiction for a relationship to work, like a magic spell: break the spell and the magic disappears. When that happens and the two of you fight just remember that life's too short to spend angry. All right?"

He could feel the flower within him growing, pushing roots deeper and stretching out towards the open sky. "Right." Shyly Subaru realised he was smiling. "Thank you, Matsumoto-san."

"Oh, there's no need to thank me. I'm an old man, dispensing the wisdom of my years to youngsters is what I do, provided they're willing to listen." Matsumoto's smile momentarily dropped as he caught sight of the townhouse roofs above trees, but before Subaru could say anything he turned back all cheer and positivity. "Now then, why don't we continue on with the birds from yesterday? I don't know if you've noticed but there's a new arrival to the neighbourhood, a _ko-gera_ or pygmy woodpecker. You can just see her in the tree over there, the slim little bird with the white-striped wings …"

Listening and being listened to, without pressure or judgment. Humbled, Subaru gratefully shifted closer to Matsumoto to look where he was pointing and learn. It really was a fine day for a picnic.

 

* * *

 

Six thirty-two. Subaru stood edgily on the dark kerb opposite the Sakurazuka Veterinary Clinic looking at its glowing window, a black suit on a wire hanger slung over his arm in a plastic cover. He had picked it up right before the dry cleaners had closed, a close shave despite him deliberately setting his watch to leave on time from Jido Park—

_  
"I have to go," said Subaru apologetically, standing up. "Seishirou-san asked me to pick up something for him so I need to get there before the place shuts."_

_Matsumoto nodded and made a shooing gesture with his hand. "Go, go, don't keep him waiting. Thank you so much for the picnic, it meant a lot to me. I … don't suppose I'll see you tomorrow?"_

_Tomorrow. Tomorrow this wise, kindly bird keeper would go out for bananas and walk into a truck's path. Tomorrow Matsumoto was supposed to die. Subaru felt his jaw set. "You'll definitely see me tomorrow. I promise."_

_The smile Matsumoto gave to that was both wonderful and sad. It lingered in Subaru's mind as having bowed deeply, he farewelled Matsumoto with wish for him to get home safely …_

 

Subaru would save Matsumoto, without question. Not just because it was the right thing to do, but because Subaru cared for him and was grateful for his counsel. Because of Matsumoto Subaru was now standing here ready to walk into the clinic and face his beloved. Taking a deep breath he crossed the road and opened the door. The cat bells on the handle rang cheerfully.

"We're closed, sorry!" This call from the reception desk where Yukari the veterinary assistant and Michiko the receptionist were standing. As Subaru closed the door Yukari hurried over to him a service smile pasted to her face. "Hi there, sorry we're actually closing up so unless it's an emergency could you come back—" She broke off as she realised who he was. "Sumeragi-kun?"

Subaru bowed still holding on to the suit. "Good evening Yukari-san, Michiko-s—"

"Oh wow, Sumeragi-kun, hello!" Yukari's face was an flashing animation of delighted surprise. "I didn't realise it was you with that haircut, you look so different! And you've picked up Sakurazuka-sensei's suit, that's so sweet, let me get him—" With a grin she jogged up to the corridor that led to the surgery and back rooms and dramatically cupped a hand beside her mouth. "Sakurazuka-sensei, your wife's here!"

Subaru nearly dropped the suit. Behind the reception desk Michiko had turned a disapproving red. "Yukari-san, really," she chided.

"It's all right, we're among friends! Come on in, Sumeragi-kun, no need to stand by the door, when did you get your hair cut? It's a great look and really works on you, don't you agree Michiko-san? And I bet it works for Sakurazuka-sensei too if you know what I mean."

The grin on her face was slightly too wide, and didn't help Subaru regain composure. "I, I'm not sure I do, Yukari-san."

"Oh, you know, _works._ Cute is one thing and you were very cute, but it's for kids and there's only so much Sakurazuka-sensei can do with a kid. You look older this way." She winked as if sharing a secret that Subaru didn't think he liked, and he liked less the assumption that he understood in the first place. "No matter what people say, there will always be those of us who mature faster than others, right?"

Subaru felt his face heat. Naive as he knew he was about such things, the implications beind Yukari's words were rapidly taking shape. He didn't know which made him more uncomfortable: the implications themselves or the fact that he was now able to see them, but then there was a shadow behind Yukari and his discomfort spiked into a flutter. "Subaru-kun grew up remarkably fast," said Seishirou calmly, coming out of the corridor into the reception's light. He had his glasses on and wore a white medical coat over his clothes. Matsumoto had asked if he was handsome and the answer was still glowing in Subaru's chest. "Practically overnight, in fact. Hello, my dear."

Seishirou went up to Subaru and, right there in front of Yukari and Michiko, bent down to give him a quick kiss on the lips. Subaru immediately turned even more red and ducked his head so as not to see Michiko's obvious embarrasment or Yukari's huge grin— "Overnight, huh?" said Yukari archly. "Did you have a hand in that, Sakurazuka-sensei?"

"I certainly had my hands full."

"And your mouth?"

"I'll leave that to your imagination," replied Seishirou. He smoothly relieved Subaru of the laundered suit with one arm while the other wrapped shamelessly around Subaru's waist. Subaru reflexively stiffened but then Seishirou was guiding him past his staff down the corridor. "Keep going with the stocktake, we'll be in the surgery if you need me."

"Don't behave back there!" called out Yukari cheekily. Subaru felt his ears burn, even more so when he heard what sounded like reproachful whispers from Michiko that Yukari simply laughed away. They were cut off when having herded him into the brightly lit surgery, Seishirou shut the door.

"What have you been telling them?" Subaru demanded.

"About what?" Seishirou asked innocently, hanging up his suit.

"About—" Subaru found himself gesturing helplessly, unable to put Yukari's implications into words, "—us."

There was a smirk on Seishirou's lips. "Whatever I tell them – which isn't much – I can't stop speculation. Workplace gossip is inescapable especially with women, and given how long you've been coming here to see me they probably assumed we're sleeping together months ago. Does that bother you?"

Subaru sputtered. "Of course!"

"Why?"

"Because we're not – we haven't—" He couldn't say it. Felt his face turn even more red.

Seishirou moved towards him. "So you'll be fine if what they're assuming is true?"

His voice was low and dark. Suddenly Subaru's heart was beating very fast. Very deliberately Seishirou took another step closer, amber eyes behind the glasses never leaving Subaru's face— "I don't like them assuming anything," said Subaru, standing his ground on unsteady legs. "I don't like—"

Seishirou kissed him. Not the brief, affectionate kiss of greeting Subaru had become used to, or like that first lingering kiss on New Year's Eve, this kiss was fierce and insistent and with no obvious end. Blindly Subaru fumbled handfuls of Seishirou's medical coat clumsily kissing back even as alarms went off in his head clashing with the restlessness – no, _desire_ , that was firing through his body at frightening speed. Lips worked against his urging his mouth to open which he did willingly, a sense of vertigo as he was forced back until the edge of the operating table hit his spine leaving no escape as Seishirou pressed against him, aggressive and overwhelming just like in Subaru's fantasies both in that past life and now—

Fantasies. Fantasies were safe, controllable and without consequence. This was not. Abruptly Subaru tore his mouth from Seishirou's and shoved with both hands. Seishirou moved backwards startled in a way that Subaru barely registered as he bent over, breathing ragged and eyes wild. Seishirou's own breath wasn't much better. "It's not nice to lead people on," he said coldly.

Subaru swallowed against the yearning that wanted to kiss Seishirou again and more. "I'm not leading you on," he managed to say.

"Then what is it?"

The memory of glass cutting into his wrist. Washio's sneers and Yukari's jokes. Hokuto's rules and comments about being a pet. "I-I'm not ready for this."

"You're scared." Seishirou made as if to reach out – automatically Subaru tensed. "More importantly, you don't trust me."

He had on an expression of hurt that on anyone else would have genuine. As it was, it just made Subaru angry. "Trust? You stand there in that white coat and glasses I know you don't need—"

"Shall I take them off?"

"That's not the point!" The shout bounced about the room with an echo that made Subaru flinch. _Communication_ , Matsumoto had said. "This, this is serious for me," he continued defensively. "And I can't do anything unless it means something. To you, I mean."

Seishirou laughed. "In other words you won't put out unless you win? I'm not sure whether you're being hopelessly romantic or amazingly calculative; either way, you have a real talent for repression."

Oh, his face was _definitely_ burning now. "I thought we agreed not to talk about the Bet," protested Subaru, stung.

"Except you obviously haven't thought about why or what it means." As if to put some distance between them Seishirou went to lean against the desk on the other side of the room, a casual attitude that did nothing to ease the tension. "Instead you'd rather waste your time sitting in the park with dying old men."

"How did you—" Seishirou lifted his hand showing the back of it as answer. Subaru's jaw set defensively. _Of course._ "You were watching me?"

"I check in now and then. Can't have you walking into traffic again like you nearly did last night."

The revelation that Seishirou was watching over him gave Subaru his first point of calm in this confrontation so far. Not that he should let Seishirou know about it. "Talking to people isn't a waste of time," he said instead. "And he's not going to die tomorrow because I'm going to save him."

Amber eyes narrowed at him. "You've decided?"

"Yes. Regardless of what you say."

"Regardless. So my opinion counts for nothing?"

Subaru tensed at the verbal tightrope he was being led along. "I know people's lives mean nothing to you. Pardon me if I can't accept that."

"In that case let's turn around and think about you," replied Seishirou smoothly. "Aren't you being selfish?"

"… What do you mean?"

Seishirou pushed through the newspapers on his desk. "'Faulty heater fire kills five.' 'Fatal Yokohama car accident leaves parents, infant dead.' 'Construction site floor collapse injuries six, kills two.' 'Murder-suicide in Asakusa.'" He glanced up at Subaru's rigid face. "That's just this week. I assume you care enough about the world to read about it, so if as you say everything up until 1999 has already happened and we're reliving this part of our lives, why only try to save those people you say you failed before? Why not work on a larger scale? I'm sure that between now and 1999 there were plenty of disasters and accidents where multiple people were killed, wouldn't stopping those be just as right as stopping this old man's accident tomorrow, even more so? Or is saving people only right when you say it is?"

Subaru stared. He felt sick, like his insides were twisting over themselves leaving him unable to form any reply. Neither could he move as Seishirou came forward to stand close beside him. "Have lunch with me tomorrow," said Seishirou quietly into Subaru's ear. "One o'clock at my apartment, I'll make something. Something nice." Deliberately he reached up to lightly draw a finger along the curve of Subaru's chin – Subaru shivered feeling breath on his neck … "Or perhaps after dinner you could just stay over tonight and I'll make breakfast—"

There was an knocking on the door. "Sakurazuka-sensei," came Yukari's voice urgently, "we've got an emergency."

Subaru's eyes flew open from the half mast they had fallen to. Pushed Seishirou away again, not particularly hard considering the man was already going to the door, and if the man was feeling any annoyance at the interruption it predictably didn't show. He opened the door whereupon Yukari immediately stuck her head in with a serious expression that looked completely uncharacteristic to Subaru. "Really sorry, Sakurazuka-sensei, I know you and Sumeragi-kun had plans but a man's just run in with his dachshund, apparently it was badly savaged by another dog, he's panicking and this was the closest place—"

"Bring him in." Yukari disappeared with a flick of long ponytail and Seishirou turned again to Subaru, a hawk poised over its prey. "I'll let you go tonight," he said softly, just like that fateful first time under the Sakura. "But I expect you here tomorrow at one o'clock. Will you promise?"

Subaru swallowed beneath the weight of that amber gaze. What else could he say? "I promise."

Voices from the corridor, an unknown man's in agitated tones herded about by Yukari's clipped ones and further beyond the sound of Michiko flustering. The man and Yukari burst through the doorway almost together – Subaru caught a glimpse of black fur wrapped in a bloodstained windbreaker before Yukari quickly guided him out into the corridor. "Sorry, Sumeragi-kun," she whispered apologetically. "I'll try to send him to you as soon as possible but if not definitely come by tomorrow, okay?"

He could see Seishirou through the doorway, the white coat bright beneath the lights, voice calm as he took charge directing Yukari and making the distressed dog owner sit down. The little dog on the operating table wasn't making any sound. Subaru wondered if it would live and if so, whether Seishirou let it.

Amber eyes met his. Unable to face them, Subaru closed the door and quietly left.

 

* * *

 

 _I can't let him die._ His feet pounded the concrete, lungs already past the stage of burning as he ran. _Even if he's only one man, I can't just stand back and let it happen. And I promised I'd see him today._

Trees ahead against the cloudless sky. Subaru didn't have to look at a clock to know it was nearly one. One o'clock, two promises, and Subaru had chosen to break the promise to the person he loved— _Seishirou-san I can apologise to afterwards, like that dinner in Roppongi. With Matsumoto-san there won't be an afterwards. And I_ will _change destiny._

He was nearly there, the park was just across the road and the road where Matsumoto would meet his death was just beyond that. Risking the red light Subaru dashed across into the park barely noticing the change from bitchumen to grass – he would definitely make it in time, even with that delayed train. The bench where he and Matsumoto had had their picnic blurred by on his left, the already gathered birds there suddenly taking flight—

An iron grip snapped around his right wrist. Still at full speed Subaru found his straight run turned into a stumbling circle and he nearly tripped, had to put his free hand out to catch himself – and found himself looking up into Seishirou's sunglasses. "What are you _doing?!_ " Subaru demanded in horror.

Seishirou wasn't smiling. "You chose him," he said, tightening his grip. "I gave you a chance and you still chose him—"

"Let me go." Subaru twisted, tried to pull those fingers open only to have his other hand caught, the inverted pentagrams shining through the gloves— "Please, Seishirou-san, it's nearly time—"

"—can't keep putting others before yourself—"

"— _let me go_ —"

Desperately Subaru struggled to free himself barely registering the pain in his wrists – his bones could break, they would heal but this, this one thing he knew he could change for the better— "Let me go," he sobbed, "let me go, please Seishirou-san, I'll do anything just _let me g—_ "

He broke off. Stared at Seishirou as a thin screech of stressed rubber cut through the air – and suddenly stopped. A heartbeat of silence, the two of them frozen in place … there were voices now, a tangle of cries and terrified screams – _someone got hit by a truck!_ – and still they stood locked together. Subaru could see his wild-eyed face in the mirror of Seishirou's sunglasses, but not Seishirou's eyes. Around them, the birds had fled.

Distant sirens sounded coming rapidly closer. Seishirou had dropped his hold. Freed at last Subaru found himself moving backwards, one step, two step, eyes still never leaving Seishirou's sunglasses. Seishirou simply watched him unsmiling. Waiting to see what Subaru would do.

Subaru clenched his fists. Moved his mouth as if to speak, but no words would come. Instead, he set his jaw, turned, and began to run.

 

* * *

 

For a long time Seishirou stood looking at space where Subaru had been. He had brought out a cigarette and he smoked that, enjoying it slowly, wisps of grey curling to disappear into the clear blue sky. The newspaper forecast had said there would be rain tomorrow; Seishirou wondered where the clouds were gathering.

Red emergency lights flashed against the townhouses. Seishirou's cigarette had burned down. Grinding it out against the bench's rubbish bin he threw the stub away and put his hands in the pockets of his black coat. Subaru would have enough of a head start by now. That decided, Seishirou started to determinedly walk, then jog, then run, taking the direction in which Subaru had disappeared, senses stretched and hunting for the shining light that marked his prey.

It didn't take long to find him.


	8. Annex VII - Firelight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Excuse me, is this seat taken?"

The ski lodge lounge was emptying now as the students of various schools – Hokuto had counted four groups here including hers – unwound into yawns after a long day on the slopes. Dinner was long done, the teachers were off-duty until lights out, and although many people had stayed to hang out with friends such was the day's exertions that most seemed to be happy to start preparing for bed. Hokuto had held court for a while with her group of female classmates as they gossiped comparing skiing skills and ski instructors, but was happy to let them go off in twos and threes until she was left curled up in an armchair by the fire. Not alone, not completely, there were a handful of other people still around either reading or talking quietly, but other than that Hokuto had her own space and that was fine by her. Much as Hokuto liked people she did appreciate a bit of solitude now and then, even if it did leave her with her own thoughts.

Those thoughts were, invariably, reaching towards Tokyo. She had called Subaru last night to ask how things were going, which was apparently well: he told her about the jobs he had done (yes, he was taking care not to exert himself), how he was eating (regularly and healthily, mostly), and of course, about Seishirou. The way Subaru told it Seishirou was taking him out for dinner every night – and no more than dinner, Subaru had been quick to say. Inwardly Hokuto had been relieved to hear that, but as a sister it was her duty to tease so that's what she had done, at least a little. Guest phones weren't private and Hokuto's school-friends were already curious enough about her twin brother without knowing that he was taken by an older man. Taken in the relationship sense, not the other sense. Not yet. In a way, Hokuto could still pretend that Subaru was still completely hers.

She wouldn't do that. Yes, there was still that instinctive jealousy stirring but it was tired, worn out, even. After two days of Hokkaido and intense exercise Hokuto could now smile wryly at her feelings knowing that they were beginning to resolve. A break, that's what she had needed, a break and some space to settle things within herself so that when she got back they could all move on—

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?"

Hokuto looked up. A boy about her age, maybe a bit older, was looking questioningly down her and pointing at the other armchair. "Nope, it's free so go ahead," she said, smiling and welcoming the distraction. "If you're looking for a place to relax you've picked the right place."

"Thank you."

With a sigh that spoke of aching limbs the boy folded himself into the other chair and closed his eyes. He was lean with pale hair that fell over one eye catching the firelight, and he wore the winter sports jacket of one of the other schools. Hokuto thought she had seen him on the slopes falling down a lot and picking himself up every time. "Sore?" she asked sympathetically.

"... Yeah. In a good way, though."

The way he spoke was quiet in a way that could be taken as shyness, but compared to Subaru Hokuto was more inclined to think the boy was the type who, like Shouhei, simply preferred the sidelines rather than the centre. Which was a pity since Hokuto's first fashion instinct was that he would look fantastic in slim cut trousers or jeans with a similarly cut long coat slit high at the back to accentuate height, all in darkest blue to show off that pale hair which could be highlighted with a cream turtleneck. Simple but striking, add some sunglasses to that highbrow face and she'd have people wondering if he was a movie star. "First time skiing?"

He glanced at her ruefully. "Is it that obvious?"

"I saw you on the beginners slope. Considering how many people headed to the cafe after their first few falls, you were doing pretty good."

"Is this your first time?"

"Yeah, but I've always been good with martial arts so I got the hang of things pretty quickly and my instructor sent me up with the intermediates. It's all balance and reflexes."

"That'd be my problem." The boy smiled tiredly. "I do some martial arts but whatever level I've achieved it's been only through long work, I don't have any inborn skill for sports."

"I'm sure you're being too hard on yourself."

"No, it's true. I practice enough that I don't make a fool of myself in bouts, but I'm almost always beaten by those with natural strength and talent. Which I'm fine with, I don't train to be the best."

"Why do you train then?" asked Hokuto curiously.

"I don't want to be weak. I was sickly as a child and stayed in bed a lot, and I didn't want to be like that so I made myself start doing things: running, jujitsu, kendo. I'll never be really good at any of them but I can hold my own. It's ... something I do just for me, so as sore as my body feels now, I'm glad for it because it tells me that I achieved something."

He sounded so quietly sure of himself, Hokuto found herself admiring that. That and feeling guilty, and she comically scowled. "You've just reminded me that I'm slacking off with my training. It's not that I've stopped it's just finding a regular time: after school I'm usually doing things like taking care of my brother, and getting up early in the morning when I'm comfy in bed is just _blergh._ "

"I can't sleep in." The boy's smile was a little embarrassed. "I feel if I stay in bed too long I'm missing out on life."

"You don't sleep in even on weekends?"

"No."

"Not even if you're having a really good dream you want to keep going?"

The boy looked even more embarrassed now. "I don't dream much, and when I do I don't like it," he explained almost hesitantly. "It doesn't matter if it's a good dream or a nightmare it's just ... dreams aren't the same as real life, and I don't want to miss out on life."

Hokuto realised she may have pushed a bit far. "I see. I can understand why you'd think that, and I'm sorry if I made you feel you had to justify yourself. Actually I should just stop talking: you came here to enjoy the fire and here I am a stranger making you talk."

"Oh no, it's okay, I don't mind talking. You're interesting."

"Is that a euphemism for weird? Because I've had that before starting random conversations with people out of the blue."

"I think you're friendly. And brave. I can't talk with strangers like you do."

"You're talking to me and I'm a stranger."

The boy blinked. "Um, yes. But you're easy to talk to."

She flashed a smile at him. "Thank you! You're not so bad yourself."

He blushed, and Hokuto's smile lightened further - good to know that she could still do that to people even when tired and dressed in comfy (but still stylish) winter sports clothes instead her usual wardrobe. "You mentioned a brother before," the boy said, changing the subject. "You said you have to take care of him, is he younger than you?"

"He is, but only by a few minutes."

"You're twins?"

"Yup." Hokuto tilted her head striking a cute pose. "Practically identical. No parents, before you say sorry they died when we were babies, hence why I take care of him. He's not here, though."

"Is he sick?"

"Nah, just busy." Avoiding the subject of Subaru's work was easy for Hokuto, had been for years. "He's got stuff to do so he stayed back in Tokyo."

"Without you to take care of him? Is he going to survive?"

"He'll be fine, he's got someone else looking after him now." She made sure she said that flippantly, as if it didn't matter.

"Are you okay with that?"

...Or maybe she had been too flippant. Overcompensating. Crap. "Why wouldn't I be okay?" she replied lightly.

"It's just ... when you said that you seemed to be a bit on edge. I shouldn't pry, I'm sorry," the boy continued hastily as Hokuto's eyes narrowed, "it's none of my business and we can talk about something else--"

"No, you're right," sighed Hokuto, suddenly feeling tired. Like that one question _are you okay_ was a gentle touch against a glass balancing act that only now did Hokuto realise was piled precariously high. She'd be damned if she just let things topple, but, instead of dismantling it on her own terms. "I'm not okay with that, and I'm not okay with the fact that I'm not okay. If that makes sense."

The boy didn't say anything. Hokuto curled up a little smaller. "My brother's started seeing someone. Has been for a while, but it's only recently that they've gotten serious. It's good and I'm happy for him, but there's also the feeling that he's no longer mine and even though I like the person he's seeing I'm jealous that someone's taking him from me. Which I know is immature, but I can't help it, and I'm annoyed that I can't help it. Stupid emotions."

"They're not stupid." The boy's voice was gentle. "They're your feelings and considering he's your twin, perfectly natural. The important thing is that you know not to let those feelings rule you - rather than immature you're actually being the complete opposite. I think it's amazing."

Hokuto blinked. "You think I'm being mature?"

"Definitely."

The quiet affirmation had the weight of gold, and it shone against all those other things Hokuto had tried to put away: Lady Sumeragi's admonitions to grow up, that bully's assumption that she was Subaru's little sister, her quiet fear that Subaru was leaving her behind. Hokuto found herself smiling shyly. "Thank you. I think I needed to hear that."

The boy blushed, only to look up as at the far end of the room someone came in and clapped to get attention. "CLAMP students, you've one hour until lights out," the teacher called. "We'll be doing a head count so please be in your rooms by then, anyone we catch out in the halls after that will be made to clean them. One hour, okay?"

The teacher left presumably to repeat the announcement elsewhere. Hokuto flashed the boy a wry smile. "That'd be me, and I still need to use the baths so I'd better go."

"All right." The boy looked disappointed.

"Is your group here for long?" asked Hokuto as she stood.

"We're here for the week and go back to Tokyo on Friday."

"Same as me! And you're in Tokyo as well? We should totally meet up for cake sometime, I know some great places. But I'll see you tomorrow on the snow, yes?"

There was an open smile on the boy's face. "Sure, if I'm not flat on my back again."

Hokuto laughed at that, just like her usual self. With a wave she made to go only to take two steps before the obvious hit her and she turned back. "I just realised we never introduced ourselves," she said ruefully. "We had this whole nice conversation going without even knowing each others names, so we'd better fix that otherwise it'll be really awkward tomorrow!" Clasping her hands together Hokuto bowed to the boy with a twinkling smile. "Sumeragi Hokuto, and I'm very pleased to meet you!"

Formally the boy stood from the armchair; he was taller than Hokuto, and with the fire at his back his pale hair seemed like a halo. "Kuzuki Kakyou," he warmly said, bowing. "I'm pleased to meet you too."


	9. Hunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How long are you going to keep fighting me?"

Subaru was being hunted.

"—look out—"

"—what th— careful!"

Broken breaths burned his lungs. He passed cars and knocked people from their path and still he kept going. He had no idea where he was, had no destination in mind, only a desperate need to get away. The marks on his gloved hands doomed it to fail but the instinct to flee overpowered all and reduced him to this: straining limbs, a pounding heart, the hot blood of an animal on the run.

Prey.

"—watch it—!"

The hawk soaring above him refused to be shaken. There was no need for it nor was it trying to hide, as if the Sakurazukamori wanted Subaru to know he was coming. What that meant Subaru didn't dare imagine but it couldn't be good and he forced himself to run faster, stupid though it was. He had run away from Seishirou because he was furious, furious and anguished over Matsumoto's second death, not because he was—

Magical senses flared, his only warning. Reflexively Subaru ducked into a somersault right there in the middle of the street and felt the wind of the hawk's passing over his head. People stared at him, others turned to point at the hawk – breathing hard, Subaru rose up onto one knee and watched it skim over the startled pedestrians and through the busy traffic in front of a small car which jerked into the other lane. The oncoming car had no time to brake and there was a sickening crunch as the two struck. Subaru's heart leapt to his throat – _not again!_ – but the accident didn't look bad, at least for the drivers as they spilled out of their damaged vehicles. Still, it was a reminder of whatever was going to happen between him and Seishirou it had to be moved away from people, and fast. The hawk was gaining height and curving around towards him—

_—apex predators we're talking about, if you're timid or fearful they will look down on you._

Subaru scrambled to his feet. Stood with hands clenched and head high as he faced the oncoming hawk. Its eyes were golden flame and its talons outstretched. Only at the last second did Subaru squeeze his eyes shut.

Powerful wings beat against his head then disappeared. Shaken, Subaru looked up to see the hawk glide to perch on a street lamp and balefully stare. His left temple stung with a thin line of fire that when touched dotted his gloves with blood. A shallow scratch, that was all. Subaru wondered if he was being toyed with.

On the road, the two drivers were heatedly arguing. The traffic around them had jammed in both directions and the chorus of frustrated car horns was a cacophony that seemed strangely subdued ... the street around Subaru was fading to black and he immediately recognised the weaving of a maboroshi. Once again he began to run, faster this time despite the exhaustion, hoping to break through the edge of the maboroshi before it closed entirely. He leaped onto the bonnet of a stuck car then the roof of a second without anyone noticing as shadows spread like water. Another jump and another, darkness folding around him – quickly Subaru pulled out an ofuda and pressed it against his wound before flicking it out towards the shrinking sky where it disappeared the maboroshi closing behind leaving Subaru running in an unreal night, caught but not without options. Grimly Subaru lifted his hand in a two finger focus to speak the spell. Within moments shards of darkness fell from above as like a ball through a window Subaru's blood-spotted shikigami pierced the maboroshi from outside. It created a jagged hole through which the real world could be discerned, and Subaru made for that even as the maboroshi splintered further. Throwing himself through, he tumbled out onto hard ground.

Panting, Subaru stood and looked about. He was in a commercial construction site, all ugly steel struts and concrete forming the wall-less skeleton of a mid-sized building currently empty for reasons unknown. Maybe there was a strike or the gathering storm clouds had called work off, the important thing right now was that there were no people around. At all. The hawk shikigami was nowhere to be seen but Subaru knew its master had to be closing in, if not already here – frantically he turned this way and that searching the shadows—

The attack came not from the front or behind, but from the side. A black sleeved arm flashed out from around a wide support pillar to wrap around his neck in a choke hold cutting off the blood flow to his brain. Immediately Subaru threw his hands up to yank the arm down freeing himself just enough to twist away and counter with an elbow jab to Seishirou's kidney. It connected and Seishirou gave a hiss of pain before sweeping a leg under Subaru's dropping Subaru onto his back. The fall sent the breath from his lungs and Subaru wheezed before rolling aside as Seishirou closed in again – hastily Subaru clawed the floor grasping a handful of sand and gravel that he flung into Seishirou's face buying him a precious split second to scramble to his feet and land a punch on the side of Seishirou's head sending the sunglasses flying. Another punch followed, then another and another, the blows strengthened by fury and a grief Subaru didn't even realise was overwhelming until he tasted tears on his lips.

"Why did you do that he could have been saved why, _why—!_ "

His next punch struck air. Over-extended Subaru careened forward into sickening pain as Seishirou slammed a knee up into his gut. As he crumpled over a heavy hit between his shoulder blades sent him back onto the concrete this time face down where it was all he could do just to curl around his stomach in agony and try to breathe. Any respite, however, was denied as Seishirou grabbed the back of his grey jacket yanking him onto his feet to throw him against the pillar. He managed to catch himself on his palms – barely.

"At least you've stopped running."

Gulping down air Subaru spun around. It put his back to the pillar as he watched Seishirou stride up, black coat flaring out in the moaning wind. The man spoke lightly but his amber-gold eyes were hard. "Do you know how cute you are when you're angry?"

Furiously Subaru raised his gloved fist for another punch. This one Seishirou caught and pinned beside his head, quickly doing the same to the other to prevent any more attacks. Breathing hard they pressed together, and this close Subaru could see the bruises he'd left on Seishirou's face as well as a cut on the man's lip that stretched red with his smile. "How long are you going to keep fighting me?" Seishirou whispered.

Subaru strained and glared spitting out, "You murdering bastard."

"Now isn't that rather unfair? I didn't kill that old man, that was a careless driver—"

" _You let it happen!_ " shouted Subaru. "You stopped me from saving him, you went out of your way to do so and for _what?!_ Matsumoto-san meant nothing to you, it wouldn't have mattered to you to let him live—"

"And what does it matter to you that he died? You went on with your life last time, you'll do the same again—"

"That's not the _point!_ Matsumoto-san had a family, he had stories and experiences--" He swallowed tears as he remembered being listened to in the sunshine. "A murderer like you wouldn't understand," he finished viciously.

"And there's that word again. You should really try to be accurate with your insults - to begin with I'm an assassin, not a murderer."

"I fail to see the difference—"

He hissed as Seishirou painfully tightened his grip. Still smiling Seishirou leaned even closer until their faces nearly touched. "Murder is the unlawful taking of someone's life," the Sakurazukamori said smilingly over a roll of thunder, "while those who rule this country take the lives of people by law, whether it be the emperor and shoguns through their executioners, or the elected government hanging criminals behind prison walls. If I told you that the deaths I cause are sanctioned by those who sit above, would you still call me a murderer?"

"And was Matsumoto-san's death also 'sanctioned'?" Subaru challenged angrily.

"Again, I didn't kill that old man and I couldn't care less about him. You, on the other hand, I have unfinished business with." Seishirou's smile disappeared. "Why did you choose him?"

Subaru tried to glare. "Because it was urgent and there was no need for him to die. Because he was kind to me. Because I cared for him."

"Is that all?"

"Yes— _ah!_ "

"Wrong answer," said Seishirou clinically, fingers grinding between the bones of Subaru's wrist. "Again: why choose him over me?"

His limbs were beginning to tremble from the strain of resisting. Against him Seishirou was solid and warm in stark contrast to the cold amber eyes that never left his face. He tried to meet their gaze, to hold fast and not look away only to find himself quailing. Of the two promises he'd made, he had deliberately chosen to break the one to the person he loved ... "I wanted proof," he heard himself say, "I wanted proof that this repeated life can be changed and I can make things better. I want to know that I can win and be with you, that Hokuto-chan won't ..."

With that Subaru faltered, his fury bleeding away leaving a hollow despair. Like a rag doll he sagged in Seishirou's grip, horrible sobs racking his body and head falling onto Seishirou's shoulder where tears disappeared into black cloth. He was cold, heartbroken by both failure and futility; there were drops of rain on the wind blowing through the unfinished building. Outside, the sky had darkened.

Eventually Subaru exhausted himself and stilled. Gently a hand curled around the side of his neck. "Change your own life," Seishirou murmured.

Subaru's reddened eyes flew open. He was leaning on Seishirou completely and his freed hand was tangled in Seishirou's coat. Pressed together like this they were both warm – too warm. "You keep worrying about the end and other people," continued Seishirou, and his thumb began to rub against the pulse on Subaru's throat, "to the point of neglecting your own life. If you want to change things so badly then stop interfering where you have no right and take care of yourself here and now. After all, without complete commitment, how can you even hope to win?"

The hand on his neck moved into the open collar of his shirt and with a stab Subaru realised what Seishirou was getting at. "Don't touch me!" he snapped, pushing against Seishirou in disgust and standing straight. Standing straight with back against the pillar's wall and one gloved hand still pinned beside his head. Subaru's pulse raced as it sank in just how badly he was caught. "L-let go, a man is dead because of you—"

"So? You think I have blood on my hands?" Suddenly Seishirou grabbed his free arm and yanked it above his head along with his right where they could be both restrained with one hand. The other hand snaked around his waist and Subaru's breath hitched as Seishirou shoved a leg between his— "You know I'm the Sakurazukamori and said you love me regardless. Even if my hands were dripping red what difference would it make? Or did you think you could ignore who I am like you've been ignoring me until now?"

The way Seishirou fit against him, full length and so close they shared breath made Subaru burn. Disgust turned to panic; in this deserted place they were completely alone, there was no chance of rescue or interruption and Seishirou could do anything ... "Stop!" shouted Subaru, struggling as the hand on his waist slid under his shirt low on his back, "stop, I don't want this—"

"Please." Seishirou's tone was derisive over the sound of rain. "You let me Within your mind, I've seen what you want me to do."

The significance of what Seishirou said was sickening. Once more Subaru felt his face burn this time with shame and humiliation, but there was anger as well that Seishirou was using his knowledge of Subaru's most private thoughts to seduce. He tried to hold onto it, anchor himself with it even as Seishirou crushed their mouths together but the assault of touch and wet heat was a storm outpacing the one breaking with a crash outside. Rough and aggressive the kiss seemed to suck the breath from him in whimpers, his body taut to the point of breaking. Dimly he felt the hand on his back slide beneath underwear to grip the curve of flesh there and Subaru found himself grinding blindly down onto Seishirou's leg between his thighs, hard and urgent. He kissed back, dizzy, tongue tangling with Seishirou's but still the anger was there in his chest and spiralling into desperate fury. When he felt Seishirou release his wrists perhaps believing Subaru overwhelmed Subaru forced himself to move. As Seishirou reached to unbutton his jeans, Subaru wrenched off the kiss and punched.

Seishirou fell back. Touched his cheek and looked at Subaru, startled. Wild-eyed and tear-stained Subaru glared as best he could, panting and every muscle coiled as he hunched watching for Seishirou's slightest move. His skin was aflame; his body ached.

Seishirou made no attempt to approach him.

Lightning and a thunder crack burst almost simultaneously through the downpour outside. Disheveled, Seishirou's face was flushed beneath the bruises and his expression defiantly unapologetic. He too was breathing hard echoing Subaru, the sounds hanging like spun filaments stretching from self to self across the space between them and inexorably drawing tight. A magnetic force, perhaps, or a gravitational pull. Something stronger than any magic.

There was a flight of stairs to one side. Subaru glanced at it, torn, but then Seishirou raised a hand to reach out and that was enough. Quickly Subaru side-stepped towards the stairs not daring to turn his back, only breaking into a stumbling run at the last possible second to flee four flights down and out into the pouring rain across the muddy construction site. He kept running through emptied streets flowing with water heedless of direction until he could run no more, and finally slowed to shelter in the alcove of an anonymous door in an equally anonymous alleyway. There he huddled, hair dripping into his eyes and clothes soaked, all senses stretched for any pursuit. Seconds passed, then minutes and more, during which the rain grew heavier and Subaru's shallow breathing tried to find some semblance of calm. Still, it wasn't until what felt like a lifetime that Subaru dared to think no, he had not been followed, and Seishirou had decided to let him go. For inexplicable reasons.

Subaru squeezed his eyes shut; his pulse was still pounding. He tried to hold onto an image, the birds, Matsumoto's bloodied death-grey face, anything to suffocate the wanting that stalked beneath his skin. It didn't work, and with a sob Subaru turned to brace one arm flat against the alcove's door leaning his head there and with his other hand undid the closure of his jeans to reach inside and desperately grasp himself. Half-hardness became full arousal in strokes, its heat amplified with shame to burn through his glove, but with his raw nerves didn't last long. Choking, he thrust once more into his gloved hand then stilled.

The rain roared around him. Drained, Subaru turned and stared dully out at it, how it turned the world blurry and grey. He held his hand out letting the downpour wash the leather glove clean, but the shame, that remained, crawling over him spider-like leaving him dirty and cold. Aching. On top of everything else with Seishirou. Trembling and overwhelmed, Subaru slid down against the door to the unforgiving ground, put his head on his knees and cried.

 

* * *

 

High up in the shadows Seishirou watched the storm rage around the construction site. His eyes were narrowed and he held a cigarette between his fingers burning orange in the dim light. Several more cigarette ends were scattered at his feet. They had long gone cold.

The rain roared. Grimly Seishirou lifted the cigarette and took a drag ignoring the way his cut lip stung. Pursuit was still possible, he noted, feeling the pull of the star-marks, but not now. Not yet. Not until his blood and breath had calmed.

He was still waiting for that to happen.

 

* * *

 

It was a small house. It was an even smaller memorial.

Subaru stood on the path looking into Matsumoto's home, face pale after a sleepless night of despair and want. He held a bouquet of lilies in his black-gloved hands. Up the path the door was open, flanked by a mismatched pair of flower stands washed out beneath the grey afternoon sky, as were the curtains allowing a glimpse of the black-clad mourners inside. Already Subaru had spotted Matsumoto's grandchildren, a little girl and boy both wide-eyed and too young to comprehend what was taking place, as well as the tired bespectacled man Subaru presumed to be their father trying to receive the condolences of visitors on his own. Matsumoto's daughter Sachiyo was not seen. From the little Subaru had overheard apparently the shock of her father's death on top of her recent illness had sent the woman into hysterics and she was in no condition to leave her room let alone face her father's body. Subaru didn't have to imagine Sachiyo's grief: he remembered it.

_"Father forgive me! Forgive me!"_

Sachiyo would carry the guilt of her unfilial behaviour for the rest of her life. Subaru wondered what person had broken the news to her yesterday and whether they had brought the bananas he knew Matsumoto had been rushing to give her. In another lifetime that person had been Subaru, which was why he was here now outside this house with a bouquet of white flowers to pay his respects and mourn.

He watched the shadows inside the house where Matsumoto had existed belittled and taken for granted. He imagined the faces of a family barely beginning to understand the enormity of regret too late to make amends, an enormity Subaru knew all too well. Then he turned his back and very deliberately walked over to the park.

The park bench was wet and patterned with dead leaves. There were a handful of birds perched about it chirping regardless of the threatening clouds above. Subaru hadn't brought an umbrella or any food he could give them. Silently he placed his flowers on the bench and thought of Matsumoto as he had known him, both in that past life and this one, with sparrows on his hands and smiles on his face. Who had listened to Subaru without judgment and offered the wisdom of his years in life and love. Who had died fulfilling his vow to his beloved wife with whom he was now reunited. As he had wanted.

It was better to remember Matsumoto like this.

The birds took flight. Subaru realised there were beads of water gathering in his hair. Placing his hands together Subaru murmured a prayer for Matsumoto's kindly soul then left.

The rain was light, almost mist-like. Subaru felt no urge to hurry through it, lost as he was trying to make sense of what he held. Grief was with him as was despair and anger, but with tears and a night's passing could now be viewed with some detachment. He was still upset with Seishirou, yes, however there were many people dead by Seishirou's hand and Matsumoto wasn't one of them. Even if he were, Seishirou's heritage and identity as the Sakurazukamori was something Subaru had long known and accepted. It didn't mean Subaru wasn't going to be angry when faced with Seishirou's work but he could and would move on ...

...or not. Or at least, not entirely. More than simply wanting to do what he thought was right, Subaru had sought to save Matsumoto to prove the Bet's end was not set. He had been so determined on that he had neglected the immediate, the here and now and what he had in it. Who he had in it.

Raindrops caught on Subaru's eyelashes as he walked through the trees. He blinked, trying to clear his vision only for more to slip down his face because yes, he had deliberately chosen Matsumoto over Seishirou, and Seishirou didn't care that Subaru had done it to save a man's life or even to prove the future was mutable, all that mattered was Subaru's choice to put Seishirou second. Not only that, Subaru had done so presuming he could later just apologise as he had done when he'd arrived late to the restaurant expecting Seishirou would accept—

Someone was standing at the edge of the park.

Subaru stopped short. Seishirou held an umbrella and was dressed in the familiar suit and coat black against the grey rain, but without the usual sunglasses or tie. The veterinarian's van was parked beside him. He wasn't smiling and his amber eyes were guarded. Waiting.

There was something tight in Subaru's chest. He stared, at first unable to accept that Seishirou was there, until he realised while this was not expected, he was not surprised. For once Subaru questioned it. In his mind, he saw Matsumoto hand-feeding an eagle in a zoo's cage.

The rain grew heavier. Breath caught, Subaru stepped forward.

 _Life's too short to be spent angry,_ Matsumoto's voice whispered as Subaru walked seeing only Seishirou – and how true was that for them who had so little time to begin with? One year was what had been granted under the Bet, one year in which Seishirou would be with him no matter how much Subaru frustrated or offended. Seishirou himself may help, hold, even hurt, but he was _there_ for Subaru; he did not leave. _Could_ not leave, not without breaking his word which Subaru knew Seishirou was far too proud to do. Just as the Bet bound Subaru to Seishirou so it bound Seishirou to him strong enough to take for granted. And Subaru had done that.

Without the Bet to hold him, would Seishirou be standing before Subaru like this?

The dampness in his eyes was warm as he drew close. Seishirou did not move, but rather simply watched as Subaru stopped hesitantly just beyond the umbrella. The tightness in Subaru's chest was releasing, falling away leaving Subaru holding only what was most important, like a clear stone washed clean. Its gravity pulled between them.

Deliberately, Seishirou stepped forward bringing the umbrella over them both. Subaru closed his eyes and sighed.

 _I understand now, why you asked me not to talk about the Bet._ A hand reached around him draping something heavy about his shoulders and wet clothes, and he turned his face to meet it pressing lips into the palm. He heard Seishirou's breath catch and the rain drumming on the umbrella above them. _I understand why you want it to be a silent subject until it ends._

_I understand you better now. And I'm sorry I took so long._

The hand he was kissing was warm and strong. Subaru's own gloved hands were tangled in the coat he'd been given. "Take me—" The whisper caught in his throat. He swallowed and tried again. "Take me home."

Breath against his neck. "All right."

 

* * *

 

Rain enclosed the van as Seishirou drove, just as it enclosed the veterinary clinic and apartment above when they arrived. With a steady susurration it filled the quiet between them, muffling out the rest of Tokyo and the world beyond. Damp and chilled as he ascended the stairs ahead of Seishirou Subaru glanced at the shuttered clinic windows. He wondered what Seishirou had told the staff.

An arm reached around him to unlock the door. Seishirou opened it and stood to one side looking at Subaru to go first. The apartment beyond was shadowed in blues and greys. Fingers still tangled in the black coat Subaru stepped inside. His heart was beginning to flutter.

Shoes, those were easy to begin with. They left wet prints in the genkan and the water had made the laces swollen. As Subaru struggled with them he heard the door close and felt Seishirou take his coat back to hang up leaving Subaru colder and more exposed. He tried not to think about that, focusing instead on trying to unpick the laces of his second shoe with gloved hands. He did it finally and stood to free himself of it only to slip a little on the damp wooden floor. He would have caught himself easily, but Seishirou caught him first.

Warmth and a heartbeat against his cheek. Subaru felt a small thrill go through him and nervously closed his eyes as he was lifted to stand properly. When he opened them Seishirou was standing in front of him looking questioningly down into his face. Subaru met Seishirou's gaze squarely, though it unnerved him to do so. He noticed absently that the suit Seishirou wore was the one picked up from the laundromat, and also the barely-healed cut on the man's lip. Then, closing eyes again, Subaru took a deep breath, grasped a handful of black jacket, and stretched up to kiss Seishirou.

 _Be proud of your love and own it._ The kiss was soft, gentle and without end. Subaru felt arms being wrapped around his waist drawing them together. The whole thing felt slightly unreal, thought Subaru distantly as he reached up to touch Seishirou's face; intellectually he knew what he was doing but the fullness of it—

Abruptly Seishirou stilled. Pulled back slightly from the kiss to look at Subaru's gloved hands.

Comprehension filled Subaru and with it the weight of reality. Instinctively he stiffened, defensive even as he forced himself to remain as he was in Seishirou's loose embrace. One thing at a time, Subaru told himself, throat dry as he touched each glove with an unsteady finger keenly aware of how Seishirou watched him. The protection spells disabled it was the simplest thing in the world for Subaru to pull the gloves off and let them fall. Too simple.

The first word Subaru thought of upon seeing his naked hands was _fragile._ Pale almost to the point of translucency his skin seemed to be layered rice paper through which the faded ink of his veins could be seen. He could even make out the faint remains of the burns from that near-disastrous journey Within forming the lines of Seishirou's inverted pentagrams. After so long enclosed his hands were also highly sensitive and Subaru watched his fingers curl in the apartment's cool air as if trying to hide. Before he could lower his hands, but, Seishirou caught them by the wrists and Subaru inhaled sharply suddenly all too aware of his heartbeat which was terribly fast and loud. Critically Seishirou looked over Subaru's bare hands before lifting them to press against his cheeks which to Subaru seemed painfully warm. As Subaru watched Seishirou turned his face slightly to press a lingering kiss into Subaru's left palm while the right was pulled to cradle the side of Seishirou's neck—

Subaru shuddered. Bowed his head trying to keep hold of himself as he deeply breathed - for all his imaginings this was all so new, so new and so much and so wanted, it frightened him with its intensity. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to make the fear pass.

"Subaru-kun?"

It wasn't passing. Then again, neither was it carrying him away. "I-I'm fine. Just—" He broke off. Knew his face was turning red. "Just, whatever I say, whatever I do ... don't stop. Please."

There was no reply. It only made him more embarrassed. Then, very deliberately, his wrists were released and Seishirou cupped his face turning him up so they could look properly at each other. Seishirou was smiling, the amber of his eyes light and also slightly sharp in a way that made Subaru swallow hard wondering what the man was seeing. Finally Seishirou leaned in to kiss him, gently but with definite insistence. With a shiver Subaru closed his eyes and yielded to the incursion of tongue and breath. He could hear his heartbeat drumming in his head.

The world tilted. Subaru felt the resistance of the hallway wall against his shoulder blades and Seishirou's arms wrapping around his hips. Those arms tightened as Subaru's mouth was deeply plundered, one strong hand spreading flat against his lower back pushing their bodies together right at that place where heat was pooling. Dizzily Subaru heard himself moan around Seishirou's tongue and he reached up tangling fingers in the man's hair and other hand slipping under the shirt collar to rub skin. Subaru's own skin felt tight, chilled beneath his damp clothes but rapidly warming in a way that made it seem like his body was losing all definition except for those burning places where they touched. It physically hurt when Seishirou broke the kiss, and when Seishirou pulled him towards the bedroom it was all Subaru could do not to stumble as he made himself follow ...

 

"Your heart's racing."

"Are ... are you going to stop it?"

Lips on his chest and heat within. "Not yet."

 

* * *

 

He was by himself when he woke.

For a while Subaru simply lay quietly breathing and listening to the sound of rain outside. The air on his skin was cold while under the quilt he was comfortably warm, limbs loose and heavy. He didn't want to move let alone get up but eventually with some effort he opened his eyes, just a little. There was a shadow leaning against the nearby open window.

Hazily Subaru kept still and looked. Seishirou was smoking and gazing out at the grey winter sky. In the low light his expression was focused and contemplative like he was trying to read something in the clouds, and he wore a navy blue dressing gown loosely tied around the waist. Subaru wondered what Seishirou was thinking about. He wondered whether Seishirou was thinking about him.

Seishirou probably was. What they had done didn't settle anything but it could never be undone, and what that meant Subaru couldn't say other than it was what he had wanted. Wanted very much, in fact, and he would never be able to look at Seishirou the same way. Already now he found himself admiring the lines of Seishirou's body, the long V of skin visible down his chest, and slowly warmed remembering how Seishirou had taken him gently yet firmly, and how his fear was eventually replaced by aching need. The intimacy of skin against skin, of touching and being touched and the electric thrill of grasping Seishirou's hard sex in his bare hand. The smell of Seishirou's skin damp with sweat and Subaru's kisses. The sensation of Seishirou moving inside him so good and so _right_ pressing him against the bed every time he cried out feeling he would come apart with pleasure and desperate for more. The look on his beloved's face in the moment of release still echoing in his flesh.

So lost was Subaru in gazing at Seishirou that he didn't realise Seishirou was looking back until their eyes met. Instantly Subaru froze. Seishirou smirked. "Like the view?"

Subaru knew his face was red but there was also something else appearing: a shy smile. "How long did I sleep?" he asked instead.

"Half an hour, more or less. I'll take it as a compliment. Are you all right?"

His blush was spreading down his body. It stirred places where pleasure still echoed and unexpectedly Subaru realised that self-consciousness aside he was quietly content. Whatever was to happen from here on, right now in this moment Subaru had no regrets. "... Yeah."

"Hm." Crushing his cigarette on the window-sill Seishirou tossed the stub outside before coming over to the bed letting his robe fall along the way. Subaru heated at the sight. "Move over," chided Seishirou as he slipped back under the quilt.

Subaru did as he was told and Seishirou sat back against the headboard. Subaru thought Seishirou's lap looked far better than the pillow but wasn't certain if he should, instead opting to curl beside the man and reach out to lay a palm on Seishirou's hip - even now it was still a thrill to touch with his bare hands. "You left the window open," he said, daring to be accusing.

"Is it cold? Here then." Subaru's eyes widened as Seishirou gathered him into the crook of his arm. "Better?"

The heartbeat beneath Subaru's ear was strong and steady. Subaru forced himself to breath around the sudden ache in his chest; he hadn't known that so much happiness could feel painful. "Yeah," he replied.

A silence fell between them then, filled only with the steady patter of rain and once or twice a distant rumble of thunder. Soon Subaru felt fingers comb through his hair and Subaru squeezed his eyes shut trying to impress upon his mind every second of this moment, the warmth, the intimacy, the physical closeness with the only person he had ever wanted. Who also, Subaru was now certain, truly wanted him in return for whatever reason, at least here and now. It was a certainty that Subaru would never voice, but for the first time he could dare and hope.

 _Sometimes you need a little fiction for a relationship to work._ Kind words and a twinkle in knowing old eyes. The memory of Matsumoto still came with a pang but because of him ... "Thank you," Subaru murmured aloud.

"What for?"

His fingers traced blind circles on Seishirou's skin. "For giving me a memory that doesn't hurt."

There was a creak of mattress as Subaru was suddenly pushed onto his back— "Who says it has to be a memory?" Seishirou countered, eyes glinting. Startled Subaru forgot how to move as the Sakurazukamori prowled over him but then with a little laugh he pulled Seishirou close, met his kiss and shyly delighted as they began once again.

 

* * *

 

"Ohh~h, let me see you let me feel you let me touch you – we don't have much time, man—"

Pushing the front door open Subaru blinked at the sound of singing coming from his kitchen. It was a familiar sound, but his mind had been miles away and it took him a moment to realise that as well as singing there was also the smell of cooking and today was the day his twin returned from her school ski trip. "Oo~oh, Motor Drive la la la di la— Subaru!" He closed the door and took off his still damp jacket as footsteps hurried towards him. "You're back! I thought you were going to meet me at the station at four but I guess you were working and in any case Aya-chan's parents gave me a lift—" He put away his shoes as Hokuto appeared around the corner; she wore a long sleeved orange top with black shorts and long black socks with a line of dark grey diamonds that marched from her toes up to mid-thigh. "—message left from Obaa-chama asking us to call later, are you hungry 'cause I made stir-f—"

Hokuto stopped dead in the hall a few feet away. Subaru smiled at her just as he always did when he came home. " _Tadaima._ "

She didn't move or speak. Under her scrutiny Subaru gradually felt himself grow hot and he wondered if despite his shower she could tell what had happened, what he had done, and if so how she was going to react – blunt teasing? an interrogation? Whatever it was Subaru realised he was oddly fearful in a way he couldn't explain, and also defensive wanting to keep things to himself for a little while. Special. And yet the way Hokuto was looking at him—

Emerald eyes blinked as Hokuto drew herself up. Smiled a little forcedly with pink-glossed lips. "I made stir-fry," she said again lightly. "There's soup as well, so we should eat while everything is still hot. Why don't you set the table while I get the rice?"

If only Seishirou had asked him to stay instead of agreeing that Subaru had to welcome Hokuto home. "Sure," Subaru replied, absently readjusting his gloves. "I'll make some tea as well. Um, how was your ski trip?"

"Oh I had _so_ much fun, the view from the mountains was amazing and the instructors were great by the end of the trip I was practically flying over the snow ..."

She led him to the kitchen chatting all the while. Subaru didn't tell her how grateful he was. In the night outside the rain had stopped.


	10. Privacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And you think I took advantage of Subaru-kun's weakness?"
> 
> "I don't like thinking it. But I do think you're capable of it."

She looked fantastic. The fitted blue tailcoat over the short puffy skirt, pin-striped stockings with her favourite patent leather buckle-shoes (heels, of course), the jauntily set hat, it all came together to declare confidence and style. Such an outfit was enough on its own but it would get a boost with a good entrance which was why she was restlessly watching the windows of the clinic. It took close to twenty minutes but at last she saw Seishirou come out into the reception area accompanying a customer. Her cue given Hokuto took a deep breath, released it, then determinedly crossed the road to open the door. The cat bells tied to the handle jingled.

"Welcome to the Sakurazuka Veterinary Clinic - ah, Hokuto-san!" That was Michiko, warm and smiling as she stood behind the reception desk. There was a cage on the desk holding a bright green parrot. "It's been a while, did you have a good tri—"

"Ee, Hokuto-chan!" With a squeal Yukari abandoned the shelf of bird supplies and came over to greet her. "I haven't seen you in ages you look amazing as always where did you get that coat?"

Head high Hokuto bestowed the clinic with a smile. "Good morning everyone! My trip was fantastic, thank you for asking Michiko-san, I can already ski on the proper runs! My coat I got in Harajuku we should totally do a shopping trip sometime, how have things been here?"

"Oh, same old, same old, dogs, cats, birds, but we did get a monkey a few days ago! Where's your brother, he's not with you?"

"Subaru's at home, I came back to find he hadn't done _any_ housework whatsoever so now he's making up for it." Hokuto spoke laughingly but she kept one eye on Seishirou who while still with his customer had certainly seen her come in. "You'd think he could have at least separated the trash and taken that out but nope. I mean, really, what could have kept him so busy he couldn't even remember basic chores?"

The customer was being passed to Michiko now. "Better ask Sakurazuka-sensei about that," Yukari advised, grinning as the man himself came over.

"I just might." Hokuto flashed teeth at Seishirou though the expression could just as well have been aimed at Yukari who, much as Hokuto liked her, occasionally had to be reminded that there was only one girl allowed to tease Subaru about Seishirou and it certainly wasn't the clinic's junior employee. Yukari's grin slipped. "Actually that's what I came over for, to see if I can steal Sakurazuka-sensei for a catch-up lunch. You are free, right Sei-chan?"

Finally addressed directly Seishirou smiled in welcome. "And hello to you too, Hokuto-chan. It's lunch break so I'm certainly free, what were you thinking of?"

"Burgers! Not McDonald's, I read there's a new place in Roppongi all done up like an American diner, I say we try that."

"All the way out in Roppongi? That could take some time and I don't know if I should be gone that long—"

"Since when have you cared about long lunch breaks? Come on!" Briskly Hokuto took Seishirou's arm, and, with some tugging, made the man take off the white surgery coat and hand it to Yukari. "There, officially off duty. Grab your keys, Sei-chan, I'm starving!"

" _Hai, hai._ "

Ruefully Seishirou went to fetch his jacket. He was indulging her, Hokuto knew, but that was fine. As Seishirou returned to go Hokuto gave a small bow to everyone including the customer who had been watching the whole exchange in bemusement. "Thank you all for letting me borrow Sakurazuka-sensei, I promise I'll return him properly. Until then, bye bye!"

Michiko, Yukari and the customer waved farewell, all three looking vaguely intimidated. The parrot squawked. " _Itterasshai. Itterasshai._ "

So that was the opening round done, then.

 

* * *

 

The burger place Hokuto had been talking about was busy with the lunch hour rush. It meant a short wait filled with catch-up chat until she and Seishirou got a table, but that was fine because busy meant a crowd and a crowd meant privacy. A level of privacy. They'd still have to be on their best behaviour.

"Thank you for your order, please understand that our burgers are made fresh so there may be a wait until it's served," said the young waitress, her welcoming expression almost as artificial as her blonde wig and uniform cap. "I'll be right back with your drinks."

Hokuto was pulling off her gloves unconcerned either way about the drinks. "Take your time, " Seishirou said with a kind smile, "we're not in a hurry and you look like you use an excuse to slow down. _Ganbatte, ne?_ "

The waitress stared at him, then blushed, then bobbed a bow looking a lot less artificial than before. She left with a spring in her step and Hokuto watched Seishirou watch the waitress go noting how his eyes were cool. "That was naughty, Sei-chan," she accused playfully.

"Eh?"

"Flirting with the waitress! Now she might have a crush on you and while that's great if she brings our food quickly if she slips her phone number in with your plate what are you going to do then, huh?"

Seishirou laughed. "I'd hardly call being nice to her flirting."

"She might not see it that way. Teenage girls are sensitive, everything in and around us is changing and yes, sometimes that means losing common sense when handsome men are nice to us."

"Us?" Seishirou raised an eyebrow at her. "Hokuto-chan, you're the last girl in the world who'd go silly just because a handsome man is nice to you."

"That's because I've been hanging out with you too long." Two tall glasses of cola each with a straw and a scoop of ice-cream appeared on the table. The waitress beamed as Seishirou took his drink with thanks and an obvious relish. Hokuto pointedly ignored her. "That and looking after my brother."

The waitress left. Seishirou paused mid-sip. "Do you think Subaru-kun has lost his senses with me?" he asked.

"He's in love with you." Stirring her drink Hokuto winked. "You should know that losing your senses is what happens when you're in love, right?"

"What are you saying, Hokuto-chan."

He hadn't taken the bait to banter. Maybe for once they were going to drop their usual play acting. Hokuto took a deep breath. "I want to know whether or not you took advantage of Subaru yesterday," she said bluntly. "I want to make sure he was all right."

The lunch crowd noise filled the space between them, loud and meaningless. Seishirou's smile had turned strange and Hokuto wasn't sure if she liked it. "I recall a conversation last year when you said it was fine for me to seduce Subaru-kun if he was okay with it," he said at last.

"I did say that. But even though he's grown up a lot Subaru is still pure-hearted: for him to fall in love with someone is to do so unconditionally, to the point of losing all sense of reality and becoming weak."

"And you think I took advantage of Subaru-kun's weakness?"

Images of Seishirou kissing her brother, her brother's mouth opening in complete submission— "I don't like thinking it," Hokuto replied, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. "But I do think you're capable of it."

"Really." The way Seishirou spoke made the word significant to at least three decimal places. "May I ask why you would think that?"

He seemed amused rather than offended. Hokuto hoped that was a positive sign. "I'm really happy that Subaru fell in love with you, Sei-chan," she said softly. "But there are things that make me worry, things that I don't get. Like how you're always kind and smiling to people but when they turn away you feel different."

"Oh? How?"

"You feel colder. Not only that, your eyes look colder. Even though they're always hidden behind your glasses, I can see your eyes are not like those of normal people."

It was impossible to miss how Seishirou's eyes narrowed at that. "And that's why you think I took advantage of Subaru-kun?"

"It's why I think you're capable of it."

Silence, except for the crowd and, briefly, the chatter of the waitress as she placed their orders in front of them. This time however she was completely ignored and after a moment she must have picked up on the tension between Hokuto and Seishirou because she quickly left. Eventually Seishirou sighed and picked up his cutlery. "I did not take advantage of Subaru-kun, on that I give you my word," he said calmly. "Subaru-kun consented entirely."

"Were you careful with him?"

"Yes."

Hokuto mulled that over. Intuition told her that she could generally take Seishirou at his word, but her reservations meant she felt a lot better doing so if what he said could be corroborated. She had watched Subaru like a hawk last night and all of this morning, and while her brother had been quieter and more absent-minded than usual there hadn't been anything in his behaviour that set off alarm bells. Actually, if she was completely honest he'd seemed ... calm. Happy. And he had long ago admitted to her that he physically desired Seishirou. "Good," she replied, and meant it as she picked up her burger and bit down. Freshly cooked beef and onions with sauce deliciously filled her mouth. "Very good," she added after swallowing. She flashed a smile to lighten things. "I'm glad - I mean, it's not like Subaru gets to attend health class since he stopped school!"

"Somehow I doubt school health class would cover homosexual sex," Seishirou replied dryly, dipping his fries in ketchup before eating. "So you're okay with what we did, then?"

No, but it was done, from all indications on Subaru's choosing, and she was going to have to learn to live with it. Eventually. "You know how long I've wanted you two to get together," she said instead. "But I'll see once I've spoken with Subaru."

"You haven't spoken?"

"Not yet."

"Then how did you know that we ...?"

"Secret special twin power." Hokuto winked.

Seishirou laughed. "Ah, of course! Well, as long as you don't use it to tune in—"

" _Sei_ -chan!"

Horrified by the very notion she kicked him under the table, or tried to anyway, which just made Seishirou laugh harder, and just like that the tension broke and they were back to their usual selves, madcap and unrepentant in the eyes of everyone who turned to see what the fuss was. Hokuto found herself grinning with relief and real delight: Seishirou may have become part of her life because of Subaru, but it was good to know that she and Seishirou had their own relationship which she genuinely valued. They were friends, he and her, strange friends who shared a penchant for dramatics, sharp jokes, good food and loaded conversation. Friends with one very special person in common, and in contention.

Hokuto hoped she would never have to use a knife on Seishirou.

They finished their burgers over a non-stop exchange of lighter topics that ranged from radiation effects and pop music to politics and fashion. "Yes you're allowed to judge people on their appearance!" cried Hokuto as the waitress silently brought their bill. "How you present yourself to the world reflects who you are and/or how you want others to see you."

"But isn't that rather unfair?" countered Seishirou. "What about people not born with model good looks, or fashionably acceptable body shapes? Are you going to judge them for not being up to standard?"

"Judging people on appearance doesn't equate to valuing people based on their appearance. Besides, I'm not talking about beauty, I'm talking about confidence and individual style which anyone can have if they know how to dress for their own body."

"A skill more people should have," Seishirou observed as they put money on the table. He deliberately checked his watch. "And with that done, I should be getting back to work."

"Yeah, yeah."

They stood and left, Hokuto leading the way through the tables preening a little at how several heads turned to follow her. "Are you coming back to the clinic?" asked Seishirou as they exited the restaurant and headed for the car-park.

"Nah, I'm meeting friends in Shibuya. But I was thinking it's Saturday night we could go out tonight, you me and Subaru, say dinner and karaoke. Unless you and Subaru had your own plans ...?"

She took care that she asked casually, like the answer didn't matter. "Dinner and karaoke sounds good," Seishirou replied easily, and inwardly Hokuto breathed a sigh of relief. "You have just come back from a trip after all."

"That I have, and it's good to get back to our normal social routine! How about we meet at seven o'clock at the Shinjuku station west entrance? Since I'll go there straight from Shibuya I'll leave it to you to call Subaru from work and tell him. After all," she added with a cheeky smile as they stopped by his van, "we can't have lovers going a whole day without a sappy phone call!"

"Very thoughtful of you," said Seishirou. Then he raised an eyebrow at her. "You know, Hokuto-chan, you're taking this a lot better than I expected."

She blinked, the very picture of girlish ignorance. "What did you expect, Sei-chan?"

"I don't know - anger, maybe?"

The smell of blood on her brother, obvious the moment she set eyes on him in the hallway. She had immediately known what it meant and been unable to stop the wave of emotion that had come over her, though she had hidden it well and Subaru had been too distracted to notice. The emotion hadn't been anger, but, or at least not completely. And she remembered what the boy from the ski trip had said about being mature enough not to let those feelings rule her. "Aw, come on Sei-chan, give me more credit than that," said Hokuto, teasingly averting her gaze with fluttering lashes. "Even if I was angry I'm hardly going to throw a tantrum. Besides, it's a perfectly natural development in a relationship, what's there to be angry about in that?"

"Because Subaru-kun is no longer completely yours?"

Hokuto stiffened. Forced herself to meet Seishirou's eyes properly again, bright emerald to cool amber behind panes of glass. "Subaru is my twin," she said, refusing to be intimidated. "He may have given himself to you but nothing can change the bond we share. _Nothing._ "

Much to her satisfaction Seishirou inclined his head to her. She wasn't finished, but. "I do, however, want you to promise one thing.

"Don't take Subaru away from me. Don't take him somewhere I can't reach him. Please. Promise me."

Seishirou looked confused. "What makes you think I will take Subaru-kun somewhere?"

"I don't know. I think that you—"

_Pip pip pip!_

Hokuto jumped. Seishirou blinked behind his glasses, then reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a pager. "Emergency at the clinic," he said, reading the screen. He seemed almost apologetic as he re-pocketed the pager and glanced at her. "Sorry Hokuto-chan, we'll have to continue later. I'll see you tonight at seven, all right?"

She let out a breath. _Nice timing!_ she thought viciously at whoever at the clinic had pinged, even as she gave a beautific smile. "Sure, sure. Seven o'clock, Shinjuku West entrance, don't forget to call Subaru, okay?"

He waved at her, already getting into the van. Hokuto waved back and kept at it as Seishirou started up the engine and pulled the van out of its space and away towards the car-park exit. Only when the van disappeared around the corner did Hokuto stop.

The car-park was cold. Hokuto's smile had fallen. She had generally gotten what she wanted out of her lunch with Seishirou but that had been a sour note to end on, one that played directly to her fear in a way that her armor of hat and coat could not deflect. Suddenly she no longer felt like going to Shibuya and enduring the cheerful ignorance of her schoolgirl flock, which was stupid really because she had dressed for going out and she didn't want to be by herself. Certainly she didn't want to go home where Subaru was still obviously distracted thinking about Seishirou and still obviously unwilling to tell her they had slept together, but then a thought struck. Leaving the car-park Hokuto found a pay phone and shut herself in the booth. She called one of her school friends first and gave a white lie that she wasn't feeling well and so wouldn't be joining them for shopping. It didn't take long even with the dismay and wishes to get better quickly, and Hokuto soon hung up to make her second call. Unfolding a piece of note paper from her purse Hokuto inserted her coins into the pay phone and dialed the number carefully written under the ski lodge logo. It took several rings all through which she held her breath, but eventually her call was answered.

"Hello, Kuzuki-kun? It's me, Sumeragi Hokuto. Hey, I know this is incredibly impulsive but I was wondering, are you free this afternoon to meet up for cake and tea? An hour's time, really? That's great! Okay, I'm in Roppongi right now, I can meet you at any train station that's convenient ..."

 

* * *

 

_He arched beneath him, hot, wanting. Hazy with triumph and arousal Seishirou held Subaru down on the bed revelling in how the younger man shuddered, no longer the Sumeragi but pleasure made flesh helpless in Seishirou's grasp. He pushed deeper, riding the thrill of Subaru's moans, forcing himself to be slow even as Subaru looked up to meet his gaze emerald eyes bright with knowing—_

_"Even though they're always hidden behind your glasses, I can see your eyes are not like those of normal people."_

_"And that's why you think I took advantage of Subaru-kun?"_

_"It's why I think you're capable of it."_

Hungrily the Sakura surged sending Seishirou out of his thoughts. He blinked, belatedly realising that the body in front of him had gone limp dropping its book, and was now being swallowed by a storm of flowers. The petals glowed pale pink against the maboroshi's black and whirled with more violence than usual. Apparently the Sakura still wasn't happy with what he had done yesterday.

Yesterday ... closing his eyes Seishirou allowed himself a smile. Yesterday had been a victory. It had taken a lot of time and frustration but in the end it had all been worth Seishirou's patience - and his bruises. Not that Seishirou had planned to goad Subaru into a fight, mind. More correct to say that Subaru had goaded him by repeatedly rebuffing Seishirou's manipulative efforts to seduce, especially after meeting that old man. Choosing that old man over Seishirou had simply been the last straw - even the Sakurazukamori's patience had its limits. Besides, it had been profoundly irritating watching Subaru waste the Bet's time meddling with complete strangers instead of focusing on the only person who mattered.

So, they had fought. Actually it had been rather welcome. Subaru could throw a hard punch when angry. He could also be incredibly alluring, and Seishirou had surprised even himself during that fight with his determination to not only subdue Subaru but take him, either by manipulation or by force both of which Seishirou had tried and to hell with the Bet's rules. Hokuto was a sharp girl to have sensed that, even if she didn't know anything more and perhaps never would. Still, even in the heat of the moment such loss of self-control was unworthy of the Sakurazukamori so it was probably for the best that Seishirou hadn't gotten what he wanted then. Far better to have Subaru come to him willingly—

The flowers' susurration turned into a hiss. Seishirou told the Sakura to settle down -  _I know what I'm doing_ \- and enjoy its meal. Though he himself should really get going ... lifting the maboroshi Seishirou stepped over the soulless corpse (what was it the man had done again? oh yes, not done, was going to do fueled by a sense of personal injustice and a reckless disregard for international relations) to retrieve the book and flip through to a folded page. Impressively the curse described there was written correctly making the book all the more dangerous, certainly too dangerous to return to its library, so with a flick of his cigarette lighter Seishirou set it on fire before dropping in the rubbish bin at the side street's mouth. With a last glance at the stars and stripes flag obliviously fluttering above the embassy walls Seishirou left. The parking on his van a few blocks away still had ten minutes to go.

His pager beeped during the return drive - actually his pager this time, not the alarm he had set to intercept his target and which had so conveniently gone off with Hokuto. Seishirou didn't have to look to know what it was about. Humming a little along with the radio he sat back enjoying the drive in the fine day - very welcome after yesterday's rain - until he returned to the clinic. He had a good idea of what awaited him.

"Oh Sakurazuka-sensei thank goodness you're back!" exclaimed Michiko the moment Seishirou walked in the door. "I paged you but I didn't know if you were driving or if you couldn't hear your pager over lunch—"

"I was driving," Seishirou said calmly, even smiling a little as was appropriate for his Sakurazuka-sensei persona. He had put his glasses back on in the car. "Obviously I couldn't get to a phone while driving but I'm here now, what happened?"

There was a cacophony of barking and yowling from the back of the clinic. Michiko looked disturbed. "I'm not sure what happened but Yukari-san is in the surgery, she was frantic saying one of the dogs suddenly started vomiting blood—!"

"Oh dear." How inconvenient. This was why Seishirou generally preferred to do his real work outside clinic hours. Still, the benefit of having ready sakanagi targets around that few would question was worth it. "Stay here, I'll deal with it."

Michiko was already handing him his white coat. Seishirou thanked her graciously - she was always so considerate - and headed to the main room that was the surgery and examination room. "What's going on?" he demanded as he opened the door.

Yukari whirled to face him almost wilting with relief. She was standing by the surgery table and her hands and work clothes were streaked with red. Seishirou couldn't see what was on the table behind her, but the air stank of blood. Nearby through the open adjacent door the animals in the kennel area were in an unholy panic. "Sakurazuka-sensei! I don't know what happened, he was fine just a couple of hours ago but out of nowhere—"

It was impossible to hear properly over the din. "Quiet!" Seishirou ordered sharply. Immediately the noise from the kennel area died down, some animals even retreating to the back of their cages in fear of him. That taken care of Seishirou looked solemnly at Yukari. "My apologies for my long lunch. Let me see what happened."

Shakily Yukari nodded and moved away from the surgery table. Seishirou gave her a reassuring smile as he went to inspect the sakanagi's aftermath, which was messy to say the least. A small pool of blood covered the table surface bright red against dull steel. In it was a medium-sized dog lying brokenly on its side like a discarded toy and oozing blood from every orifice. The dog's eyes stared blankly up at Seishirou much like the man that afternoon had done. It would be interesting to see if Subaru would look the same ...

 

_"Don't let go." Grey flames surrounding them and a warm hand against his heart— "don't ever let go—"_

 

"Sakurazuka-sensei?"

Seishirou shook his head clear. _No._ The ending he had seen Within Subaru was quite literally a different time ( _with a different person,_ part of him whispered). This was now, and even if it frustrated him not to remember that other life Seishirou refused to let it stop him from living today on his own terms. He would enjoy himself with Subaru, build up Subaru's hopes, shatter them along with Subaru's life at the Bet's end, and that would be it. Good thing he had escaped answering Hokuto's request. Deliberately Seishirou reached out and made a sombre show of inspecting the corpse, opening its mouth, prodding its chest, noting the lingering warmth in the glossy black fur. "There's nothing that can be done, obviously," he said over his shoulder. "I'll have to make a closer examination but it looks like there was a sudden onset of gastric dilatation volvulus, or—"

"Twisted stomach bloat." Yukari was nodding unhappily. "I've seen a few cases at my family's farm. But I didn't know that it could lead to bleeding like this!"

"It's rare, but it can happen in extreme cases," said Seishirou smoothly. "Here, see, the pressure in the pinched blood vessels ..."

Wide-eyed Yukari came up to look, listening attentively and nodding every so often to Seishirou's explanations which were sprinkled with more than enough medical logic to be credible. Seishirou was very adept at covering his tracks. Certainly he was no Setsuka, his mad mother and predecessor who had to be watched on every hunt, and even if there were still those in high offices who were nervous about the Sakurazukamori living out in the open, with a respectable job no less, they knew better than to say so. Being answerable to no one but himself and the Sakura had definite advantages.

Eventually Yukari was convinced and the surgery could be cleaned up. "Poor thing," commented Yukari sadly as she wiped down the table. "I know it's part of the job, but having pets suddenly die never gets easier. And now we have to tell the owners..."

"They should be called before they come expecting to pick up a healthy dog," was Seishirou's off-hand reply. He put the body in a thick bag; the blood had been quick to wash off. "Better bad news now than later."

He felt Yukari look at him. "You know, you're in a really good mood, Sakurazuka-sensei," she said, wondering.

"Hm?"

"You've been smiling the whole day. I mean, of course you're always smiling and good tempered at work, but today your smile feels different. Like nothing can affect you." She gave a mischievous grin to Seishirou's carefully neutral face. "Did something good happen with Sumeragi-kun?"

Usually when Yukari asked about Subaru Seishirou enjoyed stringing out the hints and double meanings. This time he didn't feel like sharing, even in jest. "You've just reminded me that I need to call Subaru-kun about dinner with Hokuto-chan tonight," he said cheerfully. Without warning he slung the bag of dead dog into Yukari's startled arms. "Take that to the cool room after you finish cleaning and don't forget to call the owners afterwards, all right?"

And with that he left.

The phone in the reception was busy. Old Michiko gave him a brief smile as she talked to whoever was calling. With Yukari pouting in the work room that left the kitchenette phone for privacy. The thought of hearing Subaru's voice after yesterday made Seishirou smile darkly. Picking up the handset he dialled the number to Subaru's apartment. After five rings however, the call went to an answering machine.

Slightly irritated Seishirou hung up and made himself some tea. At least, he thought it was his irritation but it could have been the Sakura which despite having finished its meal was still awake in his mind calling for more blood. Seishirou didn't have to ask whose. _Be patient,_ Seishirou admonished, _the game hasn't finished yet._

The Sakura hissed. It had been doing a lot of that ever since it started demanding Subaru's life _now_ instead of leaving the time up to its Sakurazukamori. Rolling his eyes Seishirou mentally left the Sakura alone so he could enjoy his tea in peace, after which he called Subaru once more. Again, the call went to the answering machine. Obviously Subaru was out, but the question was what was Subaru out _doing_. Checking that the kitchenette door was securely closed Seishirou went to the little rectangular mirror on the fridge that Yukari had stuck back when she started working so she could do hair and make-up, and whispered a spell that turned the mirror into a window. The marks on Subaru's hands meant the image came immediately.

For a while Seishirou watched Subaru make his way around a supermarket with a list in hand presumably written by Hokuto given the pink paper. The young man wore a cream-coloured coat with a slight military cut that flattered his shorter hairstyle, and charcoal-grey narrow jeans accentuating legs that Seishirou wanted wrapped around his waist. At least Subaru hadn't found another stranger to get attached to. Letting the scrying go Seishirou wryly called Subaru's apartment again and this time left a message to meet in Shinjuku at seven o'clock.

The owners of the dead dog came over around three. Seishirou had been busy with a woman and her pet iguana at the time and so other than coming out to express his regret and sympathy he left Yukari and Michiko to deal with the crying as the corpse was handed over. They hadn't been happy about that, so afterwards Seishirou magnanimously gave Yukari some money to go to the nearby cake store and bring back something to lift the mood. It did the trick and the rest of the afternoon was filled with appointments, many rescheduled from the past two days when Seishirou had abruptly closed the clinic to go after his prey. Yukari did try where possible to tease again about Subaru only to keep failing as Seishirou loaded her with tasks and subtly supported Michiko's disapproval of her behaviour. Like Michiko Yukari had been hired as someone competent who wouldn't ask questions - Michiko because she would never dare, Yukari because she was too self-absorbed - but there were times when Seishirou considered shutting her up permanently.

Subaru arrived at the clinic close to six.

"Sumeragi-kun!" Yukari's welcome filled the reception in a way that made the customer's French Bulldog - the last appointment for the day - whine and lie down. The man who owned the dog seemed taken aback but then he saw Subaru and openly stared. "So good to see you but you should have come at lunch with your sister, did you get all your chores done?"

"I, ah, yes, thank you, Yukari-san." Subaru looked rather overwhelmed by her energy and his green eyes were huge. Those eyes, very predictably, turned to Seishirou who was working with Michiko at the desk. "Hello, Seishirou-san."

"Subaru-kun." The man with the French Bulldog was still looking appreciatively at Subaru, so Seishirou left him to Michiko and very deliberately went to Subaru's side. Unlike before, but, he didn't kiss Subaru in greeting - they were beyond that now. There must have been something intimidating in his attitude as Yukari fell back and quiet. "I thought we were going to meet later at the station."

"I ... thought I'd come here early and help close up." Up close Subaru's cream coat showed to be double-breasted, with two lines of buttons and a belt at the waist. Those would have to come undone. Subaru was smiling but in a way that seemed somewhat uncertain, like he wasn't sure what had brought him. He glanced over at Yukari and the customer with Michiko. "Have I interrupted an appointment?"

Casually Seishirou dropped an arm around Subaru's shoulders and smirked at the expression that fell over the dog owner's face. "No, it's finished. Some paperwork and cleaning then business is over. Michiko-san, Yukari-san, I trust you can take care of that?" The two women responded yes. "Then I leave it to you."

He guided Subaru back to the surgery room. Once away from the eyes of other people Subaru noticeably relaxed, though there was still an air of restlessness about him. "What time did you get my message?" asked Seishirou as he shut the door behind them.

"Um, about four? I was out getting grocer— _oh._ "

Seishirou tasted tea. Subaru's lips opened, and he pressed against Seishirou warm and pliant. When Seishirou pulled away from the kiss the younger man's eyes were closed. "Hello," Seishirou said again, lowly.

Subaru looked up at him shyly. "Hello." His green eyes focused on something. "You should take those off," he said.

There were many ways Seishirou could take that, but the calm tone of voice didn't hint at any of the more interesting ones. "Take what off?"

Subaru tapped a gloved finger against the side of Seishirou's glasses. "You don't need these now."

"...ah." Reaching up Seishirou removed his glasses wondering what - or who - Subaru had seen. Irritatingly this gave Subaru the opening to slip away to the far side of the room. Seishirou watched him go with narrowed eyes. "You know the same applies to your gloves," he remarked, placing the glasses on a nearby bench. Momentarily closed his right eye trying to imagine how he would have seen Subaru in that other life.

"Yes, but we're going out soon and there are people outside," Subaru replied. He unslung his bag and put it in its usual corner. "Did Hokuto-chan come at lunch?"

"She did. The two of us went for burgers and chatted about her trip. Seems she had a great time." Seishirou studied Subaru carefully across the surgery table. "She also knows what we did yesterday."

It was impossible to miss how Subaru stiffened at that, or how he paled. "Y-you told her?" he demanded, sounding slightly strangled.

"No, she figured it out herself. She's a very sharp girl, your sister. She hasn't said anything to you?"

"No, no, I didn't think - I mean, I came home yesterday and she was cooking dinner but we just ate and talked about her trip and this morning she cheerfully said she was going out—"

"All she asked was whether you were all right and knew what you were doing," Seishirou cut in. He stepped towards Subaru only for Subaru to distractedly pace as well so that the surgery table was kept between them. "I told her yes and she seemed to accept that."

"Seemed?"

"I would think it's obvious she wants you to talk to her."

"Of course and I will it's just—" Gloved hands clenched and unclenched in nervousness. "It's just not something I'm ready to do yet," Subaru finished finally.

"Why not?"

Subaru flushed. "It's embarrassing!"

"Embarrassing? But you've wanted me for a long time, yes?"

The look on Subaru's face was deliciously red even under the cold white surgery light. "You've been Within my mind, you know the answer."

"True," replied Seishirou, not even bothering trying to hide his amusement at the other's discomfort. "But since you've mentioned that I'm wondering who you wanted: me, or the me in your head."

"... What?"

Slowly Seishirou began to walk around the table. "You dreamed of me for nine years, nine years which haven't happened yet as far as this world is concerned. Nine years which haven't happened to me." He raised an eyebrow as he came close enough to look down into Subaru's rigid face. "The dreams you've had since this life restarted, are they of me as I stand before you or as I was then?"

It seemed an age as Subaru stared at him. Then, unexpectedly, Subaru reached up to grip the back of Seishirou's neck pulling down so that their foreheads touched. "I love you," Subaru whispered forcefully. "Past, present, future, another reality, I will always love you and want you with me. And I want you with me _alive_."

He could feel Subaru's words against his startled face and all he saw was emerald. Seishirou smiled triumphantly over his racing pulse. "Good answer," he purred, wrapping arms around Subaru's waist. Green eyes widened but before anything could be said Seishirou shoved Subaru back against the edge of the table, bodily trapped him there, and kissed him.

Somewhere the Sakura howled. Seishirou told it to shut up.

The room was already too hot. Impatient, Seishirou undid the belt of Subaru's coat and began working on the buttons. Distantly he could feel gloved hands tangling in his hair as Subaru kissed back fierce and eager arching his body into Seishirou's, which made it all the more perplexing when the kiss was broken off— "Wait, Michiko-san and Yukari-san, if they hear—!"

"Then you're just going to have to be very quiet," replied Seishirou, knowing he was being maddening. He had finally gotten Subaru's coat open and was now pushing it down and off to reveal a black long-sleeved t-shirt. He slid a hand underneath caressing skin for a moment before moving downwards under Subaru's jeans to apply some force there. Subaru gasped round-eyed and Seishirou gave a wicked grin. Subaru trying to keep quiet was going to be fun.

The cream coat dropped to the floor. Resuming the kiss Seishirou slowly overwhelmed Subaru with both hand and tongue until the only reason Subaru was still standing was because Seishirou was holding him up. It made him so much easier to maneuver onto the surgery table where just earlier a dog had bled its life out. A few irritating moments as Subaru's boots were wrestled off, then Seishirou could strip Subaru of jeans and underwear. Subaru shivered. "Cold?" asked Seishirou innocently.

Emerald eyes looked at him heavy with arousal. "If we're late for dinner I'm blaming you," Subaru whispered. "Your fault entirely—"

A small moan stopped the accusation. Massaging cruelly between Subaru's legs Seishirou simply smirked. "Then you shouldn't have come early," he replied, pushing Subaru back so that the young man's lower body hung over the table's edge. He opened his own trousers; he still had his white coat on.

Lubricant was easily on hand in a surgery. Seishirou didn't bother warming it before he reached for Subaru. The first touch of it made Subaru jump, but the second made him shudder and his breathing became short and shallow as Seishirou carefully worked him open. He was truly beautiful like this, Seishirou noted, all flushed skin and expressive green eyes but unlike those dreams Within Subaru's mind or Seishirou's own fantasies this was very much alive and real. He could have played for longer, but a whole day's anticipation had left little patience for drawing things out. Removing his fingers Seishirou took hold of himself, guided Subaru's legs up, and pushed in.

The cry elicited from Subaru was barely cut off. Dimly Seishirou registered it glorying in the tight heat and thrill of making love to his prey who was shaking to his core. Gloved fingers scrambled helplessly against the table, choked-off whimpers puffed the air ... holding Subaru down Seishirou began to move, forcing Subaru to match his rhythm and take him in. Another strangled moan on the edge of control gave urgency and Seishirou moved faster, leaning over Subaru one-handed as he grasped Subaru's erection and stroked without gentleness determined to break whatever willpower the Sumeragi was using to keep quiet. Unexpectedly he felt gloved fingers on his arm blindly climbing up over his shoulder to tangle in the lapels of his coat - and then Seishirou was pulled down, Subaru stretching to catch him in a hungry open kiss where all moans were lost as they thrust together again and again, hard and fast, Subaru's legs locked around him to drive him deeper. Suddenly he sensed Subaru's breath break and still, the green eyes going wide as warmth spread between them. They sent Seishirou's already ragged breath to pieces shaking the last of his control and with a growl he gave a final shove into Subaru's loosening body. Ecstasy took him bright and burning; possessing his prey completely made him soar.

When he returned, Subaru was holding him.

His hair was damp with sweat. Subaru brushed it out of his eyes. Thoroughly satisfied Seishirou pressed his smirk to Subaru's smile and lingered there, the two of them catching their breath from each other, bodies still joined. Only when both their pulses had calmed somewhat did Seishirou reluctantly ease himself from Subaru leaving the younger man lying bonelessly on the table one leg bent and perched, the other dangling over the edge. Subaru turned his head following with hazy eyes as Seishirou fetched tissues from the bench. "Do you think anyone heard?" he murmured.

"Can't say. I didn't hear a knock," Seishirou replied, slowly wiping himself down. His clothes stuck to his skin as he rearranged them, he wondered if he had time to change before going out. "Here."

He held out the tissue box. Subaru blinked for a moment before accepting it with a self-conscious blush. With some effort he sat up and slipped off the table, steadying himself against its edge as he found his legs again. Seishirou smirked at the sight. "You're going to have an interesting talk with Hokuto-chan if she sees you walking like that."

Subaru winced. "Please don't say that." He kept his back to Seishirou as he cleaned himself, the modesty incongruous - and in Seishirou's opinion, ridiculous - with his earlier abandon. "Bad enough because of you I'm going to have to see her like this—"

In three strides Seishirou closed the space between them and reached around Subaru's chest. "You didn't stop me," he whispered into Subaru's ear. "You could have, you've done it before, but you didn't and I won't have your sister thinking I took advantage of you. Unless of course, you're saying I did?"

"No. Absolutely not. But this ..." He could feel Subaru shudder and warm in his arms. "I'm not used to having what I want. And I spent so long telling myself it was wrong to want this for so many reasons, it's hard to stop. Especially when many of those reasons still apply."

He held out a gloved hand turning it so that the palm faced Seishirou. Even up close the spell worked into the glove was hard to detect, intended as it was to conceal magic and only flare should the concealment be compromised. Seishirou had to respect Lady Sumeragi's efforts, even if they didn't work. "Your actions are your own so you shouldn't hesitate to claim them," he said quietly. This was a delicate act, listening and supporting in such a way to ensure Subaru's expectations were kept fatally aloft, while still being believable given Subaru knew full well he was the Sakurazukamori. Seishirou found it surprisingly satisfying. "After all you're not really sixteen-year old 'Subaru-kun' here."

"Then don't call me that." Turning in Seishirou's arms Subaru looked up to meet his eyes. "Don't call me something I'm not."

Seishirou was caught by surprise. There was a certain logic to the request though, and he had only himself to blame for giving the opening. "Very well, Subaru," Seishirou said. Smiled as if it didn't matter because well, it didn't.

Subaru wasn't finished yet. "I'd like to do the same with you."

Already half-turned to go Seishirou paused. Looked at Subaru again with inquiring surprise bordering on suspicion. The Sumeragi stood his ground. "I don't want there to be any distance between us. If you drop the honorific with me let me do the same with you. I-if you don't mind, of course," he added hastily.

Nine years which hadn't happened yet. Nine years which hadn't happened to Seishirou, and therefore put him and Subaru at the same age. Unsettled Seishirou realised that he had never actually thought about the situation like that before, but the way he was playing things meant Subaru's request couldn't really be denied, even if it was— "Why would I mind? Especially when you're asking so ... openly."

He deliberately looked down reminding that Subaru was still yet to put his jeans back on. In a flash Subaru turned red and ducked his face away, hastily turning to retrieve his clothes looking adorably flustered which saved Seishirou from continuing the discussion. Though really, what was there to discuss? A little change in the way they spoke to each other, that's all it was. If it had to mean something then at most it meant ownership: he owned Subaru's heart, he had taken ownership of Subaru's body, now he was cementing his ownership of Subaru's mind. It wouldn't be long before he owned Subaru's death as well.

 _Even though he's grown up a lot Subaru is still pure-hearted: for him to fall in love with someone is to do so unconditionally, to the point of losing all sense of reality and becoming weak._ Hokuto's insight, always so sharp, threaded reassuringly through Seishirou's thoughts as he retrieved his glasses and watched Subaru dress. The Sumeragi was smiling, small and soft, like a glimpse of morning sun beyond a bedroom door. Happy in love and hopelessly vulnerable just as Seishirou wanted.

Everything was going exactly as he planned.

Subaru stood from lacing his boots. He was wearing the cream coat again though he had not buttoned it, and other than his disheveled hair and bright eyes looked perfectly respectable with no obvious hint of his recent ravishment. Before Subaru could say anything Seishirou opened the surgery door letting cold fluorescent light silently spill in from the corridor. Beyond, the rest of the clinic was dark. "All clear," said Seishirou.

Subaru breathed a visible sigh of relief. Fetching his bag he followed Seishirou out into the darkened reception area where Seishirou swapped his white work coat for a dark jacket and fetched keys and wallet. His jacket had a yellow Post-It note stuck to the collar. Seishirou picked it off and angled it into the light to read. "What is it?" asked Subaru.

Seishirou hid a grin, easy to do in the shadows. "Nothing," he said, pocketing the cheeky note ( _"Cleaned up but not touching the surgery. Have fun and see you on Monday!"_ ). "Just Yukari-san letting me know something about work next week. Let's go, shall we?"

If Subaru had anything to say to this he kept it to himself. Switching off the lights Seishirou let himself and Subaru out then closed the door behind them leaving the veterinary clinic dark and empty. As they headed for his van Seishirou looked back at it, the shuttered windows, the locked doors, the shadowed letters of his name and and profession less a sign of business than the title of a stage play. Challenging as it had been to begin with, the performance and all its minutiae of staff and schedules had long gotten old. Ending it all with Subaru would be welcome.

Just exactly as he planned.

 

* * *

 

Fixated. Anticipation. Unsettled. All this and more the Sakura had sensed at some point from its Sakurazukamori ever since the hunt had been consummated with the Sumeragi, but far more worrying was the overconfidence. So certain was Seishirou that despite everything he could just dispose of the Sumeragi he could not see how deeply he was entwined, or how the want he acknowledged was more than simple sexual desire or ambition to possess. Even so, it was on this overconfidence that whatever passed as hope for the Sakura rested to avert disaster.

Humans measured time in days and hours. These were usually irrelevant to the Sakura but now it was being forced to use such concepts to see which would come first: self-discovery, or the Bet's end. As things were there was still just enough time before the latter that even with the Sakura still diligently blocking Seishirou's memories of that other life the risk of the former was unacceptable. Far better that Seishirou kill the Sumeragi as soon as possible but so far any attempts by the Sakura to achieve this had all been met with stubborn refusal. Seishirou's prideful sense of self, one of his greatest strengths, was now potentially his undoing. Should the worst happen the Sakura had one consolation: that such undoing would not be limited to Seishirou himself.

The Sakurazukamori had never felt profound emotion for anything let alone anyone before. The Sumeragi would find that fundamentally changing the Sakurazukamori's world had its consequences. Fatal consequences.

Two shadows briefly joined in a vehicle's closed space. The Sakura rustled restlessly roots gorged on the day's kill yet still hungry for more. One way or the other, it would have the Sumeragi's blood. Whether the Sakurazukamori would still be himself afterwards was another question ... but it was a risk the Sakura was willing to take.


	11. Annex VIII - Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's all right. There's no danger."
> 
> "So I gathered, but that doesn't explain what she's doing here."

_"Oo~oh, one in Tokyo, one in Ginza ..."_

There was always music in here. It had replaced time so that instead of hours and minutes I counted songs instead. I'd long forgotten how many had passed.

_"So they are, a tragedy, never meeting ..."_

This song, oh, I liked this one. Mid-range soprano right in my comfort zone with a few high notes to add challenge. The lyrics on the other hand were another matter. Sometimes it isn't a tragedy not to meet someone. Not meeting him would have saved me this heartache.

_"... never meeting, oh~"_

The music faded out and took me with it like foam on a cold ocean. When I eventually had thoughts again I heard chatting back and forth, as if I had fallen asleep in front of the television.

"—put in a random number and whatever song comes up you have to sing it!"

"What if you can't sing it?"

"Then you pay a penalty!"

"Like?"

"We-ell, apparently it's taking a sip of beer but since Subaru and I can't have alcohol ..."

 _You don't take a sip of beer, you scull a whole glass,_ I wanted to correct fuzzily, but I didn't. People often got irritated when I start lecturing how to run a karaoke session, which in my defence I only did because I love karaoke and sung regularly. Being stuck in a karaoke box for all eternity was taking things a bit far, but.

"—dangerous, but I do like the idea of Subaru having to do whatever I say."

"Seishirou..."

"Sei-chan! Get your hands off my brother and go fetch us more soda! We can't sing on dry throats!"

" _Hai, hai._ "

That being said, as personal hells go I suppose a karaoke box isn't that bad. Back in my home village students would talk about how the train station bathroom was haunted by a young man who'd died there either of cold because the bathroom was the only shelter he found one snowy night, or of a drug overdose after a midnight summer party depending on who was telling. I never really believed the story, but if I had to use the station bathroom I'd hope any ghost was stuck on the men's side and think how of pathetic it was to get stuck haunting a public toilet of all places. At least in my karaoke box I can distract myself with music and people singing instead of taking a shit.

"—dropped the honorifics?"

"We um, thought it was appropriate."

"Because you've slept together?"

Drunken salary-men letting loose after a long day's work, kids pretending to be pop stars, groups cheering on their musical and entertaining friends. Couples regaling each other with love songs and having quickies on the couch. Tonight's (today's?) distraction seemed to be a friends group having a catch-up, and by the sounds of things there was a lot to catch up on.

"I-I was going to tell you eventually—"

"I know. I also know why you didn't say before, so don't think you have to apologise."

"... Are you okay with it?"

"As long as it was your choice. It was your choice, right?"

"Yes."

A new relationship, by the sound of things. Good luck with that. Just don't be as stupid as I was with him ...

"Did you use protection? Oh don't look so mortified, I'm just trying to check that—what?"

"There's something here. A spiritual disturbance."

"You mean a—"

It's never easy clamping down on bad emotions, but I've had enough practice and plenty of incentive. If this is my punishment for all eternity the last thing I want is to scare people off so they stop coming here. I liked to think I had become rather good at it, which is why it was an utter shock to realise that the two teenagers in the room were looking not through me, but at me. "How are you doing that?" I demanded stupidly.

The two teenagers stared. One of them was dressed like a particularly stylish Harajuku girl with a bright blue tailored coat over a fluffy skirt and a tiny hat perched on her pixie-short hair. The other was a young man in a black long-sleeved t-shirt and dark jeans, he had an arm stretched out in front of the girl and there was a piece of paper between his fingers. The two of them had identical faces and green eyes and couldn't have been more than seventeen or eighteen, but for people looking at a ghost were remarkably calm. "I'm sorry, we didn't realise this was taken," said the young man at last, glancing at the girl who had her eyebrows lifted. His voice was gentle and still pitched high enough that he had to be younger than his appearance. "We didn't mean to disturb you."

Incredibly calm, actually. Maybe they didn't realise what I was – I don't look like glass and I'm capable of interacting with the physical world. And I have been seen before by people too drunk to realise the random woman they invited to join their karaoke party turned up out of nowhere and is actually dead. These two teenagers weren't drunk, but then again I didn't exactly get a manual on the ins and outs of ghost-hood. "Well, you did," I said huffily, trying to act natural and alive. "This is our regular room, even if I dozed off you can't just come in and take it over!"

"As my brother said, we're sorry." The girl smiled at me. "The front desk probably messed up and we're sorry for intruding, but since we are here why don't we join you? More the merrier?"

"Hokuto-chan—"

The girl waved him off dismissively. "Of course, we have to introduce ourselves first! I'm Hokuto, and this is my twin brother Subaru. He doesn't sing much but I'm going to convince him otherwise. What's your name?"

"... Noemi," I said warily. The girl – Hokuto – was warm and welcoming like a lamp in winter. "But I don't know—"

"Sorry for taking so long." The door opened letting in a tall man with dark hair and for a second my heart stopped. He wore glasses which was different but his stature, the confident way he moved reminded me so much of— "Cola for Hokuto-chan, lemonade for Subaru and—" He saw me on the couch. "We seem to have an unexpected guest."

"It's all right," said Subaru quietly. The piece of paper he'd been holding had disappeared, I belatedly noticed. "There's no danger."

"So I gathered, but that doesn't explain what she's doing here."

The man's voice was pleasant and friendly enough, but his similarity and the way he looked at me like I was an stray dog made me defensive. "I should be asking why _you're_ here—"

"Noemi-san, this is our friend Seishirou. Sei-chan, this is Noemi-san." Hokuto's eyes were encouraging but the smile she was giving was steely. "Noemi-san had already booked this room which we didn't realise, but rather than arguing I thought we could all join up and make a bigger karaoke group. If," Hokuto added, glancing at me hopefully, "that's okay with you, Noemi-san?"

I was being pitied, surely. What reason did these young people have to invite a single lonely woman into their fold? But I was sick of singing karaoke alone and if they really didn't know what I was ... "Can you do 'Diamonds' by Princess Princess?" I asked excitedly.

" _Can_ I! I love that song!" Hokuto literally clapped in delight. "Let's sing it together!"

They really couldn't tell. Quickly I stood up restlessly smoothing out my skirt as Hokuto called up the track. She handed me the microphone which I accepted careful not to touch her fingers. The last person I touched here had shivered to his core and made his friends go home early. Already the song's opening lines were onscreen over a video of a woman sitting dreamily on some faraway beach. I took a deep breath and dived in. _"Tsumetai izumi ni suashi wo hitashi ..."_

'Diamonds' is a high energy song, with fast lyrics and an insistent bounce that leaves no time to think. Determined to show off I threw myself into the difficult passages and raked fingers through my long hair like a diva, making it clear to these people this was my turf. To my surprise I found Hokuto matching me with infectious enthusiasm, even harmonising in places. Fun, just like the song said, toe-tappingly so. By the time we reached the end I was grinning my head off and when the others bowed I gave a little bow. "So good!" gushed Hokuto happily. "I've been wanting to do that song for ages and Noemi-san made it sound amazing!"

"That was wonderful, Noemi-san." Subaru's voice was warm. "Are you a trained singer?"

"Hardly, this is just my party trick," I replied loftily. To tell truth while I probably could have done singing training I never could be bothered. I had enough natural talent to enjoy myself and impress people, and that was fine with me.

"Trained or not, that was great," said the other man – Seishirou, I reminded myself. The more I used his name the less I would associate him with the one who left. He was sitting next to Subaru and had his arm stretched out behind the younger man's head. “You’ve given a hard act to follow but I’m sure Hokuto-chan will give her best."

"Hey, why me again? You’ve only sung once and Subaru not any!"

"You seem to be having such a good time! Besides, I want to see if Hokuto-chan can pull off Japan’s first female lead singer for a rock band." He was already pressing keys on the remote.

"Oooh!" Hokuto gave a glare that was too mischievous to be taken seriously. "A challenge, is it? So be it, Sakurazuka Seishirou-san, but you should know girl power always triumphs – Noemi-san?"

She reached out to me and without thinking I accepted; the music was making my heart feel lighter than it had for ages. The moment we made contact I realised what I had done and froze, but Hokuto didn't react like there was something strange, rather, she gripped my hand tightly like she was about to take off bringing me along for the ride. And a ride it was, Hokuto leading with a great Maki Watase impression; she certainly had the energy for a pop star, and with her outfit and hairstyle would have been right at home in the middle of a stage. She even improvised some simple dance moves that she encouraged me to shadow until the two of us were striking poses like extras in a Madonna video and laughing at the end. "Thank you, thank you!" declared Hokuto, bowing to the room. "And thank you especially to Noemi-chan for singing along!"

"Thank you Hokuto-chan for inviting me!" I gasped shakily. "I haven’t – I haven’t felt this way for ages!"

Hokuto squeezed my hand again. "Don't think about it. Do you want to sing again?"

"I certainly don't mind but ..." I trailed off, glancing at the corner where Subaru and Seishirou were huddled talking in voices too low to overhear. "Shouldn't we let the others have a go?"

"Depends what they're talking about. Hey, lovebirds!" The two men looked up. I blinked when I saw that Seishirou's hand rested so as to caress the skin of Subaru's neck above the shirt collar. "Are you really discussing work here and now?"

"Sorry, couldn't help it," called Seishirou. "Something unexpected came up."

" _Obviously._ Have you finished or shall I sing some more with Noemi-chan?"

"Hm ..." Seishirou glanced at Subaru who gave a slight nod. "We're done."

"Great!" Hokuto gave me a reassuring wink before hopping over to the couch and shoving her microphone at Seishirou. "Your turn then. Sing something about love for Subaru!"

"Oh no," groaned Subaru, and his blush was visible even in the karaoke room’s muted light.

"Are we still playing the game?" Seishirou asked, eyebrow raised as he took the microphone. Still clutching my own microphone I quietly took a seat on the sofa’s far edge.

"Yup! And even if you are an old man, Sei-chan, if you don’t know this song you’ve been living under a rock!" Grinning wickedly Hokuto cued up a track and gestured to Seishirou. "Come on, stand up!"

"Actually I think I’ll stay right here …"

I felt my eyebrows lift as I saw Seishirou drape his arm completely over Subaru’s shoulders, and the opening jaunty piano chords of ‘Ai Wa Katsu’ gave sound to mental pieces falling into place. So this was the relationship I'd been overhearing about earlier. I had heard of such couples of course but never thought enough to have an opinion on them either way, let alone known any personally. This first encounter here in our— _the_ karaoke room was odd to see, even bizarre. At the same time I couldn’t help being touched.

_"Carry on, carry out, motomete ubawarete ataete uragirare ai wa sodatsu mono ..."_

Seishirou sang well in a strong baritone though with more drama than musicality, exaggerating the earnest lyrics which he directed solely to Subaru. Embarrassed, Subaru tried to hide his red face but he was also smiling in Seishirou's hold, theirs the intimate body language of lovers who knew and welcomed each other. The young man blushed more than I would in his position, but otherwise their embrace was the same. Once I had had a man like that who sang like that to me in this very room. Once.

_"Donna ni konnan de kujikesou demo, shinjiru koto sa kanarazu saigo ni ai wa katsu ..."_

The song finished. There were tears in my eyes.

"Uh oh." Quickly Hokuto – she had been watching Seishirou intently as if assessing his performance – came to my side to pull me into a hug. "I'm sorry, we didn't mean—"

"I-it's all right." Shakily I wiped my eyes. "It's nothing, don't worry ..."

A gloved hand briefly touched mine. Startled, I looked up to see Subaru kneeling before me. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," he said quietly, "but if you do, I promise we'll listen."

There was an amused sound from the room's far end. "Not the way I would have done it," commented Seishirou.

"Then it's a good thing we're doing things my way," Subaru returned mildly. He kept his eyes on me as he spoke, grave and empathetic. Like his sister's they drew me in; these were eyes I could trust. And they saw me so clearly ...

"You know what I am, don't you." Subaru nodded in a way that made me feel vaguely stupid. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because we didn't know if you knew yourself," said Hokuto, still with one arm around my shoulders. She would have been warm, I'm sure. "It happens sometimes, and it can be a bad shock to find out."

"You've encountered others like me?"

"My brother is an onmyouji, it's his line of work. I'm support." Hokuto winked.

My shameful tears were rapidly changing into wide-eyed fascination. "That's amazing! A pair of sensitive siblings, I can hardly believe it." I glanced at their companion. "And him?"

From his lazy perch Seishirou chuckled. "I have a little ability in the area."

"More than a little." Subaru said wryly. "One reason I'm attached to him."

Three sensitives. Joined together not just by common ability but by love. I felt even more alone. "Did you pick my karaoke room on purpose, then? Because you knew I was here?"

"No, that was just coincidence," said Hokuto. "We really had no idea until you woke up. I hope it wasn't someone's bad singing!"

I had to laugh a bit at that. "No, no. It was—" The words caught automatically.

"It was us," Subaru finished gently. "We made you think of your own relationship."

He already knew. This unassuming, beautiful young man had a perception that was uncanny. "Yes. I had a relationship and it's because of that relationship that I'm here. It ... wouldn't bother you to listen to a lost woman's tale of woe, would it?" Subaru shook his head as did Hokuto. I didn't bother looking at Seishirou. Still, just beginning was hard especially since I had been silent for so long ...

"I'm immoral." The words pulled from me soft and raw. "I did immoral things with my boss."

Hokuto's half-embrace neither tightened or slackened, and that along with Subaru’s unwavering attention as he sat at my feet gave courage. "He was the head of my department at work. And married. I know, stupid of me, right? But there was something in his arrogant, cocksure attitude, I couldn't help falling for him. And he noticed me back, so we started talking. Afterwards we went for drinks. We slept together on the third date."

I paused there, trying not to get too close to the memory of that first night with him inside me and holding my breath for some judgmental reaction. Since one didn't come, I provided it myself. "The younger me would have been horrified at what I did. I come from out in the country with parents who raised me right, and all the TV shows made me think Tokyo was a horrible place. Yet three months after I moved here for work I was completely swept away not just by the lifestyle and shopping, but all the possibilities. Here in Tokyo, you can do anything you like.

"I thought I had it clear in my head with him. I knew from the beginning he had a wife and child, so I only intended to have a bit of fun and he thought the same. Eventually I'd meet someone to marry at which point I'd leave him behind, but somewhere along the way my feelings for him turned serious. His face, his voice, his cheerful personality ... it drove me crazy. I thought he was magnificent."

"You were in love," said Subaru, still gently. "You can't help falling in love."

Somehow I managed to give a smile; Subaru definitely knew what he was talking about. "Thanks. Yeah, I loved him, enough to overlook his smoking habit which usually I hate. We'd come sing karaoke here almost every day after work, just the two of us. He had an incredible voice.

"I never liked tragic songs about people who'd been dumped. I thought that those were pitiful women and didn't deserve my respect because I believed it'd never happen to me. Like everyone believes until they lose their own love." I glanced at the far end of the room where Seishirou was coolly keeping his distance, but held back. Maybe he'd find out someday, and maybe he wouldn't. I didn't need his respect anyway. "So I lived in a dream. I was hoping he'd leave his wife and marry me.

"And then one day, out of the blue, he said, 'Let's end it.'"

Hokuto's fingers on my shoulder tightened, just as mine did on the microphone I was still clutching. I thought of his crooked tie and the ugly hotel room carpet and wondered why other than his words I only remembered little things. "It seemed like the lyrics of a song," I said, trying to sound detached and failing. "He said it coldly without any discussion or warning and looked at me like I was a complete stranger. I knew then my life had ended. I, who had always laughed as I sang tragic karaoke songs now found myself like one of the girls in those stupid, stupid songs. The whole world must be laughing at me—"

"No." Subaru's soft voice was firm, and stopped my increasingly uncontrolled words. "No. Your pain and suffering is real, not a pop song. No one could laugh at you."

"We're definitely not," added Hokuto hotly. "For a man to just call it off like that - what a jerk!"

My eyes stung. Somehow I managed to hold myself to sniffling instead of completely breaking down— "Is he a jerk, though?" asked Seishirou from across the room, whereupon I immediately tensed. "You said you got into the affair as a bit of fun and he thought likewise. It doesn't sound like you ever told him things changed for you so why he should have been serious in ending it?"

"Because it's the right thing to do!" Hokuto scolded. "Breaking up a relationship should always be done with respect and dignity no matter what the circumstances!"

"Ah, but what about his dignity? If he thought she was just fooling around with the affair then it would be strange for him to approach the break-up as if they were a committed couple: it would look as if he had been taking things seriously. For a man like him that would be a loss of face, especially when as far as he knows she doesn't have any serious feelings."

"He still didn't have to do it the way he did," Subaru quietly replied, and I felt immensely grateful. "There's no need to be cruel in ending a relationship, Seishirou."

"And if he knew even just as a suspicion about her feelings then he's a complete and utter bastard!" declared Hokuto with finality. "Oh Noemi-chan, I'm so sorry this happened to you!"

Somewhat back under control I tried to smile. "You're so kind – maybe if I had had friends like you I wouldn't have ... well. You know."

"We do, and there's no need to tell us how. But you had no one you could talk to?" Hokuto asked.

Forcing myself to go to work knowing he'd be there. Pretending to everyone that nothing had happened. Crying myself to sleep in a cold empty bed. "The worst thing about an affair is that it's a secret," I said softly. "And it's still a secret even when it's over. I couldn't tell anyone – he had a wife and child, and I was the other woman. Most of my friends were from work, and my parents would have been horrified. So I hid everything and smiled a rictus smile to the world while I fell apart inside. I thought the pain would end if I killed myself. Instead I ended up in one place my lover and I were able to let loose and honestly be together. The irony – I figured it was my punishment."

"So you judged yourself as immoral and guilty," Seishirou said. How on earth he had ended up with someone as sweet as Subaru I couldn't imagine. "You believe you deserve this."

" _Sei_ -chan!"

"You're right," I replied simply. "I do believe that."

"Which is wrong because you absolutely don't," Hokuto huffed on behalf of the world's women. "Even though he was married he was likewise attracted to you and acted on it. You are not at fault, Noemi-chan, and you certainly don't deserve to be punished by being tied to a room feeling despair for all eternity."

"Except feelings don't listen to reason," Subaru returned. Even now as he spoke he looked only at me with those beautiful green eyes of his. "No matter how many times you tell yourself that something wasn't your fault your heart will feel it is, and you can't move on. Some people never do." He took my hand again in his gloved ones. "But you're stronger than that, Noemi-san. Even though you're in pain you take care not to frighten those who visit here and still manage to smile and find joy in song. You have not reached the end point. Because of this, you can continue and be reborn."

Something inside me was breaking. Not my heart, that was already broken, and not my will which had already shattered in a glass of vodka and pills. No, I realised, as my vision blurred, what was breaking under the sunlight of Subaru's words was my despair. After so long hiding everything I had not just been listened to, I had been heard. "Th-thank you," I whispered, tears released – there was no image to maintain now, and what was left of mine was drifting apart. "Thank you so, so much."

Subaru smiled at me, still holding my hand as I wept with regret and relief. Only when my tears began to calm did I notice that I could his see his gloves through my skin. "Oh. Does this mean – am I ...?"

"Yes. Don't worry, you'll be fine."

"Just try not to lose your way when you're reborn," added Hokuto warmly.

The twinge of panic I had quietened at their words. There was a growing light around everything, not the artificial glow of the karaoke box mood lights but proper light, like the early morning sun over snow I loved so much as a child. I hadn't realised how much I missed that. "I wanted to sing one more song for you, but I guess I can't," I said, still with damp eyes yet trying for a hint of my old flirtatious self. "You'll sing the song I wanted in my memory, right?"

"Of course, Noemi-chan! What is it?"

"When Matsuda Seiko made her debut I was among the first of her fans. I bought all her CDs and loved all her songs but 'Sweet Memories' is one of my favourites. Something about the wistful sound about how sadness can change into, well, sweet memories. Which is appropriate but I also just really, really like the music." Hokuto nodded, her green eyes bright like Subaru's, and even Seishirou shrugged something that could be agreement. In the light I could almost see the bonds between them: the siblings, the best friends, the lovers. "You know, I'm really glad I sang with you tonight," I said softly. "What the three of you have together is so special, it was wonderful to be a part of it even for just a bit. You're so lucky to have each other. I hope it lasts forever."

Distantly Subaru gave me a smile. "So do I."

I returned his smile, or tried to. The walls of the karaoke room had gone and Hokuto, Seishirou and Subaru were rapidly fading into light. I felt there was a wind trying to lift me and, filled with nervous anticipation, I let it. Without looking back, I ran out into sunlit snow.

 

* * *

 

Soundlessly, the microphone fell to the carpeted floor. It held the eyes of all three of them for a moment before inevitably Hokuto had to speak. "Well," she pronounced heavily, "wasn't expecting _that_ at karaoke!"

"I'm just glad she could be helped." Again, Subaru added to himself as he stood up only to wobble as a leg exploded into pins and needles. Seishirou caught him of course. "Thanks."

"My pleasure." Seishirou smiled easily as he always did, wrapping arms around Subaru and resting his chin on the younger man's head. "Another if unexpected night's work, and you did a wonderful job."

Hokuto gave him a Look. "Not much thanks to you though, Sei-chan. Didn't you once say you always supported the woman? What happened to that with Noemi-chan!"

"Just offering another point of view. It takes two to tango, after all, and were only hearing about one – but we're here for karaoke, not dancing! What was the song she asked us to sing? Get the remote, Hokuto-chan, I think it's about time that Subaru have his turn, don't you?"

"Seishirou ..."

"Ahaha ooh yes, Subaru, you're not getting out of this one!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs used here are all J-Pop chart-toppers of the 1980s, and it was great fun trying to find them (I'm an 80s child...)  
> \- [Diamonds](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNcT90ZFdxM) by Princess Princess ([lyrics + translation](http://www.kiwi-musume.com/lyrics/princessprincess/diamonds.html))  
> \- [Imasugu KISS ME](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLDaCKGR8wg) by LINDBERG  
> \- [Ai Wa Katsu](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qL8ZD1v0vN8) by [KAN](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ai_wa_Katsu) ([lyrics + translation](http://www.kiwi-musume.com/lyrics/kan/aiwakatsu.html))  
> \- [Sweet Memories](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzK_f8loyUU) by Seiko Matsuda ([lyrics](http://www.jpopasia.com/lyrics/16540/seiko-matsuda/sweet-memories.html)). Seiko Matsuda also did ['Who's That Boy'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH2yIP_p2Ps) from the Tokyo Babylon Image Soundtracks.


	12. Annex IX - Snapshots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past two weeks or so had passed in a blur though it hadn't felt like it at the time, it had just felt like a languid dream.

_a tie_

The early morning sun strikes the floor sculpting a landscape from the clothes that carelessly lie about there. A loose green tie creates a shadowed tree-line, a pair of jeans makes hills and valleys, a light blue shirt could be a lake. Their owners on the bed above make a different landscape, one of dunes and slacks as their warm limbs flow around each other. When one of them rises it's like a minor earthquake, shifting and reshaping bodies until eventually like sand what is left settles once more. Subaru yawns. "Is it a full day at the clinic today?" he asks.

"Mostly." Absently the tie is retrieved from the floor. "We're meeting Hokuto-chan for lunch, though, before you go home."

The far wardrobe is opened revealing an orderly array of pressed shirts, folded jumpers, and dark suits hanging neatly over a row of polished shoes. With practiced care Seishirou rolls up yesterday's tie to place it with its fellows before selecting underwear and a pair of dark grey trousers. Subaru watches from the bed in shy admiration. "You always dress so well," he murmurs.

"You like?"

"Very much." A crisp white shirt is selected and pulled on covering skin that Subaru had kissed last night. "It's something you and Hokuto-chan have in common."

"As Hokuto-chan would say, what you wear reflects how you wish to be seen by the world, and all men should know how to tie a tie." Seishirou casts a sly grin over his shoulder. "Besides, I do appreciate a good suit. Have you ever worn one? A proper suit, not one of Hokuto-chan's interpretations."

"Not often. Usually for formal occasions I wear traditional clothing. But I can tie a tie."

"Oh?" Cuffs buttoned, Seishirou walks over to the bed his shirt undone at the collar and a length of wine-red silk in hand which he holds out. His smile is one of challenge. "You know how to take it off. Let me see how you put it on."

Slowly Subaru takes the tie and pulls. For a moment it stretches between them taut and straight, hissing a little through Seishirou's fingers until the other end falls. "What happens if I can't?" Subaru asks, rising from the sheets to his knees.

"You won't be allowed to get dressed. And I'll be late for work."

"Ah." Slim fingers reach up to place the tie around Seishirou's neck, the first crossover deliberately incorrect. Subaru's eyes sparkle close under Seishirou's grin. "I'll do my best, then."

 

_a shop_

"Quality is not just worth buying for, it's also more economical," insists Hokuto, rummaging through the dress rack. "Something that is made well is made to last – if you buy one coat that's worth sixty thousand yen but will last for a decade, it's cheaper than buying a cheap nine thousand yen coat every year for ten years."

"Very true, but in the first scenario you only get one coat, whereas the second gives you a new coat every year so you can keep up with fashion," Seishirou replies, also rummaging. He already has three different shopping bags slung over his arm. "And I know you like to keep up with fashion."

"Ah, ah, ah, that, Sakurazuka Seishirou-san, is where you're wrong. I have style, not fashion, and there's a big difference. Fashion is fleeting, style is forever – it just so happens that I have lots of styles. Ohoho!"

"I see." Seishirou grins, the warm light catching his glasses. "What do you think of this?"

He holds up a skirt, flared, knee-length, and printed with a black-and-white photograph of a Parisian street. Hokuto's face lights up. "Oh that is adorable très chic I love it! Please say it's in my size, please!"

"Extra small, and the very last one." He throws the skirt over the rack.

"Woohoo!" Hokuto catches the skirt easily and holds it over her orange shorts and thigh-high black socks, examining herself in front of the mirror. "Oh, this looks perfect we're so definitely getting it!"

"Don't you need to try it on?" asks Seishirou as she throws the skirt back at him.

"Nope! After all my shopping and clothes experience I have an instinct for these things, and I can tell you right now that skirt is going to be perfect on me. Go pay for it, will you Sei-chan?"

" _Hai, hai._ "

Ruefully he goes to obey. Hokuto preens for a moment not noticing the three teenage girls who have come out of the fitting rooms behind her. "Hokuto-chan?" one asks uncertainly.

Hokuto turns, surprise quickly turning into delight. "Kanako-chan! And Aya-chan and Rei-chan!" Pixie-like she jumps over to the girls who welcome her with squeals and hugs. "What are you all doing here?"

"Sales hunting, same as you!" laughs Aya. "You look amazing as always, where did you get that cape?"

"Vintage shop!" Hokuto twirls so the black half-cape flares out to best effect. "We'll have to all go there together sometime after school, did we have English homework due this week I can't remember."

"No, this week it's Japanese literature. You should have told us you were going shopping today we could have all come out together!"

"Ahaha, well, I'm actually out with another friend—"

"Hokuto-chan!" The four girls look over to where Seishirou is standing with a salesgirl. "They're giving away a promo with each purchase over ten thousand yen. Do you want a mini-perfume or a lip-gloss?"

"Mini-perfume! And if you can get the salesgirl to give me the lip-gloss too even better!"

Cheekily Hokuto waves at him before returning to her school friends. Their eyes are wide and round as they take in Seishirou: tall, dark, handsome, and charming the salesgirl to a blush. "Is he – is that man your boyfriend, Hokuto-chan?" asks Kanako, awed.

" _My_ boyfriend?" To that notion Hokuto can only laugh, bright and uproariously in a way that leaves zero room for doubt. "Absolutely not! For one thing he's already taken, and even if he wasn't in many ways we're far, far too alike. My boyfriend, pfft, noo~o way." Suddenly she grins. "He is part of my family, though."

"Huh?"

"All done, Hokuto-chan," Seishirou calls from the counter. "And it's nearly one, we're going to have to hurry if we're to make our lunch reservation upstairs."

"Okay!" With a wink Hokuto flits away leaving the three girls to their confusion. "Have to go, sorry, can't leave my brother-in-law waiting. I'll see you all in class, ne?"


	13. Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Does Sei-chan also share this feeling? Of something ending, I mean."

The hospital director was a dignified man who took meetings with dignified weight. "Please make yourself comfortable, Sumeragi-san, while I ask my secretary to ask someone to let you up onto the roof," he said seriously, gesturing to the tea he'd had brought in earlier. "It shouldn't take long."  
  
Forcing a smile Subaru settled into the chair, trying not to fidget as the old man exited his office to find his secretary. Already the usual ritual of formality and greeting had taken longer than Subaru liked, and the director had drawn things out further with his genuine curiosity about onmyoujitsu that Subaru was characteristically too kind to fend off. Over half an hour had passed since Subaru had arrived here and he hadn't even started the job. A waste of time when there wasn't much time left.  
  
The antique clock on the desk ticked away seconds and with some effort Subaru ran through a breathing exercise for calm. The past two weeks or so had passed in a blur though it hadn't felt like it at the time, it had just felt like a languid dream. Spending time with Hokuto as she let her creativity fly. Coming home from jobs to find her cooking and merrily chatting with Seishirou. Going out with Seishirou, sometimes with Hokuto as well but more often just the two of them either on Subaru's jobs or on dates, or going nowhere at all and simply lying tangled in each other. That last especially was the most magical and Subaru still found himself wondering with disbelief that he and Seishirou were now lovers, especially with Seishirou being so accommodating. After all their conflict and troubles since Subaru had woken up in this life, the past fortnight had been sheer bliss with arguments simple scheduling negotiations, Seishirou's darker impulses mischief, and any fighting mostly play before Subaru yielded beneath Seishirou to a kiss. All of it was almost too good to be true, though Subaru deliberately refused to follow that thought far. He had simply enjoyed things as much as possible without any thought or talk of the Bet, just as he had promised Seishirou.  
  
The dream had ended when during yesterday's routine call from Kyoto, Lady Sumeragi informed Subaru of a job at Shinjuku Hospital.  
  
Slow footsteps re-entered the office followed by the quicker sound of ladies' heels. "Here we are," said the director. "My secretary Ayame-san will take you up to the shrine herself, if you care to follow."  
  
Subaru was already on his feet and bowing. Ayame, a middle-aged woman with a softer air than her boss, bowed as well before gesturing him to come along. With another thank you to the director Subaru grabbed his bag and left.  
  
The hospital corridors Ayame led him down were busy with people: nurses hurrying between stations, doctors on rounds, patients passing in wheelchairs and crutches and their own two feet. Visitors too were everywhere and more than once Subaru had to break his walk to navigate the traffic flow falling further behind Ayame who, obviously more accustomed to these halls, glided through like a fish. They passed wards and rooms that Subaru did his best not to pause at trying to hold reassurances in his head. This life was already so different to that last; he was together with Seishirou, they knew each other, and Subaru was here for a job, not sick queuing with other patients—  
  
A small face arrested Subaru as he passed an open door.  
  
Yuuya was just as pale as Subaru remembered, with large dark eyes that were far too sombre for a boy so young. He sat upright in the hospital bed looking forlornly out the window with a picture book in his lap. Unlike other child patients Yuuya's room was stark, not a single balloon or toy or card in sight, and calculating days in his head Subaru realised Yuuya must have been admitted just this morning collapsing after dialysis treatment. Still Subaru hesitated. They had not met in this life and after all his failed attempts to fix the lives of other people in this second chance, Subaru was loathe to try again. Maybe as Seishirou had said, the only life Subaru had a right to change was his own. There was no need for Subaru to go inside – but he had already been noticed.  
  
"Hi!" Yuuya said cheerfully. "Are you looking for me?"  
  
Subaru flinched. "No," he said quickly, "no, no. I was ... just looking."  
  
Yuuya's face visibly fell. "Oh. Um, what are you looking for?"  
  
"I—" He couldn't finish. He couldn't stay. "I don't know."  
  
And he left.  
  
People jostled him in the corridor. Subaru mumbled apologies not daring to meet anyone's eyes as he walked away faster. He tried not to think about the disappointment on Yuuya's face, or how other than his mother Yuuya had no visitors. There was only so much Subaru could do, and his life and that of those he loved was more than enough to worry about— "Ah, Sumeragi-san, there you are!" exclaimed Ayame. "I thought you had gotten lost."  
  
"I'm sorry, I ah, took a wrong turn." Absently he wiped damp hands on his trousers. "Is it much further to the shrine?"  
  
"It's just up these stairs ..."  
  
The unheated concrete stairwell wasn't as cold as it could have been. Winter was in its last stages and the end of the Bet's year inexorably close. Subaru tried not to dwell on it as Ayame walked him across the hospital's flat expanse of roof to the weathered Shinto shrine surrounded by old potted plants. "It was installed for the hospital's fiftieth anniversary in 1958," said Ayame, raising her voice above the wind. "The twelfth Sumeragi head – your grandmother I believe? – did the rites for it."  
  
"How do you know that?"

"I looked up the hospital records. Obviously I wasn't working here then, but I was curious when the director said he was keeping the tradition of inviting the Sumeragi to perform the purification. Your grandmother is an impressive young woman in the photos." Ayame smiled at him. "You have her eyes, just in a deeper colour."  
  
"... Thank you." Yesterday Lady Sumeragi had called during breakfast. Subaru had answered the phone between his laughter at the ridiculous conversation Hokuto and Seishirou were having, not realising the three of them could be heard. Only Hokuto's quick thinking had rescued Subaru from Lady Sumeragi's incredulous inquiry as to what they were doing and with whom, but it was just a delay of the inevitable. Eventually Lady Sumeragi was going to find out about Subaru and the Sakurazukamori, the only questions were how and whether it would put her in a wheelchair with a dead grandchild. "This shouldn't take long, but if you have other things ..."  
  
"It's fine, I have time."  
  
How he envied her for being able to say that. Clasping hands together as Ayame respectfully stepped away Subaru bowed his head, tried squashing his guilt and panic, and began to work.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
"So I said buying tea doesn't buy my phone number ..."  
  
Silently Subaru pushed sauce-stained rice about his plate barely looking up from the table. Hokuto and Seishirou's partners-in-crime banter was going perfectly well without extending to him which he was grateful for. Hokuto had noticed his mood immediately when he came home, however instead of trying to push her brother out of it like she used to, now she kept a watchful eye on him and waited.  
  
"... ridiculous crush on today's train ..."  
  
Seishirou had also picked up on Subaru's mood of course, but other than an initial query when he arrived had taken Hokuto's cue to leave things be, at least for now. Even as the back-and-forth with Hokuto was kept up he was looking at Subaru, curious and cool in a way that made Subaru tense. No doubt at some point the Sakurazukamori was going to ask what was wrong. Subaru was waiting for it, but didn't know what he was going to say.  
  
"... high expectations of people ..."  
  
As always, they didn't draw out dinner. As always, Seishirou helped clean up with Hokuto handing him her pink apron to wash dishes while Subaru quietly cleared the table trying not to remember Yuuya's disappointed face. Between the three of them they made quick work of it and could move on to tea and cake which Hokuto, ever the consummate hostess, insisted on having on the balcony. "We can do with some fresh air," she said gaily, "and I bought some lovely candles from Isetan today, it'll be romantic!"  
  
"Won't it be cold?" asked Seishirou.  
  
"You've barely been outdoors at all today, have you Sei-chan, otherwise you'd already feel how spring is just around the corner! But if your old bones do start freezing there are blankets..."  
  
Onto the balcony they went, where Hokuto had already placed candles that Seishirou lit with his cigarette lighter. Subaru poured tea and the three of them sat around Hokuto's little white outdoor table under the Tokyo night. In the light of the candles the intimacy of their trio was given shape in sculpted gold and shadow, and Subaru's heart clenched. This, here and now, the three of them siblings, friends and lovers together in a normal life was what he had always wanted, and all the more precious because Subaru knew there was a life where it never existed while in this one it lived on borrowed time. Like air pressure before a typhoon he could feel the end coming, so much so it seemed impossible that the others were unaware. Hokuto at least had an excuse since she didn't know this life was their second, but Seishirou ... surely he knew?  
  
"Ooh, ooh, I just remembered!" Hokuto exclaimed with a muffled clap; her outfit this evening was from the 1920s, with long white gloves and a white fur coat over a narrow dress of pale gold. She had woven tiny white beads into her hair like frozen raindrops. "As payment for eating my cooking yet again this week you, Sei-chan, are required to give me some help!"  
  
"Help with what?"  
  
"I'll show you! Don't worry, you won't have to move anywhere, let me go get it..."  
  
In a tiny whirlwind of white and gold she left them, though not before tossing off a half-serious reminder not to get up to anything naughty while she was away which was apparently unnecessary this time. On other nights Subaru was usually sitting in the circle of Seishirou's arm by now, but tonight he kept to his own chair and Seishirou likewise. They drank tea in silence looking out at the Shinjuku skyscrapers glittering not too far away until finally, as expected, Seishirou asked. "What is it," he said calmly.  
  
Knowing the question was coming didn't make Subaru any readier for it. "I ... met someone today. On my job at the hospital."  
  
"The hospital. Of course."  
  
"He's a little boy," continued Subaru, ignoring Seishirou's tone, "really sweet and cheerful despite his circumstances. He has a kidney disease, the same that killed his sister some years ago, and is in desperate need of an organ transplant but since there isn't one available he has to go in for constant dialysis treatments."  
  
"And you feel his pain. What do you want to do, donate your own kidney to him?"  
  
Subaru winced. "No, no." _Though I did think that, once_. "We barely spoke, I left almost immediately. But it's hard not to think about him."  
  
"And?"  
  
"And what?"  
  
Seishirou gave an impatient sigh. "And what else? This boy isn't just another poor soul you wish to help, there's something more otherwise you wouldn't have run from him."  
  
"I—" He had run. He knew he had, knowing full well his cowardice. And although Subaru had promised not to talk about the Bet he felt he would crumble if he didn't say something, at least about— "We've met him before in that previous life. He ... causes us pain."  
  
"How?"

The knife in the distraught woman's hands. Himself falling still, allowing her to attack. The protective shadow in front of him bleeding and breaking his heart. Never again – or so Subaru fervently hoped. Could he change that at least, since it was their own lives? It would be his last chance before ... "Meeting him sets off the events that lead to you losing your eye," Subaru said tightly.  
  
" _Ah_." Behind their glasses Seishirou's eyes had taken on a glint. "And here I thought I would lose it in a fight with you. So? How does it happen exactly and when?"  
  
Forcing words out Subaru told him the basic details of the confrontation with Yuuya's mother, its date and location, and their own involvement in it. "If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have been hurt," he finished, still feeling that guilt. "And thinking that I had lost you, that's when I realised my feelings for you."  
  
"Which is something you already know in this time." Casually Seishirou reached up to caress Subaru's face, cupping it in long, warm fingers. Subaru leaned into it immediately his eyes falling shut – funny how even the lightest touch felt different now that they had made love. "And the solution if this is all you're worried about, is simple: we, most certainly I, just make sure not to be anywhere near the hospital on that day."  
  
All that Subaru was worried about? Was Seishirou deliberately ignoring how close they were to the Bet's end? Did he not wonder how Subaru must be feeling about it? Or did he not care? "That being said," continued Seishirou, rubbing Subaru's cheek with his thumb, "I'd like to meet this boy."  
  
"What!" Subaru jerked straight to look at him. "Why?"  
  
"Call it curiosity," Seishirou smirked. "Also it'll make you feel better. You feel guilty about running from him, I'm sure."  
  
"Yes, but—"  
  
"You say the stabbing is supposed to take place the day after tomorrow, right? So tomorrow itself shouldn't be a problem. We'll go mid-afternoon, how about that?"  
  
Any protests that Subaru could have come up with were stopped as Hokuto reappeared behind them with a large basket of clothes. "Sorry for taking so long!" she sang, setting the basket heavily on the living room floor. She had changed outfits as well from her glamorous dress to a pair of navy patterned shorts, thigh-high black socks, a black top and a metallic dark blue jacket with elbow-length sleeves. It all looked vaguely familiar. "Subaru and I have been going through his wardrobe cleaning out all the stuff he no longer wears. Some he can definitely keep, some I've kept myself—" here she waved at what she was wearing "—and then there's the maybe pile which is where you come in, Sei-chan. Keep or no?"  
  
She reached into the basket and held up a red jacket. Hands back to himself Seishirou struck a thinker's pose. "Oh that is cute. I remember Subaru wearing it during the case with the actress's ghost on Tokyo Tower. And Subaru looks good in red, it'd be nice to keep it, what do you think?"  
  
It had taken some effort, but Subaru had managed to control his irritation at Seishirou's decision. "I ... I'm not particularly comfortable in that kind of thing anymore," he said defensively.  
  
"Not even for me?" Subaru gave Seishirou a Look that made him laugh. "Then maybe not, Hokuto-chan."  
  
"Aw, Sei-chan, I was hoping you could help me convince Subaru to keep some of his cuter stuff! Okay, what about these?"  
  
A pair of narrow trousers in sapphire blue was held up along a matching oversized blazer with vertical blue, red and black stripes. Subaru flushed with embarrassment and shook his head. "Better not," said Seishirou.  
  
Hokuto rolled her eyes and put the set with the red jacket. "How about this, then?"  
  
She brought out a long coat in unadorned off-white. "It's a bit plain," Seishirou remarked, "but it has an elegant cut which I rather like and which fits with Subaru's preference now, yes?" Subaru nodded, careful not to react any further. "Keep."  
  
"Surprise, surprise. Then again, I _am_ the one who bought it in the first place so I'm taking it as compliment! Now what about this ..."  
  
In ones and twos more of Subaru's clothes were brought out and assessed: printed shirts, coloured jackets, hats, ties, belts, tailored trousers and coats and more. With each decision the sorted clothes took on a distinct tone, with one pile in bright shades of every hue, the other a mix of black, whites, greys and muted colours. "Sumeragi twins in laundry, an installation art piece," Hokuto pronounced much later at the end of the long exercise. "I'm going to have to go through the discard pile for anything else to keep for myself!"  
  
"And the rest?" asked Seishirou as Subaru quietly put away the remainder of the cake.  
  
"Charity. Sorry, Sei-chan, no sleepovers tonight, Subaru promised me he'd help sort donation bags."  
  
Seishirou gave a theatrical pout, following Hokuto towards the door. "I suppose I can't complain since it's only been a couple of days ..."  
  
"I'll come by tomorrow," said Subaru firmly.  
  
"I know." Seishirou flashed a smile as he fetched his coat. "Three thirty, at the clinic. I'll tell the staff to take the rest of the afternoon off."  
  
"Adjusting your work around Subaru, very good!" Still holding a pile of clothes Hokuto went up on tiptoes to kiss Seishirou's cheek goodnight. "And you and I will do lunch sometime?"  
  
"Of course, later this week..."  
  
Helpless, Subaru watched Hokuto and Seishirou laugh and smile together like the closest of friends which they both were and weren't. For the first time in weeks he could see them beneath the cherry tree ... "So tomorrow, then," said Seishirou, moving close to Subaru's face. Hokuto, Subaru noted, had gone to put the clothes away in an all-too-obvious gesture to let them say a private goodnight.  
  
"Tomorrow." Challengingly he met the Sakurazukamori's gaze through the glasses. "And how many more afterwards?"  
  
The amber eyes narrowed. Suddenly fingers grabbed Subaru's chin holding him in place for a quick crushing kiss that Subaru fiercely returned. "Remember," Seishirou warned when they broke off, "you promised not to ask." Before Subaru could challenge this, Seishirou had turned back to Hokuto. "Goodnight, I'll see you soon!"  
  
"Bye, Sei-chan!"  
  
Seishirou's fingers were the last to leave trailing from Subaru's cheek to follow the rest of him out the door. Subaru leaned after them, yearning, as the clang of Seishirou's exit echoed through the apartment. "Don't be a stranger," added Hokuto quietly, waving to empty air. "You all right, Subaru?"  
  
"... Yeah." He took a deep breath to steady his frustration before facing his sister. "Shall we clean up?"  
  
Together the two of them went back onto the balcony and began collecting the tea things, a fine set of white bone china painted with baroque patterns and edged with gold. Hokuto had found it in a pricey antique shop and bought it on the justification of decorating a future matrimonial home. "So did Sei-chan help?" asked Hokuto.  
  
He could still feel an echo of Seishirou's heat on his lips. "A little," Subaru replied, _and also no_.  
  
"Well I'm glad to hear I didn't leave you two alone for nothing." Taking the teapot she went to pour the rest of the liquid into the pot plants. "Was it something to do with your job today? You were at the hospital, right?"  
  
"Yeah. And there was—" He stopped, chest tight as he thought of Yuuya, and carefully chose words that would tell Hokuto something without revealing too much or lying. "Being at the hospital with that kind of atmosphere and people facing their end, I can't help thinking that ... nights like this, with the three of us together, it can't last forever. It's morbid I know but it's just, well—"  
  
"I know what you mean."  
  
Sharply he looked at her, thinking for an awful moment that she had somehow figured out what was going on. His sister smiled at him wistfully. "You're right, this can't last forever. We'll grow up more, I'll go on to work, you'll take over being head of the family, I'll meet someone special, and who knows what else. Whether we like it or not, inevitably things will change." Subaru didn't answer this, unsettled by her sensitivity which although inaccurate was disturbingly on the mark in sentiment. "Have you thought about the future? You and Sei-chan, have you discussed it with him?"  
  
This at least he could be frank about. "No."

"You'll need to at some point. Things like living together obviously, but there's also Obaa-chama and that's a big one. She may even already suspect there's something going on – when she phoned me today she asked about yesterday how when she called up she heard a man's voice laughing with us. I deflected her again, but it's only a matter of time until she finds out. Though I wonder, does Sei-chan also share this feeling? Of something ending, I mean."  
  
 _You promised not to ask._ "I don't know."  
  
"He was the first one you turned to." Her hands clutched the teapot, pale and slim. "Both of us knew there was something weighing on your mind, but Sei-chan was the first one you confided in."  
  
She looked so fragile standing there, Subaru didn't dare reach out to touch. "I'm sor—"  
  
" _Don't_. Don't say it." Defiant Hokuto glared at him. "You have nothing to apologise for. Just—" She stopped.  
  
"Just what?"  
  
Her hands were trembling. "Just ... don't leave me, okay?"  
  
The delicate teapot was in danger of cracking. Gently Subaru removed it from Hokuto's hands and placed it on the table before gathering his twin into his arms. "Never," he whispered fiercely, feeling tears on his shoulder, "never. And never will I let anyone hurt you."  
  
Like a candle-flame she shook against him. Squeezing his eyes shut, Subaru clutched his sister closer and wished time would stop.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
"Here," said Seishirou, holding out a small white box. "Let's bring this."  
  
Subaru took the box without thinking. They were outside the clinic which had already been closed before Subaru arrived to find Seishirou waiting dressed in a dark suit and tie and his long black coat with glasses. "What is it?" asked Subaru.  
  
"Cake. It's appropriate to bring something when visiting a hospital patient. Shall we go, then?"  
  
Of course Seishirou would think of bringing a gift to a hospital patient he had never met. Lips thinned, Subaru followed Seishirou as they went on foot and public transport for once instead of driving. They stood gripping the handholds of the packed bus restrained from conversation by place and preference. For all that Subaru did dearly wish to make amends to Yuuya this excursion filled him with apprehension – he and Seishirou had obviously agreed they needed to avoid repeating the loss of Seishirou's eye, and yet Seishirou had deliberately chosen to step onto the path that led to it.  
  
Chosen ... or was it inevitable?  
  
The bus jerked. Jolted off-balance Subaru braced against the crush of people which never came. Looking up, he realised that Seishirou had stood his ground between Subaru and the rest of the passengers keeping some space. His free hand supported Subaru's waist. Heart clenching, Subaru nestled into the warm shelter of Seishirou's side, the two of them unnoticed in the crowd.  
  
His tension only grew when they reached the hospital. Subaru led the way through the corridors towards intensive care not even needing to ask directions, and arrived all too soon outside Yuuya's hospital room. The door was closed. Subaru lifted his gloved hand to knock and found he couldn't. Seishirou had to knock himself. "Come on," he said quietly, turning the handle as a small voice answered, "let's meet this harbinger of yours."  
  
Seishirou opened the door and stood aside. With a mix of gratitude and dread, Subaru stepped through.  
  
Yuuya was just as pale as yesterday, perhaps even more so when contrasted with his eyes which were shadowed as if he hadn't slept well. There were crayons and a colouring book on his lap. Unlike yesterday, his face didn't light up when he saw Subaru, rather he just looked confused. "Huh?"  
  
He was so small and so alone in this hospital room. Even knowing what this boy meant Subaru still empathised with him. "Hello," said Subaru softly. "We met yesterday, do you remember?"  
  
The boy's face scrunched a little in thought. "Um ... oh! You came in looking for something then had to go. Are you looking for something again?"  
  
"No, no." He made himself smile. "I just ... I'm sorry I left so quickly yesterday. I wanted come back today and see how you were feeling."  
  
Yuuya brightened. "I'm better! I don't have to do anything today so the nurses gave me a book to fill in. Um, would you like to see?"  
  
"... Sure."  
  
The answer made Yuuya's face break into the hugest smile. Subaru's own smile was fragile as he came forward to Yuuya's bedside, the boy quickly shifting to proudly show his colouring book. The crayons he had picked for his work were all the bright ones, and he had carefully signed the completed pages in scrawling orange. "It's really good," murmured Subaru. "And is that your name there? Yuuya?"  
  
"Uh huh!" Yuuya beamed up at him, obviously delighted at the attention. "What's your name, onii-san?"  
  
"My name is Subaru."  
  
"Are you here because you also need to get better?"  
  
"No, I'm not sick. But I have been in hospital before to visit people and when I've been hurt." Briefly he thought of Mizuki and Hashimoto, both hospitalised by the cruelty of others, and of himself receiving a small toy rabbit. Yuzuriha had gifted it to him to help him heal not realising Subaru deserved his blinding for ... "Ah, you're here for kidney dialysis, right?"  
  
"Yup! But how did you know that?"  
  
"We heard about it from the nurse." Sharply Subaru looked up as Seishirou came in to join them, a smile below his glasses and the cake-box in his hand. He gave the suddenly uncertain Yuuya a little bow. "Hello, Yuuya-kun, my name is Seishirou and I'm a very good friend of Subaru's. He told me about how he saw you yesterday and how bad he felt about leaving, so we thought we'd bring you a get well present."  
  
Eyes round and wide Yuuya watched as Seishirou theatrically presented the box and lifted the lid. When he saw what was inside, the boy lit up. "Wow, chocolate cake! For me? Thank you so much, ojii-san!"  
  
Subaru choked a little. "Ah, Yuuya-kun, I don't think Seishirou is quite old enough to be an ojii-san..."  
  
"No, no, it's fine," laughed Seishirou. "Actually not only am I an ojii-san, I'm a veterinarian as well."  
  
"A vet?!" Yuuya could barely contain his excited awe, any remaining apprehension at this sudden visit by two strangers swept away. "That's so cool! Do you get to play with lots of dogs and cats? What about other animals? Any monkeys?"  
  
"Ahaha, you like animals, do you! Well, I get to play with dogs and cats of all kinds, but I also see rabbits, hamsters, lizards, and yes, sometimes monkeys ..."  
  
It was strange, thought Subaru, strange watching Seishirou chat so with a young child who hung onto every word he said. Even knowing the Sakurazukamori's true nature it warmed Subaru to see Yuuya smile and distracted from the monotony of hospital limbo. At the same time, Subaru wanted nothing more than for him and Seishirou to leave as soon as possible.  
  
There were footsteps at the door behind him. "Ah, Yuuya-kun, you have visitors today!" said the doctor, an experienced man with glasses and a friendly no-nonsense manner. He was followed by a pair of nurses and lastly by— "Are you ready for your coming treatment?"  
  
The arrival of more people cheered up Yuuya even more. "Uh huh!"  
  
"Good boy! And you gentlemen are—?"  
  
Seishirou smiled and bowed. "Sakurazuka Seishirou. This is Sumeragi Subaru, he was here yesterday to perform some work for your hospital director. He met little Yuuya-kun then, and since Yuuya-kun is here by himself Subaru wanted to visit again and wish him better."  
  
"How very kind!" the doctor exclaimed, immediately impressed by the Sakurazukamori's confident charm as were the nurses who cooed over Yuuya and his cake. "It's hard for children to be in hospital when they should be at school or playing, and Yuuya-kun is here so often ..."  
  
Subaru didn't listen to them. He was staring at Yuuya's mother.  
  
The woman silently hung back from the rest of the room, dark-eyed and obviously tired. Her neat clothes were worn and her hair was roughly chin-length as if she cut it herself. The thin hands that Subaru remembered holding a knife were clasped together like a lock to hold back and protect Yuuya from her own stress and fear. She was watching her son happily chat with the rest of the adults but she must have sensed Subaru's attention for she met his rigid gaze from across the room and bowed mouthing _thank you_ —  
  
"Doctor!" Another nurse burst in urgently. "Emergency, room 302!"  
  
In an instant the atmosphere changed. "Sorry Yuuya-kun, we'll be right back!" the doctor shouted over his shoulder, already rushing out the door with the nurses. They left Yuuya staring after them, Seishirou and Subaru standing still, and Yuuya's mother—  
  
Subaru's pulse skipped. Yuuya's mother was watching the medical staff go with an alarming new light in her eyes, her posture suddenly on edge. Subaru knew what she was thinking, of course he did – and then in a burst of energy she ran after the doctor. Subaru watched her go his feet like lead. They shouldn't have come here. He would not follow. He would not go after her.  
  
"Okaa-san..." Overwhelmed and distressed by the goings-on, little Yuuya looked frightened. Subaru instinctively turned to him, and perhaps Seishirou took it as indecision for he immediately took charge.  
  
"Stay with the boy. I'll go see what's happening."  
  
Before Subaru could speak Seishirou strode out into the corridor following the others. Subaru's heart leaped into his throat. "Wait—"  
  
Seishirou didn't hear. There were cries and screams outside. Terrified of what could happen Subaru ran after him.  
  
"—beg you dear, wake up!"  
  
"—brain-dead, nothing we can do—"  
  
"—let me _go!_ "  
  
Down the corridor there was struggle. Yuuya's mother was fighting with feral tenacity to access room 302 through a nurse who was trying to keep her out. "Ma'am, you cannot!"  
  
"Please!" Desperately Yuuya's mother stretched her hands towards the door, voice tearing from her throat. "For my son – that man's kidney—!"  
  
The nurse was overpowered. Yuuya's mother flung herself at the room just as Seishirou reached her. Even running Subaru felt blood drain from his face as he watched his lover easily catch the woman's arm moving to restrain her—  
  
" _No!_ " Frantically Subaru closed the last steps and threw himself between them. Seishirou stumbled back against the wall; Yuuya's mother fell to the floor half under Subaru. She gave him a violent push scrambling to her feet with eyes fixed on the coma patient's room. Somehow Subaru managed to lunge up and grab her around the waist pinning one arm. "Okaa-san don't – you can't—"  
  
"Let me go!" she screamed, straining against him. "If he's brain dead we can do a transplant now while the body's alive—"  
  
There were people gathering around them, more staff, passing patients, the doctor himself as he came to determinedly block the door. The nurse who had been knocked down was being helped up by colleagues as they stared. Grimly Subaru clutched Yuuya's mother even as she shoved at him, struggling to walk dragging Subaru on his knees with her. "Please, for Yuuya's sake, a kidney—!"  
  
With flat eyes Seishirou came forward to help. Subaru saw and threw him a desperate look begging him – everyone, actually – to stay away. To his immense relief Seishirou saw and understood.  
  
Subaru held on, not fighting, nor trying to subdue, just letting his weight pull Yuuya's mother down. He could feel her pulse thudding against his like a mad thing as little by little the strength bled from her limbs. Still she begged. "Please, let me get the kidney, Yuuya needs a kidney ..."  
  
She sank to her knees. Somehow Subaru pulled himself up to wrap arms around her shoulders, making his restraint more of an embrace. Her entire body was wracked with hoarse sobs making Subaru want to cry himself, but he couldn't. Not now. Not yet. He squeezed his eyes shut and whispered words already spoken long ago.  
  
"For you and Yuuya-kun having an organ donation is how things should be, but at this moment there's a man who's just been declared brain-dead and his family is devastated." She was so thin and worn this woman in his arms, this woman who in another life had changed his world and could still change it again. "There may be no cure to revive him, but as long as his body breathes to his family he is still 'alive' and they hope in agony. You cannot intrude on that with your wish.  
  
"I understand it's a horrible situation. That feeling of utter helplessness, that you have no control and your whole life and that of those you love utterly depends on someone's decision. But much as you wish for something, you cannot demand that decision of them."  
  
"I know that!" The wail from Yuuya's mother was high and keening. "I know the wife suffers and how cruel my wish is, but I still wish it! Watching my children grow ill to death – I envy healthy people who can live without care! Without good health you really have nothing—!"  
  
She broke down weeping in Subaru's arms, heedless of the small crowd surrounding them with silent eyes full of sympathy and useless pity. Subaru's own control was breaking, he had to get away. Letting her go he dragged himself to his feet – immediately a pair of nurses came forward to take his place, either to support or restrain Yuuya's mother or both. She didn't heed them as she sobbed uncontrollably on the floor _I'm sorry Yuuya, Maya, I'm sorry I couldn't give you good health_ and then Subaru couldn't take it anymore. Quickly he turned and walked away.  
  
Seishirou followed. Subaru could hear the man's usually quiet steps striking the cold hospital floor. It fed into the panic roiling within Subaru and Subaru walked faster breaking into a run. His hunter chased him of course, and they couldn't run fast what with all the people in the corridor, so when Subaru turned a corner he was easily caught. There was an open door nearby and Seishirou hauled him through by his grey jacket into an empty patient room. Ungently Subaru was pinned against the wall but Subaru barely registered the slam on his back, barely registered his tears or his own babbling— "It's the same, everything is going to turn out the same, even if some things change in the end it makes no difference—"  
  
Seishirou kissed him. Instinctively Subaru struggled unsuccessfully as the Sakurazukamori pressed against his body trapping him in place. It was a rough kiss, hot and overwhelming, but it did the trick. Subaru couldn't speak, and his breath was forced to slow. Like blood the adrenalin drained out of him and he sagged against Seishirou clumsily kissing back, despairing, desperately trying to hold onto what he didn't want to lose again.  
  
At last Subaru quietened. Carefully Seishirou ended the kiss to look at him amber eyes unreadable behind their glasses. "Why," he asked.  
  
Subaru swallowed thickly as he met that gaze. "I thought I had miscalculated. That even though tomorrow is supposed to be when it happens, her hurting you could still come to pass today."  
  
"Well, thankfully it didn't. And with my curiosity satisfied, you can be sure I won't be anywhere near this place tomorrow."  
  
He was wiping the tears from Subaru's face. Exhausted Subaru made himself breathe more deeply feeling Seishirou's chest against his, the air between them close and damp. In a small voice Subaru asked, "Why would you have done that for me last time?"  
  
"Done what?"  
  
"Protected me from that woman's attack."  
  
"I don't know." Was it Subaru's imagination or did Seishirou sound thoughtful? "But I suppose ... I would have seen it as keeping my word to watch over and protect you during our year."  
  
So as expected, then. And in a few days the year would end. Subaru's desperation twisted. "Let me stay with you tonight," he blurted.  
  
There was the briefest hesitation. "I have a job."  
  
"Then let me come with you on your job."  
  
At such close range it was impossible to miss Seishirou's blink of surprise. "Do you know what you're asking?"  
  
For some reason the question helped Subaru centre himself. "After all you know I've been through? Yes."  
  
The amber eyes narrowed. Outside they could hear the noise of the hospital returning to whatever passed for normal: the squeak of wheels, murmured voices, hurrying feet and soft cries. Life and death both within these walls. Against Subaru's body, the Sakurazukamori was warm. "In that case," said Seishirou quietly, "let's go."  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
They ate a simple dinner in a tiny packed ramen house off the main streets. Under the cover of steam and chatter Seishirou set out the conditions of what was to happen that night. They were blunt.  
  
"Keep up. Don't question. And definitely don't interfere."  
  
To these Subaru had mechanically nodded already feeling slightly ill. He barely touched his food. For once Seishirou didn't comment on it and they otherwise finished their meal without speaking. Afterwards outside in an empty alley, Seishirou removed his glasses and summoned his shikigami which materialised on his wrist. The hawk's golden eyes were piercing as the Sakurazukamori softly instructed it, and watching them Subaru could only clench his gloved hands. He had asked for this. He would not interfere.  
  
The hawk opened its wings. With a little smile Seishirou lifted his arm for the shikigami to take flight. It did so swiftly with powerful strokes that took it up to disappear into the night sky. The hunt had begun.  
  
The city streets were full of people. Seishirou moved through them unnoticed with Subaru following closely behind silent and drawn. Every so often Seishirou would pause with head cocked as he 'listened' to his shikigami, and from that pick his direction. His steps were purposeful yet unhurried, as if he already knew the outcome. They passed restaurants and shops, closed businesses and open bars all without exchanging a word with the lights of Shinjuku shining above them like an aurora. Eventually, but, they left the lights behind.  
  
The streets around Shinjuku Park leading to Keio University were quieter and full of shadows. It took a while for Subaru to realise they were now following someone in their sight. Far ahead, a man was briskly walking. Closer, the glow of a street lamp briefly illuminated Seishirou's focused, strangely intense expression. Subaru swallowed.  
  
The man turned right onto a smaller pedestrian street. So did Seishirou, but onto a parallel, Subaru following feeling increasingly ill. By now Seishirou was walking faster, and he made a gesture that immediately dulled the nearby sounds of traffic: the beginning of a maboroshi. Another turn, and Seishirou came back out onto the street the man had taken. A sharp motion warned Subaru to stay out of sight. Of course Subaru did, but not entirely. Anguished, he forced himself to watch, and only watch, reminding himself that this man would have been doomed in that last life too. It didn't help.  
  
The man stopped short as the Sakurazukamori came out to block his immediate path. "Good evening,"  Seishirou said calmly.  
  
The man didn't respond to this greeting. He was a big man, of heavy build and dressed in a brown business suit. Even in the dimming light Subaru could tell his gaze had a dark, flat quality, like the blade of an old knife. "Who's there?" he demanded.  
  
Seishirou smiled. "I've seen your work. It's quite impressive." The smile turned cold. "It crosses a line."  
  
The world around them was turning to black as the maboroshi darkened everything except the man and Seishirou whose presence now _burned_ before Subaru's other-sight, all the strength and power of the Sakurazukamori breathtakingly unleashed. Apparently the man could see it too and it terrified him, for he immediately turned to run only to be brought up short as with a victorious screech Seishirou's shikigami intercepted clawing the man's face and forcing him back—

Seishirou struck. The man didn't even have the chance to scream.  
  
Fists clenched, Subaru made himself look. The Sakurazukamori's bloody hand through his victim's back, the stunned expression on the man's face, the spill of stinking red – the kill was a horrible sight especially against Subaru's memories and knowledge that in a short while the victim could again have his own face. Yet even in his agony Subaru rigidly kept watching, keeping his word, knowing that much as he hated it he had long accepted this part of Seishirou, and he couldn't pretend otherwise or turn away.  
  
Had he done the right thing when he woke up in this life all those months ago?  
  
Broken, the victim was being lowered to the ground. As Seishirou gently withdrew his arm from the man's body in the weird light of the maboroshi Subaru stared at the face he knew so well. Poised and engaging. Power and tenderness. Frightening – and beloved.  
  
 _"The important thing is that you do and choose what you want, what you believe in – and once having chosen, have the strength to see it through all the way to the end."_  
  
Knowing all he did now, Subaru would still decide to repeat the Bet.  
  
"Y-you—" The dying man was gagging on his own blood, yet still tried to reach up to his killer. "Who are...?"  
  
Seishirou looked down. He still wore his easy cold smile. "You have no need of my name."  
  
The man seemed to sob. Just like that, on that sound, his life ended. But the ordeal wasn't over yet.  
  
Beyond Seishirou the Tree was coming into view. Terrible and beautiful, its knurled branches were heavy with flowers that glowed palely in the surreal night and fell like snow. As Subaru watched frozen in place, Seishirou stepped back allowing roots to reach up and greedily wrap around the corpse as its soul tried to struggle free. At the same time, the Sakura lowered branches before the Sakurazukamori who lifted his dripping hand in welcome. As the soul cried out the flowers caressed Seishirou's hand absorbing the blood there the pale pink turning bruise-dark—  
  
The flowers stilled. Suddenly a surge of petals roared towards Subaru with deadly speed. Caught off-guard Subaru could only take an instinctive step back eyes wide and frightened as the Sakura surrounded him—  
  
" _Enough!_ " The command cracked out like a whip, and the Sakura storm stopped, just, swirling threateningly around Subaru who didn't dare move. Through the mass of petals Seishirou's eyes were hard as flint. "My prey, my time!"  
  
The flowers rustled, an ominous, hollow sound. Then, almost sullenly, the Sakura storm gathered in on itself and twisted back towards the Tree in a rush. Like a proud king exiting a hall the Tree swept away and disappeared in a matter of heartbeats taking the bloody corpse and maboroshi with it. Seishirou and Subaru were left standing in the empty, ordinary street. Subaru realised he hadn't been breathing. "W-what was that?" he demanded.  
  
Seishirou's face was unreadable. "Nothing," he said, "nothing. A bit too long between meals, that's all."  
  
He spoke lightly, but there was an uncharacteristic evasiveness to it. Had the Sakura surprised Seishirou with what it tried to do? Subaru strongly suspected yes, and that disturbed him greatly. From the way Seishirou's eyes were narrowed, but, it wasn't a good idea to try inquiring further. "Are you all right?" asked Seishirou.  
  
Just remembering what happened to the man's soul made Subaru's gut twist. "No."  
  
"You'll move on, just as you did at the MS Institute," said Seishirou absently. He was inspecting his coat sleeve which glistened wet and black in the ambient light. "Damn."  
  
The MS Institute was the night Subaru had confessed his love amongst other things. Seishirou too had revealed some of himself and his work ... "Can you at least tell me why he had to die?" Subaru asked in a small voice.  
  
"He had the Sight and the will to abuse it. In threatening the lives of surviving children, he could blackmail ghosts of the recently deceased to do his bidding generally with the aim of climbing up the bureaucratic ladder. He had been doing quite well out of it until now." Seishirou removed his coat and draped it over his right arm so as to hide the blood-soaked sleeves from casual view. "I think it's best we walk back. Shall we?"  
  
 _When I kill someone it's because of something. I have my place in the order of things, and that place is just as necessary as yours._ None of what Seishirou had said, either then or now, made Subaru feel any better about what had happened. Yet while it was impossible for Subaru to condone the Sakurazukamori's actions ... he thought of ghosts desperately pleading with a flat-eyed man who held a knife over their grieving sons and daughters. Perhaps Subaru was beginning to have some better understanding of the Sakurazukamori, even if only a little. And only at the end.

Seishirou extended his free hand to him. Somehow Subaru forced himself to smile – he could give Seishirou that at least – before sorrowfully shaking his head. Before the Sakurazukamori could say anything Subaru stepped past to stand by the place where the man had died. There he bowed his head, hands together, keenly conscious of the hard way Seishirou was watching, and murmured a purification to ensure no harmful spirits would be attracted there by what had happened. Only then did he turn to lead the way home.  
  
They walked. Side by side, not touching or speaking, a pair of shadows passing in the night. With the scent of blood on Seishirou's clothes they kept to back streets where the few people they encountered could be avoided. It lengthened their journey significantly and by the time they reached Seishirou's apartment Subaru was heart-sore and weary to his bones. The moment the door was open and his shoes and jacket off Subaru went to the couch to lie down where he curled up into a tight, fragile ball without turning on the lights. He squeezed his eyes shut; he heard Seishirou walk past.  
  
Water flowed distantly. Exhausted, Subaru buried his face in a cushion unable to cry. He felt hopelessly drained; the dream of the past fortnight was over, and today had been full of tragedy beyond his control. Yuuya's condition, his mother's despair, Seishirou's kill – Subaru had watched it all unable or unwilling to interfere, helpless in his knowledge that any attempt to change things would fail just like all his other attempts from the Dial Q2 girls to Matsumoto. And still the worst was yet to come.  
  
Groggily, Subaru lifted his head. Down the corridor he could see in the far mirror a bright reflection of Seishirou standing shirtless in the laundry as he washed his clothes of blood. Those who saw the Sakurazukamori at work weren't allowed to live. Had Seishirou allowed Subaru to accompany him this night because Subaru had asked? Or was it because in a few days the Bet would ...

Subaru shut his eyes again. When he could next force them open Seishirou was sitting by his feet, a can of drink in hand and moonlight on his bare shoulders as he contemplated the room's shadows. It took a while for Subaru's thoughts to link together; he must have blacked out briefly. Like old marble his body was cold and heavy, unable to do anything more than see and breathe. Powerless. Powerless to help as the people he met suffered again, powerless to act as Seishirou killed, powerless to do anything but watch as this life fell towards the Bet's end. The only thing Subaru had managed to change was his relationship with Seishirou but whether it was enough Subaru didn't know. _Couldn't_ know, not when they were bound by word not to talk about the Bet let alone its reckoning mere days away—

His heart twisted. Somehow Subaru made himself move, hauling his body upright to turn to Seishirou who watched him carefully, almost suspiciously. Subaru paid the expression no mind as he wrapped arms about Seishirou's neck pulling himself close so that he straddled the man's lap. He buried his face in Seishirou's shoulder and there he breathed, feeling the heat of Seishirou's skin, the hand that slowly came up to press against his back holding him in place, the lump in his throat that kept him from crying, before lifting his head to kiss Seishirou deeply. The Sakurazukamori yielded to this; already Subaru felt warmer. He pulled away a little. "I want you inside me," Subaru whispered hoarsely.

He felt muscles clench between his thighs, but otherwise there was no reply. Seishirou simply looked at him eyes narrowed and dark trying to study Subaru's thoughts. All Seishirou had to do was ask but of course he didn't ... Subaru leaned forward kissing Seishirou again, tasting sweetened tea and feeling like he could break apart at any moment. Hotly Seishirou kissed back, shifting his weight to put his drink down before gripping Subaru's hips with a strength that made Subaru burn and grind against him. Clumsily Subaru broke off the kiss to touch his gloves; the moment the spell was disabled Seishirou pulled them off to fall somewhere neither of them cared. His hands went under Subaru's shirt.

 _What are you thinking? Have you already decided or will you make your decision on the day? Is there anything else I could do to make you love me?_ All the questions Subaru held and could not ask tumbled through his mind as he was deliberately stripped of clothes and defences both. As he tangled hands in Seishirou's hair he was tipped back until he lay hard and trembling against the couch, Seishirou poised above. His eyes were unreadable amber. Desperate, Subaru pulled him down.

They moved disjointedly. Like that moment at the hospital Subaru couldn't stop himself from struggling, his need urgent and restless against Seishirou's deliberate control. More than once he tried to pull Seishirou to hurry only to be roughly pushed back, and eventually it seemed Seishirou had enough – the next time Subaru tried to take Seishirou's hands Seishirou caught his instead. As Subaru watched trapped beneath his lover's body Seishirou eased the belt from his trousers and wrapped it around Subaru's wrists before looping the rest about the raised armrest. Subaru swallowed thickly, instinctively pulling against the restraint, his desire now sharp and edged. "S—"

A finger was laid on his lips. In the shadows above, the Sakurazukamori made an imposing, implacable figure. Only when he was satisfied that Subaru was quiet did Seishirou remove his finger and replace it with a kiss. Bound as he was Subaru could only lift himself to kiss back even as he was pressed into the couch, Seishirou's weight shelter and domination both. It left Subaru gasping and he tensed when he realised Seishirou was moving down, breath damp and hot over Subaru's stomach. Some of the moonlight had caught in the Sakurazukamori's eyes making them gleam, only to disappear as Seishirou bent his head to take Subaru's erection into his mouth. Subaru shuddered.

His hands were burning. They always did when Seishirou was making love to him. Subaru found a perverse pleasure in it. He arched as Seishirou began to move, first teasing, then deeper, caressing with his tongue until Subaru trembled to Seishirou's rhythm, his body no longer under his control. Arms wrapped around his legs restraining him further, and Subaru made his fingers grasp the belt, holding onto that one solid point as he closed his eyes, breathless, panting, the throb in his hands meeting the pleasure in his body burning away all thought. Suddenly he felt Seishirou press fingers into his body and Subaru made a cracked sound – no, please no, not like that – even as he bucked helplessly into Seishirou's mouth, needing, wanting—

Seishirou stopped. Subaru moaned in exquisite agony. The cruelty of it, but of course the Sakurazukamori could be cruel ... dizzily he felt Seishirou settle over him like a great cat, hot and slow, and like a cat he seemed pleased with himself as if Subaru were a captured bird. Somehow Subaru mustered the presence of thought to weakly but reproachfully glare only to be met with a light smile that should have irritated but didn't. It was the first time that Seishirou was smiling like that today, Subaru realised. "Better," murmured Seishirou, stroking Subaru's damp cheek, "much better. Now, close your eyes."

Aching as he was Subaru did as he was told, even found some relief in the instruction. He felt a chill as Seishirou stood up, then long fingers brushing past his arms as the belt was loosed from the armrest. Almost ceremonially Seishirou folded Subaru's bound wrists against his chest, thumb brushing over the star marks as if to reaffirm them. Subaru shivered – _yours, always yours_ – but otherwise kept still as Seishirou slid an arm under his neck and another beneath his knees to lift him. Carefully he was carried into the bedroom, and just as carefully set down on his side into soft cloth.

Subaru breathed. In and out, trying to temper arousal with patience, any sense of time suspended like mist. He had not been told he could open his eyes but he did so anyway to see Seishirou standing shadowed beside the bed undoing his trousers. Even now it made Subaru blush but he met Seishirou's eyes and held them, enjoying the reveal of his lover's body. His bound hands he clasped together; the stars on their back were glowing faintly and Subaru couldn't help running his fingers over their lines noticing how the gesture made Seishirou's gaze sharpen. Subaru's own eyes stung.

_Take me. Enjoy me. Not just tonight but for a thousand nights after._

_I know my love for you means nothing, but for yourself, these last few weeks ... haven't you been happy?_

He wanted to ask. He almost did. Then Seishirou possessively came down.

Skin to skin and pulse to pulse. Subaru's body was no longer his. Bound and filled in Seishirou's arms Subaru closed his eyes, urged his hunter deeper, and desperately lost himself in ecstasy.

  
  
* * *

 

Six a.m. Subaru watched the sunlight crawl over the floor and clock with haggard eyes. He had barely slept, and not just because of the night's exertions. Against him Seishirou slept peacefully, warm and still. Such a difference to two months ago when the Sakurazukamori never turned his back on Subaru.

Time passed. Lying like this Subaru could feel the seconds fall away in his breath and in the beat of Seishirou's heart. They struck something within him, something that had crystallised out of the despair which had fragmented under Seishirou's body, and now sat within his chest clear and fatalistic. Subaru held it close. He knew what he had to do.

An age later, the bed shifted. Subaru froze as Seishirou moved, but the man was only turning in his sleep. The arm that had been carelessly flung over Subaru moved away. For a short while Subaru stiffly kept his position waiting for Seishirou's slumber to settle again. Then he quietly slipped out from the quilt, got up, and tiptoed across the floor.

Clothes first, that's what he needed. He found them all in the living room scattered about the couch, and silently gathered them to dress. His gloves were caught between the cushions; briefly Subaru hesitated, then erred on the side of caution and pulled them on. There was still plenty of time.

Now came the tricky bit. Holding his breath Subaru eased back into the bedroom and looked down at Seishirou. Even in sleep the man's lips seemed to curve upwards, as if he only had good dreams. Subaru didn't know if the Sakurazukamori dreamed. He didn't know if he would ever find out. Seishirou's slumber did make his next step easier, though, especially since Subaru had never tried it before. Setting his thoughts into the familiar patterns of spell-working, Subaru nervously reached out to brush fingers against his lover's forehead. He closed his eyes, remembering how it felt each time Seishirou had cast this very spell on him, carefully replicating the outlines in his mind. It didn't need to be perfect, and Subaru didn't want it to be. Just good enough to buy some time.

"Sleep," he whispered.

The spell spun out like silk. Seishirou didn't move.

Heavily, Subaru released a breath. He'd mentally gone over the theory enough times on the basis that the sleep spell calmed the the mind's surface not unlike the beginning of the spell to go Within, but never tested it. It gave him some pride to know he had gotten it right. Seishirou wouldn't be kept asleep, but, rather his natural slumber had simply been reinforced so that he would wake late instead of his usual hour. And not even that late ...

Subaru rubbed damp eyes. Leaned forward to touch his lips against Seishirou's cheek. "I'm sorry. I'll see you soon."

And he left.

Outside, the sun was burning away the thin clouds that brushed the sky like calligraphy strokes. Pulling on his jacket Subaru looked out over the still-empty streets. His breath no longer chilled in the air; as Hokuto had said, spring was just around the corner. The bus stop was nearby, opposite the laundromat, actually. Subaru contemplated then decided against it. He began to walk.

Tokyo was waking up. Store-owners began to appear sweeping their doorways, joggers ran by, and cars passed unobstructed on the roads. Subaru broke his fast at a combini buying a couple of onigiri and a bottle of green tea, which he consumed as he walked. The food settled his nervous stomach somewhat, and the walking too was doing good. Checking his watch eventually he found a phone-box and stepped in, inserting coins and pressing numbers for Kyoto. It rang out of course, going to answering machine; at this hour of the day Lady Sumeragi would be performing the morning rites at the kamidana. Subaru didn't leave her a long message, just something about a job and Hokuto and him being well. Enough that she wouldn't need to worry or call for a while. Then he inserted more coins and called Hokuto. It also went to an answering machine.

"Nee-san. I'm sorry for calling while you're asleep, and I'm sorry even more for saying that when you wake up, you need to come to Shinjuku Hospital. Seishirou should already be there, and he should be all right. Please make sure Obaa-chan isn't told anything. I love you."

He hung up before his voice could betray him. Stood there for a while, hands braced against the phone as he gathered himself to step back onto the street. Then he disabled the spell on his gloves, pulled them off, and threw them into a bin.

There was a small shrine not far from his destination. Subaru detoured his journey into it thankfully finding the grounds empty, and found a secluded spot out of sight. There he sat cross-legged, hands resting on his knees and began to breathe deeply and regularly, the beginning of a light trance. His wrists were ringed with bruises and he focused on that recalling Seishirou's smiles, his voice, his hands capable of both violence and inexplicable tenderness, the feel of him buried within Subaru. Soon Subaru was flushed with echoes of the pleasure he had been immersed in last night, and the stars on the backs of his hands were faintly glowing once more. Gently Subaru touched them, caressing, before raising each to his lips. _I need you_ , he thought. _Come find me._

The stars burned a little, on the edge of pain. Shuddering, Subaru stood and shook his hands out, resuming his walk. He couldn't be sure of the timing, but after everything he had relived he was certain that Seishirou would arrive on time and what he knew was coming would be repeated. Subaru only hoped this time it would be on his terms.

The hawk shikigami caught up with him at the edge of the hospital. Subaru gave it a smile then headed inside.

The corridors were already busy. Nervously Subaru slipped in with the mill of visitors slowly heading up the stairs to the floor where Yuuya's room was. In the corridor he paused, faltering for a moment as he imagined what would follow. Hokuto would be furious, that was for sure. Seishirou ... he didn't know. But Subaru was tired of pretending, tired of his promise not to talk about the Bet and tired of watching Seishirou act as if nothing was ending. Most of all, he was tired of unwittingly repeating that which had already happened.

Things would change today. Absolutely change.

"Yuuya!" The scream pierced through the air desperate and raw. "Yuuya, _Yuuya!_ "

"Call ER! Tell them code blue incoming!"

Rubber wheels rattled. Pityingly, Subaru watched the medical team swiftly roll a gurney out of Yuuya's room leaving behind Yuuya's weeping mother— "Yuuya! I'm sorry, forgive me for not choosing you—!"

" _Move!_ "

The medical team rushed down the hall. Subaru stepped aside to let them pass. As they did he caught sight of Yuuya lying deathly pale and still. The boy would live through this emergency, Subaru knew, though it didn't make it any easier to see. But he hadn't come here for Yuuya. Bracing himself, Subaru stepped into Yuuya's room.

"... sorry, Yuuya, Maya, I'm so sorry..."

She knelt on the floor, a hopeless, shattered thing. Subaru carefully approached her. "Okaa-san ..."

"... there is no kidney, no one will help, no one will donate a kidney to you Yuuya, no one, there will never be a donor to save you ..."

Detachedly Subaru watched Yuuya's mother stagger to her feet clutching the bedside table for support. There on top was the chocolate cake Subaru and Seishirou had brought yesterday, now half-eaten, and beside it a large cake knife. The woman's fingers were already touching the handle. Subaru's pulse raced – was Seishirou near? He thought he felt his hands tingle.

"Hey." The woman turned to him, knife in hand. Her soft voice cracked; there were tears falling from her reddened, maddened eyes. "You'll give your kidney to Yuuya, right?"

Slowly Subaru raised his hands. "Okaa-san, w—"

She lunged the knife at his chest. Subaru dodged – _not yet, not yet! –_ so that he faced her with one eye on the room's door— "Your kidney for Yuuya!" the woman shouted, lit with desperate hope. "If I don't get it now my son will die—"

"Okaa-san, listen!" The star-marks on his hands were burning, really burning, making him wince with pain and relief. Seishirou was here and soon he would— "Yuuya-kun will be fine, he won't die today—"

With an inchoate howl she rushed him again. There was a familiar tall shadow along with others at the door. Before Seishirou could do anything, Subaru cast himself onto the knife.

A nurse screamed. Choking, Subaru tried to hold onto the woman's wrists. His stomach burned in agony and his vision flickered – fiercely Yuuya's mother drove the knife deeper twisting until he spasmed and collapsed to his knees. Choking again, this time Subaru tasted blood.

"I'm not sorry." Wildly he looked up into his attacker's despairing face as footsteps surrounded them. "It's for the one I love, you know."

She was hauled away. Slumping over Subaru tried to pull the knife from his gut and found he couldn't. Blood soaked his clothes, his hair ... there were hands now turning him over with frantic cries ... distantly Subaru wondered where Seishirou was and what would happen next.

Pain flashed red as the knife was pulled. Subaru blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although the hospital in this chapter of the manga is called 'Shinjuku Hospital', there isn't actually a hospital by that name in Tokyo. As such, I've based the hospital off Tokyo Women's Medical University Hospital in north-east Shinjuku, which was established in 1908 and has a dedicated kidney center.


	14. Annex X - Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thank you. For background information, Sakurazuka-san, can you describe how you know the victim in today's attack?"

"... so everything is fine, Hokuto-chan has been trying her hand at making French food lately and I have a few things to do now that the Shinjuku Hospital job is done. We'll be out a bit over the next few days, but I'll call again soon. Until then, Obaa-ch—"

With a sigh Lady Sumeragi ended the message playback and hung up the phone. It would have been nice to actually speak to Subaru this time but well, everyone had things to do. And she had spoken to him three days ago already, and to Hokuto the day before yesterday.

The tea resting before her was now cool enough to drink. Absently Lady Sumeragi lifted the cup to her lips watching the garden's first spring buds gently wave in the late morning Kyoto sun. Subaru had sounded well, it was good that he had the energy to wake up early, in fact both her grandchildren were keeping their New Years word to her to stay in regular contact. They were perfectly fine in Tokyo from all accounts, personal and financial although there was still a disproportionate amount being spent by Hokuto on clothes. That girl, really ... Lady Sumeragi shook her head at her granddaughter; she should have reduced Hokuto's allowance long ago. But that was normal.

Everything was mundane and normal. Lady Sumeragi did, however, still wonder about the man's voice she had heard laughing with her grandchildren when she called a few days ago. Hokuto had waved it off as a neighbour who had dropped by to discuss some small apartment building matter and Lady Sumeragi knew how her bubbly granddaughter got on with people, but the curious thing was that Subaru had also been laughing, free and relaxed. Lady Sumeragi had never heard her grandson laugh like that before.

Maybe that was the kind of life her two grandchildren had built for themselves in Tokyo. Or maybe there was something else. Every child kept secrets from adults, and for all their heritage and privilege Lady Sumeragi's twin grandchildren were no exception. Ten-year old Hokuto had hidden a box of makeup bought with money meant for a school book, and Subaru had kept a rescued stray puppy in one of the estate's old unused rooms for weeks at the age of seven. Nowadays the secrets were different, like Hokuto not telling how much she had spent on clothes and Subaru not telling when something happened with his gloves. Lady Sumeragi still remembered the terror she had felt when that happened last year, and had strong words with Subaru about it at New Years for good reason. If anything had happened to him, if the Sakurazukamori had appeared ...

But nothing had happened to him. And just like the past ten years, there was still no sign of the Sakurazukamori coming near her grandson. Yet just because there was no sign didn't mean the Sakurazukamori wasn't out there biding his or her time ...

 _Enough,_ Lady Sumeragi told herself yet again, _the Sumeragi are not dictated to by fear, and while precautions must be taken Subaru-san also needs space and opportunity to live and grow into the kind of man capable of leading this family._ Since she had spoken with him at New Years there had been no repeat of her spell on Subaru's gloves being triggered, and both children were making sure they called and answered Lady Sumeragi's calls from Kyoto on a regular basis. They were good children, honest children, Subaru especially, and they were growing up to be good honest adults. For all that Lady Sumeragi criticised, it was because she cared for and was proud of them.

Lady Sumeragi had brought her grandchildren up strictly but well, and she trusted them.

"Sumeragi-dono."

She turned her head slightly. In the doorway behind her personal assistant bowed. "If you please, you asked to be reminded one hour before your lunchtime appointment with the mayor in Gion."

"Thank you, Saito-san. Get the car ready, please, we will leave in twenty minutes." The man bowed again and left, and Lady Sumeragi got to her feet gritting teeth in silence against her aching knees. The next time she spoke to Subaru she should discuss with him a timeframe for him to move back to Kyoto; it was the traditional seat of the Sumeragi after all, and it would be good to start introducing him around to the various people of influence he was going to need to know when he formally took over as head of the family. But that was still a while in the future.

 

* * *

 

"Name?"

"Sakurazuka Seishirou."

"Age?"

"25."

"Occupation?"

"Veterinarian."

"Address?"

"Shinjuku, Kabuki-cho, street number ..."

Ishikuro Yoshirou tapped the keys lightly, keeping his eyes on the monochrome computer screen as Hideaki conducted the interview beside him. Any typographical errors in the witness statement were corrected immediately; inaccuracies in transcription were unacceptable. Even if he was only on a short civilian personnel contract, this was still his first and best chance to make an impression with the Tokyo Metropolitan Police and no matter what the task, he was going to make the most of it. He wouldn't have deferred a semester of university studies otherwise.

"Thank you. For background information, Sakurazuka-san, can you describe how you know the victim in today's attack?"

"Sumeragi Subaru lives with his sister in the same neighbourhood as me. Since he has a love of animals he often visits my veterinary clinic to see and give a hand with my work, and in return I help him out if he needs anything, especially where there is driving involved."

"You and the victim are friends, then?"

"Yes."

Initially Yoshirou's duties had been mostly filing, handling calls, updating databases and such. Other young ambitious men would have thought it beneath them, but Yoshirou took it all as insight into not just police work, but the operation of the entire department itself. As he did everything to the best of his considerable abilities he soon found his tasks more sensitive: monitoring court cases, assisting with community relations, and now, attending witness and suspect interviews. That last in particular Yoshirou was really enjoying, though it was pity it was all confidential because otherwise some of the interviews would make great case studies. Some students Yoshirou tutored, Kitajima Shouhei for one, would definitely appreciate some fresh material. Maybe Yoshirou could fictionalise some when he returned to university.

"Thank you. Now, Sakurazuka-san, if you can tell us, in your own words, exactly what you saw when the victim was stabbed at the hospital this morning ..."

Behind his screen Yoshirou rolled his eyes. 'In your own words' was a bit Hideaki had apparently picked up from watching American TV lawyers, as if a witness or suspect interview was the same as a court cross-examination. Hideaki wasn't a bad cop, but he thought a bit too much of himself and if things repeated themselves too often he had a tendency to get lazy and miss details. So far with this morning's Shinjuku Hospital incident Hideaki had been great with the first few witnesses, but after several hours and over half-a-dozen statements all describing the same sequence of events, Hideaki was starting to make assumptions where he should really ask more questions. It annoyed Yoshirou to no end but as Hideaki kept reminding him, it wasn't his place to criticise.

"... I heard a commotion at one of the hospital rooms and went to see what was going on ..."

At least in such an open and shut case Hideaki's shortcomings weren't going to matter. Every witness thus far including this the last one was describing exactly the same thing: the young male victim had been trying talk the distraught female attacker down, the attacker had grabbed a knife stabbing the victim in the plain sight of at least six or seven people, all of the witnesses heard the attacker say she wasn't sorry, and they had restrained her at the scene literally red-handed as the victim was rushed to hospital emergency and the police called. Already there was enough information for Yoshirou to see that the big question for any prosecution was the attacker's state of mind – a desperate single mother with a chronically ill child, there was definitely an insanity argument there which would mean reduced culpability. The other question was whether the victim was dead or alive, but that one was in the hands of the doctors. Yoshirou made a mental note to follow up on it.

"Thank you, Sakurazuka-san, for your detail and patience. I apologise for making you relive any distress seeing your friend attacked like that, but it is important that we get statements while the events are still fresh in witness's minds. We're nearly finished, so just for completeness sake can you tell me if you or the victim had had any previous contact with the attacker?"

"Only once. The victim had briefly met the woman's little son on a previous trip to the hospital, so yesterday I accompanied him to the hospital again to pay a proper visit. During that visit we encountered the boy's mother and saw the extent of her desperation when she tried to barge into another patient's room demanding a kidney donation for her son. That cut the visit short."

"Is that why the victim came to hospital again this morning? To see the boy Yuuya again?"

"I presume so."

"Presume?"

"The victim went to the hospital by himself."

"And you followed? Why?"

"I received a call from the victim."

"Then you arrived just in time to see the stabbing."

"Yes."

"And you also heard her say she wasn't sorry—"

"Hang on," Yoshirou interrupted. Sharply Hideaki twisted in his chair to look at Yoshirou in disbelief. Yoshirou didn't deign to meet the look, he was frowning at the lines he had just typed. "Just to clarify Sakurazuka-san, you mentioned you received a call from the victim Sumeragi Subaru. Did he call from the hospital, and what did he say?"

Hideaki was making slightly strangled noises, but those were effortlessly ignored. Coolly Yoshirou looked up waiting for an answer – and stiffened as he met the witness's gaze.

"Ishikuro-kun, you—!" Like a grizzled carp Hideaki gulped down air before turning back to his witness with a forced smile. "Please excuse the transcriber, Sakurazuka-san, he's a little over-enthusiastic and that makes him forget he's not actually a policeman—"

"It's quite all right," said the witness. Still he watched Yoshirou with those unsettling amber eyes making the hair on Yoshirou's arms stand on end. "Yes, I received a call from Subaru as he was going to the hospital. He simply let me know that he was on his way there without going into details. I went after him only to arrive just in time to see him attacked."

He spoke so evenly and yet his tone was utterly at odds with what Yoshirou was sensing through the man's glasses. Hideaki, however, was oblivious. "Thank you, Sakurazuka-san, we appreciate you answering the extra question—" here Hideaki shot a glare at Yoshirou who barely noticed, "—and if we return to my original line of questioning we can soon finish up. You arrived just as the attacker stabbed the victim, and you heard the attacker say she wasn't sorry ..."

The interview continued, and the witness turned back smiling politely at Hideaki. Immediately Yoshirou ducked his head resuming his typing, calming himself in the clacking of keys. It was perfectly natural, Yoshirou reasoned, perfectly natural that even as he cooperated with the police the witness would be feeling strongly about what had happened to his friend. It made no sense for Yoshirou to be intimidated and he wasn't, he just hadn't expected such a level of intensity. He had simply been taken by surprise, nothing more than that. Nothing more.

He kept typing.

"... and I think we've now covered everything, unless you have anything else you wish to add?" The witness replied no, and Hideaki nodded. "Thank you very much for your cooperation."

He stood and bowed, which Yoshirou effortlessly copied and the witness returned. "What happens from here?" asked the witness as Hideaki opened the interview room door.

"We will finalise the formal statement, after which we will call you to come to the station to read through it and sign. It should be within the next two or three days, but we also need to see how the victim is doing with the doctors." Hideaki held the door open. "We assure you that will do everything necessary to see this woman is held responsible for her actions."

"Thank you."

The witness left without a backwards glance. The moment he was out of the room Hideaki shut the interview room door and turned to Yoshirou his jowled face already turning red. "What the hell was that earlier?" he demanded.

Yoshirou stood straight; he had of course been expecting this. "I believe it was in the best interest to have that extra detail about the victim's call to the witness," he replied calmly. "While I apologise for interrupting in order to ask the question, I don't regret it."

Hideaki stepped closer so that he almost loomed over the younger man. Yoshirou didn't flinch. "You are civilian personnel," Hideaki bit out. "A _short-term_ civilian personnel contractor covering a staffing gap and any other little gaps we need a warm body to fill. You may have impressed some with your fancy talk and university psych studies, but when you're working with me you bloody well know your place ..."

Hideaki continued in this vein as if he had been building up to it for a while which he probably had. Yoshirou would have rolled his eyes if Hideaki hadn't been standing so close. Really, that was the problem with these guys who reached a rank and couldn't rise any further, they got stupidly territorial and resentful of those with drive and talent. Hideaki could spit in Yoshirou's face all he liked, it had less impact than rain on a mountain. The man wasn't worth it, and Yoshirou wasn't going to end up like him, oh no, Yoshirou had his sights higher than that.

He fixed his gaze on an invisible point between Hideaki's eyes and mentally counted seconds until the man ran out of steam.

It took eleven seconds. "Just watch your step, kid," Hideaki growled as he stormed to the door and yanked it open. "And get those statements finalised and on my desk by tomorrow lunchtime."

He stepped out slamming the door behind him. Finally Yoshirou allowed himself a grin. Eleven seconds, that was seven down from the last rant, and this time the man actually looked deflated. Score another one for Yoshirou today, and he'd add another once he was through with the statements and left them on Hideaki's desk before going home. It'd be a lovely good morning greeting for the blowhard tomorrow.

Humming a little under his breath Yoshirou went back to his seat and to work starting with the last witness statement still sitting on his screen. Sakurazuka Seishirou, Mr. Weird Eyes Veterinarian Guy, but now that the man was gone and reduced to words Yoshirou was starting to feel rather silly for being rattled like that. Plus he was appreciating that unlike some of the earlier witnesses, Sakurazuka's answers were rational, clear and concise, with none of the muddle others had—

Yoshirou paused and reread a section. Scrolled up and down to reread the rest and compare. He frowned.

Throughout the entire interview, Sakurazuka had never called his friend by name but always referred to him as 'the victim'. The only time Sakurazuka had called the victim by name was when Yoshirou had interrupted. More interestingly, Sakurazuka had called the victim 'Subaru'.

Question one: just how good a friend was the twenty-five year old veterinarian witness with the sixteen year old student victim if Sakurazuka had the intimacy of using a personal name without honourifics as if they were equals?

Question two: in his constant use of 'the victim', was Sakurazuka distancing himself from the impact of seeing his young friend gruesomely stabbed, or was he trying to play down or even hide the nature of his relationship with Sumeragi Subaru?

Ideally Yoshirou would have liked to get the witness back to ask. A good detective followed up on all threads and didn't let himself be intimidated by anyone, and Yoshirou wouldn't be caught by surprise again. On the other hand, the relationship between the witness and victim wasn't directly relevant to the case against the attacker, and Yoshirou knew himself well enough to know he only wanted to ask because he hated unanswered questions in principle. People who used to be Yoshirou's friends had repeatedly told him he needed to know when to stop snooping. Yoshirou was trying to make some improvement there, albeit not particularly hard. But he _was_ trying.

Also Hideaki was a prick. Yoshirou wasn't going to give him _that_ much extra help.

Stomach gurgle. Yoshirou realised he was famished, and immediately knuckled down to formatting Sakurazuka's statement unchanged. With his focus it wouldn't be long before he finished the work and had everything printed and on Hideaki's desk, after which he could treat himself to a good sushi train dinner. Hard work always deserved a reward in Yoshirou's opinion, especially when the hard work was his own.

Yoshirou's work ethic didn't let him to forget questions, but. He just saved them for the day when he could ask everything he wanted on his own terms.

Yoshirou could already see that day coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ishikuro [石 rock/stone 黒 black] Yoshirou [義 righteous 郎 son]


	15. News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You were there. You were /right there/. Why didn't you protect him?"

_"Why a vet?"_

_The vaporiser flow was precisely adjusted. "What do you mean?"_

_"Why a vet and not a – I don't know. A lawyer. An electrician. A NHK license-fee collector. You could do almost anything or nothing at all, so why a vet? Other than the ... convenience ... for sakanagi."_

_"Why not?" All ready. The dog was brought over. "It's a high-skilled, respected occupation; it's independent; and the patients don't talk. Put him on his side and keep him calm."_

_Subaru did so carefully so that although the dog whimpered it otherwise remained obediently still. "And you enjoy it?"_

_"I always enjoy a challenge." Clinically Seishirou brought the mask close; the dog flinched and quickly Subaru began to pet it, whispering words of reassurance and taking the mask from Seishirou to fit it gently over the dog's snout. "The performance aside it doesn't hurt to test yourself in different ways, and keeping an animal alive is more challenging than killing it. Hold the mask steady until the anaesthesia takes effect, and make sure there aren't any kinks in the hose. The last thing we want is the patient waking up in the middle of the operation ..."_

... the hiss of gas, the beep of monitoring machines, the silence of concentration. Masked and anonymous the surgeons worked with reddened rubber hands, the torn body before them reduced to a problem to be solved. Its face under the mask was deathly pale and still.

A shadow brushed by the scrub nurse. She shivered but determinedly kept her concentration readying the suture threads, and never saw the ghostly bird perched in the corner staring at their patient with burning, golden eyes.

 

* * *

 

Hokuto's left knee was jittering. It bounced endlessly up and down like an overworked piston and she couldn't stop it. She couldn't do anything. Just sit outside the surgery staring at the floor her thoughts a mess and wait. Maybe the surgeons would change their mind about needing her blood – blood from a twin sibling, they couldn't get any better than that – maybe someone would come out and say it was over, and maybe a meteor would strike and she would wake up to find this was all just a horrible nightmare—

Shoes came hurriedly down the corridor. Hokuto could see them enter her field of view (low block-heeled Ferragamo pumps in classic black, very nice) and stop before her. "Sumeragi-san?"

Hokuto jerked her head up swiping at tears. A middle-aged woman, practically but elegantly dressed in a dark skirt suit, looked down at her with obvious worry. Hokuto had no idea who she was. "My name is Ayame," said the woman soothingly. "I'm the hospital director's secretary and I met your brother two days ago when he came for some work. You look just like him."

Hokuto tightened her grip on her self-control. "We're twins," she managed to say, throat raw.

"I thought so. How long have you been here?" 

"Since—" What time was it? She had long lost track, all she knew was that it gotten dark outside. "I-I'm not sure. I woke up around eight thinking something was wrong but I thought it was a bad dream so I just got dressed and ate breakfast and didn't check my phone messages until much later—"

She choked back another round of tears. Ayame knelt down placing a steadying hand on her knee. "Is there anyone here with you?" she asked gently. "What about your parents, have they been told?" 

"We don't have parents. Died when we were babies." For the first time in years Hokuto wished she had a mother. "There's our grandmother in Kyoto, though – y-you haven't called her, have you?"

"One of the nurses should have done it. Can I get you anything?"

"A friend is bringing some food." She wasn't hungry. Subaru had asked her not to let Lady Sumeragi know about what happened. Hokuto would always support her brother's wishes but the phone message he had left implied that ... "Why was my brother here at the hospital this morning?"

"I don't know. I understand he was attacked in the room of a patient he had made friends with, however I can't tell you anything else reliable. There are some wild stories flying about – I hope nothing reaches the news reporters."

"News reporters?" Fear and revulsion coiled around Hokuto's chest. To have Subaru's name, the Sumeragi name out there in public for every voyeur and talking head to twist their tongues around— "Please, Ayame-san, you can't let my brother's name get out! He's already been hurt so much, for his privacy to be lost as well—!"

"I know. And I won't let it happen." That last was spoken with hard eyes that made Hokuto wonder who was the hospital's actual director. "I need to get back and make phone calls but—" Ayame pulled a pen and pocket-book from her jacket, tore a page and wrote something. "My direct line. If there's anything in this hospital that I can help you with, please don't hesitate to give me a call."

She held the paper out. Hokuto took it without thinking. "Get some rest, Sumeragi-san," said Ayame, smiling reassuringly as she stood. "This hospital has one of the best surgical teams in the country. Your brother is going to be all right, I'm sure."

Hokuto couldn't return the smile, but she did bow her head a bit. "Thank you, Ayame-san."

The woman patted her shoulder and walked away, those gorgeous shoes echoing hollowly. Hokuto could hear them even after Ayame turned a corner, but not for long. All too soon silence swept back around her lengthening the shadows and wilting Hokuto's sunflower dress. She had picked the dress thinking today was going to be wonderful, with plans to catch up with her friend from the ski slopes before meeting up with Subaru and Seishirou. She had grown used to them spending nights together now, and if she still felt pangs of jealousy they were immediately forgotten each time she saw how happy Subaru was. She herself was happy spending time with Seishirou as a member of her family, and seeing her brother and Seishirou together was even having thoughts about what it would be like to have her own special someone. Oh she had imagined and gossiped about plenty of boys before, even dated some but never seriously; she had too much independence to be someone's girlfriend just for the sake of it, and too much pride to measure her self-worth by her relationship status. By her request Subaru never asked about her dates, because if Hokuto wasn't serious about them they weren't worthy of Subaru's attention let alone his inevitable empathy.  Hokuto took great care to keep Subaru from pouring too much of himself out to the world. She had expected Seishirou to do the same.

Seishirou had not.

More footsteps came, these ones measured, more deliberate. She knew whose they were, and didn't look up to greet their owner when he stopped at her side. "I got us bentos," Seishirou said evenly.

"... Thanks." A plastic bag appeared in front of Hokuto's face. She took it and Seishirou sat down beside her. Inside was a bottle of green tea and a cheap takeaway bento warm to the touch. Seishirou must have gotten someone to heat it up. "I don't think we're supposed to eat here," said Hokuto, exerting all effort to be civil.

"I won't tell if you don't." He had already opened his bento and was beginning to eat. The smell of teriyaki made Hokuto's mouth water – maybe she was a little hungry. And she needed to keep up her strength for Subaru. Popping the lid she snapped the chopsticks and began to eat.

An uneasy quiet followed filled only with the sounds of chewing. Hokuto barely tasted her food, abstractly marvelling at the stillness compared with that morning. If she hadn't been crying or screaming Subaru's name she had been pinning down nurses demanding to know what happened, where her brother was, his condition, who was taking care of him and anything else that popped into her head. Asking questions made her feel like she was doing something. She had probably caused the hospital staff a lot of trouble. Thankfully Seishirou had been there and calm enough to keep her from breaking down completely.

Very calm.

Carefully Hokuto turned to look at Seishirou. It was the first time today that she was paying him any real attention, and it was certainly better than thinking about a future without Subaru ... fingers curled she forced herself to study the man beside her. He sat casually, focused on his food as he ate. His hair was neat, his glasses polished, and his black suit only slightly rumpled after a whole day's wear. For all that Seishirou was nine years older than her Hokuto had never felt the age gap other than as something to tease about, but now she found herself profoundly grateful that he as an adult could be the responsible one while she cried like her world was ending. At the same time, that gratitude made her defensive. Seishirou was not someone she wanted to look vulnerable in front of. She couldn't afford to because, because ...

Chopsticks up, chopsticks down. Hokuto watched his steady hands with horrible fascination. For a man who had just seen his lover stabbed by a madwoman, Seishirou was remarkably composed.

Tea was drunk then put away. "If you don't eat quickly your food will get cold," said Seishirou, not looking at her.

"... I'm not that hungry." Hokuto told herself not to overanalyse Seishirou's demeanour, not that she was in much shape to do so anyway. In the hours since that morning Seishirou could just have moved past any kind of breakdown into taut quiet just as she had, everyone had their own way of dealing with a crisis, he had been in and out the whole day with hospital staff and— "What did the police say?"

"They have the woman in custody. They're waiting before formally pressing charges, though."

"Waiting for what?"

"To see whether the charges will be injury or homicide."

 _Or homicide._ Her knee was jittering again; she felt chopsticks crack under manicured nails. "You were there," Hokuto said, biting out every word. "You were _right there_. Why didn't you protect him?"

"I was too late."

"But you saw it happen, right?"

"I can't control everything, Hokuto-chan."

"I bet that hurt to admit." The words came out bitter. Seishirou still wasn't looking at her. "Why did he do it? Why was he even _here_ this morning?"

"I don't know."

"Like hell you don't. You spent the whole day and night yesterday with him, you have to know something."

"All I can say is that we came here yesterday to visit that woman's little son, the one who needs a kidney donor so badly. Subaru had met the boy during his job at the hospital earlier and of course, being Subaru, felt for him. Even so, I don't know why Subaru came back again this morning."

"You didn't come with him?"

"He left before I woke up."

"How unromantic." Subaru hadn't told her about meeting that woman's son. Subaru hadn't told Seishirou that he was heading out. Something more was going on here, but whether Subaru was going to be able to explain himself ... "So how did you know he was going to the hospital?"

"He called me."

"Did he say he was sorry? The message he left me said he was sorry and asked me to make sure Obaa-chama doesn't know. _Obaa-chama_." Hokuto put hands over her face for a moment taking a shuddering breath for strength. "Can you believe I'm following his request and haven't told Obaa-chama about all this? Though maybe the nurses have, and Obaa-chama's on her way here right now to haul us back to Kyoto."

"I spoke to the nurses. I told them to leave it to me to tell the family."

"And have you?"

"Of course. I've told you."

Hokuto couldn't help laughing but it was a short, cracked sound. It made her feel better. "Nice."

The quiet came back. Seishirou had finished his food; Hokuto for her part was now finding the bento sickening so she shoved the half-finished box back into the plastic bag not caring about being tidy. The bottled tea she opened and drank deeply cooling her raw throat. It made the next words easier to announce. "I think Subaru did this on purpose."

She sensed Seishirou tense. _Finally._ "Why do you think that?"

"The message he left me sounded like he was expecting something bad to happen. And you said he sneaked out on you this morning." She thought of the bits and pieces she had been told about the sick boy Yuuya and his desperate, desperate mother. Even if the woman had been mad enough to try cutting a kidney out of someone it should have been easy for Subaru with all of his martial arts training to disarm her. "Subaru feels deeply for other people and will go above and beyond to help those in need. And this boy needs a kidney so badly – would Subaru go so far as to sacrifice himself? For a complete stranger? Is that what he's done?"

"It looks like he has."

The man still spoke so calmly. Then again, seeing him sitting glacier-still and staring into the space ahead, Hokuto now thought there was something edged about it. Like Seishirou's usual face was taking effort. _Good_ , she thought viciously, except the thought was followed by guilt and then a flash of memory. The way Seishirou had dealt with the idiot who had dared to lay a hand on Subaru in that café so many weeks ago—

The doors to the surgery groaned as they were pushed open. Immediately Hokuto was on her feet both desperate for and dreading any news; behind her Seishirou remained seated though he did turn to look. A doctor in scrubs stood before them, and there was a smile on her face. "He's out of danger," she said with satisfaction. "Still a bit of work before we can release him but there's no permanent damage, and he's going to be fine."

Hokuto's head reeled; she could have wept with relief and she did, collapsing back into her chair as all at once every shred of pent-up terror and tension flooded away. To her surprise she felt Seishirou place an arm around her shoulders. It made Hokuto cry harder. Subaru was alive, he hadn't left her alone— "Go home and get some rest," the doctor told them kindly. "By the time you come back tomorrow he'll be in recovery and you can see him then. He'll probably even be awake. Don't turn up looking like he should worry about you, okay?"

"We won't," Seishirou replied. Smiling tearfully Hokuto leaned into Seishirou's arm too overwrought to say anything as he took charge. "I'll see her home, and we thank you very much for your hard work."

There were more things said, no problem, it's our job, we are eternally grateful, some of which Hokuto joined in on but with the worst of the ordeal over she was now ready to let herself collapse. Carefully she was pulled to her feet and with Seishirou still keeping a hand on her shoulder they walked slowly through the hospital to the main entrance where Seishirou asked someone to call a taxi. It didn't take long for one to show by which point Hokuto had recovered enough to push Seishirou away to get into the taxi herself. Even exhausted, Hokuto still had her pride to maintain.

"What time do you want to come back tomorrow?" asked Seishirou as they drove.

Hokuto couldn't help thinking that he was only asking to be polite. "Whenever I wake up. I'll call you in the morning – you won't be going to work?" Seishirou replied no. "Good."

They rode in silence, the lights of Tokyo blurring by outside. A whole world out there that didn't know or care about what had happened today. Hokuto wanted to be mad at it but now that she knew Subaru was out of danger she was too drained to feel anything but limp relief. She had nothing else left, not her frustrated anger at Seishirou, not even her fury at Subaru's piteous attacker. Oh she still wanted that woman to answer for what she had done of course, but it was miles better than before when Hokuto had wanted her dead.

"Hey, Sei-chan."

He turned slightly, his glasses lines of reflected light. Hokuto stifled a yawn. "Don't do anything to that woman, okay? Subaru wouldn't want us to and she's not worth the effort anyway. Promise?" There was no reply. "Promise?"

"... All right."

Calm. Still so very, deceptively calm. Distantly Hokuto thought about slapping him out of it but there was the taxi driver and they were pulling up outside her apartment building anyway. Telling the driver to wait Hokuto got out then made herself go around to Seishirou's window which was slowly rolled down, and finally Hokuto could face Seishirou up close. "I'm sorry," she said simply.

"What for?"

"For lashing out and blaming you. Subaru is his own person and makes his own decisions, and I of all people know how hard it is to stop him from doing something he's determined on. Him getting hurt wasn't your fault, and it's unfair of me to treat you like it was. I'm sorry."

Seishirou's eyes were guarded, but even through the glasses there was no mistaking the ice in them. Living ice, ever-shifting like floes on a remote, threatening sea. For the first time Hokuto thought his gaze beautiful. "Thank you," Seishirou said at last.

That would have to do for now. Hokuto leaned through the window and kissed his cheek. "See you tomorrow morning, and we'll both scold Subaru for worrying us, ne?"

"Of course."

The taxi drove away. Hokuto waved after it then finally, wearily, made her way home. Her feet hurt; she had been in heels the whole horrible day. Better to wear flats tomorrow, Hokuto told herself leaning against the elevator's wall, particularly if she was going to spend the day at the hospital again. Maybe she could make bentos and bring those as well; her cooking would be far better than hospital food, and she and Subaru and Seishirou could have an impromptu picnic in the ward. Yes, that was a good idea, she would write up the shopping list to go with her list of questions ...

The elevator reached her floor. Stumbling, Hokuto got out and fumbled for her keys, mind already crawling to the simple comforts of bath and sleep.

 

* * *

 

"Where to next?"

"Roppongi. Anywhere convenient."

Stretching his mouth in a yawn the taxi driver turned the steering wheel to go. Roppongi, huh. At this late hour that area would be buzzing, with good chances of quickly picking up another fare. Not a bad way to end a shift especially if the rest of his passengers were quiet. Like this one.

This one was very quiet.

 

* * *

 

Crowds of people ebbed and flowed, barely touching, eyes never meeting. All of them hurried somewhere, to restaurants, to bars, to places less legal and more secret, anywhere off the streets. On the streets it wasn't safe. On the streets anything could happen.

A taxi pulled up at the intersection of Roppongi-dori and Gaien Higashi-dori. Inside an exchange of money took place after which the door opened and out stepped a man. As the taxi left the man stood a while on the curb, perhaps undecided or lost in thought, a shadow in black coat beneath the neon lights. Then, abruptly, he began to walk.

Murmuring people parted around him unconsciously giving room. This was his element, his territory, yet for the first time the hunter's solitude was failing to centre him. His pace quickened. There was no destination in mind, only a cold fire – and the siren song of flowers.

A prideful shield was forcefully drawn. The Sakura roared unheard.

The next intersection had its lights out. Two police officers stood in the middle of the road directing traffic with white-gloved hands. They did not see the Sakurazukamori watching them as he paused for a smoke, the irritation at having to put up with their questions still simmering behind his glasses along with his headache. Certainly they could not know how he contemplated their white gloves soaked in blood the way star-burned hands had been soaked that morning, at least briefly before iron self-discipline was reasserted. Onward strode Seishirou flicking the cigarette butt under a passing delivery truck spewing fumes that smelled of dust and fire—

_—beginning to dissolve, a sign that Subaru was close to death—_

—the Sakura frantically wove its roots in secret sealing memories ever-tighter even as Seishirou's determination unconsciously ground away the cold wood—

_—rough bandages warm beneath his palm—_

"Special menu tonight, sir! Try our crab banquet with drinks for only—"

Glasses were removed and put away. The restaurant touter paled at the eyes that met hers and shakily retreated. Calmly the Sakurazukamori kept walking. Somewhere a hawk was keening that an unconscious body was being moved.

Laughter. A giggling couple nearly ran into him on the corner, their arms linked and the air about them warm and heavy. In the dark street from which they had come a glowed handful of hotel and bar signs, several incorporating a discrete heart symbol. A week ago there had been a joke about trying one which had been met with horror that Seishirou had taken great pleasure in kissing away – and that was his mistake, wasn't it? All his life Seishirou had done exactly what pleased him getting exactly what he wanted. It pleased him to take Subaru to his bed so he had done that, and as it pleased him to please Subaru he had done that too, repeatedly, revelling each time the young man writhed beneath him in their ecstasy, the star-marks carved long ago burning anew each time he re-affirmed his claim.

He hadn't realised how easily a claim became a connection. No – he had known a connection wasn't impossible, but confidently thought he as the Sakurazukamori could stay above it. The Sakurazukamori who proudly adhered to no rules but his own, who arrogantly thought himself untouchable, who woke this morning at the Sumeragi's call following without hesitation – and upon seeing the Sumeragi stabbed, had for the first time viscerally felt something in response.

"—celebrate your engagement drinks are our treat—"

"—yeah man, anything you want!"

The group pushed past loud and oblivious. They were watched by amber eyes that imagined a target unprotected by any promise ... no. The Sakurazukamori killed deliberately and with reason, not randomly or out of pique. He would not let himself be ruled by turmoil – but then again neither could he deny its existence. Helplessness and fury as another attacked his prey, fury at Subaru for putting him in this position, fear at the thought of losing the Sumeragi, at the thought of losing himself—

_"—do you even know what your Wish is—"_

Roots flexed, reached – mercilessly the Sakura hauled the memory back so that was again buried with the others. It worked but the sentiment lingered insidiously infecting Seishirou's headache as he pulled out another cigarette and lit it with fingers that itched for blood. What did he want? He wanted to live, to continue answerable to no one with no regret and win the stupid Bet he had gotten himself into. And yet at the same time he wanted Subaru to ... to ...

"Hey!"

Smouldering cigarette in hand the Sakurazukamori paused, the dull impact on his shoulder only now noticed. The man he had bumped into was glaring. "Watch where you're going, idiot!" the man yelled.

Seishirou didn't deign to turn and, placing the cigarette back between his lips, resumed walking down the dark side-street. The other man, however, wasn't satisfied and followed. "Aren't you going to apologise?" Still Seishirou kept walking. A hand landed on his shoulder yanking him about. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

Seishirou did. The other man was young, early twenties perhaps, and nearly as tall as Seishirou himself. He was dressed all in black in an almost militaristic style with a high-collared long coat and heavy boots. The spikes of his dark hair were bleached yellow at the tips which fell over eyes given an artificial intensity by gold-coloured contact lenses. Stainless steel studs ran up the man's ears and perforated his lip and right eyebrow. A member of Tokyo's goth or j-rock subculture, perhaps, or maybe the yakuza. And yet something rang familiar—

The Sakura slammed down. The tall young man leered into Seishirou's face. "Can't talk? You dumb or something?" Suddenly he snatched the cigarette from Seishirou's lips. "You're in the wrong neighbourhood, salary-man, 'cause after dark these streets are mine—"

Seishirou lunged. The cigarette dropped to the ground.

The young man struggled. Unmoved, Seishirou tightened his grip. Soon the young man was sinking to his knees hands clutching uselessly at Seishirou's wrists as he choked. His eyes beneath the spikes of hair were wide with disbelief. The expression on Seishirou's own face was flat. No maboroshi, no magic. Just the satisfaction of throttling the life from that infuriating face. The hands on Seishirou's wrists turned limp.

Exhaling, Seishirou let the body drop. The black clothes meant it was hidden from all but the keenest glance. At the side-street's entrance people passed back and forth like shadow puppets and Seishirou took several deep breaths as if to re-centre himself. Already his headache was better but he had been reckless ... the street's darkness became complete as the maboroshi fell for the Sakura to manifest and pierce hungry roots through flesh and soul. At the same time the Sakura stretched branches down to shelter its Sakurazukamori, even offer comfort. Immediately Seishirou reached up burying his hand in flowers. He did not apologise for ignoring warnings or wanting his privacy, and the Sakura did not apologise for trying to take his prey on its own; they did not need to. Yet while there was usually little need for words between them, in this turmoil ... _What are you going to do?_ the Sakura rustled.

Seishirou's fingers tightened. _I don't know ..._

 

* * *

 

He ached. All around was a tar-thick dark dulling everything except a knot deep within his body. The knot throbbed and itched somewhat undermining his sleep – how long had he been asleep? Why did his sleep feel so unnatural?

Without fanfare it all came back. The knife, the screams, the desperation. His blood hot and bright spilling over his bare hands on which stars were shining silver. The hopeless expression on the woman's face as she spoke _I'm not sorry it's for the one I love_ before agony took him down.

Subaru understood those words. He was not sorry. Slowly, he opened his eyes.

"It's about time."

Hokuto's face loomed above him large and close. Black eyeliner gave her reddened green eyes a painful edge, though strangely wasn't smudged. Water-proof makeup, Subaru noted detachedly, that or his sister had just done a touch-up. Weakly he made himself smile. "Good morning, Hokuto-chan."

"Good _afternoon_. Good 1:43 p.m., good after lunch, good I don't know how long we've been waiting—" The crisp words were choked off as she flung herself down to hug him on the pillow. "Oh, _Subaru!_ "

Wincing Subaru wrapped his free arm around his twin's shoulders. His other arm had an I.V. in it. Now that he could see past her he could tell from the ceiling and nearby window that he was in a private hospital room, no surprise there. Hokuto shook against him and there were tears wetting his neck. The terror he must have put her through ... "I'm all right," Subaru murmured. "I'm all right, nee-chan."

"No, you're not." Abruptly Hokuto pulled back wiping just below her eyes with short, sharp strokes. Her face once she lowered her hands was grim. "You have an abdominal stab wound nearly eight centimetres deep. You have a ripped diaphragm, ruptured blood vessels, some intestinal tearing creating a risk of infection, internal swelling, several sutures and stitches—" Subaru flinched as each item was recited knowing it was just the build-up, "—you lost heaven knows how much blood and apparently a woman like that shouldn't have been able to stab as deeply as she did but you actually threw yourself onto the knife _what the hell were you trying to do?!_ "

So much for hoping she would take it easy on him. Not that Subaru could really blame her. "I ... was trying to make things better," he said vaguely.

"By sacrificing yourself? For a complete stranger? How in the name of all the kami does that make things better—"

"Hokuto-chan." The calm voice made Subaru's heart pound. "Maybe it would be better to ask later when Subaru has recovered more strength."

Pushing himself onto his elbows Subaru looked to the far end of the room. There beside the door stood Seishirou, black-suited arms folded, leaning against the wall with a smile beneath his glasses and amber eyes. Both eyes. Whole and unharmed. The flip-date on the clock above the door showed there was still three days before the end of the Bet.

Subaru had done it. Things had _changed_.

"How are you feeling?" asked Seishirou, not moving closer.

Everything was new. Subaru had no idea what came next, and yet surprisingly he realised he felt remarkably calm about it. Whatever happened from now on at least Subaru had done all he could. The rest was up to Seishirou alone. "It hurts some," Subaru confessed, trying to sit upright and managing it when Hokuto tilted the head of the bed up to support him. "But I can move everything and breathe fine, even probably walk if need be."

"I see."

Silence fell as the two of them watched each other. Despite the smile Seishirou's eyes were unreadable, never a good sign. Subaru's composure began to waver and he found himself feeling for Hokuto's hand holding it for reassurance. Hokuto glanced down in surprise. "You don't have your gloves on. I guess the doctors took them off but didn't Obaa-chama say you had to wear them always for protection?"

The mention of Lady Sumeragi made Subaru stiffen. If she knew what had happened— "You asked not to tell her and she still hasn't been told," said Hokuto shortly. "Though she should be, and soon because if nothing else there'll be hospital bills and insurance to deal with. We need to figure out how to break her the news."

Still neither Subaru nor Seishirou spoke, eyes warily fixed on each other across the room. Hokuto looked between them painted lips thinning. Then she rolled her eyes dramatically, let go of Subaru's hand and stood. "I am going to find a nurse," she announced ignoring Subaru's look of alarm, "and let the doctors know you're awake so they can do a check-up. They're all busy so I may be while." As she spoke she headed for the door where she paused and deliberately gave Seishirou a look. "Don't be too soft on him, okay Sei-chan?"

The man's smile quirked a little. "Duly noted."

Head held high Hokuto made her exit without a backwards glance. She closed the door behind her. Subaru could hear her low-heeled shoes walk away.

Carefully Seishirou moved to lock the door. When he looked up again his smile was gone. "Why," Seishirou asked flatly.

Subaru told himself to remain calm. Like that evening at the MS Institute it was clear Seishirou was affected by what Subaru had done, and in recognising that Subaru would hold nothing back from him. "For so long I've wanted to atone for your lost eye. I didn't want you to be hurt again and this way I could make absolutely sure things would turn out differently."

"The plan was to avoid the hospital entirely yesterday. Yet you came here deliberately, deliberately called me to follow, and deliberately put yourself in that woman's way. Did you do it because you couldn't bear the possibility that some stranger could be stabbed instead? Or did you do it to test me?"

Subaru tensed. The look in Seishirou's eyes at that last— "I did it for all of us, but myself most of all," Subaru answered truthfully. "Despite what you and Hokuto-chan may think, just because I want to help people doesn't mean I can't be selfish."

Seishirou seemed to contemplate this. Then he removed his glasses, pushed himself off the wall and approached the bed. "Show me the wound," he commanded.

Nervously Subaru pulled the hospital blanket to one side. He was dressed in the hospital's standard pale blue gown which crossed kimono-style at the front and was fastened by ties on the side. Subaru fumbled to undo these only to stop when Seishirou impatiently took over. The moment the ties were loosened Seishirou spread the gown open. Instinctively Subaru flushed; he wasn't wearing anything underneath, only a gauze square stuck low between his navel and left hip. It was easy enough for Seishirou to peel partly back.

Wordlessly Seishirou leaned over to inspect the wound, and morbid as it was Subaru couldn't help but look as well. There, under the gauze and glistening with ointment, were four thick black stitches holding together a short bent line of dark red. It didn't look that bad but beneath ... Subaru's vision swam a bit as he recalled the knife bleeding all feeling from his body, only to refocus as Seishirou placed long fingers beside the wound. They were cool, gently pressing into Subaru's flesh with an ease refined from examining animals on the clinic table – or all those times they had made love, Subaru couldn't help thinking with a shiver. He breathed more deeply; he could faintly smell Seishirou's cologne.

Carefully the fingers shifted to replace the gauze, pressing firmly around the edges to ensure it stuck. What had been comforting soon became painful and Subaru bit his lip. He must have made a sound for Seishirou turned catching Subaru's gaze with narrowed amber eyes and kept that eye contact as he pressed down harder, experimenting, calculating, pushing until Subaru's hands fisted on the mattress and his sight blurred in agony. Just when Subaru thought he would cry out the pressure lifted. Then it moved lower.

Subaru's breath hitched. Surely Seishirou wouldn't – determinedly Seishirou began to play him with practiced strokes, sharp and firm, holding Subaru's gaze with his own grim one until Subaru shuddered and spread his legs for more ready to give whatever was needed. The way Seishirou was looking at him ... his body was heating, jerking, pain and pleasure mixing like two oceans beneath Seishirou's touch. Still Seishirou watched his face. Revelling in amber Subaru could only moan; he hoped the doctors had secured their work well.

Hot breath against his hair as he writhed. Seishirou leaned over him dark and close. Dizzily Subaru reached to grasp the back of Seishirou's head, his other hand stretching down to fumble at the man's trousers. Lips crushed together. Belt and button came undone with Seishirou's help and Subaru blindly groped inside, grasping, caressing, trying to match Seishirou's own quick movements. Desperation. Pain lancing through his body Subaru swallowed Seishirou's harsh breaths as they thrust into each other's hand – _I'm here, I'm alive_ – the star-marks burning bright—

"—you _fool_ —"

—he couldn't stop himself crying out in his release, and some moments later heard and felt Seishirou do the same.

An oppressive silence fell. Awkwardly Seishirou rested his head on Subaru's shoulder, hand on Subaru's hip, the rise and fall of his chest slowing. Subaru rested his own damp hands on the bed. His loosened body hurt; distantly he wondered if he had done himself anymore damage.

It didn't feel like it. Far from it. Instead, Subaru realised he was feeling something he had never felt before.

Triumph.

 

* * *

 

Eyes closed Seishirou simply breathed savouring peace. Here. Now. Nothing to think about in this moment but Subaru's pulse beneath his ear. Soothing.

Arms came up to encircle his back and tightened. Seishirou instinctively stiffened. Quietly Subaru began to speak.

"When all this is over maybe we should go somewhere. Somewhere outside Tokyo away from so many ghosts and crowds. Kanazawa, perhaps, you mentioned there at the affinity test? I've never seen the western sea.

"We can go somewhere. Just the two of us."

Seishirou did not move. Hidden in the crook of Subaru's neck, his eyes were open wide.

He saw the woman, her hands red and face hopeless as she spoke _I'm not sorry it's for the one I love, you know._ He saw Hokuto holding a knife to his throat with every intention to use it and eyes green as jealousy as he claimed the centre of her world. He saw himself in the grey fire of Subaru's memories on the Final Day, that inexplicable expression on his face before he welcomed death in his prey's embrace; and he saw his mother, his predecessor, filled with joy in the cold white snow to die at his hand, and her revelation that the Sakurazukamori could only be killed by the one they loved.

If love was self-sacrifice, to put another first regardless of the cost to one's self, whatever undeniable turmoil Seishirou felt for – no, _because_ of Subaru ... Seishirou could not say it rose to that.

Subaru was gently stroking his hair. Seishirou made sure his smile was soft as he pushed himself up. "Perhaps," he said, meeting those beautiful green eyes, "but for now just focus on getting better. Hokuto-chan will be returning soon."

Subaru reddened at that which gave space for Seishirou to go and take some antiseptic wipes from a nearby wall dispenser. He cleaned himself first straightening his suit back into respectability, then returned to Subaru's bedside to repeat the task there. The intimacy made Subaru sigh and Seishirou couldn't help bending down to kiss him again warm and lingering. No, Seishirou told himself, not couldn't help. _Calculated._

He was still smiling when he pulled away. "I need to return to the clinic and take care of things, but I'll be back later tonight, all right?"

Subaru's own smile was small. Glowing. "All right."

Seishirou held the gaze a moment longer. Then he turned, discarded the wipes, and calmly unlocked the door to leave with Subaru's eyes upon him. In his mind the Sakura was singing.

 

* * *

 

"I still say they should charge her."

Subaru sighed and poked at the unappetising mush that was his hospital dinner. The doctors, although much pleased with his progress when they had done their check-up, had forbidden him from eating Hokuto's homemade bento citing sterilisation needs, which hadn't gone down well with his sister who had been made to eat hers in the hall outside and ended up giving Subaru and Seishirou's bentos away. She was still glowering about that, and everything else understandably. "We'll see, Hokuto-chan, but I’m hoping she won’t be," he replied.

"Subaru, I know your kindness knows no bounds but this woman nearly killed you! How can you forgive something like that?"

"There's nothing to forgive because she clearly wasn't in her right mind when she did it." _And I took advantage of that_ _,_ Subaru added guiltily.

"That doesn't excuse what she's done. Sei-chan would tell you exactly the same if he were here." Scowling Hokuto kicked at the legs of her chair. "When is he coming back anyway?"

"Later tonight. After nearly two days away of course he has work to catch up on. You too, nee-chan, you can't just disappear from school."

"Don't worry about me, mister, worry about yourself because I'm not letting you out of my sight until you explain exactly why you—"

A knock on the door interrupted making them both look up. "Come in," called Subaru in relief.

The door swung open revealing Ayame and three strange men, one in police uniform. "Good evening Sumeragi-kun, how are you feeling?" Ayame asked. Subaru replied that he was better. "I'm very glad to hear that, and Hokuto-san, thank you for your bento it was delicious. This is Detective Hideaki from the police, he's asked to speak with you if you're able."

She gestured to the lead man behind her who had a grizzled face and worn tan trenchcoat. Hideaki bowed. "It's good to see you recovering, Sumeragi-san. These are my associates Detective Takatsuki and Sergeant Yamato. We'd like to talk to you about happened yesterday."

"About time," said Hokuto from her seat by the window. "He's been awake for hours, why didn't you come earlier?"

"We had a missing persons to look into, and given that we already have the attacker in custody I'm sure it was good for your brother to rest up a bit before we barge in." Hideaki gave an awkward smile. "We do of course appreciate your time."

Subaru inwardly sighed but given the circumstances knew that speaking with the police was inevitable, so he might as well get it over and done with. "I'll give you what help I can, Hideaki-san."

"As will I, but I do request that a hospital representative be present for the patient's well-being," said Ayame. "Shall I get your doctor, Sumeragi-kun?"

"I'm happy for you to stay, Ayame-san."

"Works for us." Hideaki nodded at his colleagues one of whom took out a notepad. "We've already collected statements from witnesses at the scene but as the victim yours will be of primary importance. Starting from the beginning can you tell us Sumeragi-san, in your own words, how exactly you were attacked yesterday ..."

The interview that followed was about as Subaru had expected, and given his work with police together with his experience of that other life Subaru knew how to answer. He replied truthfully, how he had met Yuuya, the behaviour of Yuuya's mother leading up to and during the attack, as well as the words she had said to him. Only when Hideaki asked why he had gone to the hospital yesterday morning did Subaru take extra care. "I went to see Yuuya-kun again," he replied simply, aware of Hokuto's attention. "I hadn't been able to say goodbye the day before because of his mother, and he's here in the hospital all by himself ..."

It was all true. Just not entirely. And Subaru had one more thing to say.

"For what it's worth, Detectives, I don't want you to press charges against Yuuya-kun's mother." The room fell quiet as all eyes looked to Subaru in various measures of width. "What she did hurt me and those I love, but when she picked up the knife she was obviously in a state of insanity. Everyone working at this hospital knows how long she has been exhausted and under stress by her son's condition, and having Yuuya-kun take a bad turn for the worse only tipped her over the edge. I can't blame her for doing something while she wasn't in her right mind."

The three men glanced at each other. "But your wound, Sumeragi-san," Hideaki protested.

"Thanks to the good doctors I will soon heal completely," said Subaru firmly. "But Yuuya-kun, without a transplant his condition is chronic and other than his mother he is all alone. If his mother goes to prison, what will become of him?"

Again the men exchanged looks. Takatsuki's eyebrow was raised. "You want me to include all that in the statement as well, boss?"

"You heard what my brother said," Hokuto said wryly. "Believe me, I've already spoken to him about this and he's made up his mind, so you had better write it down."

Ayame was beaming at Subaru. "You're a very good man, Sumeragi-kun."

Hideaki sighed. "All right, put it in word for word. I'll be frank, Sumeragi-san, whether or not the charges against this woman go ahead may not be up to me, but we'll definitely keep it in mind and let others know. Is there anything else you wish to add?" Subaru shook his head. "Then we'll leave you be."

The detective bowed copied by his associates. Subaru too bowed as best he could sitting in bed, as did Hokuto who stood from her chair. Ayame nodded. "I'll guide you out, gentlemen, if you follow me?"

She opened the door and, with a smile to the Sumeragi twins, led the men out. The sergeant went first, then Takatsuki, then lastly Hideaki who took one step then suddenly paused. "One more question if I may, Sumeragi-san?"

"Yes?"

"The doctors mentioned they also found light bruising on your wrists, almost like restraint marks. Anything to worry about with that?"

Subaru's bare hands curled, but since they were hidden beneath the food tray table that was all right. His thoughts raced. "I do martial arts, Detective. Even in practice wrist-holds can be rough."

"Right." The detective resumed his departure. "Just wanted to check, as I'm sure you understand. We'll be in contact if we need anything more, until then get well soon."

The door closed behind him. Once it had Hokuto dropped her smile and turned to Subaru with eyebrows raised. "Bruising? Like restraint marks? Just what have you and Sei-chan been getting up to?"

Subaru coloured deeply. "Why would you assume Seishirou has something to do with it?"

"Come on, Subaru, you never lie unless absolutely necessary and usually to protect Sei-chan." Subaru didn't reply to this looking down at his now-congealed food, which was all the answer Hokuto needed, really. "Was it his idea?" she asked bluntly.

He didn't want to tell her. It was private, something shared only between him and Seishirou. But if Hokuto thought that Seishirou had hurt him ... he remembered what Seishirou said that evening in the clinic, _I_ _won't have your sister thinking I took advantage of you._ "It was his idea," Subaru said, forcing the words out. "But I enjoyed it."

Silence followed. Subaru couldn't bring himself to look up and see what expression his sister was wearing, but then there was the sound of hurrying shoes outside quickly followed by the turning of the door handle. "My apologies," said Ayame as she burst in. Hokuto and Subaru stared; the woman was breathless. "I need you both to stay in this room and keep the door closed. There's a pack of news reporters gathering outside asking about the stabbing—"

"Reporters?" Hokuto's face turned white. "But how?!"

"I don't know how the information got out, and if I find that it was leaked by a staff member I will fire them on the spot," Ayame replied grimly. She drew the curtains across the window. "I sent the detectives out a side-door without anyone seeing, but until I can get this dealt with I need you to stay hidden—"

"What about Yuuya-kun?" Subaru demanded, fearing he already knew the answer.

"A nurse went to move him to a different room but he's gone missing. We're looking for him now, he can't have gone far."

Subaru had known the answer. _Stay calm,_ he told himself, _you dealt with this before, things have otherwise changed and there are still three days before the Bet's end._ "How much do the reporters know?"

"Judging from the questions, just the basic facts, no names. I'm going to try and keep it at that." Ayame had opened her pocket-book, torn out a page, and was writing something in black pen. "Some reporters may try sneaking in so I'm changing your name as a precaution. I'm sure the police sergeant who came just then won't mind me using his." She folded the paper and slid it into the door-slot covering the 'Sumeragi' label with 'Yamato'. "Stay here until I send word otherwise."

She closed the door and left. Hokuto's stunned expression had turned into fury. "'Mother Of Transplant Candidate Suffers Nervous Breakdown, Stabs Person','" she said contemptuously. "Or how about, 'National Organ Transplant Policies Lead To Stabbing Horror'? Scoop of the week for the press – I bet it was one of the witnesses who told them about it."

"Maybe." Distractedly Subaru pushed away the tray table and removed the I.V. from his arm hanging it up. "I need to find Yuuya-kun."

"What?! No, Subaru, you need to stay in bed! And Ayame-san said—"

"I know what she said," said Subaru sharply. "But Yuuya-kun can't deal with this on his own and I think I know where to find him."

For long seconds Hokuto looked at him. Then she tilted her face to the ceiling fingers curling in helpless exasperation. "Argh! Why do you have to be so, so – so _responsible!_ " Heavily she let out a breath. "Fine. But I'm coming with you, it's not like you can walk fast right now anyway."

Subaru smiled at her. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Let me get something." Quickly Hokuto opened the door and slipped out. She returned momentarily this time pushing a wheelchair. Moving carefully as he was Subaru had barely managed to put on his hospital trousers. "Don't worry, it's one of the standbys from the nurse's station," she said to Subaru's unspoken question. "Come on, get in."

Wincing a little Subaru stepped from the bed and sank into the wheelchair, relieved at his twin's quick thinking. A pair of slippers was put on his feet before Hokuto draped a blanket over him pulling it up to his shoulders. "Keeping you warm and you can also hold it over your face if anyone sees."

"What about your face?" asked Subaru.

Hokuto grinned and pulled something out of her coat pocket. "Since I'm already wearing a white coat I also took a spare nurse's cap. If we're just passing by people will just assume I'm a nurse helping you!"

With a flourish Hokuto put on the cap and closed the buttons on her fitted coat, which at a glance actually could pass for a nurse's uniform as long as no one looked closely, or at her shoes which were far too fashionable for hospital work. Subaru shook his head. "You'd better hope no one stops you for medical help."

"I'll tell them I'm rushing you to emergency. Now," Hokuto said, gripping the wheelchair handles, "where do we find Yuuya-kun?"

"Dialysis room, it's the place he's most familiar with. I think it's on level—"

"I know where." She pushed him out the room closing the door with her foot. "You have any idea how many hours I've spent around this hospital now because of you?"

"N— wah!"

They took off. Subaru scrambled to hold onto the wheelchair arms as Hokuto rushed him through the corridors at a speed just short of outright running. Some people yelped as they passed, but it being the dinner hour with visiting hours coming to an end the halls weren't as crowded as they had been. As luck would have it the twins managed to get on an elevator just as one arrived on their floor, and with no one else inside they went straight to the kidney treatment level. It was empty. Hokuto slowed as they went down the hall listening for ... "Here," Subaru said finally, pointing at the closed door they were just passing. "I think I heard someone crying."

"Me too." Only a little out of breath Hokuto rolled him to a stop and tried the door handle. "It's not locked."

"Let's go in quietly, then."

Hokuto nodded, her fair face flushed and serious. Slowly she opened the door wide then took hold of Subaru's wheelchair again. The two of them entered a large dark room lit only by the tiny lights of machines on standby ... and at the far end, the cold light of a flickering television.

_"... again we're broadcasting live from outside the hospital where the attack took place, and where we understand the attacker's son is still waiting for a transplant even as his mother sits in police custody ..."_

Hushed, Hokuto pushed Subaru towards the television. As they drew closer they could see a bed with a little shape silhouetted against the screen's light and shaking with sobs. Subaru's heart clenched. "Yuuya-kun ..."

The little shape turned. "Who's there?" Yuuya asked, sounding frightened.

"It's Subaru, do you remember me?" As he spoke he rolled the wheelchair forward. Hokuto went to switch on a nearby light that flooded their end of the room with warm yellow and drowned the television's glow. It made Yuuya blink; his eyes were red and puffy. "Hello," said Subaru, smiling.

A hesitant smile crept over Yuuya's teary face. "Hello onii-chan," he said, almost whispering. Then another sob took him. "M-my 'Kaa-san ..."

Wincing a little Subaru made himself stand from the wheelchair and walk; it was only a couple of steps anyway. With Hokuto helping him he sat down on the bed to Yuuya's left putting his arm around the boy whereupon Yuuya immediately crumpled into his side. "'Kaa-san, she did something, something bad—!"

_"... with hundreds of patients also desperately waiting for an organ to become available for transplant this mother isn't the only one living in stress and sorrow – everyone in her position feels the same pain. The question now is whether such a tragedy will affect the nation's policies and attitudes to organ donation ..."_

Quietly Subaru let Yuuya cry himself out. Meanwhile Hokuto hunted around the bed until she found the TV remote which she pointed at the screen. The news broadcast changed to a chat show, then a drama, a baseball game, another news channel, then finally an anime. Hokuto put the remote down satisfied as a repeat of 'My Neighbour Totoro' filled the screen with bright sounds and colour. It caught Yuuya's attention and he looked up to see Hokuto crouching by the bed smiling up at him. "I think Totoro is more fun, don't you, Yuuya-kun?" she said.

"Who are—?"

"Yuuya-kun, this is my twin sister, Hokuto," said Subaru. "We have the same face, can you tell?"

Yuuya's eyes widened as he looked between them. "Wow, you really look the same ..."

Hokuto winked. "Yup! Being a twin is great, it means I can play all sorts of practical jokes while pretending to be Subaru. (It was easier when he had longer hair, but.) I'm the older twin, that means Subaru has to call me nee-chan and do everything I say!"

"I had an onee-chan too." Yuuya sniffled. "But I don't have one anymore ..."

Hokuto's cheer faltered. Subaru quickly took over. "It's late, Yuuya-kun, shouldn't you be asleep?"

"I can't, because I sleep during the day already. And then at dinner I heard men talking to Nurse Maho-san outside my room ..." Suddenly the boy started crying again. "They said something about being from TV and asking about the kid who needed a kidney so badly that his mama tried to—"

"Shh, it's okay, Yuuya-kun, those men aren't here now—"

"But it's all my fault!" Yuuya wailed. "Because I'm weak and sick 'Kaa-san hurt someone!"

"No!" Hokuto's voice rang out strong and firm. "It is absolutely not your fault, Yuuya-kun. Those insensitive reporters out there, they say all sorts of things without considering how it affects the people who have been actually hurt by these events! And then making statements like everyone feeling the same pain, or that this happened because of you – they're wrong, absolutely wrong!"

Subaru carefully took hold of Yuuya's trembling shoulders. "Yuuya-kun, look at me. Please?" Slowly the boy did so, his face blotchy and wet. Hokuto handed Subaru her handkerchief for him to wipe Yuuya's face clean. "That's better. Now, Yuuya-kun, who do you like better: me, or the men from the TV?"

"You, onii-chan ..."

"I like you too, Yuuya-kun, which is why I want you to listen to me. Those things on the TV, or the newspapers or the radio – that's reality, but it's not the truth. Yes, your okaa-san hurt someone and that's a bad thing, but you have to think about why, Yuuya-kun, the reason why your okaa-san hurt someone."

Yuuya's dark eyes were large and fearful. "Because I'm sick?"

Subaru shook his head with a lump in his throat. If he hadn't gone to the hospital yesterday, if he hadn't decided to change things for him and Seishirou, then maybe Yuuya wouldn't be hurting like this. "Because you're precious to her. Your okaa-san loves you and wants so much to make you happy that she's willing to be unhappy herself."

"She wants to ... make me happy?"

"Yes. More than anything else in the world." As he spoke Subaru eased Yuuya around so that the child leaned against his unhurt side; his wound throbbed but not painfully, certainly not as painfully as Yuuya's heart right now. "It's very easy to accept what the television and papers say as being true," Subaru said, quietly stroking Yuuya's hair, "and while most of the news is fact it can never properly tell you the feelings of the actual people involved. The victims, the perpetrators, their families – what they go through can never be understood by people just seeing the news. Because all the news gives is information."

"Infor ... ma ... tion." Yuuya tested the word on his little tongue. "Infor... information – I know that word from school!"

Just that little accomplishment made the boy brighten and look up. Subaru smiled. "Yes. The news is information, but it's not _all_ the information. Right now you have more information than any person watching the news because you know your mother better than any news reporter. What's more, you can ask her yourself. How many news reporters do you think actually talked to your mother before calling her a bad person? None, I'm sure.

"It is important to listen to the news, yes, but it is even more important to judge it. Judge it using your own knowledge and your own information – don't believe the people on TV because they're on TV. You're an individual, Yuuya-kun, the only Yuuya-kun in the world, and you have your own individual thoughts. Do you think your mother is a bad person?"

"No ..."

"Then that's all that's important. And someday soon you can ask your mother yourself why she hurt someone and what she was thinking at the time. It may hurt for her to tell you, so afterwards you need to tell her that you've missed her, that you've been really lonely without her – and that you love her. Okay?"

"... okay." The smile shyly growing on Yuuya's face was small but real. "I want to tell 'Kaa-san that ... that being being with her makes me happy. I'll tell her that the pudding she makes is the bestest in the whole world, better than any pudding made by anyone else or bought from the store—" More tears welled up that Yuuya wiped determinedly away still smiling up at Subaru. "It's bestest because it's 'Kaa-san's pudding."

Fondly Subaru squeezed his shoulders. "You're a wonderful boy, Yuuya-kun."

Yuuya hugged Subaru back. Happily Hokuto wiped at her eyes. "I'll go call someone and say that we found him, and if there are any reporters creeping around I'll punch their lights out! That's what onee-chans are for after all – would you like me to be your onee-chan too, Yuuya-kun? Since you already call Subaru onii-chan?" Yuuya nodded vigorously, his eyes bright. "Then your onee-chan will take Yuuya-kun for a wheelchair ride while Subaru stays here with Totoro for company!"

"W-wait, Hokuto-chan, I don't think you should—"

Hokuto paid no attention as she lifted Yuuya off the bed and plopped him in the wheelchair much to the boy's delight. "Wave to your onii-chan, Yuuya-kun!" she said, taking the handles with a grin.

"See you soon, Subaru onii-chan!"

Resignedly Subaru returned the wave and watched as his sister whisked Yuuya away with a happy squeal that trailed out the room and down the hall. He hoped he and Hokuto wouldn't get into trouble, but then realised that even if they did he didn't care. Yuuya was found and cheered up, and that was all that mattered. Pulling himself onto the bed completely Subaru lay back to wait for their return and for some rest; it had been a tiring first day awake, even if it had only been a few hours, but at least it was ending on a good note.

 

* * *

 

The hospital was quiet when Subaru returned to his floor. Yuuya had been put in a different room where, worn out by tears and exhilaration, he soon fell asleep which was probably why Ayame and the nurses when they arrived hadn't chastised Subaru and Hokuto too much. Still, visiting hours were over and patients preparing to sleep so Hokuto had been made to go home, though not before promising to be back the next day for lunch and with a present for Yuuya. She had been taken out via a side-door; although the news crews had apparently retired for the night, Ayame wasn't taking any chances and had implemented a tighter access policy.

Seishirou hadn't ended up returning to the hospital as he had said he would, but Subaru wasn't worried. After all that had happened between them undoubtedly his hunter needed some time alone. Actually after having Hokuto fussing over him the whole afternoon Subaru could do with some himself. A nurse had offered to wheel him back to his room but Subaru refused; it wasn't that he couldn't walk, he was just restricted to walking slowly so he didn't reopen his stitches. As it turned out, as long as Subaru didn't exert himself he didn't even have to walk that slowly, just leisurely. But it had taken him a while to get back to his room.

The 'Yamato' label was still on the door. Subaru contemplated taking it down then thought the better of it. He still hadn't called Lady Sumeragi, and with reporters now interested in the story it was best to keep as low a profile as possible – especially with the Bet ending in three days. Three days, three tense days of Subaru holding his breath ... and quietly hoping. The way Seishirou had looked at him today ...

Lost in that memory Subaru opened the door and stepped through feeling for the light switch. He didn't find it. Only when he tried again did he notice that the darkness around him was not of night, but of magic.

Pale pink petals flew about on a cold wind. Subaru realised the door had disappeared. But he had been sure, so sure that he still had time—

There was the sound of a shoe striking wood behind him. Heart pounding, Subaru made himself turn.

Seishirou stood beneath the Sakura Tree. He was dressed in black, black suit, black tie, black coat, all poised and perfect just as he should be taking Subaru's breath away. His Tree, the antithesis of Subaru's family, glowed tall and terrible and beautiful, flowers rustling with the whispers of the dead. The whole tableau was horribly familiar to Subaru except for one thing: above the deadly smile, the Sakurazukamori's two amber eyes were unreadable. "It's time to settle the Bet," Seishirou said calmly. Like his prey wasn't shocked to silence. "Are you ready, Sumeragi Subaru?"


	16. End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Of course, from another point of view, we have already been here and the Bet settled once before. However, it was you yourself who wanted to repeat it, with full knowledge of who and what I am. "

Subaru's mouth was dry. For the first time since waking up in this life he had no idea what to expect. "Se—"

A gust of petals whipped past his face to cut him off. "Of course, from another point of view, we have already been here and the Bet settled once before," Seishirou continued, still in that calm even tone as he stepped forward. "However, it was you yourself who wanted to repeat it, with full knowledge of who and what I am. You've known me, and I've known you – intimately. What's more, I remember nothing of that first life. That means I have presumably lived this one the same except for where you yourself have sought change. Certainly you can't say you've been at any disadvantage."

With every word Seishirou came closer, eyes never moving from Subaru's face. Subaru's pulse raced; he shifted his weight to back away but caught himself. He was not the stunned child of last time. "I've never said I have," Subaru replied, standing his ground. "Since that night at the MS Institute we've both faced each other truly."

"That and more." Seishirou stopped before him blocking the Sakura from view. "The two of us together last few weeks, it's more than we've ever been in any other time."

He stood close enough that Subaru could feel his warmth countering the maboroshi's chill. Here Seishirou's smile was softer, the same smile from their reunion just hours ago. The hope Subaru had dared to feel then grew. "It's been happy. I've been happy." Unwavering he met Seishirou's gaze. "Haven't you been happy too?"

Seishirou didn't answer, still keeping that soft smile. Fingers trailed lightly over Subaru's cheek. Gently Seishirou cupped the back of Subaru's head bringing him in for a kiss, and Subaru responded to that as he always did, yielding, closing his eyes in anticipation. Lips touched firm and familiar as his own pulse, and dizzily Subaru found his heart indescribably light—

A fist slammed into Subaru's stab wound. His cry of pain was lost in the kiss.

Seishirou pulled back, still gripping the back of Subaru's head. His smile hadn't wavered. "I enjoyed it. And nothing more."

He let go. In a knot of agony Subaru collapsed eyes squeezing shut; it hurt to breathe, he couldn't believe what he had just heard. No. No.

Footsteps moved away. "You asked me to do everything possible to love you," Seishirou said evenly, "and I have. For one year I've watched over you, protected you, and stayed by your side even when you didn't seem to want me. Although you tried my patience I kept to your boundaries, and when you let me become your lover I fulfilled all your fantasies and mine. I let you watch me kill. And yet it has been all for naught."

There was already blood seeping through his bandages. Desperately Subaru tried to stem it, tried to push past the pain and crawl after Seishirou, to call his name, only he couldn't. Already branches were cuffing his wrists and ankles and snaking to his chest and waist. The thin hospital clothes were no protection against the Sakura's malevolent cold, and he was in no condition to fight, not like this. He opened his mouth but no words came out. Only a sob as shattered as his heart.

Wood creaked and hissed as Subaru was lifted up. The branches by his bloodstains burst into triumphant bloom as the hospital slippers dropped from his feet. The branch that caught his tears did not.

Seishirou looked up at Subaru held limply cruciform in the Sakura's glowing shade. "If it's any consolation, Subaru," he said, and his mouth was still smiling that cruelly calm smile, "you were thoroughly enjoyable, every time. But love is not required for a good fuck.

"You've failed. Despite all your knowledge and efforts in this second chance, I still feel nothing, certainly not love, for you."

The wood was constricting. Blankly Subaru tasted salt on his lips, not even struggling for the air that was being squeezed from his lungs, for what was the point? Whatever he had fought to change, in the end it meant nothing. The Sakurazukamori felt nothing. Subaru meant nothing. There was nothing left to say or live for.

Thin branches stretched across his face. Just like that first life the Sakura began to take Subaru into itself, and its flowers rustled with triumphant whispers as they made him close his eyes on Seishirou for the last time—

Time. _Time._

Wildly Subaru opened his eyes. His wooden coffin had closed completely. Desperate, Subaru bit his tongue so that when he spoke his spell the words were spat out red and thick. The Sakura immediately absorbed his blood, and his words with it. The words burned.

_"On!"_

Like snakes the Sakura's branches recoiled. Subaru fell heavily to the ground through a cloud of fluttering blackened petals as he gulped in air. "You're lying," he rasped.

"What?"

Every movement was agony, and his bandages were soaking with blood. Subaru stood meeting the Sakurazukamori's gaze. "You're lying," he repeated firmly.

Seishirou's eyes went hard and flat. The smile below them was gone so Subaru gave one of his own, red and broken and mirthless. "The end of the Bet is something I can never forget. I remember everything about it, from the things you said to me to how you tortured me. I remember when it happened. _I know it's supposed to end three days from now._ "

On bare feet Subaru made himself walk forward. Seishirou didn't move, his unreadable expression frozen in place. Subaru pressed a hand against his bleeding stab-wound and kept walking, voice rising with every step. "You said we would have one year together. One year, no more, no less. I _know_ you, Seishirou, I know your pride and that the only rules you follow are your own. I know how you mislead and deceive without explicitly lying, and I know that you don't contradict let alone break your word – except now you are. Over our Bet."

A roar behind him - pivoting Subaru flung his hand out spraying the blizzard of petals with drops of his own blood as he spat his spell again. Once again the Sakura retreated leaving Subaru free to approach the Sakurazukamori. "I've affected you, haven't I, Seishirou!" Subaru shouted. "You say you don't love me, and maybe you don't – but I know I have made you _feel_.

"I shocked you at the MS Institute. I angered you when I chose to save that old man. I thrill you every time we make love. I challenge you just as you challenge me, and it excites you, and when I put myself on that knife I made you fear—"

A hand snapped up striking Subaru across the mouth. Subaru stumbled on his feet but that was all, and he glared defiantly up into Seishirou's rigid face. "And today, when you touched me and realised I was still yours, you felt relief. Pain. _Happy_." Suddenly he threw himself forward grabbing the lapels of Seishirou's black coat with bloody hands, and Seishirou flinched as Subaru leaned into him green eyes wild and desperate— "You say you don't love me but I am the only person who can make you feel all these things, does that count for nothing?!"

Seishirou hit him again. This time Subaru fell, first to his knees and then onto the ground curling up with arms over his head as Seishirou kicked him, once, twice, over and over just like before only this time Seishirou wasn't smiling, his right eye wasn't bandaged, and Subaru wasn't mute with shock he was _laughing_ , high-pitched and hysterical with pain and triumph— "And now I'm making—" a kick landed in his stomach, "—you desperate. Last time you beat me exactly like this—" another kick, "—but it was clinical, calculated and cold. This time—" again, "—you're doing it because you're losing control. _I_ am making you lose control."

The kicking stopped. Subaru could hear Seishirou breathing hard and harsh in the maboroshi's unreal silence. His own breath was laboured yet he had the strange sensation that he was floating, high and untouchable – blood loss, perhaps, that and the pain flaring all over his body where Seishirou had kicked him. But the bruises were nothing, they only covered, they couldn't erase ... he brought his hands together, tracing their backs with bloody fingers remembering all the other times Seishirou had touched him. Long fingers in his hair. Hands on his neck or around his waist. The aggressive kisses when Seishirou tried to take him by force and the dominating tenderness when they made love. _Possessive._ The star-marks glowed.

Bleeding and aching, once more Subaru dragged himself to his feet. The Sakurazukamori stared across the short distance between them not daring to touch as Subaru lifted his shining hands with tears and a smile.

"Look. These mark me as yours, and I am, utterly and completely. I'll give you everything of me and you can do what you like: you can hurt me, you can tell me that I've lost and I mean nothing to you - but I'm not a glass cup, or your pet or your toy. I'm your opposite, your enemy and your lover. I'll take everything you do to me and turn it into something new to give to you. Right here and now, after all that you've done, I'm giving you truth: whether or not you love me, you, Sakurazuka Seishirou, do see me as _special_."

Seishirou's face was deathly pale. "No," he said finally, "I don't."

Subaru widened his smile and stretched his arms out on either side as if for an embrace. "Then kill me. Right now. Not with your Tree, with your own hand. But don't do it just because you can or to prove a point. Do it because you _actually want me dead._ "

Silence. Trembling, Subaru willed himself to stay upright and keep his gaze on Seishirou's frozen one. He would not faint. He would see this through. Around them the maboroshi's dark seemed to flicker but no one moved, not even the Sakura. As if it too was waiting to see what Seishirou would do.

Seishirou pulled himself straight. Forced his lips into a smile. As the maboroshi flickered again he raised his right hand pointing it like a blade towards Subaru's chest. Subaru did not waver but his certainty did, even as he held his gaze on Seishirou's face, the last he would ever see. They had been given a second chance once already. Subaru did not want a third.

Seishirou lifted his hand to strike without meeting Subaru's eyes.

There was a flash offside like distant lightning. Sharply Seishirou looked away. The flash was followed by muffled thunder: a frantic banging of fists and shouts. "—ubaru! _Subaru!_ "

What was left of Subaru's blood drained in horror. "No, Hokuto-chan, _stay back—_ "

" _Subaru!_ "

The maboroshi flashed again. Seishirou had turned to face Subaru again, his eyes accusing. Terrified Subaru reached for him to plead, to hold, to beg, anything – in a howling wind Sakura petals rushed between them throwing Subaru off his feet and forcing his eyes instinctively shut—

—a deafening shattered scream—

—and Subaru fell to the hospital room floor.

"— _aru_ _!_ Oh gods, Subaru, Subaru—"

Small hands grabbed his shoulder turning him over. Subaru barely felt them; he was sobbing hysterically broken inside and out, and the smell of blood was everywhere, on his clothes, his skin, Hokuto's shaking hands—

"—where's the doctor, where's Sei-chan, what's going on—"

—there was nothing left of him, no thought, no hope, nothing but the agony of losing what he had been so close to keeping. Uncontrollably he spasmed, throat raw with despair as he bled out, and as Hokuto wept and screamed for help, the last of his will broke down.

"—what happened, _why—_ "

Subaru told her everything.

 

* * *

 

A alarm blared through the darkened hospital throwing staff and security on highest alert. They responded immediately, some rushing to the emergency room, others to doors to guard their passage. For hours into the night the hospital was searched. The attacker was never found.

 

* * *

 

They had to sedate him. It had taken twice the standard dosage to work.

Red-eyed, Hokuto stared at the hospital bed where her twin lay deathly still. She had tried telling herself that compared to last time he hadn't been long in surgery, that once his wound was cleaned it was only the surface stitches that needed replacing, and that the rest while horrible to look at was just bruising and a fractured rib. She had tried telling herself that his life was in no danger. She didn't believe it. She didn't know what to believe. Subaru had spilled out so much about so many things she didn't understand - but one thing above all was clear.

Subaru had been attacked by the Sakurazukamori. Seishirou was the Sakurazukamori. Subaru had been attacked by his own lover.

Sakurazuka Seishirou, _Sei-chan,_ was the Sakurazukamori.

Pain throbbed up Hokuto's arm from where she digging fingernails into her palms. Her left palm was wrapped in a bandage covering up the symbol she had carved there with her coat brooch. Hokuto wasn't an onmyouji but she knew the basics, and what she lacked in power she made up for in desperate determination. Her blood and Subaru's blood were the same, and there was no magic in the world that could keep them apart. Just as their connection had made her frantically turn the taxi back to the hospital, so had it enabled her to penetrate whatever force it was that had her twin trapped. She had spilled more blood afterwards for the surgeons to pump into Subaru's beaten body.

Beaten, _by_ _Sei-chan._

Sei-chan was the Sakurazukamori. Her best friend was an assassin, _the_ assassin, guardian of the Sakura Barrow. Subaru's lover was their family's sworn enemy.

Hokuto was still trying to convince herself that she was surprised.

Footsteps approached the locked door making Hokuto freeze in utter terror. If that was Sei-chan, if the Sakurazukamori had decided to come and finish the job – murmured voices wormed through the door and Hokuto realised over her pounding heartbeat that the hospital security guard outside was changing shifts. Ayame had placed them there as a precaution, but they had no idea what they were guarding against.

Hokuto knew. Twelve months of conversations, dinner parties, teasing, baking cookies, the evening at the café – all that time she had known Seishirou was dangerous. She should have known he was the Sakurazukamori, too, because all the signs were there: his name, the smell of blood, his knowledge of onmyoujitsu. Everything she had turned a blind eye to because even though she had sensed that Seishirou was dangerous, she had also sensed that he would be special. To both of them.

He had been special. He still was. And he had betrayed them.

Tears filled Hokuto's eyes again. The Sakurazukamori would try to kill Subaru, of that she was certain. Lady Sumeragi had told her all the stories. The Sakurazukamori and head of the Sumeragi were opposites, yin and yang, both masters of the spiritual arts. Hokuto didn't hold a candle flame to either of them, but she was certainly better than the poor fool standing outside the door, and she could at least ... shaking Hokuto rose from her chair only to stumble as her head spun with vertigo. She recovered quickly, sort of, and strode to the far cupboard which she flung open. The bag she had brought that morning for Subaru was there where she had left it packed with toiletries, a book, extra clothes, and, because she knew her brother would feel incomplete without it, a sheaf of ofuda. If there was one bit of onmyoujitsu Hokuto could do it was shielding spells—

Hokuto touched an edge and froze. Slowly she pulled the photo frame from the bag.

They were smiling, the three of them. Hokuto's smile was the biggest of course, she had been pulling faces trying to make Subaru less self-conscious. It hadn't really worked, but the smile Subaru had in the photo was breathless and unaffected all the same. He stood in the centre of their trio with Hokuto grabbing his left arm and face slightly turned towards Seishirou on his right. Seishirou had whispered something into his ear just before the camera timer had gone off, which was why Subaru was smiling the way he was in the picture. Seishirou's own smile was soft, and perhaps, slightly enigmatic. Hokuto had commented once that even though they were hidden behind glasses she could tell that Seishirou's eyes were not like those of normal people, but a camera could only capture so much. There was nothing in the photograph that hinted that Seishirou was anything other than the amiable handsome veterinarian he appeared to be. His left hand was clasping Subaru's shoulder.

This photo was one of countless others Hokuto had taken over the past year. A year of the three of them laughing together, exploring Tokyo together, making and eating food together and talking about anything and everything under the sun. A year of her teasing and encouraging Subaru and Seishirou's blossoming relationship. A year with the best friend she had ever had. A glorious year that had been one long cruel trick.

The photo blurred. Wiping her face Hokuto slid the photo from the frame and sat on the floor taking her silver bird brooch from her dress pocket. The white coat it had been decorating was ruined with bloodstains, but the brooch had been wiped clean by the thoughtful nurse who had done Hokuto's check-up. Hokuto released its long pin. Then she numbly drove it into the photograph through Seishirou's right eye.

Stab. Stab. Stab. His smile, always so effortless and cheerful and fake. Stab. The smell of his cologne sometimes metallic with blood, sometimes not. Stab. Stab. All those times he had sat at her table eating her food, all those times they had laughed together – lies, lies, lies, and for what? A year-long game to test his capacity for emotion, as if Subaru were nothing more than a laboratory experiment. Stab. Seishirou's face was now a ragged frayed hole that opened onto nothing. She had promised over a knife blade that if he ever made Subaru cry she would kill him. She moved the pin to stab Seishirou's heart, but his chest in the photograph was positioned behind Subaru. Subaru, who stood smiling and leaning into Seishirou's hand resting possessively on his shoulder.

Hokuto let the pin hover over Seishirou's hand. Subaru looked so happy in the picture, so relaxed. Open. Hokuto had told Seishirou that Subaru was pure-hearted enough to fall in love unconditionally to the point of becoming weak, and that was exactly what Subaru had done. But Subaru apparently hadn't fallen in love with Seishirou weeks or months ago, or even a year. He had fallen in love a lifetime ago.

Hokuto didn't know what to think about that. She didn't think she could believe it, and the frantic way Subaru had babbled everything to her was almost impossible to make proper sense of. Something about the end of the world and repeating lives with second chances. Apparently Seishirou was supposed to kill her.

Perhaps Subaru had been delirious. But even if he had been, one thing had been understood: Subaru had always known that Seishirou was the Sakurazukamori. And still Subaru loved him.

Hokuto was trying to understand. Her brother, her sweet caring brother, willingly embracing a murderer, willingly playing that murderer's game to the point of putting himself on a mad woman's knife. Her brother, so pure-hearted and opposed to killing no matter the circumstances, allowing a murderer to touch him, _enjoying_ that touch, even. Her brother, keeping the Sakurazukamori's secret all this time.

Maybe Subaru wasn't as pure as Hokuto had thought. Maybe she didn't know him as well as she thought. Or maybe Sei-chan was even more dangerous than she thought and had corrupted Subaru that insidiously and completely—

There was a sound from the bed. Hokuto jumped, shoving the mutilated photo and brooch back into the bag before turning around. "S-Subaru?"

Subaru was awake, groggily, and trying to sit up. His bruised face looked awful in the dim light. "Nee-san," he croaked. "Nee-san, nee-san—"

"Subaru!" In a heartbeat she was on the bed holding him, rocking him like a child as she sobbed. "Oh Subaru, you're awake, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I let him get close to you—"

"Where's Seishirou?"

He was so limp in her arms, so unresponsive. It scared Hokuto even more than seeing him unconscious. "I don't know," she admitted. "He disappeared."

"I have to find him."

"You can't, he'll kill you—"

"That's not certain, he sees me as special—"

"He doesn't, Subaru, he can't he's the Sakurazukamori—"

" _I know that!_ " Fiercely he shoved her back and Hokuto flinched at the eyes that met hers, feverishly bright and pleading and not quite sane. "I know he's the Sakurazukamori, I know _him_ , I know more than you can ever know, Hokuto-chan, because this isn't the first time we've lived this, it's not the first time I've lost the Bet but this time it's _different_ , I'm not the same, _he's_ not the same, and that's why I have to find him—"

She has pushed them together because she wanted Subaru to have someone special to be devoted to. She had succeeded beyond her wildest nightmares. "All right, all right," Hokuto said, trying to be calm and reassuring for him even while she wanted to break down and cry. "But not now, Subaru, it's past three a.m. and you're too badly hurt. You need to rest and heal, let me go find him—"

"No!" Subaru grabbed her arm, his face desperate with panic. "No, no Hokuto-chan, promise me you'll never go after him. I _know_ what happens when you do, he kills you beneath the Sakura and I can't, I won't live with that again! Promise me, nee-san, promise me that you won't go after him, even for my sake."

"Subaru—"

" _Promise me!_ "

His fingers were digging into her flesh with alarming force. Hokuto swallowed thickly; she was frightened. "Okay. I promise."

Subaru closed his eyes as his sudden burst of strength seemed to leak away. Hokuto felt like a drawn bowstring, so tense and taut was she, like she could snap at any moment. All this insistence on a past life, a second life, had her brother lost his mind as well as his heart? Had Seishirou destroyed her brother that much?

"Hokuto-chan?"

"Yes?"

A hand came up over her face. "Sleep."

She did.

 

* * *

 

Gently Subaru caught his sister as she slumped against him. Her make-up was smudged from crying and her bright clothes crushed from a whole day's wear. There were spots of blood on her hems – his blood, thankfully, not hers. Subaru felt incredibly grateful to Seishirou for that.

It took effort to move Hokuto to lie on the bed comfortably. It took even more effort to get up and walk. But the doctors have given him their drugs and Hokuto had given him her blood, and he was also fatalistically determined. Or insane. The new stitches in his side throbbed.

His body hurt too much to dress properly. Still, if he wanted to do this he had to at least ... slowly he made his way to the open cupboard. Hokuto had left her purse in there along with the clothes she had brought him, and Subaru pulled on his long off-white coat wrapping it to cover his hospital clothes. His fractured rib and re-bandaged stab wound made it too difficult to bend down to lace up boots, so he left those, slipping on another pair of hospital slippers instead. He wouldn't be walking for much longer anyway.

At the door, he heard a faint snoring. The guard outside was dozing on a chair. Just to be safe Subaru whispered the sleep spell again, so that when he did slip out into the hall he could take his time to limp without worrying about being spotted. He kept to the darkened corridors ready to use another sleep spell at any moment, but other than the odd nurse preoccupied with rounds the rest of the hospital was similarly asleep, and Subaru reached the hospital's taxi rank without incident. There he had to wait several minutes hiding in the shadows until a taxi pulled up letting down a woman supporting an older man in a blanket, whereupon Subaru made himself step forward. "I need you to take me somewhere," he said.

Still holding the taxi door open the driver briefly looked him up and down taking in his blackened eye and bruised face. "Sure," the driver replied kindly; he probably assumed Subaru had just been discharged. "Hop on in."

Painfully Subaru climbed into the back-seat and sat down. He felt detached, like he wasn't really awake, and barely heard the taxi driver close the door. "Where to?" the driver asked as he got into his own seat. Subaru told him. "All right."

The taxi rumbled and drove off. Subaru closed his eyes and counted heartbeats trying not to think about anything, not the past, not the future, just this moment, here and now, and seeing things to the end. He wouldn't think about Hokuto, wouldn't think about what would happen if he didn't return, wouldn't think about his broken heart or that last look on Seishirou's face before the Sakura swept him away ...

"Sir? Where to from here?"

Somewhere in the hundreds Subaru weakly opened his eyes. There were black trees passing outside the taxi window. "We're circling up alongside the station," the driver continued, "and I know the neighbourhood, so if you tell me your address I can drop you right at your door—"

"This is fine." With a struggle he roused himself, his pulse already starting to quicken. "I'll walk the rest myself."

"Are you sure, young man? You don't look so well—" He broke off at the expression on Subaru's face in the rear-view mirror. "... All right." The taxi pulled to a stop. "Though pardon me for saying so, I hope you know what you're doing."

Subaru didn't make any reply other than to pull out the money he had taken from Hokuto's purse. The taxi driver drove away shaking his head, but Subaru had already turned to face the final part of his journey. Pulling his coat tighter against the dead of night's cold, Subaru entered the grounds of Ueno Park.

The park was empty and silent. Already Subaru could feel the painkillers wearing off but he gritted his teeth and forced himself onward. Soon he entered the trees, their winter silhouettes already beginning to soften with the first buds of spring. Now and then Subaru thought he heard noises in the darkness – a passing cat, maybe, or perhaps an unquiet spirit – but kept to his path. It was a path he knew all too well.

The Sakura stood by itself on a slight hill. It too was showing tiny buds of green on its skeletal branches, as if it was just like any other tree in the park. Subaru gave it a hopeless smile as he drew beneath its crown and stopped. "Hello," he said.

The Sakura didn't respond. There was no one else under its branches. Subaru continued. "You probably think I'm a fool for coming, but I don't care. I want you to bring the Sakurazukamori here."

Still the Sakura did not respond. "I know you can hear me," said Subaru, and his voice was low with anger, "and I know you want me dead. But I am not like any other nameless prey of your master's. I am marked, I am the thirteenth head of the Sumeragi, and in another life I am your master's opposite as a Dragon of Heaven. I am special to him, and you, Tree, _will answer me._ "

For a long moment there was nothing. Subaru's breathing rattled in his cracked chest. Then, without fanfare, the maboroshi came down.

Flowers, thousands of them, soft and glorious and glowing pink burst into bloom all over the Sakura. Their petals danced in a non-existent wind and fell like snow in Subaru's hair. At the same time the rest of the world disappeared into a darkness that stretched around him without border or end. Subaru didn't bother turning to look; it was taking all of his willpower to stay upright. There was something forming from the petals swirling before the Sakura's ancient trunk.

Amber-gold eyes. Black hair, long and elegant as a calligraphy stroke. A petite, almost girlish figure in a kimono barely whiter than her skin. Red lips curved in a perfect empty smile, until finally a beautiful woman stepped forward under Subaru's stare. _Thirteenth head of the Sumeragi,_ Subaru heard as the woman bowed mockingly, _I greet you._

The words were dispassionate and echoed hollowly in the maboroshi, however the woman's smiling lips had never moved. Subaru didn't dare to take his gaze off her. "Who are you," he demanded.

_I am the protector in the shadows. I am the keeper of the killed. I am that which guards the realm of the dead._

"You are the Sakura."

 _I am, but this form before you is not._ The woman's smile grew. _You demanded that I bring the Sakurazukamori here, and, as a courtesy, I have done so._

"I want to see Seishirou, not one of his predecessors."

 _You will not see him._ The woman's eyes burned, and for a moment it seemed to Subaru that behind her there were scores more eyes all looking at him, eyes of shadowy men and women in suits and dresses and kimono and robes in styles going back through the ages. _You, Sumeragi of Fujiwara of Nakatomi, you whose preeminence rests on the backs of all the fallen clans you have toppled over the centuries, you will never be allowed to see him again._

What was left of Subaru's broken heart shattered a little more. "If that's to be the case," he said, forcing the words out, "I demand to hear it from Seishirou himself."

_Isn't it enough to hear it through his mother?_

"M—" Wide-eyed Subaru looked again at the woman, closer this time, and saw echoes of his beloved in her eyes and smile. Seishirou's mother. Seishirou's first kill. Seishirou had felt nothing when she died. "What is her name?"

_Sakurazuka Setsuka._

The pain from his injuries was now throbbing through his bones. Subaru did his best to focus past it and study the face before him, trying to imagine a child-Seishirou in her arms. Setsuka merely gazed back calm and cold. Studying him in return. "Did she love Seishirou?" Subaru asked in a small voice.

 _Oh yes._ Deliberately Setsuka began to circle Subaru, a white bird of prey never taking eyes off her target as she examined him from all sides. _She loved him from the moment she birthed him to the day she died, and went mad for that love._

"What do you mean, 'mad'?"

_Mad like one who has always lived in light suddenly plunged into eternal night. Mad like a deaf man thrown from silent serenity into the roar of chaos. Mad like you who has known nothing but love losing everything you hold dear._

Setsuka's ghostly fingernails were tracing the bruises Seishirou had left on Subaru's face. Subaru couldn't move; what he was hearing had turned his blood to ice. "Is that what has happened to Seishirou?"

_No. But it may happen still, if he remembers._

"Remembers?"

 _Dragon of Heaven,_ and Setsuka's amber-gold eyes sparkled by his shoulder with amusement, _do you not still wonder why your opposite remembers nothing of the Final Day?_

Subaru stared, first at her, then at the Tree as horrible realisation dawned. "You're preventing him from remembering."

_Yes._

"Why?"

 _For a thousand years the position of Sakurazukamori has been passed through death from beloved to beloved._ Setsuka was circling back in front of him now, her posture proud and straight. _It is the order of things, just as it is the order of things that the Sumeragi and the Sakurazukamori exist in balance. If Seishirou admits that he loves you he must die on your hand and you take his place – but you would undo everything._ _You cannot be both head of the Sumeragi and the Sakurazukamori._ Suddenly Setsuka glanced up at the flowers then back at him, the wing of her kimono sleeve covering her lips as she silently laughed. _Though she says you would be a beautiful death for her son._

A beautiful death. Killed by their beloved. Subaru had wanted to win the Bet by demanding that Seishirou sign his own death warrant. He felt sick; his legs were now trembling from the effort of remaining standing. "I would never kill Seishirou."

_You already did once, in that last life. But this is this life, and you are not the only one with a second chance to make things right._

Setsuka was already gracefully lifting her right arm, and the smile on her face had turned sharp and strangely light. Subaru blinked away tears. "I just wanted us to be happy for once. I just wanted to make things right."

_So you did. But did it ever occur to you to ask what the Sakurazukamori wants?_

She lunged. Reflex made Subaru step back only for his balance to give out and he fell, badly, jolting his fractured rib with a painful cry as Setsuka passed over him— _Do not worry, Sumeragi,_ said the Sakura detachedly, _you will still die by the hand of the Sakurazukamori. Just not the one you love._

His vision burst with agonising stars. He couldn't make himself move; he lay defenceless on a bed of flowers with tears falling from anguish, for Seishirou, for a game he could have never won ...

White hands clawed down for his heart. Subaru closed his eyes and gave himself to the end.

 

* * *

 

He was suspended, weightless, drifting as fragile as leaves on water. There was no pain anymore, or if there was his thoughts were so detached that the hurts of his body no longer mattered. All around him was warm and dark, a silent dream of small things, treasured things kept like secrets in carved velvet-lined boxes only ever opened with gentle hands. A kind death, unlike his first.

There was a familiar heartbeat keeping time beneath his ear. Unconsciously Subaru turned his face towards it and pressed lips against smooth cloth.

Whispers of wind and quiet regret. Eventually he began to sink, slowly, until the world reformed beneath his body welcoming and soft. A blanket was pulled up to his chin. Something within him vaguely stirred, tried to speak – _I'm sorry, I understand_ – only to still as strong fingers trailed intimately through his hair to encircle his neck. "Still such a fool," Seishirou said, low and close, and Subaru ached to hear him, "but a live fool, at least. Farewell."

A thumb caressed his lips like a kiss. Yearning, Subaru parted his mouth mutely pleading for it to stay ... but the touch was gone, leaving only a warmth that lingered as delicately as cologne and lasting just as long. It hurt to breathe. Against his will, Subaru slipped back into the deep dark.

 

* * *

 

Harsh sunlight speared through the curtain's gap. Groggily Hokuto opened her eyes wondering why she felt as if she had been hollowed out with a scraping spoon. Her left hand throbbed, and the skin of her face crawled beneath yesterday's make-up she had never removed—

Yesterday. Gasping Hokuto sat up bolt-upright scanning the hospital room in panic. There was no one there, she was lying fully dressed on the hospital bed and beside her was—

— _Subaru._ Subaru, unconscious and beaten and with the remains of tears on his face, but alive and breathing steadily. Hokuto let out a sob of relief and touched his cheek to reassure herself of his warmth. Bruises would heal. His heart would not. And yet despite all the horrors and agony of last night, the two of them had slept in peace.

There was a familiar pair of glasses on the bedside table.

Hokuto's blood chilled. Trembling, she reached over Subaru to pick the glasses up, turning the gold-wire frame in her hands as she examined them up close for the first time. They were lighter than she had expected, and holding them over her face on Hokuto realised that the world through the lenses remained unchanged. A costume prop. Seishirou had never needed them for anything other than a mask.

Tears stung Hokuto's eyes as she lowered the glasses. She wanted to snap them, smash them under her heel into a thousand pieces, but the glasses had been deliberately left here overnight while she and Subaru were sleeping and they were still alive. Hokuto didn't know what that meant.

Raised voices outside the room made Hokuto jump. Instinctively she shoved the glasses into her skirt pocket before turning towards the door just as it burst open for— "Obaa-chama?"

Lady Sumeragi, deathly pale and flanked on either side by unknown men in dark grey suits, fixed her granddaughter with a terrifying look. "Get up. Get your things. We're leaving."

"Leav— what, where?"

She was ignored. In a kimono of darkest blue Lady Sumeragi swept through the room like a stormcloud to Subaru's side, and Hokuto shrank from her in fright. Subaru did not stir. Nor did he react when Lady Sumeragi touched his bruised face. Belatedly Hokuto realised there were other people in the corridor outside - more men in suits, some police, and a lone worried woman. Ayame.

"Did you think that I would not find out?" asked Lady Sumeragi quietly, and Hokuto felt the kind of icy dread she had not felt since she was twelve years old. Her grandmother was holding Subaru's bare hand. "Did you think you could keep something so serious a secret forever?"

Hokuto's mouth was bone dry. "Obaa-chama, we just – we only—"

She was silenced with a look. The lines on Lady Sumeragi's face were grim and pinched with barely-contained fury, fear, and something far worse. Disappointment. "We are going to have a very, very long talk about trust, Hokuto-san."

Pain shot up Hokuto's arm; she was digging fingernails into her bandaged palm again. Lady Sumeragi turned back to her unconscious grandson. "Go get your things, Hokuto-san, and bring them to the car outside. We will be returning to Kyoto within the hour."

"Kyoto?" Horror filled Hokuto like floodwater; the way her grandmother spoke did not imply the move was temporary. "But what about my school? Our apartments? All my friends—"

The look she received this time was a glare. "Your school has been informed that you are transferring," said Lady Sumeragi, and her voice was deadly calm, "and arrangements will be made to relocate your belongings to Kyoto before the apartments are sold. I should have never let you two come to Tokyo."

"But I—"

" _Go!_ "

Silence followed Lady Sumeragi's shout. It terrified Hokuto even more than the Sakurazukamori. Somehow she made herself unclench her hands. "C-can I at least wash my face first?" she asked in a small voice.

Lady Sumeragi looked away back to Subaru. "Get out of my sight."

It was answer enough. Hokuto fled the room before she could break into tears, running towards the corridor's bathrooms. She was halfway there before she realised one of the men in suits was following her, keeping a respectful distance, but definitely following. Security. Possibly government. Hokuto had the sinking feeling that they were going to become very familiar.

The nearest bathroom was open and empty. Hokuto hauled herself inside and locked the door before leaning against it, finally alone and able to cry ugly and freely. It wasn't enough. She wanted to scream, to hit something, she wanted to find this was all just a bad dream and Subaru was sitting whole and well in her apartment laughing with Sei-chan ...

 _Things often don't go as we wish in this world,_ Seishirou had sombrely quoted to her once. The three of them had been in her living room after one of Subaru's jobs, something with a husband and wife and a dead child who hadn't met expectations. Subaru had been exhausted, Hokuto remembered, and full of sorrow that was slowly releasing as he lay half-asleep on the couch with his head in Seishirou's lap. Seishirou had been stroking his hair while chatting quietly with Hokuto. _The question is what do people do afterwards._

Seishirou had destroyed their lives, but not everything he had said and done during the past year had been false.

Hokuto sniffled. Then she wiped her eyes and made herself stand properly.

Lady Sumeragi was taking them back to Kyoto and a hell of a lot of trouble. Subaru was badly, badly hurt, but he was alive and going to need Hokuto like never before. And Seishirou ... hesitantly Hokuto touched the outlines of the glasses still hidden in her pocket. She wanted to know why they were there. She wanted to see Seishirou again and ask. She wanted to keep her promise to the Sakurazukamori and kill him. Maybe.

There was a phone on the bathroom wall. It was supposed to be for patients to call for a nurse's station or doctor's office should they suddenly need help, but Hokuto had spent enough time at the hospital by now to know how to make external calls. She thought of all the people she was being made to leave, all the neighbourhoods and streets she had come to know like Tokyo's very heartbeat. Home. Hokuto had no idea how long it would be before she returned and she didn't want people to think she had disappeared or was leaving by choice. Her school friends and classmates. The young immigrant woman from the cabaret club she sometimes played tennis with. The man who ran her favourite second-hand clothes shop. The boy she had met on the ski trip and was supposed to be meeting this afternoon. Swallowing her tears, Hokuto picked up the phone.

 

* * *

 

With a click Kakyou reluctantly put the phone back in its cradle, wondering about the strange unease in his chest. Hokuto had spoken brightly as always but her voice had been fragile, as if she was on the edge of crying. And what she had said about her and her brother leaving Tokyo was so sudden and unexpected, it didn't make sense. Something about a family emergency. Kakyou had a feeling there was a lot more to the story, but didn't feel it was his place to ask. After all, he had only met the girl a few weeks ago.

Hokuto had refused to say goodbye, but. Instead, she had given him a Kyoto phone number asking him to keep in touch. Although she hadn't gone so far as to ask Kakyou to promise he had done so anyway, immediately and without thinking, and afterwards thought that he'd heard a tearful smile in her thanks. It had made him blush.

Kakyou sincerely hoped he would see Hokuto again.

"Kuzuki-bocchama."

Kakyou looked up. A young maid in kimono bowed respectfully before him. "Your parents are waiting for you to join them for breakfast."

"... All right."

Still disquieted by Hokuto's call Kakyou obediently followed after the maid trying refocus on the coming day without much success. "Ah, did you sleep well last night?" he asked the maid gently; the girl was new, still learning the ways of a politician's household, and Kakyou hoped she was settling in comfortably.

"Oh yes, sir, and you?"

"Very well, thank you, no dreams or any disturbances ..."

He walked on. Outside, the trees were starting to bloom.

 

~to be concluded in ND: Consequence~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- The Fujiwara clan was one of the most powerful families in historical Japan, dominating politics during the Heian Period including acting as imperial regents. It is descended from the Nakatomi clan: [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fujiwara_clan)  
> \- The Nakatomi clan was influential in classic Japan and was one of two priestly clans overseeing certain important national rites, particularly the _oharai_ purification, and claimed divine descent from Ame-no-Koyane, one of the deities who helped bring Amaterasu out of hiding. They were equal with the second priestly clan, Inbe, who had charge of divine offerings, however over time the two clans became rivals competing for influence. While the Nakatomi would become Fujiwara and increase in power and reputation, the Inbe gradually diminished out of recorded history.


	17. Annex XI - Loose Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tsuda Michiko-san and Amemiya Yukari-san. I'd like to speak with you, please."

**Closure Notice**

As of February 9, 1991, the Sakurazuka Veterinary Clinic is permanently closed due to unforeseen circumstances.

All animals currently on the premises must be retrieved by close of business today. All animals requiring further treatment have been transferred to the clinic at ...

 

Michiko and Yukari stared at the typed notice in twin states of shock. There was no signature at the bottom, no contact phone number or forwarding address. The door to which the notice was taped was locked, and through the window the reception area was unlit with no sign of life. The keys in Michiko's hands began to rattle as the two staff members frantically turned to each other.

"This is – did you get a phone call?!"

"No, nothing, did you?"

"No! It has to be a joke, right, I mean, everything was normal yesterday—"

"Surely Sakurazuka-sensei wouldn't just—"

"I'm going to ask him!" Fiercely Yukari stormed around the building to the side stairs which led to the upper-level apartment. Too dazed to remind the girl that they weren't supposed to disturb Sakurazuka-sensei in his home Michiko followed, but only to the staircase foot to watch Yukari race up two steps at a time to ring the bell. No one answered. Yukari tried again, this time adding a rapid-fire knock of her fist. Still no answer.

"Tsuda Michiko-san and Amemiya Yukari-san." Startled, Michiko turned to see a man watching them. From his lined face he looked about Michiko's age but far more alert, with greying hair and dressed in a well-cut grey suit with a rich green tie. He held a dark grey folder in one hand, and there was a car behind him with tinted windows which must have been there before but Michiko hadn't noticed. Two more younger men stood beside the car dressed in black suits and sunglasses in a way that made Michiko think of the conspiracy/action movies her son often rented out. The first man bowed slightly. "I'd like to speak with you, please."

Yukari leaned over the railing. "Who are you and do you know where Sakurazuka-sensei is?"

"I can tell you that he's not at home." The man spoke calmly without raising his voice, and yet every word would have been audible to Yukari above. "Why don't we speak inside – Tsuda-san, I believe you have the keys?"

Without thinking Michiko moved to obey; for all of the man's dignified calm, there was something about him that intimidated her. At the same time, she was also incredibly glad that someone had appeared out of the blue to take charge of the situation. Still, however, her hands were shaking and in the end when Yukari had run back down Michiko needed the younger woman to help her get the locks open. They held the door for the man in the grey suit who strode in looking out of place amongst the bright animal posters and products. Michiko and Yukari followed after him and left the door swing shut; the cat bells on the handle rang as forlornly as the muffled whines and meows from the back of the clinic.

"Please, take a seat," the man said to the two women, as if the clinic was his space instead of the reverse. Michiko did so immediately; her ankles were hurting. "I'll keep this short."

Yukari did not sit. "First of all, who are you and what connection do you have with Sakurazuka-sensei?" she challenged.

"I am someone who occasionally looks after Sakurazuka's interests, which is all you need to know," the man replied. "I assure you that I am speaking on his behalf."

"Prove it."

To this the man opened the grey file he had under his arm. "For you, Amemiya-san, and for you, Tsuda-san," he said, handing each of them an envelope. Michiko couldn't help but notice that he had a wedding band on his left hand. "Three months full pay in recognition of your twenty months of service, with a written recommendation for your future job search. I trust you recognise the signature."

Yukari had already ripped her envelope open while Michiko was carefully unsealing hers. There was a single page of paper inside which, yes, was a signed letter to whom it may concern praising Michiko's work and dedication and recommending her to any position she may apply, on top of which was clipped a generous cheque also signed with Sakurazuka-sensei's familiar signature. The man glanced at his watch giving them a half a minute to read before continuing. "You'll note that the letter says that your redundancy comes into effect tomorrow, making today a full and last work day. Sakurazuka has instructed that you use it to contact the client list and inform them of the closure, to arrange for any animals on the premises to be retrieved by their owners, cancel any services and deliveries, and to fetch your own things. Afterwards you are to lock the premises and leave the keys in the letterbox. Is that all clear?"

It was sinking into Michiko hard and fast. Made redundant, having to job hunt at the age of fifty-six, never seeing Sakurazuka-sensei again ... "But why is this all happening?" Yukari demanded angrily. "Is Sakurazuka-sensei in some kind of trouble, is that why the clinic is shutting? Where is he?"

"That I can't tell you."

Twenty months. Twenty months of tireless work, of loyalty and dedication, of Yukari's energy and Sakurazuka-sensei's smiles and the Sumeragi children dropping by, all over without warning. Tears pricked Michiko's eyes; it wasn't just unfair, it was downright cruel to be treated this way, and completely at odds with the kind, thoughtful man Michiko knew. "We are Sakurazuka-sensei's employees," Yukari was biting out, "and these letters you're tossing at us are about our jobs. We deserve better, we have a right to know what is going on, even it's just to tell all the people who now need to pick up their pets!"

Michiko could have hugged Yukari – for all her gossipy self-centredness, Yukari turned into a determined and serious young woman when there was an emergency. Unfortunately the man in grey wasn't as impressed as Michiko was. "Sakurazuka-sensei is gone, and that is all you need to know," he said patiently. "You have been amply compensated above the legal requirements for these unexpected circumstances, and I strongly advise against trying to pursue matters further or look for Sakurazuka-sensei. Now if you excuse me—"

"Please!" The word left Michiko's throat before she could stop it, making the man pause in mid-step and glance at her. His eyes were a cool brown, their expression distant as if the mind behind them was already turned to more important things. As if Michiko and Yukari were merely a minor tick on a list he had to get through. "I-I can't believe that Sakurazuka-sensei would just disappear without saying goodbye unless something terrible has happened. Can you at least tell us if he's all right?"

The man's lined face seemed to soften slightly. "He is fine, on that I promise you do not have to worry. But I doubt you will ever see him again."

Yukari glanced at Michiko. "Do his friends know?" Yukari asked the man, and Michiko knew her colleague was thinking of two friends in particular, or rather one because Sumeragi Subaru was more than Sakurazuka-sensei's friend. Much more, actually, but on this Michiko and Yukari were in silent agreement: in this society, Sakurazuka-sensei's relationship with Sumeragi-kun was not something that could be revealed to others.

"Sakurazuka is not a man who needs friends, but if those he has haven't found out they will soon enough." The man glanced at his watch again. "I must be going. I trust the two of you are as capable as Sakurazuka says you are and will see to his instructions. Good day."

He gave them a brief nod of his head then, without even waiting for the two women to bow farewell, went to pull the clinic door open and left. Michiko and Yukari stared through the window as the man in the grey suit returned to the car, the door of which was opened by one of the younger men – bodyguards, surely – with a deep bow. Suddenly Michiko felt profoundly relieved that she had never learned his name. Only when the car had driven off did Michiko and Yukari find the strength to speak.

"So that's it, then." Yukari's voice was stunned, like she was still trying to convince herself. "It's over here, and I'm out of a job."

Michiko, who had lost jobs before though never so abruptly, tried to make herself sound encouraging. "You're young, Yukari-san, you'll find another job easily."

"But never one as good as this. Or with such a good boss." Yukari wiped under her eyes. "Even if he was a little weird sometimes."

"Just a little." Michiko sniffled. "Whatever is going on, I really hope Sakurazuka-sensei is all right."

Heavily Yukari sat down beside Michiko, her envelope crumpled in her hand. Silently they simply sat together, taking in the space they had spent so many days in working, chatting, arguing and laughing. All the times they had looked out for each other when Sakurazuka-sensei was again elsewhere or clients were being demanding, the lunch hours they had shared, playing with the dogs and cats and rabbits that came in and later cleaning up after them. All the times the Sumeragi children had brightened the day with a visit, how Michiko was constantly embarrassed by Yukari's teasing about Sakurazuka-Sensei-And-Sumeragi-Kun and how Sakurazuka-sensei just laughed it all off. Suddenly Yukari gave a hollow chuckle. "You know, Michiko-san, I'll bet that whatever has happened to Sakurazuka-sensei, it has something to do with Sumeragi-kun."

"Eh?"

Yukari shifted in her chair to face Michiko with a forced version of her mischievous smile. "Sumeragi-kun comes from an old traditional family, right? The kind that's bound up with image and reputation and probably knows important people? What if Sumeragi-kun's family found out about Sumeragi-kun's relationship with Sakurazuka-sensei?"

The thought made Michiko wince. "Sumeragi-kun's family ..."

"They would _freak out!_ " Yukari declared this with something like her old energy. "Not only would Sumeragi-kun be in a hell of a lot of trouble, his family might even do something like lock him up at home to make sure he doesn't see Sakurazuka-sensei again. Sumeragi-kun's family could even be important enough that they could get someone in the government to chase Sakurazuka-sensei away in disgrace, which is why our clinic has been shut down so suddenly and we get paid off by some mysterious old man with bodyguards. It's a huge tragic romance twist!"

Michiko couldn't help but smile at Yukari's dramatic hypothesis. "Or maybe," she replied hesitantly, face warming, "Sakurazuka-sensei and Sumeragi-kun have eloped somewhere with Hokuto-san who has put together a wedding ceremony somewhere they can all live happily ever after."

The two women looked at each other, imagining. Then, as one, they brokenly began to laugh. It wasn't much, and it made Michiko's chest hurt, but it was laughter all the same and suddenly things didn't seem so bad. Yukari wiped her face dry. "Let's work hard again today, Michiko-san, and later we'll get a cake to eat together here in the clinic before we close up one last time, okay?"

The young woman got to her feet and held out her hand. Michiko took it with a tearful smile. "Okay."

She stood up.


End file.
